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M
I painted my fingernails for the first time since...before Christmas. It sounds silly, but I think it's a pretty huge deal. For me, obviously- how I present myself outwardly gives a pretty accurate indication of how I'm doing in the mental/emotional department.
Wow, that does sound silly.
All I'm saying is...I dunno, I used to do my nails and hair up all the time, maybe not fancy, but you know, put together. Because I used to care. Not even so much how I looked, but how I felt. MY POINT is....I'm feeling better.
Also, my mom thinks I should maybe be on drugs. I mean, antidepressants. Not like, cocaine. My goodness, we're not that crazy. I don't think this is the first time someone has suggested it. But I keep rejecting the idea, and then nobody mentions it again for a while. It's not that I have anything against antidepressants...at least, not that I can articulate. I guess I just think I would be better off finding a different way to beat this. Maybe because I do everything in my life the most difficult way possible.
It's so quiet here with so many CCers off to meet each other...um...that IS why it's quiet, right? I don't know what's going on, I've only halfway been paying attention.
Wow, that does sound silly.
All I'm saying is...I dunno, I used to do my nails and hair up all the time, maybe not fancy, but you know, put together. Because I used to care. Not even so much how I looked, but how I felt. MY POINT is....I'm feeling better.
Also, my mom thinks I should maybe be on drugs. I mean, antidepressants. Not like, cocaine. My goodness, we're not that crazy. I don't think this is the first time someone has suggested it. But I keep rejecting the idea, and then nobody mentions it again for a while. It's not that I have anything against antidepressants...at least, not that I can articulate. I guess I just think I would be better off finding a different way to beat this. Maybe because I do everything in my life the most difficult way possible.
It's so quiet here with so many CCers off to meet each other...um...that IS why it's quiet, right? I don't know what's going on, I've only halfway been paying attention.
That's nice to know. Is it the same sister who is moving out?
You don't have to answer my question if you feel it is too personal.
You don't have to answer my question if you feel it is too personal.
Ah, I see. I hope that she would be a source of comfort for you.
Well, I cannot understand the love-hate relationship between siblings since I am a single child. I will probably take a long time to adjust to sharing my space with another person, to having my things NOT be where I last left them, to see crease marks on my shirt, to find the chocolate half-eaten on the table, etc.
Well, I cannot understand the love-hate relationship between siblings since I am a single child. I will probably take a long time to adjust to sharing my space with another person, to having my things NOT be where I last left them, to see crease marks on my shirt, to find the chocolate half-eaten on the table, etc.
It's interesting how loss yields perspective a lot of the time; "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."
[video=youtube;i28UEoLXVFQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i28UEoLXVFQ[/video]
Lil, I'm sorry you're going to miss your sis.
I'm sure she will miss you just as much..
So true! I hate driving by walmart. The one out here is super-sized and its always packed with people. There is also an in-n-out burger in the same parking lot. It's crazy.
I started shopping at Target about a year ago and its soooo much better! Plus the workers are friendly and seem to enjoy working there.. the walmart workers seem like they don't want to be there.
I started shopping at Target about a year ago and its soooo much better! Plus the workers are friendly and seem to enjoy working there.. the walmart workers seem like they don't want to be there.
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to add to lil christian's and siberian khatru's point:
sometimes i think God allows us to battle with with infirmity and difficulty to remind us that we are all subject to imperfection and weakness, and to value the resources we are entrusted with. back when i felt like i was practically invincible, God used very well placed events as if to say, young one, you are enjoying the benefit of blessed circumstances and anything could change on a dime.
this week has been a good week, in some ways. i am loved, blessed, and very fortunate in so many ways. i have a roof over my head and too much food to eat. i have clean water and live in a country that allows me to worship my God openly and without persecution. that's the kind of freedom we enjoy here. it's impossible to not acknowledge that truth first.
however, i was brought to my knees with the simplicity of my own limits. things that simply couldn't be outrun, negotiated, or my favorite, "strong-armed" past. they wouldn't be ignored. in some ways, i was useless, if i were only measuring my productivity. i had a "freak out" kind of meltdown, and i am loved enough to have someone(s) express their love and care for me.
it's times like this i am reminded of the following:
in a world of poverty, illness, debilitating conditions and other infirmity that we only can read about, each of us are blessed with things we take for granted. as a result, i pray that we never take these things for granted, or of our own doing.
i pray that each and every day, i don't just say, "thank you Lord for your blessings of strength, vitality and health and liberty" but we FEEL, and believe those words.
i pray that we see those things as the resources we are entrusted with. as though they are the outrageously amazing gifts that have been given to us with awareness that we are living in a world where the coming of Christ is sooner than it was 100 years ago. even 5 or 10 years ago. in fact, by the time you read this, it will be that much sooner than when i wrote it, at approximately 2:30 p.m. PST.
i pray that you and i realize that it's like christmas and our birthday every single day, and these are beautifully wrapped gifts that show up, eager to be unwrapped, enjoyed, and embraced with the same gratitude we feel when we are shown the generosity that feels far too lavish than what we deserve.
i pray that we can think "wow, you didn't have to buy this for me, but i'm extraordinarily grateful you did".
may our gratitude motivate us to never look at time as "passing until we get to the part (or event) that we most care about".
how many times have you heard (or thought) i'll start doing [this] when school starts. or get married, or pay down my debt, find a job, get beyond this hardship, etc.
the list of what these events or times could be is so long... but i know how that feels. i have been there before.
what value will my accomplishment of color coding my files? or finding a batch of tea that i'm craving? well, nothing. and there's nothing wrong with those things, unless they are the highlights and priorities of my day.
Lord may your people, and the lost always be more important to me than my my desires.
perhaps one of my greatest fears is that i don't want to be ashamed when he comes, that i am living for my own amusement and biding my time for the temporary and selfish that will have zero lasting meaning.
because at the end, the only things that will last are those done for Him. nothing else will matter, or last for eternity. when i think of the hobbies, amusement, interests and distractions--they are fun, and there's nothing wrong with them. but they won't last. and if that's all i have to show for, i will be enormously disappointed. i can't imagine what eternal disappointment could feel like.
when we are laying our crowns at His feet, what is it that I will bring to the throne?
that is the only question that matters to me today. : )
p.s. i am much better today, and on the road back to where ever it is that i usually exist. ; p
sometimes i think God allows us to battle with with infirmity and difficulty to remind us that we are all subject to imperfection and weakness, and to value the resources we are entrusted with. back when i felt like i was practically invincible, God used very well placed events as if to say, young one, you are enjoying the benefit of blessed circumstances and anything could change on a dime.
this week has been a good week, in some ways. i am loved, blessed, and very fortunate in so many ways. i have a roof over my head and too much food to eat. i have clean water and live in a country that allows me to worship my God openly and without persecution. that's the kind of freedom we enjoy here. it's impossible to not acknowledge that truth first.
however, i was brought to my knees with the simplicity of my own limits. things that simply couldn't be outrun, negotiated, or my favorite, "strong-armed" past. they wouldn't be ignored. in some ways, i was useless, if i were only measuring my productivity. i had a "freak out" kind of meltdown, and i am loved enough to have someone(s) express their love and care for me.
it's times like this i am reminded of the following:
in a world of poverty, illness, debilitating conditions and other infirmity that we only can read about, each of us are blessed with things we take for granted. as a result, i pray that we never take these things for granted, or of our own doing.
i pray that each and every day, i don't just say, "thank you Lord for your blessings of strength, vitality and health and liberty" but we FEEL, and believe those words.
i pray that we see those things as the resources we are entrusted with. as though they are the outrageously amazing gifts that have been given to us with awareness that we are living in a world where the coming of Christ is sooner than it was 100 years ago. even 5 or 10 years ago. in fact, by the time you read this, it will be that much sooner than when i wrote it, at approximately 2:30 p.m. PST.
i pray that you and i realize that it's like christmas and our birthday every single day, and these are beautifully wrapped gifts that show up, eager to be unwrapped, enjoyed, and embraced with the same gratitude we feel when we are shown the generosity that feels far too lavish than what we deserve.
i pray that we can think "wow, you didn't have to buy this for me, but i'm extraordinarily grateful you did".
may our gratitude motivate us to never look at time as "passing until we get to the part (or event) that we most care about".
how many times have you heard (or thought) i'll start doing [this] when school starts. or get married, or pay down my debt, find a job, get beyond this hardship, etc.
the list of what these events or times could be is so long... but i know how that feels. i have been there before.
what value will my accomplishment of color coding my files? or finding a batch of tea that i'm craving? well, nothing. and there's nothing wrong with those things, unless they are the highlights and priorities of my day.
Lord may your people, and the lost always be more important to me than my my desires.
perhaps one of my greatest fears is that i don't want to be ashamed when he comes, that i am living for my own amusement and biding my time for the temporary and selfish that will have zero lasting meaning.
because at the end, the only things that will last are those done for Him. nothing else will matter, or last for eternity. when i think of the hobbies, amusement, interests and distractions--they are fun, and there's nothing wrong with them. but they won't last. and if that's all i have to show for, i will be enormously disappointed. i can't imagine what eternal disappointment could feel like.
when we are laying our crowns at His feet, what is it that I will bring to the throne?
that is the only question that matters to me today. : )
p.s. i am much better today, and on the road back to where ever it is that i usually exist. ; p