Any thoughts on this method of showing interest (especially guys)

[BananaPie]

I just think there's a difference between dropping a hint and teasing. Teasing would imply your toying with them in some way, when dropping a hint is just expressing interest/like for the person

Well, how do saints go about transitioning from casual chatter to "Say there, Sister, I like you!"?

Where I come from, honesty is what I understand. If a brother is flirting with me, that is all I will understand: he's flirting, and, frankly, my interest in him will drop 3 degree below freezing. LOL.

Now, when a brother approaches a sister in "all honesty" by simply stating facts of why he wants her attention, then yes, God provides the grace to both of them as they befriend each other.

In such endeavor, they will discover 1 of two vectors:
1. They really, really like each other that they no longer can live apart, so they marry, or
2. They rather see each other again during the rapture.

 

[abbiejean]

Well, how do saints go about transitioning from casual chatter to "Say there, Sister, I like you!"?

Where I come from, honesty is what I understand. If a brother is flirting with me, that is all I will understand: he's flirting, and, frankly, my interest in him will drop 3 degree below freezing. LOL.

Now, when a brother approaches a sister in "all honesty" by simply stating facts of why we wants her attention, then yes, God provides the grace to both of them as they befriend each other.

In such endeavor, they will discover 1 of two vectors:
1. They really, really like each other that they no longer can live apart, so they marry, or
2. They rather see each other again during the rapture.

This post gave me a chuckle. First thing I thought of after reading it is, I like her thinking.

Color me clueless with all the crayons in the box but I am a literal type of thinker. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Don't joke with something serious or issues of the heart. Give it to me honesty and without any pretense or wrong motive. I don't read between the lines. Never have. Between the lines can put shades of gray in there that should not be or that can really muck up the whole picture. Make. it. clear. If I am handed a clear picture/honesty/truth I can respond with how I really feel.

And will add this...how I respond to what the other person tells me, in truth, is my responsibility not the other person's. I am responsible for my own actions, behavior and thoughts and how I react to what I hear or see - not the other person. I have to and NEED to take ownership of that.

 

[BananaPie]

This post gave me a chuckle. First thing I thought of after reading it is, I like her thinking. Thank you kindly.

Color me clueless with all the crayons in the box but I am a literal type of thinker. Say what you mean, mean what you say. ...If I am handed a clear picture/honesty/truth, I can respond with how I really feel.

Precisely! Flirting should be an exclusive privilege for those enjoying a mutual understanding that their hearts are being twined with the flirting...

But secular culture has run like wild fire implementing flirting in lieu of honest intentions, but the saints know better. Furthermore, it's best to know up front what you are dealing with than later discover you've been entertaining an emotionally displaced mind surviving on flirting alone.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Indeed, and that's the point. When a godly man and a godly woman are genuinely attracted to each other, do they really, really need "hints" to jump-start love?

The saints should always be polite and prudent in exercising honesty.

If a brother is genuinely interested in knowing a sister's heart, then he should simply inquire from the sister if she'd enjoy spending time with him for the purpose of getting to know each other's hearts as they both seek the mind of Christ.

...but such decorum is a far cry from the flirting that goes around, isn't it? People get caught up in flirting that they miss out on the genuine ones, while the genuine ones move on to meet their genuine one. LOL

Perhaps hints aren't 100% necessary all the time, I suppose one could choose to sit back and wait for someone to ask them out of the blue. That doesn't seem to be working out too well for a lot of people though. I agree a brother should inquire if he's interested. Lots of sisters are not being asked at all though. Hints can help with that issue. By all means no one should do it that isn't comfortable with it or doesn't see the need.

As far as the "flirting that goes around". I don't really know what to think of that part of your post. Flirting is usually a very genuine expression of interest, unless done in the context of sport or just to "tease" as you say. It would be easy enough to say "Some people are dishonest and misrepresent their intentions", that's a blanket statement that would pretty much cover all non-genuine behavior.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Well, how do saints go about transitioning from casual chatter to "Say there, Sister, I like you!"?

Where I come from, honesty is what I understand. If a brother is flirting with me, that is all I will understand: he's flirting, and, frankly, my interest in him will drop 3 degree below freezing. LOL.

Now, when a brother approaches a sister in "all honesty" by simply stating facts of why he wants her attention, then yes, God provides the grace to both of them as they befriend each other.

In such endeavor, they will discover 1 of two vectors:
1. They really, really like each other that they no longer can live apart, so they marry, or
2. They rather see each other again during the rapture.

I agree with you 100%. This was about ladies hinting to men though. Not men hinting to ladies, lol.....I do believe we are all in agreement that men should just come right out and state their interest and ask

 

[BananaPie]

...I've always been more that guy. If I liked a girl I would just put it all out there...stand at the main gate and just tell her up front that this is how I am feeling about you..about us...

...I'm not sure there's a perfect way to let someone know that you want to spend more time with them,other than just telling them. I just feel that if you leave it kinda open & vague,then that's exactly what you might get in return for a response.

...BINGO!! I'll have the same samich he's having, please.

 

[BananaPie]

Perhaps hints aren't 100% necessary all the time,...

Well, the OP is a topic which allures me because, frankly, the goal among normal humans is to fall in love with somebody corresponding to one's love. God Himself has approved of such love union in holy marriage.

The question is how do we, as holy people of God, go about initiating an exclusive friendship for the purpose of falling in love with God's approval?

a) hints or teasing
b) flirting
c) honest approach of intent
d) sit & wait for randomness

I'd say, c) Honest approach.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Well, the OP is a topic which allures me because, frankly, the goal among normal humans is to fall in love with somebody corresponding to one's love. God Himself has approved of such love union in holy marriage.

The question is how do we, as holy people of God, go about initiating an exclusive friendship for the purpose of falling in love with God's approval?

a) hints or teasing
b) flirting
c) honest approach of intent
d) sit & wait for randomness

I'd say, c) Honest approach.

Our viewpoints are just too vastly different to be reconciled I think. A, B, and C all go together in my mind. An honest hint, honest flirting, and honest intent all go together in my mind, they aren't mutually exclusive. It all comes down to whether someone is being an honest person or not. If someone's lying and deceiving, well it's obviously wrong no matter what methodology they are using.

 

[CatHerder]

wouldnt work on me. cause in my eyes she blew the chance when she said she was not interested. with me its one chance and one chance only. if I was to even make some sort of whatever to some chick and she rejects. she aint going to be crawling back to me after she has been passed around town. or popped out 2 or 3 kids by some other guy.

sounds harsh yes. but I am not paying for your mistakes and screw ups.

but what if she says no because she just can't handle being in a relationship at that time, not because she was "passed around town" or "popped out 2 or 3 kids by some other guy." Suppose she says "no" because she needs to work on a few issues that she feels may make her a better partner in a relationship, then six months after her rejection, comes back to you with a "yes." Would that be different?

Sorry to the OP for possible derailment, I just want to understand this response.

 

[BananaPie]

As far as the "flirting that goes around". I don't really know what to think of that part of your post.

When a guy and a girl "click," and they actually like each other, there's really no need to flirt because they already enjoy each other's quirks.

For example, there was a brother who was a mathematician and would help me out in Math Lab when I didn't understand my assignments. In one occasion, I mentioned that I liked my Dad's beard and how it felt on my cheeks when Dad would hug me.

Well, to my surprise, the guy grew a beard, but since I was understanding my assignments, I had not been to Math lab while he was growing his beard, so he'd asked my professor why I wasn't going to Math Lab anymore. By now, my professor is like, "Girl, you may want to go to the Math Lab..." I'm still clueless of what's going on at that point.

Eventually, I went to Math Lab to study for midterms, and sure enough I see this sweet, clean-cut, lumberjack beard!!

...and I'm like, "Howdy, Brother, the Lord has graced you with a nice... ...brain."
...and he's like, "Yeah, I thought you'd like my beard; I grew it for you."

Right there with my backpack still on my shoulder, he asked me if I would agree to be courted by him, which he did for the remainder of the semester until we both discovered that math was all we had in common.

Our hearts were not broken because we were both very cautious to treat the other in the kindest respects. I felt very safe with him, and he adored me for not enticing him; instead we'd encourage one another towards God.

The point is, godly friendships do yield honorable courtships without necessitating the ways of secular flirting.

 

[Fenner]

Club over head, drag back to cave. Is that to forward?

 

[BananaPie]

An honest hint, honest flirting, and honest intent all go together in my mind...

What would be an example of "honest flirting" that you would not be able to say in plain words to communicate your honest intentions with a girl?

 

[rachelsedge]

This has been interesting to read. I feel that I'm pretty terrible at reading signals. Not only am I sometimes unaware or naive on them, but I've really messed up on reading them before, and it scarred my already feeble self a bit back in high school. I also have a skewed belief about myself that I'm improving on but...still needs work. Because of those things (protection of self/belief system/naiveness) I also rarely give out signals, at least the ones I'm conscious of. This could be why I've always been single. Hm. Though there's only been a couple out of all my crushes that I've been "seriously" interested in.

Welp, this thread isn't about my issues.

TL;DR/didn't care - I've enjoyed reading this so far and seeing the different perspectives from both sides.

 

[BananaPie]

Club over head, drag back to cave. Is that to forward?

...but what if the girl is a hardhead and the club cracks? LOL

 

[abbiejean]

...but what if the girl is a hardhead and the club cracks? LOL

Okay, seriously.
Your post yields the question, what are examples of communicating "I like you" when expressed for the first time, without being "cliché" flirting?

It seems we all understand, "Would you marry me?", but we seem to lack on expressing simple words like, "I like you; would you grant me to befriend your heart in the sight of the Lord?" Why put yourself through teasing when you can enjoy the real samich together? ...just saying.

Or in my case LOL LOL might not even see the club or recognize the club let alone having it bong me on the head. LOL

 

[BananaPie]

Because of those things (protection of self, belief system, naiveness), I also rarely give out signals, at least the ones I'm conscious of.

I totally understand and practice that!

When the heart is yielded to the cross and discovered in the process of friendship, the mind of Christ is known that the friendship is maturing with God's approval.

 

[seoulsearch]

wouldnt work on me. cause in my eyes she blew the chance when she said she was not interested. with me its one chance and one chance only. if I was to even make some sort of whatever to some chick and she rejects. she aint going to be crawling back to me after she has been passed around town. or popped out 2 or 3 kids by some other guy.

sounds harsh yes. but I am not paying for your mistakes and screw ups.

Wow, I'm shocked that you're single... Good to know though that you don't make any mistakes so that you can point out those of others. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who want a perfect partner.

In regards to the OP, to be completely honest, if it were turned around and a guy said something like, "You know, if you'd ask me out to coffee, I'd agree to go..." I know this may sound strange, but I'd feel completely manipulated and would lose interest.

I guess it's just because I've had this happen regarding other people and other things--"You know... if you did X... I'd be happy to accept..." and it's been a situation of feeling like the person is more interested in what I can do for them/what they think I should be doing than that of genuine interest.

If I were the guy in this situation, I'd feel like the woman was sort of "commanding" me to ask her out, not just ask or hint. And, it brings up all kinds of other things such as, "I guess she's expecting me to pay for her, too, since she's telling me what I SHOULD do?"

I agree with the people who've said just be straight up--this is just me personally and I know others will feel differently, but I'd just ask him out to coffee, plain and simple, and since I did the asking, I'd offer to pay. Or, if you want to make it less obvious, ask him to a group event.

I do have to say though, that if a guy told me, "If you were to ask me out, I'd definitely say yes"... To be perfectly honest, and I'm probably sounding as strict as Wise here, but I'd probably raise my eyebrow at him and say, "Well, as soon as you grow a pair and ask me, sure, maybe we can go out."

I do realize it's different with a "Woman Hinting At Man" Dynamic... but I personally HATE "hints" like this.

 

[IloveyouGod]

Hey Jill!

For us ladies, it is not about fear of rejection OR how others gonna think when they find out We asked the man out, instead of him asking us out, n' it's not about how this man think of us when we initiate. As a matter of fact some men won't mind the lady to initiate. And some ladies think its also our right to initiate, why it's only the man's right?

But the thing is, a Godly woman is a lady! she's humble, loving, graceful, who carries herself with respect. She shouldn't go out of her way to make herself obvious to a specific man, because God will bring him right at her door if that's God's plan for them! It is something from God's hands and He will bring it to you without you doing any effort!

A Godly man on the other hand should get over his fear and see that you deserve him taking the risk of asking you out when you might reject him. This should not intimidate or stop him from asking you because if he can't deal with this feeling now, how would he deal with it later, let's say after marriage when facing bigger issues in life??

However, I don't think it is wrong to give him the green light OR even if you feel you two are on the same page, you can humbly and gracefully mention something and see how he reacts.

Recently one of the sisters here mentioned hoping that a certain guy would ask her out. They had talked some, but she never specifically let him know that she was interested in dating him (that I read). After they were no longer co-workers, she said that she wished that she'd asked him out, and would do so next time.

It got me thinking; although I don't think I'd ask a guy out in a traditional sense, if I thought it wise, I would probably sort of ask HIM to ask ME out, or at least hint at it. As an example, "You know, if you asked me get a cup of coffee with you, I would accept *smiles coyly, walking away*". The "walking away" bit can be omitted it you really want an answer; like, if you're pretty sure that he wants to date/court, but is simply too shy to let you know. Before that, there's always the "You know, we get along really well" comment to see how he reacts**. We'd have to be friends first anyway, so it's not like I'd say this right away. Also, I'd have to feel peaceful about doing this and REALLY like the guy, etc.

I'm not asking for permission to show interest in this manner, but I'm curious as to what you all (especially the guys) think about it. Maybe a lot of guys would think it weird if a girl showed interest to him this way. To me it just makes it obvious that I'm interested in a closer relationship (and also that I'm a little bit silly, which he would probably already know by then anyway ). However, if he's not interested, we can stay friends easier, since he never had to actually reject me.

Anyway, discuss, discuss .



**If I said this to anyone here, it was just a comment; I'm not currently interested in anyone on this site for anything beyond friendship .

 

[abbiejean]

I read these threads and respond back and then later after I walk away from the computer or shut it off for the day, I think about what I've read or seen and how I've responded.

Been thinking about this or other threads regarding dating and who you would or wouldn't and how to or what to look for, mercy...there's alot to read on this sort of topic. LOL Old people can learn things too.

What's been on my heart regarding this particular thread is yes, we can choose to flirt or "send out signals" in hopes for favorable results but I think we too need to be receptive to hearing feedback if what we say or do is interpreted as a flirt or a "come on" or not wanted or welcomed. I think we should be mature enough, man or woman enough, to be open and listen when a man or woman comes to us and says, "uh, you know this is how I am reading what you said or did. Am I right? Am I "getting" it or did the wires in my brain get crossed up somewhere? Well, I'm flattered you are interested and God bless you, the feelings are not mutual. I like you as a person, would consider you as a friend, but anything more than that, no."

I think we need to, or should be able to anyways, accept a no or a not now or not at this time. No's are okay.

 

[BananaPie]

Well, if I'm gonna get clobbered as a hint that you adore me, would you be kind to get a 40-inch cork club, 2.75 inches in diameter at the thickest end, please?

...oh, and bring some Tylenol & acetone to wake me up, deal?