9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

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Bate

Guest
#61
#61
I'm getting your point GaryA.
Well, I have always seen many posts by our sisters here about what and which kind of Boaz, David or Joseph they'd like and at some of the points given, you may laugh! But still you understand them anyway.
I recall a sister who was suggesting what and how she wanted her future mate to be, and then she listed what she is and she likes, such that her mate would at least match them. That included a daily gym attendance or fitness exercises!

Here we or I come with such a post too, to enlighten our sisters too about what we men would be thinking and hoping for as well; they instead fight back and disagree!
(I think while talking about maturity here, doesn't necessarily mean advancement in age alone!.....)

Haha, but to everything and for everything, there would be some criticisms and refusals anyway! :D
 
J

jer2911

Guest
#62
#62
Bate said:
I'm getting your point GaryA.
Well, I have always seen many posts by our sisters here about what and which kind of Boaz, David or Joseph they'd like and at some of the points given, you may laugh! But still you understand them anyway.
I recall a sister who was suggesting what and how she wanted her future mate to be, and then she listed what she is and she likes, such that her mate would at least match them. That included a daily gym attendance or fitness exercises!

Here we or I come with such a post too, to enlighten our sisters too about what we men would be thinking and hoping for as well; they instead fight back and disagree!
(I think while talking about maturity here, doesn't necessarily mean advancement in age alone!.....)

Haha, but to everything and for everything, there would be some criticisms and refusals anyway! :D
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I got your point and in some ways I appreciate your intention to help and show the brother's view about this topic. But then, Bate, there are some terms that should be better rephrase so that we could easily understand where were coming from and what's your goal. There are some points that you could be precise and concise and not dwell much to many explanations. I'm not that perfect example for being a matured Christian but I'm in the process of maturing until Christ is formed in me. That's why I had asked you, what maturity means... in advancement of age, in experience or in life status.
a
But maturity will not be reached perfectly until such time we face our Creator, so what we can only do is give the benefit of the doubt, be more understanding and less our expectation or we will only be disappointed.

I apologize if I come across also not being appreciative. I forgot to include it here. I guess because I read many letters and wrote many replies.

Thank you, bate. Whatever, keep on writing. :) but chill out! LOL!
 
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jer2911

Guest
#63
#63
gypsygirl said:
wait.

what if you're an immature woman with mature attitudes?

i guess i am exempt. *phew*
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Which got me wondering what maturity means to bate. anyway, as for me.... all are opinions, nothing personal. Just a matter of choice of words. Only God knows everything. Ciao! :) I hope for World Peace! I, thank you! :)
 
J

jer2911

Guest
#64
#64
Bate said:
What would someone consider ''immaturity'' to be??!!
By age or character (while in God).....

We may be thinking of this differently!
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Bate, I suggest, avoid using exclamation point that express your strong feelings on a particular opinion. If even some of your audience here are like that, pls. my unsolicited advice is don't do the same because your only goal is to help, remember? and not to put down people with immature attitudes or expose them. Stick to your plan. :) :) :) If we want to be appreciated, let us set an example to them to be the first to appreciate no matter what. :) :) :) God bless, bate. Have a great day!
 
violakat

violakat

Senior Member
#65
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
#65
Bate, you intentions may have been for good, but you failed in one area, and that was in realizing that the women who post those comments are either women who have not been here for more then a day, and that usually they are told within minutes of there posts that this is not Christian Mingle or any other dating site. We also get very annoyed with a lot of the posts that are written like that, because the majority of us realize how unrealistic they are. And while this doesn't prevent us from dating someone we meet on here, dating is not the emphasis of this site, and not of this forum either

I will also say that your post came off as very condescending, but that could be because of a language barrier, since I think Uganda is not a traditionally English speaking country. So please understand, that the reason most women on here, and a large majority of the men were offended by your post is the way you word much of what you said, especially the "Mature Christian Woman" part.

So I have a question for you, are those women you deem Godly in your country, do they act this way? And for those you deem Godly, are they Godly in both attitude and actions, or just actions? I'm curious as this may also explain a lot of your thought process. Then again, it may be all moot.
 
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Bate

Guest
#66
#66
''I will also say that your post came off as very condescending, but that could be because of a language barrier, since I think Uganda is not a traditionally English speaking country. So please understand, ......''
!!!!!

:confused:
 
violakat

violakat

Senior Member
#67
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
#67
Bate said:
''I will also say that your post came off as very condescending, but that could be because of a language barrier, since I think Uganda is not a traditionally English speaking country. So please understand, ......''
!!!!!

:confused:
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What I'm saying is that, I'm assuming that English is not your first language. And if this is the case, then why you do write well, there maybe some nuances that you do not fully understand, that changes the voice of your wording from loving to judgmental and "Holier then You."
 
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Bate

Guest
#68
#68


Chill brethren, just an opinion! :rolleyes:
 
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Bate

Guest
#69
#69
By the way, Reality Check!! :rolleyes:
 
proverbs35

proverbs35

Senior Member
#71
Nov 10, 2012
825
239
43
#71
GaryA said:
The problem with threads that are created to help women understand a man's point of view is that --- [ some ] women seem to be unable to accept it as such - and try to understand the man's point of view - but, rather, [ automatically ? ] interpret it as an attack on [ them or ] women in general. :confused:
:)
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  • Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them. Pr 4:5
  • Wisdom is supreme--so acquire wisdom, and whatever you acquire, acquire understanding! Pr 4:7

The pursuit of wisdom and understanding is a mutual responsibility. It has absolutely nothing to do with gender. Men and women are BOTH advised to seek and acquire understanding.

However, this thread is about dating and marriage. It's also directed at women. The Bible emphatically and literally commands husbands to "live with [their] wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." 1 Pe 3:7

Yet, a husband's duty to live with his wife in an understanding way usually isn't used as a thread starting topic. A husband's duty to live with his wife in an understanding way usually isn't stressed much or given much attention. At best, that verse gets glossed over with more attention being paid to the "weaker vessel" aspect.

With that being said, "the problem with some threads that are created to help women understand a man's point of view" is that there is usually a lot of emphasis placed on a husband's rights, privileges and desire for understanding, but little emphasis is placed on a husband's duty to live with his wife in an understanding way. You probably won't find many threads centered around what it means for a husband to dwell with his wife in understanding.

However, Solomon described how a man of understanding behaves:


  • A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels. Pr 1:5
  • Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Pr 11:12
  • A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. Pr 14:29
  • Foolishness brings joy to one without sense, but a man with understanding walks a straight path. Pr 15:21
  • A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Pr 17:27
  • Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; But a man of understanding will draw it out. Pr 20:5

"Some women seem to be unable to accept it and try to understand the man's point of view - but, rather, [ automatically ? ] interpret it as an attack on [ them or ] women in general" because many women have been bombarded with threads centered around male rights, privileges and their desire for understanding, yet little emphasis in comparison is usually placed on a husband's duty to live with his wife in an understanding way.
 
proverbs35

proverbs35

Senior Member
#72
Nov 10, 2012
825
239
43
#72
violakat said:
Bate, you intentions may have been for good, but you failed in one area, and that was in realizing that the women who post those comments are either women who have not been here for more then a day, and that usually they are told within minutes of there posts that this is not Christian Mingle or any other dating site. We also get very annoyed with a lot of the posts that are written like that, because the majority of us realize how unrealistic they are. And while this doesn't prevent us from dating someone we meet on here, dating is not the emphasis of this site, and not of this forum either

I will also say that your post came off as very condescending, but that could be because of a language barrier, since I think Uganda is not a traditionally English speaking country. So please understand, that the reason most women on here, and a large majority of the men were offended by your post is the way you word much of what you said, especially the "Mature Christian Woman" part.

So I have a question for you, are those women you deem Godly in your country, do they act this way? And for those you deem Godly, are they Godly in both attitude and actions, or just actions? I'm curious as this may also explain a lot of your thought process. Then again, it may be all moot.
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I didn't find anything you wrote here condescending. I believe that you were trying to be diplomatic, helpful and really facilitate fruitful discussion.

This article is directed at women. The article is written in the form of criticism and advice. However, it's so easy for some people to dispense criticism to others, but they are unwilling to accept constructive criticism.

I hate to be redundant, but I believe this is really important and telling. The OP's response to your comment here reminds me of some very important traits listed for the Man of Noble Character.


  • A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel. Pr 1:5
  • Reprove a wise man and he will love you. Pr 9:8
  • Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, Teach a righteous man and he will increase his learning. Pr 9:9
  • Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Pr 11:12
  • A wise man is he who listens to counsel. Pr 12:15
  • A prudent man overlooks an insult. Pr 12:16

Again, I hate to be redundant, but I want to reiterate a point that I made earlier. I wonder if the men who write OPs like this one aimed at women are busy becoming Men of Noble Character. Are they listening, acquiring wise counsel, lovingly accepting constructive criticism, increasing in learning, refraining from belittling others, practicing quietness and overlooking insults?

Actions and fruit speak louder than words. Actions and fruit speak volumes.

Continue to be blessed my dear sister in Christ. :)
 
A

Alove

Guest
#73
#73
Bate, again? Haha
:rolleyes:
 
B

Bate

Guest
#74
#74
I haven't got you well Alove!
What's that you mean by ''again''?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#75
#75
Bate said:
Here we or I come with such a post too, to enlighten our sisters too about what we men would be thinking and hoping for as well; they instead fight back and disagree!
Click to expand...
While claiming to be telling women what 'we men' are thinking you neglected to notice that most of the men here are in disagreement with you as much as the women. Perhaps you shouldn't be speaking for men, but rather speaking for yourself.
I just don't know that a 24 year old single male should be thinking he's speaking for all men, nor should he be instructing women on how to be a woman or wife. Sure, we all have our opinions and insights into these things, and sharing them in the right attitude and setting can be insightful. But this tone of thinking it's your place to make some sermon on the topic, when you yourself aren't even married, is just a bit much. Especially when you claim you speak for others, when you Clearly do not.
 
A

Alove

Guest
#76
#76
Bate, what I meant is that, you finally went ahead to compile all this from the discussion and post it here lol!
It sounded like as if the other guys hadn't yet reached or drawn a conclusion too and they were still arguing about some of those points above, as presented by each individual.
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#77
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#77
Thank you Proverbs35 for posting scripture! I find it funny that some men in this forum come in and explain scripture but never post their reference. They think that we poor and uneducated women should just take them at their word. I'm so happy to see you stick up for us and to remind our brothers in the Lord that they have a part to hold up in the bargain as well.


Woohoo for you sister! I'm glad you've joined our forum. :)
 
B

Bate

Guest
#78
#78
''most of the men here are in disagreement with you......''
:rolleyes::confused:
 
B

Bate

Guest
#79
#79
Oh, Alove; I actually compiled the article and posted it here (as per the discussion held on the other side), to find some more other conclusions and reactions here!!
Haha, but hoooo..... Still trying to find a few answers and which one can assist us to draw some proper conclusions.
:)

Stay blessed! :)
 
G

GaryA

Guest
#80
#80
Anyone who has read enough of my posts on these issues should know that I have a very balanced view of them. I do not deny for one second any of the responsibilities that God has placed on the husband with regard to his wife. And, I know full well what they are...

( You will find positively-promoted sufficiently-emphasized viewpoints of all of them in my posts. )

If you think that I have the kind of mentality that says it is O.K. for a husband to abuse his wife or treat her as though she were "just his slave" ( or anything even remotely close to it ), you have not been reading my posts with a proper perception of what is being said in them.

However - just because a husband is commanded to be 'patient' with his wife, for example - does not mean that it "gives her license" to "push the envelope" with it. ( Just as a husband is not "given license" to "go over-board" with regard to his [ "God-given privilege" of ] authority over the wife. )

"Everything in balance..."

I have a -- both husband and wife should do as God commands, teaches, and instructs -- kind of mentality.


Right now, I can think of only two woman on CC - who have ever ( to my knowledge ) "explicitly-enough" stated - in one form or another - that they whole-heartedly believe, accept, and follow the commandment 'wives, obey your husbands'...

As far as I am concerned --- if you are not such a woman -- you have little room to speak on this subject - because, you have already departed from the will of God on this issue. ( i.e., you are in disobedience to the commandment of God )

And - yes - the same applies to men with regard to the commandment of God to them concerning their wives.

Whether you be man or woman - if you cannot whole-heartedly accept all of what God says on these issues -- with regard to husband and wife --- then, your problem is with God. It is as simple as that.

*I* do not have a problem with this. So - please don't ever think that I am "one-sided" on these issues. Because, I am most certainly not.

*I* am capable of talking about any particular 'facet' of these issues without having to take a defensive stance --- how about you...???

Unfortunately, whenever a discussion of these issues gets focused on a particular 'facet' of these issues -- the whole thing suddenly gets "lopsided" because some seem to "forget" that it is being discussed "in view of the overall picture"...

:rolleyes: :(

Then, those who cannot [ seem to ] handle discussing that specific 'facet' apart from "the overall picture" -- start pulling out all of the other facets in order to try to "balance" the discussion.

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :( :(

proverbs35:

In another thread, you have invoked an appeal to "stay on topic" --- in this thread, you have done the opposite...

"What is that all about...???"

ALL:

I see the OP as an expression of a particular man's point of view on the specific issues raised in the OP. Nothing more. Nothing less. ( And, I have not said that I totally agree / disagree with everything he has stated. )

I don't believe he intended to 'slam' women with it.

I believe he is trying to help women understand the man's perspective and concerns with regard to these issues...

( And, we know where the threads that try to help women understand a man's point of view end up... )

Some of you folks really need to learn how to not "react" so quickly when a "touchy" subject comes up...

( By the way --- I am not even especially fond of this thread. But, it does make some good points about the perspective and concerns of men with regard to these issues... )

:)
 
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