When do you sit on someone?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#1
We brought my sister in law's 11 year old boy to our new home for 2 weeks (we don't have kids). We bought this house to escape the stress and tension and anger of the rat race, and have someplace peaceful to retire and relax. Which it was until we brought this little monster here. He terrorizes everybody, constantly, mostly because they let him. There's no consequences to anything he does so he does as he d@mn well pleases. They all pussyfoot and awe now Austin and he's just an 11 year old boy, and he plays them like a fiddle with it, laughing in their faces. They know how I feel and I try to stay out of it but the little bstard poked the bear one too many times tonight and I let him have it. I told him all the things he should have been told all along. He looked like someone had pissed in his Cheerios, keeping in mind that his Cheerios needed pissing in a long time ago. Long story short (too late?) I told him we had moved from L. A. to escape it's stress and anger and division, that I wasn't going to allow that spirit into my new home, and if he couldn't leave it behind he wasn't welcome here.

It was the first time the brat's gone to bed without a fight since we got here.

We went thru this 5 years ago, in pretty much the same place. It was at a family reunion, I sat for a week and listened quietly while the supposed grown ups let that kid just mop the floor with them all. One day we were driving and he was carrying on and I finally whipped to the side of the road, ordered everyone out of the car, leaned into his face, and told him that while everyone else was afraid to touch him, I was going to drag him out of the car and paddle his ass until it was bright cherry red if he didn't straighten up. The kid was an angel the rest of the trip. His dad took me aside later and said thanks, I can't get away with that.

I don't advocate child abuse. I advocate discipline and consequences, with an open hand in the butt to enforce it when the mom and apple pie thing isn't working. I mean, the Bible says approach a brother in error in love and if he doesn't respond to it throw him out. Can't really throw out an 11 year old boy can I? But at least one of us has his attention now.

I'll caveat that he's had no parenting and bad influences. But at the end of the day, are we to let him grow up to be an *sshole just because he has an excuse? Not in my house. I've gone to great effort and expense to leave just that kind of spirit behind.

Please pray for this situation. I need wisdom, those around me need their eyes opened, and this little boy needs deliverance.
 
Last edited:
Sep 6, 2014
7,034
5,435
113
#2
Perhaps in the future you should tell his parents that you wish not to have him in your home until he can behave himself properly. It's not your place to correct other peoples children but their own.
 
P

prodigal

Guest
#3
i seen some parents that say no,no,no,no,no,no,,yes, the child gets to learn that if he just cries and winges on and on eventually they'll get their own way. now if you have nothing that spoilt child wants then he aint gonna listen to you. whilst i worked with youth, having the motorbike and also doing much sport put me in a position where many wanted to associate with me. once that connection is made then you can talk to them and have influence in a way far different from parenting. also giving minor responsibility is often helpful. it is awkward when parents leave it to other to say something. but rather than retaliating at their level it is good where possible to just divert their attention. you ever had him on your lap steering the car on private ground whilst you do the peddles etc. things only you do with him that he values may be a direction worth looking into.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#4
Language, Ricky.. You gonna get banned for cussing. :( I suggest you tell this brat's parents to do what you did: get in his face and yell at him. Show him THEY'RE in control, and that their not wimps. As I see it this brat needs boot camp before he ends up in juvie..
 

jogoldie

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#5
My father use to say when people asked why my sisters and I behaved so well......"they arent allowed to be bad...."
I have never spanked my girls......however ...i never had to....
We must have discipline from toddler age.....because spoiled children are not cute.....
I have had people beg to have my children come stay with them.....
We have inner city children stay with us......I dont know their parents well....
they never even ask if their children behave....but we have rules here....chores ...and fun.....
but everyone must follow them....at first ..some of them have a hard time understanding
the rules and what we expect.....but once they realize there is reward to this behavior they
happily follow along......and by reward I dont mean bribery......I mean the opportunity to
come along to the beach with me......special dinners.....and fun video games.....
there is no tolerance for disrespect.....and these people are not doing this kid any favors...
because no one will want to be around him....spoiled children are unhappy children....
As I agree ....we shouldnt discipline others children.....unless ...the parent is forwarned....
and told....if your child stays here.....he will be met with discipline.....and if they dont agree...
keep them home.....cant come here....believe me...these boys come to our home ruffians....
and leave gentleman.....and people enjoy their company.......we cant wait for them to come back....
you probably did this kid a favor....and you will soon become his favorite person......and he will
trust you.......help him brother.....just let the parents know ....no funny business in this house....lol
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#6
Aside for "language".... I am CLAPPING for you. I DO think you could communicate using "purer" vocabulary but the imagry was succinct and gives full BREADTH to your frustration.
You DID the right thing. I know someone who has a grandchild which sometimes is dreadfully unruly, the parents use harsh but non-effective "threats" and shaming... which does not work. My friend, tells the grandchild, I love you more than you know, but if you misbehave and be naughty... I WILL spank you, be good I don't want to have to spank you. The child is very respectful and obedient for my friend... always.
SO sometimes you must use "FEAR" and sometimes "KINDNESS" depending on the situation... prayers for your wisdom!
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#7
Language, Ricky.. You gonna get banned for cussing. :( I suggest you tell this brat's parents to do what you did: get in his face and yell at him. Show him THEY'RE in control, and that their not wimps. As I see it this brat needs boot camp before he ends up in juvie..
Yeah, sorry about that. Obviously he tweaked me! Something else to pray for - temperance on my part.

His dad is talking military school. A great choice if you ask me.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#8
Aside for "language".... I am CLAPPING for you. I DO think you could communicate using "purer" vocabulary but the imagry was succinct and gives full BREADTH to your frustration.
You DID the right thing. I know someone who has a grandchild which sometimes is dreadfully unruly, the parents use harsh but non-effective "threats" and shaming... which does not work. My friend, tells the grandchild, I love you more than you know, but if you misbehave and be naughty... I WILL spank you, be good I don't want to have to spank you. The child is very respectful and obedient for my friend... always.
SO sometimes you must use "FEAR" and sometimes "KINDNESS" depending on the situation... prayers for your wisdom!
At least I didn't cuss at him (said pretty much everything else tho).

Thank you all for your guidance and assurance (and chastising my language... )
 
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#9
Unfortunately, it's all for nothing if his own parents haven't got the ____ to actually assume their responsibility, and BE parents.
 
G

Galahad

Guest
#10
Ricky,
You gave him a taste of reality. Sooner or later in life he will face someone who has the strength and right to enforce a law upon him. Yep, someday, he's going to have to apply to get a driver's license. Round that same time, face an employer. Then there's the IRS. Financial institutions. Police. A judge. The world does not operate in personal service. It don't cooperate with rebellion.

So mom and dad have taught him it's okay to disrespect those who have authority.

Keep up the good work. Seriously. He now knows there are folks who won't back down.

Having said as much, when you say good bye's to him, be sure to say "Love you." But NEVER: "The only reason I said what I did was because I love you." Had his parents been parenting him, he would have learned about that. But it's late for him. You're more like a drill sergeant to him.

He'll eventually respect you.
 
Jun 23, 2015
1,990
37
0
#13
Yeah, sorry about that. Obviously he tweaked me! Something else to pray for - temperance on my part.

His dad is talking military school. A great choice if you ask me.
Military school is a excellent idea. Is there such a thing as a christian military school? Thats even better :)
 
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#14
Did you ask if there are such things as a Christian military school? lol lol lol are you serious? Put the word "CHRISTIAN' in front of any organization or agenda you want....and it automatically makes it true? I taught for several years in a private "Christian" school. We still had a very high rate of teenage pregnancies, still had to call the drug sniffing dogs to the school, still had the same issues as the local 'secular' school down the road. I was in a local 'CHristian" bookstore and picked up a newly released 'gospel' cd and the label said "This is one A_ S kicking Group!" Us Christians tend to think things are better when labelled "CHRISTIAN" but the world actually laughs and/or thinks they get a free handout when they read "CHRISTIAN" in front of something.
 
P

purgedconscience

Guest
#16
We brought my sister in law's 11 year old boy to our new home for 2 weeks (we don't have kids). We bought this house to escape the stress and tension and anger of the rat race, and have someplace peaceful to retire and relax. Which it was until we brought this little monster here. He terrorizes everybody, constantly, mostly because they let him. There's no consequences to anything he does so he does as he d@mn well pleases. They all pussyfoot and awe now Austin and he's just an 11 year old boy, and he plays them like a fiddle with it, laughing in their faces. They know how I feel and I try to stay out of it but the little bstard poked the bear one too many times tonight and I let him have it. I told him all the things he should have been told all along. He looked like someone had pissed in his Cheerios, keeping in mind that his Cheerios needed pissing in a long time ago. Long story short (too late?) I told him we had moved from L. A. to escape it's stress and anger and division, that I wasn't going to allow that spirit into my new home, and if he couldn't leave it behind he wasn't welcome here.

It was the first time the brat's gone to bed without a fight since we got here.

We went thru this 5 years ago, in pretty much the same place. It was at a family reunion, I sat for a week and listened quietly while the supposed grown ups let that kid just mop the floor with them all. One day we were driving and he was carrying on and I finally whipped to the side of the road, ordered everyone out of the car, leaned into his face, and told him that while everyone else was afraid to touch him, I was going to drag him out of the car and paddle his ass until it was bright cherry red if he didn't straighten up. The kid was an angel the rest of the trip. His dad took me aside later and said thanks, I can't get away with that.

I don't advocate child abuse. I advocate discipline and consequences, with an open hand in the butt to enforce it when the mom and apple pie thing isn't working. I mean, the Bible says approach a brother in error in love and if he doesn't respond to it throw him out. Can't really throw out an 11 year old boy can I? But at least one of us has his attention now.

I'll caveat that he's had no parenting and bad influences. But at the end of the day, are we to let him grow up to be an *sshole just because he has an excuse? Not in my house. I've gone to great effort and expense to leave just that kind of spirit behind.

Please pray for this situation. I need wisdom, those around me need their eyes opened, and this little boy needs deliverance.
You can take the man out of L.A., but not L.A. out of the man?

No offense, but you still sound angry and L.A. has nothing to do with it.

The little bstard...pissed in his Cheerios...the brat...paddle his ass...an *sshole...

You might need a paddling yourself.

Just sayin'.

I'm not opposed to disciplining children, but never in the type of explosive anger displayed in your post.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#17
You can take the man out of L.A., but not L.A. out of the man?

No offense, but you still sound angry and L.A. has nothing to do with it.

The little bstard...pissed in his Cheerios...the brat...paddle his ass...an *sshole...

You might need a paddling yourself.

Just sayin'.

I'm not opposed to disciplining children, but never in the type of explosive anger displayed in your post.
You are right and I'll take my lashes. I did hold back with the language in front of the kid, that's probably why I couldn't help venting it here. It's still wrong. Please forgive me.

We've been back and forth since October. I've never gotten angry here before (ok once but it was on the phone with AT&T. Anyone with AT&T who pays attention to their bill will hold me harmless ; ) My wife says my demeanor is so much better here, that I should never go back to LA. That's why, to have this bra- scuse me kid here bringing a spirit of anger and stress into this home and imposing it on me is not acceptable. I pray to never be subjected to, or respond to, this kind of thing again.
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#18
>>>>I pray to never be subjected to, or respond to, this kind of thing again.<<<<

Well Probably a more effective plan would be.... discipline yourself (through the word) so you are better prepared next time tis sort of "attack" occurs... eh? I mean you know you will be "tested" again right?
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#19
Yeah, even I know that was wishful thinking lol
 
K

KJB

Guest
#20
I didnt come on here yesterday because I was sooooo angry at a little kid, that I couldnt even come on here to talk about it. Much worse the mother made it worse by becoming a child herself. I will not get into it as to not get angered by it, but if a little kid is being selfish or bullying or not listening or simply doing something to get a kick out of someone else feeling down and the mother supports it then obviously the problem begins with the "parent". I will pray for you to calm down but you did the right thing, I couldn't I got emotional and just walked away instead of getting so angry and before I regretted saying things I just walked away but that anger was not let out so when I got home I cleaned and cried and prayed. Haha, maybe someday I will have enough courage to just say everything to that other person or to the kid. Which in my house if that kid is here he will listen the issue is when his mother is around he feels he needs the special only child treatment.

God bless you brother.