Writing a letter or jornal for your future wife/husband to give on the wedding day

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melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#21
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
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#21
in my early 20's, i started one of these journals. i was going to keep up with it. it's probably somewhere in my room lol.

then i started dating someone, and we all thought we were going to get married one day, so i bought another journal and started writing letters to said someone. after so many years together, it only made sense marriage would happen, but things went another direction.

i don't write letters anymore. idk if it's out of laziness or because i started writing letters to the guy. maybe i have written ONE letter since, but it's addressed "dear husband (if you even exists)."

i'm not against people writing letters to the future spouse. as for me, i'm not into it anymore.
 
F

Faithful_Fay

Guest
#22
#22
I think maybe I'm not romantic enough to get the concept? I thought about this when I first heard about it in my teens, but the logistics kept tripping me. I think I need a specific person in mind in order to not feel silly. Plus, what would I write? Would it be sporadically, whenever the inclination hits? If more often than that, I would think it would turn more into a diary and less of a letter to your future mate. How much will there be for him to read? And what if he were not a reader or understand the gesture?

Plus, I've read over my journals from my middle and high school, and they were as cringe-worthy as I thought. I would hate to think of anyone reading through them.

I think it's awesome thing to do if you are so inclined. I've had friends who did and shared it with their husbands. For myself, I need more of a person in mind in order to bring myself to put paper to pen, I think.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#23
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
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#23
I think I may be too lazy to do this. :cool: I did write a few letters to my babies when I was pregnant, but that's the extent of it.
 
B

Braylay

Guest
#24
#24
Calmador said:
The first time I heard about this from a girl... I was very impressed. I thought it was one of the most romantic gestures someone can do. I believe she was writing a journal for her husband to give to him on their wedding day. I've been thinking of about it. :D

What do you guys think about the idea?
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Bad idea.

What if he/she never gets married? Then you're left with a bunch of letters and journals to.... no one.

Only a christian would do something that cheesy. No offense or anything.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#25
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
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#25
I might, when I am engaged, start writing to my future husband about stuff. I pray for whomever he is now though.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#26
Jun 23, 2011
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#26
seoulsearch said:
I know there's been a lot of talk on the forum about writing letters to a future spouse... I guess for myself (and I can speak only for me,) this is an example of how time, experience, and yes, maybe a bit of cynicism, changes a person's heart.

When I was in my teens and 20's, I would have been completely on board with this idea. I met the man I eventually married when I was 20, and I was full of hopeful ambitions. I've read things here about keeping hope chests and while I didn't have a designated or specific "hope chest" myself, I did things such as collect a few baby accessories... bottles and so forth... for that big "someday".

When my husband's sister got pregnant, we put together a big care package to send to her, and he held up the bear we had bought for her and he said, "Someday we're going to go shopping... to get one of these for our own babies." In fact, a few days later I went out and bought a duplicate of that same bear for the day we would have a baby of our own.

That day never came. And when he went on to someone else, I threw all those things away. I didn't need the reminders of the life I'd hoped for when I was in my 20's. The time and money I'd spent on those things had all been wasted.

Life changes... and things happen. My letters would have started out (in my 20's) with romanticized confessions of love... as I got older and saw things happen to both myself and others, my letters would be more like, "Dear Future Husband, today I found out my (close relative) has cancer. How would you react if that were me? Would you stay, or would you run?"

I understand why men I've met in the dating world say they want very young women--because older women (like myself) are jaded and cynical. I understand that. But life happens, and seeing things like my friends having miscarriages or never seeing their own spouses due to work schedules or having to care for sick parents...

Makes me think of a whole lot of "real world" things I'd be including in those letters, rather than the "I love you so much and that's all that matters" sentiments I would have had at age 20.
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You know the more real world the topic is... in a way that may serve as a highlighter for how unbelievably romantic someone can be.

Let's take what you said for example... "Dear Future Husband, today I found out my (close relative) has cancer. How would you react if that were me? Would you stay, or would you run?" The future husband could potentially respond with, "I'd do both. I would run towards you and stay of course because your my dear wife and that's how much I love you." :3

The real life stuff can highlight love and romance much brighter. Light shines brighter in dark places.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#27
Jun 23, 2011
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#27
cinder said:
So let's see my ultra practical thoughts:

I could see maybe writing one or two letters or maybe make it an annual thing to chronicle kind of a journey and growth of thinking about love, but actual personal letters to a person I don't yet know. Well what I want to share with him I'll probably remember and share all those crazy stories in person. Inside jokes and continuing the ridiculousness make up a whole lot of my relational building as well and I don't have those with this guy yet. So I really don't have much to say to him now that seems like it will really matter for him to find out after the wedding (or that he won't know by then).

If husband gave me such a collection, well it's the thought that counts, but if it is just a bunch of gooey emotional stuff, it really doesn't mean much. After all it would be more like he was in love with the idea of marriage than me (as he didn't even know me for most of the time he was writing it).

So sometimes something hits me and I find a longing for love or relationship and may feel motivated to write about it, but those times are few and far between. If they're still kept tucked away in a dusty corner of my computer, well I'll probably show them to my future husband, but probably before he is husband. After all, he should know what he's getting himself into before he says I do.
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I see where your coming from xD lol You might've ruined this for some people lol

I like to think of this idea as your potential affection being stored up so you can rain it on your future spouse. All the mushy stuff I'll say ... it'll be allocated on my wife... and she will be drenched in my affection. :D muahahahaha

Do you ever hope or dream about the married life?
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#28
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
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#28
melita916 said:
in my early 20's, i started one of these journals. i was going to keep up with it. it's probably somewhere in my room lol.

then i started dating someone, and we all thought we were going to get married one day, so i bought another journal and started writing letters to said someone. after so many years together, it only made sense marriage would happen, but things went another direction.

i don't write letters anymore. idk if it's out of laziness or because i started writing letters to the guy. maybe i have written ONE letter since, but it's addressed "dear husband (if you even exists)."

i'm not against people writing letters to the future spouse. as for me, i'm not into it anymore.
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I'm so sorry about the guy problem you had in the past.

It's pretty clear that you lost some hope with what happened. You know I've had some bad relationships... (if I can call them that)... in the past. But, I think we shouldn't allow those bad past memories drag us down. You have to heal... God thought you were worth it when he wrote the Bible. You were worth it when he chose those prophets... he made stories for you. Joseph once said "Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

God Bless :)
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#29
Jun 23, 2011
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#29
Faithful_Fay said:
I think maybe I'm not romantic enough to get the concept? I thought about this when I first heard about it in my teens, but the logistics kept tripping me. I think I need a specific person in mind in order to not feel silly. Plus, what would I write? Would it be sporadically, whenever the inclination hits? If more often than that, I would think it would turn more into a diary and less of a letter to your future mate. How much will there be for him to read? And what if he were not a reader or understand the gesture?

Plus, I've read over my journals from my middle and high school, and they were as cringe-worthy as I thought. I would hate to think of anyone reading through them.

I think it's awesome thing to do if you are so inclined. I've had friends who did and shared it with their husbands. For myself, I need more of a person in mind in order to bring myself to put paper to pen, I think.
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You can imagine a vague idea of what it'll be like... Like with me, I often think of quiet times with her... like me holding and her on a sofa just watching a movie.

But, yeah... it's okay, I suppose I understand you. Thanks for posting :)
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#30
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
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#30
Braylay said:
Bad idea.

What if he/she never gets married? Then you're left with a bunch of letters and journals to.... no one.

Only a christian would do something that cheesy. No offense or anything.
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That's a tad fatalistic there... and unrealistic lol

If we never get married... then it'll be for the next lucky woman I marry.

Therefore, there still can be someone to give a bunch of letters and journals to.

No offense taken lol I'm uber cheesy!
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#31
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,269
113
#31
I might as well write a letter to santa claus too, and the easter bunny..
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#33
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,586
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#33
zeroturbulence said:
I might as well write a letter to santa claus too, and the easter bunny..
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I laughed out loud when I saw this, Zero!!! :D I totally hear you, Sad Ninja!

I think I'm going to add "Write Letter to St. Patty's Day Leprechaun" on my list. :)
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#34
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,319
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Arizona
#34
Ooooooooooooh that is such a good idea! I wonder how early you should do it though...? Because you know it may take a person years to get married and fill a lot of journals....
 
B

Braylay

Guest
#35
#35
Calmador said:
That's a tad fatalistic there... and unrealistic lol

If we never get married... then it'll be for the next lucky woman I marry.

Therefore, there still can be someone to give a bunch of letters and journals to.

No offense taken lol I'm uber cheesy!
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Maybe i misunderstood the thread, but was it not, ''Writing a letter or journal for your future wife/husband'' ?

I'm not sure how it's fatalistic and unrealistic to think a person wouldn't get married. Maybe you know something i don't.....
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#36
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#36
Calmador said:
I see where your coming from xD lol You might've ruined this for some people lol

I like to think of this idea as your potential affection being stored up so you can rain it on your future spouse. All the mushy stuff I'll say ... it'll be allocated on my wife... and she will be drenched in my affection. :D muahahahaha

Do you ever hope or dream about the married life?
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Well different perspectives are fine. And I would hope that if and when you marry it will be to a woman who appreciates all your warm fuzzy mushiness. As for dreaming about being married, I've never really done that. Closest I get is wondering if I'll ever get married, and I think recent life experiences have helped me start to see some of the benefits to maybe someday getting married, but for the most part I prefer to invest in the people who are part of my life now. So I try to be a loyal and true friend to those I call friends, and I do my best to be content with having some people who want to keep me around as a good friend, knowing that should there someday be a guy who thinks he wants to keep me around for the rest of his life, well I'll already be well practiced in loving and caring for others which should be good marriage training.

Like I said ultra practical. To the point that if some guy said he wanted to date me my response would be to ask why and have him state reasons for his interest.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#37
Nov 25, 2014
942
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0
#37
seoulsearch said:
I'm certainly NOT saying that all older women are bitter and/or cynical. I was simply repeating what older men have told me they believe about women their age (which is why they look for 20-somethings).
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I'm not jaded and cynical, but I'm also not wide-eyed and easily wowed. I'm more likely to count the cost now because I know what the cost actually involves.

Which leads me to the whole "writing a letter or journal" thing. I think the romantic nature of it depends entirely on the individual. To me, it's a little too sweet...too sentimental somehow. But that's just me.

Plus, how awkward would it be if your now-spouse hands you a boxful of papergoods they've been writing and you've got nothing for them.....OUCH.
 
T

Thomas223

Guest
#38
#38
I don't know, I think it's an interesting idea. I think it would be great, as long as you mention it to him/her before the wedding day. You don't want him to be freaked out about the idea, but as long he was open to the idea, I think it would be great. I think it would be amazing to look back at what my wife/girlfriend was thinking when she was younger. It might give you insight into how she thinks and what she wants out of this relationship.

Great question, I'm mostly for it, though I can see it causing a little anxiousness on both sides.
 
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#39
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#39
so

How is this not boasting about tomorrow?

Is this putting hope in a future version of yourself, that in reality is very unlikely to happen?

God doesn't hope in a future version of myself, why should i?
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#40
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
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#40
ArtsieSteph said:
Ooooooooooooh that is such a good idea! I wonder how early you should do it though...? Because you know it may take a person years to get married and fill a lot of journals....
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That's a personal decision... I'm up for now. The thought is what counts... not when you do it. :D
 
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