My husband is an addict

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R

Rdb

Guest
#1
#1
Hi! I am new to CC. I've been married for almost 4 years. We've been together for 5. We have a 16month old baby that I prayed for my whole life! But my husband is an addict. Prescription pain pills are his favorite??? I guess would be the way to put it. I don't want to just say what he's addicted to because he's addicted to anything that makes him feel different. Not long after we got married he lost his job and from that time on it was keep a job for a month or two and have some ridiculous story about why him getting fired or leaving the job wasn't his fault. The pain pills started not long after we were married also. Looking back now I see how soon it started, but didn't notice it when it did. He would steal money from my checking account to support it and lie, lie, lie! He has become the biggest liar I know. Anyway over the years things got worse and worse. He would get better for a little bit then go right back to his same ole ways. We got pregnant and had a miscarriage. He started to clean up yet again and then a few months later we were pregnant again with the baby we now have. I saw him try and fail a lot while I was pregnant. Then our baby came a month early. Shocked us both!!! After the baby was here my husband got worse and worse and worse. He went to a detox center and a rehab, he didn't stay in the rehab long. I gave him a year to get himself together, to just really try! Well at the end of July I left him. I moved in with my dad and my mental state for sure has been much better! I haven't filed for a divorce and I bring our son to him at his parents one day a week. He gets him the whole day and it gives my son time with his grandparents. I haven't seen any changes. Oh he tells me how much he's changes all the time, but my husband is full of words and very little actions. I just feel lost some days. I pray and pray for God's will. I want my marriage, but I want it with the man I married. I want is to be a family. We tried for several years to get pregnant and now I am raising our son by myself because of his addiction. I honestly think he doesn't want to change. He still lies and lies about things and comes up with the most outrageous stories. I guess I just wanted someone to share with. Sometimes I think it's too much talking to our families about it because it worries and puts stress on them.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
Unless he WANTS to change, and WANTS help, and WANTS his marriage, things will not get better. God won't help him if he doesn't want help. God won't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. He is an addict who probably does anything to get what he wants. Actions speak louder than words. Stop subjecting you and your son to this farce of a marriage. Either stay with him, or make the break and divorce him.

The man you married disappeared when he got addicted. And if he doesn't want professional help, then that man you married will never return. Only you and God can decide what is best for you, your son and your marriage right now.
 
miknik5

miknik5

Senior Member
#3
Jun 2, 2016
7,833
588
113
#3
Rdb said:
Hi! I am new to CC. I've been married for almost 4 years. We've been together for 5. We have a 16month old baby that I prayed for my whole life! But my husband is an addict. Prescription pain pills are his favorite??? I guess would be the way to put it. I don't want to just say what he's addicted to because he's addicted to anything that makes him feel different. Not long after we got married he lost his job and from that time on it was keep a job for a month or two and have some ridiculous story about why him getting fired or leaving the job wasn't his fault. The pain pills started not long after we were married also. Looking back now I see how soon it started, but didn't notice it when it did. He would steal money from my checking account to support it and lie, lie, lie! He has become the biggest liar I know. Anyway over the years things got worse and worse. He would get better for a little bit then go right back to his same ole ways. We got pregnant and had a miscarriage. He started to clean up yet again and then a few months later we were pregnant again with the baby we now have. I saw him try and fail a lot while I was pregnant. Then our baby came a month early. Shocked us both!!! After the baby was here my husband got worse and worse and worse. He went to a detox center and a rehab, he didn't stay in the rehab long. I gave him a year to get himself together, to just really try! Well at the end of July I left him. I moved in with my dad and my mental state for sure has been much better! I haven't filed for a divorce and I bring our son to him at his parents one day a week. He gets him the whole day and it gives my son time with his grandparents. I haven't seen any changes. Oh he tells me how much he's changes all the time, but my husband is full of words and very little actions. I just feel lost some days. I pray and pray for God's will. I want my marriage, but I want it with the man I married. I want is to be a family. We tried for several years to get pregnant and now I am raising our son by myself because of his addiction. I honestly think he doesn't want to change. He still lies and lies about things and comes up with the most outrageous stories. I guess I just wanted someone to share with. Sometimes I think it's too much talking to our families about it because it worries and puts stress on them.
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You are very brave to have taken the step in separating yourself and your baby right now from a man who isn't in the right state of mind to be a father and husband

I am sorry to be so blunt but your son is young right now.
if I may dare to say this
please don't go back to your husband right now
 
R

Rdb

Guest
#4
#4
blue_ladybug said:
Unless he WANTS to change, and WANTS help, and WANTS his marriage, things will not get better. God won't help him if he doesn't want help. God won't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. He is an addict who probably does anything to get what he wants. Actions speak louder than words. Stop subjecting you and your son to this farce of a marriage. Either stay with him, or make the break and divorce him.

The man you married disappeared when he got addicted. And if he doesn't want professional help, then that man you married will never return. Only you and God can decide what is best for you, your son and your marriage right now.
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I left because my son deserves better and I did not want him to live in that environment. I pray about it everyday and ask God what he wants me to do now. I believe confusion is of the devil and not from God. My mom has always said when God speaks to you and you know it's what God wants you will have no confusion about it. Not that the right thing to do will be easy, but you will just know. And I have confusion. I know that leaving was the right thing to do, but I am not sure what steps to take now. So I wait. I wait to KNOW that I am hearing from God.
 
miknik5

miknik5

Senior Member
#5
Jun 2, 2016
7,833
588
113
#5
Rdb said:
I left because my son deserves better and I did not want him to live in that environment. I pray about it everyday and ask God what he wants me to do now. I believe confusion is of the devil and not from God. My mom has always said when God speaks to you and you know it's what God wants you will have no confusion about it. Not that the right thing to do will be easy, but you will just know. And I have confusion. I know that leaving was the right thing to do, but I am not sure what steps to take now. So I wait. I wait to KNOW that I am hearing from God.
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That is good
another thing. You have taken yourself and your son to a protective and stable and predictable environment. You know and there are no surprises one day to the other. Your husband can offer you promising words right now but do not be so quick to rush back because you do not know and can't be sure that he can RIGHT now offer you the same protected and stable environment for yourself and your son
 
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Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#6
Oct 13, 2014
6,877
1,949
113
Germany
#6
Rdb said:
I left because my son deserves better and I did not want him to live in that environment. I pray about it everyday and ask God what he wants me to do now. I believe confusion is of the devil and not from God. My mom has always said when God speaks to you and you know it's what God wants you will have no confusion about it. Not that the right thing to do will be easy, but you will just know. And I have confusion. I know that leaving was the right thing to do, but I am not sure what steps to take now. So I wait. I wait to KNOW that I am hearing from God.
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Careful now. When God tells you something the devil immedeately comes with doubt and started confusing you. Thats y its sometimes hard to tell. May the HolySpirit guide you and teach u
 
R

Rdb

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you. I just pray.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#8
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,306
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69
Tennessee
#8
Your husband was unstable before you married him so it's no wonder that he is still unstable. He still is the same person that you married. Any positive change must come from his desire and willingness to change with the help of God. Until he does change, and by that I mean stop taking pills and being able to hold a job I would not go back to him. I'm glad that your mental state has improved since you moved in with your dad. Hopefully, this site will become a source of hope and understanding for you. Welcome to CC.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#9
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#9
Rdb said:
I left because my son deserves better and I did not want him to live in that environment. I pray about it everyday and ask God what he wants me to do now. I believe confusion is of the devil and not from God. My mom has always said when God speaks to you and you know it's what God wants you will have no confusion about it. Not that the right thing to do will be easy, but you will just know. And I have confusion. I know that leaving was the right thing to do, but I am not sure what steps to take now. So I wait. I wait to KNOW that I am hearing from God.
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But how long are you going to wait? 5 years? 10 years? Don't waste your life waiting. God uses divorce for good, and to His glory. You may not have to go that route, but if hubby doesn't want help, and doesn't want God, then there isn't much you can do to change that. You've already waited for 5 years. God's voice isn't audible, so you really have to listen.. Good luck.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,306
113
69
Tennessee
#10
Rdb said:
I left because my son deserves better and I did not want him to live in that environment. I pray about it everyday and ask God what he wants me to do now. I believe confusion is of the devil and not from God. My mom has always said when God speaks to you and you know it's what God wants you will have no confusion about it. Not that the right thing to do will be easy, but you will just know. And I have confusion. I know that leaving was the right thing to do, but I am not sure what steps to take now. So I wait. I wait to KNOW that I am hearing from God.
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I will pray for God to give you clarity of thought and provide a path of deliverance for you and your son. I will also pray for God to straighten up your husband but please be advised that he must want to change and this process may take years.
 
Yonah

Yonah

Senior Member
#11
Oct 31, 2014
1,074
103
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#11
one of the greatest weapons in our arsenal is prayer and fasting.... for me ive fasted and prayed in intercessory prayer and seen amazing things happen.... just be careful about fasting there are medical issues to be considered.
 
R

Rdb

Guest
#12
#12
I've had that feeling too. About him always being this way and I just didn't see it. I agree completely that he needs God to do it.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#13
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#13
Rdb said:
I've had that feeling too. About him always being this way and I just didn't see it. I agree completely that he needs God to do it.
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But God can't and won't help him unless he WANTS to be helped by God. God can't interfere with our free will.
 
R

Rdb

Guest
#14
#14
Thank you. My mom has done the same. She always says to pray pray and pray!
 
R

Rdb

Guest
#17
#17
miknik5 said:
That is good
another thing. You have taken yourself and your son to a protective and stable and predictable environment. You know and there are no surprises one day to the other. Your husband can offer you promising words right now but do not be so quick to rush back because you do not know and can't be sure that he can RIGHT now offer you the same protected and stable environment for yourself and your son
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Yes I agree. Our environment was very unpredictable. He never hurt us or anything like that, but he wasn't doing anything for us either. I was raising my son by myself. We didn't have a happy home because of it and my baby deserves to be in a loving environment. I tried. He didn't.
 
R

Rdb

Guest
#18
#18
Yonah said:
one of the greatest weapons in our arsenal is prayer and fasting.... for me ive fasted and prayed in intercessory prayer and seen amazing things happen.... just be careful about fasting there are medical issues to be considered.
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My mom has fasted before for prayer. I really do have an amazing support system. Thank you. Sorry if I have repeated the same things. I'm still tying to figure out how to respond to someone directly. Lol
 
miknik5

miknik5

Senior Member
#19
Jun 2, 2016
7,833
588
113
#19
Rdb said:
Yes I agree. Our environment was very unpredictable. He never hurt us or anything like that, but he wasn't doing anything for us either. I was raising my son by myself. We didn't have a happy home because of it and my baby deserves to be in a loving environment. I tried. He didn't.
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Do what you have to do right now to ensure the physical and mental safety and well being of yourself and your child. What your husband is doing and abusing is not part of GOD's plan. May GOD open his eyes to this truth and may GOD lead him in doing what is right and good and beautiful
 
R

Rdb

Guest
#20
#20
tourist said:
I will pray for God to give you clarity of thought and provide a path of deliverance for you and your son. I will also pray for God to straighten up your husband but please be advised that he must want to change and this process may take years.
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Thank you. I appreciate your prayers. I know that he will only change if he wants to and that he can only do it with God's help. It's just hard to believe we have gotten here. No one gets married expecting a divorce. I do love my husband, but hate what he's allowed drugs to do to him and his family. I will not go back unless he changes himself completely and I don't see that happening. I guess that's what has me a little down the last couple of days. Before I had hope in him and little by little that is going away. I know I will get through this and I know me leaving was the best thing for my son and myself.
 
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