My family are pushing me too hard

Rosesrock · May 25, 2016

First I'm not your parent. God has chosen to give you your mom and I will not disagree with their parenting you. We don't know the full story and I encourage you to talk openly with your parents or your pastor. Of you want to understand then stop complaining and ask an adult you trust if you truly think you're being treated unfairly.

kaylagrl · May 25, 2016

Fran123 said:

Ya,you definitely need to triy and work that one out with your mom. I dont know how you could go about it really.I had a girlfriend that was still getting spankings when she was of age! She ran away from home and got herself pregnant. Was your mother this strict before you messed up or has she really come down on you hard since you messed up? You do need to earn back her trust. And it is likely that you scared her and she is being overly strict now because she thought you knew better. But there needs to be a balance. And she cant bar you in your room till you are 18. You have to understand that when you "mess up" it can change your life. My friend, a really sweet girl, did get herself pregnant. Her mother treated her like a child instead of letting her know she was old enough to make choices that could change her life forever. My friend is older than I am and ended up having two children outside of marriage. When she wanted to marry a good Christian man, well they knew her past and judged her by it. She is alone, with only her children who are now teens. Her daughter constantly runs away from home. You see? You're old enough to understand that having sex has a 100% chance of getting pregnant.That hanging with the wrong crowd can get you in trouble that you cant get out of and mom cant fix. You are a young adult and you need to be treated like it and act like it. You can go ahead, get around your mom and do what you like, but you have to live with the consequences and the guilt. You're not a girl anymore.

What is it that you want to do in life? What are your plans for the future? Do you want to be married,have kids or just have a career? Its not about trying to be a "good girl" and rebelling. Its about showing you are grown up and you can be trusted because you're smart enough to know your choices now affect your whole future. You need to think like an adult and when you do you will see a big change in your mother I bet.

cinder · May 25, 2016

Fran123 said:

You're 14. Your parents should definitely have some input into what you wear and who you are allowed to hang out with. And they should be teaching you to use your time well. And you're still young enough that how much "unsupervised" time you have should be at your parents' discretion. Yes it would be good for them to involve you in the decision making process and explain their reasons, but they would not be good parents if they didn't try to direct you in these areas.

Fran123 · May 26, 2016

They do not involve me in the decision making process at all. Mum says I lost any right to a say in anything when I let her down.

blue_ladybug · May 26, 2016

Fran123 said:

Then you need to accept the consequences of what you did. Whatever it was, obviously hurt your mother very much and she wants to get you in a better situation. So stop acting like a petulant child, and stop complaining about how unfair it may be. Ask your mom what you can do to earn back her trust in you. Tell her you're sorry for hurting her and that you realize that they're just trying to help protect you.. You broke your parents' trust, and that needs to be earned back. You disrespected them, and you're still disrespecting them NOW, by continuing to complain about how you have no new friends, the uniform you hate and how you have no say in any of it.

Rebelling will only make things worse. You definitely need an attitude adjustment, so here is one for you. Feel lucky that your mom cares about you so much. She could have just left you to continue doing whatever it was that got you in trouble to begin with. Many parents don't care what their kids do, but obviously yours do. So stop complaining and start being more grateful!!

Messy · May 26, 2016

Wow that sounds like a demon of control. I thought my dad was controlling. Don't you have a dad?
When I was 40 something and had to stay with my parents for a week because of a divorce my dad got mad because I was posting at 1 o'clock. I needed to go to bed. Lol I kid you not. I was as afraid of him again as when I was 16. Then God showed me why he did that. He was just afraid himself and he cares for me so he wanted to control me. I forgave him. I could hug him actually, but it's much easier when it's only one week.

kaylagrl · May 26, 2016

Messy said:

Im sorry but there is no such thing as a demon of control,cant find it in the Bible. If you are a Christian you cannot have a demon,light and dark cant abide together. And there is a big difference between a 40yr old woman and an underage girl of 14.

Ariel82 · May 26, 2016

Fran123 said:

I think your mom is overreacting because she is scared and she really loves you.

I don't agree with Demi that she is wrong to take you away from negative influences, but they should talk to you.

Right now all they are doing is forcing an outward change when the problem is your heart and mindset.

Are you sorry for what you did or sorry that you got caught and punished?

As for your friends, if they are true friends they will stick with you no matter what. If they ridicule you for obeying your parents then they aren't true friends.

Clothes don't define who you are, nor do your past actions.

You are entitled to your opinion but you are not entitled to free food, clothes, education or the many other blessings your parents give you out of love.

I will let you in on a secret, your parents are human. They make mistakes, but they love you and want,the best for you.

Your opinion and their opinion doesn't matter as much as God's opinion.

Only way you know what that is is through prayer and Bible study.

Ariel82 · May 26, 2016

I don't like all this "stop complaining and just take it"

Advice.

I strongly disagree with stopping expressing yourself. I think you should talk it out here and then talk to your parents when you are no longer angry but willing to listen.

I encourage that you talk to your parents, pray and LISTEN to each other.

You know how you feel but I will tell you how as a parent I would feel of my son did something that could fit what you said in the first post.

Especially something that would make him change schools and friends....

I would feel like I failed you. I would angry and upset, guilty and protective. I would feel like you aren't really listening or changed at all.

My recommendation is to reassure that it's not your parents fault, accept responsibility for your actions and tell them they taught you better. Show them that you don't plan on repeating your mistake, that you actually learned your lesson.

Right now you appear rebellious and unrepentant. You have not accepted their authority or their right to guide and discipline you.

You have not appreciated their love and care for you because you have a false sense of entitlement.

Many kids are starving and unloved. Look at the world and go hug your parents and tell then you love them.

....grace is unmerited favor.
May you receive God's and your parents grace.

Messy · May 26, 2016

kaylagrl said:

Ever heard of Jezebel or the wife of Herod? I wonder where dad is.

Messy · May 26, 2016

Also I wonder if there is no dad, wy that pastor doesn't correct the mother. We had such controlling types in church. Poor kids needed a lot of inner healing. If I see some parents it doesn't surprise me that the kids are rebellious.
Quivering Daughters: Spiritual Abuse in the Family

blue_ladybug · May 26, 2016

Ariel82 said:

Ariel, the ONLY thing she's done since starting this thread, is complain. Complain that she has to wear a uniform she doesn't like, complain about making new friends, instead of still being allowed to hang out with the old ones. Complain how unfair it is that she is now suffering the consequences of what she did. So YES, she needs to stop whining about it, accept that this is what she needs to deal with as a punishment, and hopefully gain a better outlook on the whole thing, because right now her attitude towards her mother stinks. :/ If she can't do the "time", she shouldn't have done the "crime"..

perlcookwriter · May 26, 2016

Messy and kaylagrl: we are here to help Fran, not here to debate and argue about other things however slightly related. Respectfully, as I know I am much younger.

Fran I know this is a lot. You are getting a lot of responses and are having to filter though many different opinions. My advice to you is that you speak with a trusted adult. You probably need that more than a forum. : )

Messy · May 26, 2016

perlcookwriter said:

I don't want to debate. Maybe I'm too old to give good advice. I agree that it's better to find someone who can help her. In our church if teenagers had that they'd get help and the parents were spoken to in a nice way by an adult they would listen to, well some did, others thought they were right and didn't listen.

cinder · May 26, 2016

Fran123 said:

How long has it been since this incident happened and the changes were made?

Fran123 · May 26, 2016

Rosesrock said:

I am a person regardless of my age, I do have rights.

Fran123 · May 26, 2016

blue_ladybug said:

Then you need to accept the consequences of what you did. Whatever it was, obviously hurt your mother very much and she wants to get you in a better situation. So stop acting like a petulant child, and stop complaining about how unfair it may be. Ask your mom what you can do to earn back her trust in you. Tell her you're sorry for hurting her and that you realize that they're just trying to help protect you.. You broke your parents' trust, and that needs to be earned back. You disrespected them, and you're still disrespecting them NOW, by continuing to complain about how you have no new friends, the uniform you hate and how you have no say in any of it.

Rebelling will only make things worse. You definitely need an attitude adjustment, so here is one for you. Feel lucky that your mom cares about you so much. She could have just left you to continue doing whatever it was that got you in trouble to begin with. Many parents don't care what their kids do, but obviously yours do. So stop complaining and start being more grateful!!

I have said I am sorry and I don't complain. I posted here for some advice and support because its hard to talk to Mum about this stuff.

Fran123 · May 26, 2016

Messy said:

Wow that sounds like a demon of control. I thought my dad was controlling. Don't you have a dad?
When I was 40 something and had to stay with my parents for a week because of a divorce my dad got mad because I was posting at 1 o'clock. I needed to go to bed. Lol I kid you not. I was as afraid of him again as when I was 16. Then God showed me why he did that. He was just afraid himself and he cares for me so he wanted to control me. I forgave him. I could hug him actually, but it's much easier when it's only one week.

My parents are divorced and my Dad lives abroad now. I do still speak to him. I have a stepdad.

Fran123 · May 26, 2016

Ariel82 said:

I don't like all this "stop complaining and just take it"

Advice.

I strongly disagree with stopping expressing yourself. I think you should talk it out here and then talk to your parents when you are no longer angry but willing to listen.

I encourage that you talk to your parents, pray and LISTEN to each other.

You know how you feel but I will tell you how as a parent I would feel of my son did something that could fit what you said in the first post.

Especially something that would make him change schools and friends....

I would feel like I failed you. I would angry and upset, guilty and protective. I would feel like you aren't really listening or changed at all.

My recommendation is to reassure that it's not your parents fault, accept responsibility for your actions and tell them they taught you better. Show them that you don't plan on repeating your mistake, that you actually learned your lesson.

Right now you appear rebellious and unrepentant. You have not accepted their authority or their right to guide and discipline you.

You have not appreciated their love and care for you because you have a false sense of entitlement.

Many kids are starving and unloved. Look at the world and go hug your parents and tell then you love them.

....grace is unmerited favor.
May you receive God's and your parents grace.

Thank you for what you said. I do try and talk about it but it always goes wrong. I know there are starving kids and I know I am lucky compared to them. I just find it hard to feel lucky right now.

Fran123 · May 26, 2016

blue_ladybug said:

Ariel, the ONLY thing she's done since starting this thread, is complain. Complain that she has to wear a uniform she doesn't like, complain about making new friends, instead of still being allowed to hang out with the old ones. Complain how unfair it is that she is now suffering the consequences of what she did. So YES, she needs to stop whining about it, accept that this is what she needs to deal with as a punishment, and hopefully gain a better outlook on the whole thing, because right now her attitude towards her mother stinks. :/ If she can't do the "time", she shouldn't have done the "crime"..

I am saying how I feel on here. I thought that was what a thread like is for? You are very judgemental.

My family are pushing me too hard

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