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Thread: My marriage failing

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    Default My marriage failing

    My husband was supposed to move out of the house today (it was in my phone calendar and reminded me just now). I gave him this deadline after he told me he chose another girl over me and my 2 kids.

    How did this happen? I can't really figure out where to start..so I'll just recall the month of April 2017 leading to this day.

    I remember we have been fighting over small things..wrong directions...my daughter falling off the bed because I was not looking...saying things in a rude tone of voice. However, we had been doing these things for as long as I can remember so I never thought too seriously about it. A few shouting matches..some wounded feelings..but we always go back to who we always were..husband and wife.

    I often get the feeling when something is going wrong. I noticed him preferring to sleep when we are at home..supposedly spending family time with him. He would sneek off to parts of the house where we cannot disturb him on his phone. He scheduled out of the house trips, getting home early morning (latest 2AM which is not new since he prefers to take a nap first before going home). Then I saw this chat with a girl saying "I love you" to him, which replied to "Relax ka lang"... as if telling her to be patient since he is going to do something about me..his wife. I checked out the girl..she is looked as if he would like her..she is 10 years younger than me.

    I confronted my husband with this information. He told me that she is(was) the "wife" of his cousin and that they have 2 kids. That is partly true since the cousin already left the girl. It was actually him who is already in a relationship with her for the past month.

    One weekend, he was gone for a trip. I was expecting him to show up on his usual time 2AM. I could sleep so I waited past his usual going home time. I haven't slept properly for the past week thinking about what he is doing. This time he did not come home until the sun was up. I walked and waited, watched the cars pass by in a place I should not be at the wee hours of the morning. The sun was about to go up, I went home thinking that this time is different. He no longer cared if people see him going home late in the morning even if he had no business being out this whole time. I was so crushed.

    He eventually arrived and I was so angry at him. I asked him to choose between me and his other girl. We shouted, fought and cried. Then he chose HER, he was not even man enough to tell me but showed me his text to HER. That he chooses her because hethinks God gave him HER to finally feel happy and loved. My heart was pounding over my chest. My world is changing so fast. I calmly asked him when he would move out. I think he was not ready with that question from me. What did he think I would do? Let him stay with me and my kids while he is also out going about his perfect little life with his girl?

    I was not ready to see him leave..I dont think anybody is going to ready for such things. But that day,I was resolved to start my life without him...at least plan for the rest of my life. I talked to him about how we will share the expenses of the kids, how he plans to see them and be part of their lives...for which I did not get a clear answer from him. I think he was overwhelmed with the changes that his decision to choose the girl entailed. Well, actions tend to have corresponding reactions...which may not always be the one we like but we have to accept. He was not ready to accept the consequences of his actions.

    We ended that day without any clear direction..only with the fact that he does not want me anymore. This was now day one of the rest of my life.

    Today, a month after and when he was supposed to go..I decide to stop loving and thinking of him. I will now dedicate all my time to my kids and my work. How he wants to be part of our lives is up to him. I will TRY not to expect anuthing from him anymore...my heart can no longer take any more SHIT from him..I know I deserve more than he is giving (or not giving) me.
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    We ended that day without any clear direction..only with the fact that he does not want me anymore. This was now day one of the rest of my life.
    Well... Jesus wants you!

    That should always be first first focus of your life cause as you have learned, people can and will let you down.

    Jesus is always there and He does not change so we can rely upon Him and know what to expect.
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Thanks. Moving on is just so hard. Sometimes I am no lomger sure what the Lord wants me to do. When I tried fixing it when he has no intention to..my heart was so light and think that this is what the Lord wanted. But there are times when I get so hurt that I choose not to care. My heart is so heavy.
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Hi, tg. It is not always easy to say what to do, for it is the Lord who ultimately tells us what. Meanwhile, trust in the Lord with all ur heart, and let Him direct u. Buti pa i say it like this. May church, may friends and family ka rin as support group... so pwede kang lumapit sa kanila for that much needed spiritual, emotional and physical support. This i know: live one day at a time, kasi di natin kakayanin pag pinilit maayos agad lahat. Btw, welcome sa cc, consider urself at home, and do drop by the other forums where u can learn and gain from others' teachings o experiences. There are many kind-hearted people here.
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    It's better to look at this as new beginnings... and new opportunity to spend more time with the One who really loves and wants you... Jesus!
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Sorry that you are going through this. There are others with similar marital problems too on this site so please know that you're not alone in this. You are probably correct in saying that your husband not being ready to accept the consequences of his actions. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the other members. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Sorry for what is happening. But I have a question for you because through your message, you didn't mention anything about committing the situation to GOD ALMIGHTY. Is there anything to big for GOD to do for you? Is anything impossible with GOD?

    You said, "I decide to stop loving and thinking of him. I will now dedicate all my time to my kids and my work. How he wants to be part of our lives is up to him. I will TRY not to expect anuthing from him anymore...my heart can no longer take any more SHIT from him..I know I deserve more than he is giving (or not giving) me." My dear sister, this is wrong. Two wrongs will never make a right. What your husband did is very wrong and it is a sin. Now, you are also committing sin like your husband by not loving him and asking him to leave. Remember, you people are one flesh and you people are no longer two but one.

    Your marriage have a very great and a joyful future but the devil don't want you people to enjoy that future that is why he is attacking your marriage. Now, you now the one who want to destroy your marriage and that is the devil. So, commit your marriage to the LORD and say, "What GOD has join together let no man put asunder; then command the devil out of your marriage in the NAME OF JESUS. Do this always no matter how the circumstances may look like and you will see the glory of GOD manifested in your marriage. My sister, believe in GOD, HIS WORD never fails.
    Please don't stop loving your husband and always pray for him.
    GOD bless you marriage in JESUS' NAME.

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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    It just hurts so much to love him when he ignores me and knowing he does not want to fix our relationship. I get so confused with what I want and in what direction the Lord wants me to go.
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    *Posts #1 and #7 reported for their profanity*..
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    Go to my profile Blog tab to read my testimonies.






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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Nobody in my family knows what is going on with our relationship. He has, however, told his siblings that he wants to leave me. I only told one childhood friend. I am afraid to tell anybody else since the more I tell them what our situation is..the more it becomes real..that I am living in a nightmare
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    I can quite understand coz when we had marital issues, i could not tell ppl in church, some family and friends. In time, i did tell some sis who isnt a believer however, but it was too much to bear on my own. Mabuti may trusted friend ka. Pero minsan ppl online can also be helpful, as they have thoughts and perspectives we dont have at di natin nakikita no matter how iikot natin ang situation sa mind! Some have real practical advice wc lighten the situation, so seek that. The Lord truly answers, altho may time parang hindi, and sometimes dahil may kamalian din pala tayong kailangan itama o adjust. Pride, for ex. Kahit anong sabihin, we have some of that, right or wrong. I mean that is from Him too, di ba, as he gave emotions tulad ng anger, etc. but what we do w/ that is what matters. I can feel the hurt when ur husband ignores, but sana theres a way makapag-counselling kayo together. How young are ur children? Somtimes just being able to talk some w/ them might help, kasi they are involved o affected too. W/ older kids, they can have ideas to go out w/ you sometimes, wc at least lessens the pain, i hope. Find some physical fitness activities, for that helps. I know how depression can make one not want to do anything, but if u can lessen ur medication wc could be giving some negative effects, talk w/ ur doctor. Find healthy hobbies if u havent. I remember i still wanted to garden outside an get some sun and air even when i felt down, and i know that has in fact helped for i sweated and got to take in more oxygen, when being tense at home or at work would not be helping at all. Hope this helps some. God bless.

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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Thank you. My kids are still young 10years old boy and 1year 8months girl. I think I am depending on my son to keep me sane. I call him everytime just so I have something to do. My little girl always make me smile..she has a shiny personality. I think GOD gave me her for this...so somebody will still make me smile and love me unconditionally
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    How do you know when to hold on and when to let go?
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Quote Originally Posted by Timawas-girl View Post
    How do you know when to hold on and when to let go?
    When a spouse cheats on you, that is biblical grounds to split up.
    It doesn't mean you have to split up, but it means God is ok with it under these extreme circumstances.

    If you have biblical grounds for splitting up, because of cheating, pastors usually recommend to first consider the heart of the other person... whether or not they are repentant.

    If the other person is not repentant, and doesn't care, and wants to continue in sin... it's usually time to let them go.

    If the other person IS genuinely repentant, it may be possible to get counseling, and try to reconcile and heal the relationship.


    If you have a good church, it would be good to talk to your pastor, and get some counseling.
    Also, there are probably women in your church who've gone through similar things... and they can be a big help.
    If you don't have a good church... this would be a good time to join a church.
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    He is not willing to let go of the girl. He says he loves her and he no longer has any feelings for me. He hesitates to move out because of our children. Sometimes he says that he also cannot leave me yet because he pities (awa) me and he feels guilty for making me cry. Do I hold on to that?
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Quote Originally Posted by Timawas-girl View Post
    He is not willing to let go of the girl. He says he loves her and he no longer has any feelings for me. He hesitates to move out because of our children. Sometimes he says that he also cannot leave me yet because he pities (awa) me and he feels guilty for making me cry. Do I hold on to that?
    Hi! Sis...

    MagFilipino nalang ako para masabi ko ng maayos lahat

    Una,kahit na wala pa akong karanasang magpamilya ramdam ko kung gaano kahirap ang situwasyon mo ngayon...Iniisip ko palang na ang taong minamahal ko ay may minamahal ng iba para ng diko kayang isipin...Lalo na at nakasama mo na siya bumuo na kayo ng mga pangarap na magkasama...bumuo ng pamilya at biniyayaan ng dalawang anak...Masakit isipin na ang pamilya na binuo niyo ng pagmamahal ay nagkaroon na ng lamat ngayon ay unti-unti ng nababasag...hanggang sa baka dumating ang isang Arab ay dina kaya pang pagdikitin pa upang mabuo ulit... Ang sinumpaang panghabangbuhay na pagsasama wala na...

    Balikan natin ang kahulugan ng Pag-ibig.... 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
    LOve is patient,love is kind,It does not boast,it is not proud.
    5 It does not dishonors others,it is not self seeking,it is not easily angered,it keeps no records of wrong.
    6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
    7 It always protects,always trusts,always hopes,always persevere.
    8 Love never fails.But where there are prophecies they will cease:where there are tongues,they will be stilled;where there is knowledge,it will pass away.

    Kakapit Ka ba sa awang nararamdaman ng asawa mo sa ngayon sayo? Ang tanong ko gaano mo kamahal ang asawa mo? Kaya mo bang lunukin at kumapit sa "awang" iyon? Kaya mo bang tiisin ang mga araw na wala siya at alam mo kung nasaan siya.... kaya mo bang magtiiis para sa pag-asang isang araw ang asawa mo ay magigising sa katotohanang ikaw talaga ang taong nagmamahal sa kanya? Kaya mo bang lunukin ang iyong pride ? Kaya mo bang magtiis na maghintay sa kanya? At kaya mo bang kalimutan lahat ang mga bagay na nagawa niya na ikinasakit ng puso mo? Kung kaya mo ang lahat ng yan...hold on to that awa... samahan mo ng dasal araw-araw na isang araw siya ay magising at manumbalik at mabuo ulit ang pamilyang magkasama niyong binuo....Love never fails...ang sakripisyo ay nagbubunga lagi at mataimtim na panalangin ay dinidinig ng Diyos...

    Kung naalala mo pa ang pangako niyong dalawa "for better or worse...nasa worse na situwasyon kayo ngayon...bibitaw ka na ba? GOD is the restorer of all things...give it all to HIM... hold on and have faith...And hayaan mo din siyang kumilos sa buhay mo... Gawin mo muna ang lahat para maisalba ang pamilya mo kasama ang panalangin...para sa huli walang "sana" ginawa ko to..."sana" hinayaan ko...

    Papanalangin ko na bigyan ka ni Lord ng lakas at tibay by loob....

    God bless you!
    Last edited by SweetmorningDew78; May 20th, 2017 at 03:43 AM.
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    Luke 10:27 So he answered and said,"You shall love the LORD your GOD with all your heart,with all your soul,with all your strength,and with all your mind,and your neighbor as yourself."

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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    Well Timawas-girl,

    Sounds like he made the descision to leave you long before April 2017 Sounds like he has been sneeking around for a long time before he got caught. With that said, It sounds like he never respected you. Your just a mistress to him some one for sex. If your always fighting with him, you two are not in one accord, thats probably one of the big problems.

    I dont know how he can blame you for an accident, if your daughter fell off the bed when you wernt looking, it sounds like a genuine accident to me. Thank God he had an affair, you have grounds for divorce, he chose to leave, and your free to look for someone else who will respect, love honour and cherish you, with the love respect and honour you deserve.

    I mean we can all speculate all we want, but the evidence speaks for itself. Sounds like your a very loyal and loving woman, any guy would be blessed to have you as a wife.

    Quote Originally Posted by Timawas-girl View Post
    My husband was supposed to move out of the house today (it was in my phone calendar and reminded me just now). I gave him this deadline after he told me he chose another girl over me and my 2 kids.

    How did this happen? I can't really figure out where to start..so I'll just recall the month of April 2017 leading to this day.

    I remember we have been fighting over small things..wrong directions...my daughter falling off the bed because I was not looking...saying things in a rude tone of voice. However, we had been doing these things for as long as I can remember so I never thought too seriously about it. A few shouting matches..some wounded feelings..but we always go back to who we always were..husband and wife.

    I often get the feeling when something is going wrong. I noticed him preferring to sleep when we are at home..supposedly spending family time with him. He would sneek off to parts of the house where we cannot disturb him on his phone. He scheduled out of the house trips, getting home early morning (latest 2AM which is not new since he prefers to take a nap first before going home). Then I saw this chat with a girl saying "I love you" to him, which replied to "Relax ka lang"... as if telling her to be patient since he is going to do something about me..his wife. I checked out the girl..she is looked as if he would like her..she is 10 years younger than me.

    I confronted my husband with this information. He told me that she is(was) the "wife" of his cousin and that they have 2 kids. That is partly true since the cousin already left the girl. It was actually him who is already in a relationship with her for the past month.

    One weekend, he was gone for a trip. I was expecting him to show up on his usual time 2AM. I could sleep so I waited past his usual going home time. I haven't slept properly for the past week thinking about what he is doing. This time he did not come home until the sun was up. I walked and waited, watched the cars pass by in a place I should not be at the wee hours of the morning. The sun was about to go up, I went home thinking that this time is different. He no longer cared if people see him going home late in the morning even if he had no business being out this whole time. I was so crushed.

    He eventually arrived and I was so angry at him. I asked him to choose between me and his other girl. We shouted, fought and cried. Then he chose HER, he was not even man enough to tell me but showed me his text to HER. That he chooses her because hethinks God gave him HER to finally feel happy and loved. My heart was pounding over my chest. My world is changing so fast. I calmly asked him when he would move out. I think he was not ready with that question from me. What did he think I would do? Let him stay with me and my kids while he is also out going about his perfect little life with his girl?

    I was not ready to see him leave..I dont think anybody is going to ready for such things. But that day,I was resolved to start my life without him...at least plan for the rest of my life. I talked to him about how we will share the expenses of the kids, how he plans to see them and be part of their lives...for which I did not get a clear answer from him. I think he was overwhelmed with the changes that his decision to choose the girl entailed. Well, actions tend to have corresponding reactions...which may not always be the one we like but we have to accept. He was not ready to accept the consequences of his actions.

    We ended that day without any clear direction..only with the fact that he does not want me anymore. This was now day one of the rest of my life.

    Today, a month after and when he was supposed to go..I decide to stop loving and thinking of him. I will now dedicate all my time to my kids and my work. How he wants to be part of our lives is up to him. I will TRY not to expect anuthing from him anymore...my heart can no longer take any more SHIT from him..I know I deserve more than he is giving (or not giving) me.

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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    We are currently staying in my parents house since December (5 months already) because my mom has cancer and I want to be with her. He is not in good terms with them that was why we also left the house 4 years ago to be on our own. He wanted us to move out because he is not comfortable living here, especially now that we have problems. I hesitated because I was afraid he would leave us as soon as we move out. I am thinking about giving me what he wants, if this would be a way to fix things. He still do not want to fix anything except for the fact that he wants to see his children. Should I do this, move away from my family, live on our own, without the assurance of him staying? This is such a confusing time. I just called him now and he told me he will not be going home early since he and his girl are goimg somewhere and talk. I told him I will wait for him and hope that he will also talk to me when he gets home. My heart is breaking again into a thousand pieces
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    First, I am so so sorry. Your hurt, anger, fear, and yet hope can be felt in your posts. I feel I know your story because it is part of my story. I understand.

    I would encourage you to put your hope and trust in the Lord. Spending time in the Word, praying, Christian counseling, meeting with loving, supportive Christian family and friends, and many times trying, yet not always succeeding, to do what was "right" in God's eyes got me through. It was not easy. In fact, it was hard...and at times, and still, it feels like my ex- "won".

    What in your heart is God telling you to do? Spend time with HIM. The Lord knows your heart and from what I have read, you are hurting right now. Understandably. Use wise counsel. It may include leaving, getting a lawyer, being honest with friends and church family, and letting your husband see his children.

    Again, I encourage you to put your hope in HIM...it may take time, perseverance, and "turning the other cheek" but He will help you through. Praying for you today!
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    Default Re: My marriage failing

    This is a good time to get some counseling from a minister who knows you, and your family, and your culture... and can therefore give you specific and appropriate advice.

    If you belong to a church, you should start counseling with your pastor.
    If you don't belong to a church, you need to seek out a church, and start counseling.
    Most pastors will schedule free counseling for their people.

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