10 years ago i met this Angel from the Philippines, there are no words to do justice to describe how warm and friendly and compassionate she is. I fell totally in love with her and she with me, so 6 years ago we got married and 3 years ago our wonderful daughter was borne.
The problems between us even before we got married, because I am not a very tidy person, i tend to let dishes build up before washing them and all the rest of it. She cannot relax if there is a mess and has to clean it up. From there on, it is the classic old story, the man just doesn't get it, that doing chores around the house is not about doing the chores she asks him to do, it is about him doing them without being asked!
Despite all this we were absolutely in love but just that little thing was enough to cause her to be less interested in sex, she was looking for more and more excuses and slowly the time between encounters kept increasing. I did not understand, i took it as though i was less desirable too her and that made me feel resentment, but the resentment was not the worst of it, because i am a Christian, i feel like i must be a bad person for resenting her this way. So i don't want to admit there is a problem and on we go with our lives and our lives are fantastic together apart from this.
Anyhow, after getting married we had 3 wonderful years together but the sex was down to once or twice a fourtnight. I tried very hard to be a gentlemen, but deep down the resentment was slowly growing. Meanwhile exactly the same thing was happening for her because i was not very attentive to her needs, helping doing chores, buying flowers, all the usual things well intentioned dumb guys usually screw up.
Then we had our daughter and it kind of put all that in the background. So after the first year with our daughter, my wife started sending me signals, she even told me a few times that she is not happy but i do not know how to respond? I tried to lift my game around the house, i tried very hard but my resentment held me back.
My wife was getting more and more disconnected to me romantically, she would get irritated if i gave her a random hug or kiss and she would say "not now, can't you see I'm busy". meanwhile in the 3 years after our Daughter was borne, we had sex only twice! I kept telling myself to be patient and give her her space, things will get better, i never once considered cheating, but underneath my resentment was getting stronger and louder until i did something quite horrid.... On our anniversary, (last October) she said to me that today is our anniversary, i said "oh really" then turned back to my computer and did nothing more about it. What i was thinking in my mind was very foolish, i was thinking "only lovers celebrate anniversaries and were not lovers, just good friends, so if she thinks I'm going to be romantic, she has got another thing coming".
So things were bad and neither of us put up our hand to say, 'stop' we need to do something about this, we just let it slide... Also with the busy lives and a young child, all the distractions make it very easy to forget/ignore there is a big growing problem underneath,,, and also i think that neither of us want to admit our bad feelings we want to try to deny them instead.
Then lastly we went on a holiday to the Philippines for 3 weeks and we met all her family and friends and it reminded her of who she used to be and all the dreams she used to have when she was young. Meanwhile i was Mr negative, complaining about this and that and not really enjoying myself at all (not all the time of course). So when we got back on the 9th of January, and she was feeling very sad about leaving all her friends behind, just by chance i got a cold and my nose was running like a tap, so she was left to do all the unpacking. When she finished, on the 11 of February, she told me it's over and has held absolute to that position since.
I tried telling her i am willing to do anything, i am completely open an honest about my failings too her, i will go to counseling, i will go and do a relationship course and learn how to be a better husband, i would even do a dance class!
She is not at all interested, and it even seems to annoy her that i am even bothering to try to save the marriage at all!
Also there is a 10 year age gap between us, and she has told me herself that i am not ambitious enough career wise, she wants to be able to travel and live her dreams, she wants a younger and more ambitious man than me (if she has not already found him).
So there you have it, the whole story.
I am so deeply saddened, imagine your best friend in the world and mother to your 3 year old child, the one who stood beside you and spoke vows of forever at your wedding comes along and says, "i don't want you anymore and i don't even think your worth the effort of trying".
This is killing me, i try to love, i try not to hate her, but what she is doing is just so cruel.