My half-sister has always hated me. She always find ways to blame me for almost everything. She hates my Dad when he came to my mom's life. Although her dad left them, and my dad was there in everything she needed. She's 10 years older than me. She worked abroad and felt the need to shoulder and support the family, though no one asked her to do that. It was such a burden for her to support the family and she never liked the idea. When she was pregnant with her daughter and the father of her daughter just left her, she would call me from overseas just to torture me and tell me that she hates me and that it's all mine and my brother's fault. She always blamed me of her miseries although I had known nothing about it as I was just young back then. And then she got my mom to Europe so that my mom can provide for the family. And then later on, my mom was able to bring us over to move with them. Me and my brothers never liked the idea of moving to Europe from Asia. But my sister always proudly say that it's thanks to her we have the kind of life we have. Don't mistake me, I am thankful to her and I always told her that. But I never ask her to sacrifice herself for the family, especially when she actually hated the idea of helping the family. As the eldest responsible sibling, she felt the need to help and provide for the family, because my mom always asks for her help. We would've been okay. Not that well off, but okay. But my mom wanted more so my sister provided more. She hates my mom for having us and having my dad added to her life.
My mom is very manipulative to the point that she'd always use the word to make us do what she wants. I'd always obey her because I thought that was the right thing to do, even though sometimes what she asks is not right in my heart and in the word of the Lord. "Honor your father and mother." The most abused scripture ever! Later on, when I went to college, it got a lot busier because of studying. It's double the effort for me because it's a foreign language. I also got bullied in school because I'm a foreigner. But I never told my problems to my family because I never wanted to add to their worries. I was always the jolly one at home, so I always make sure I make them laugh. At one point it became so heavy for me I can't keep up with the appearances. The stress from school, the stress at home, my mom being manic-depressed. Her problems have to be our problems as well, eventhough her problems are not really problems, she just like worrying. I exploded. My mom and I had a huge fight. I had never been angry in my entire life because I was taught that being angry is a sin. I was shocked. All these things happening at home plus my own problems just weighed too much. My mom, instead of helping me, was the biggest problems. She'd be like why am I always studying. Studying is not that important. Am I just showing off with my friends? She always throws those stuff to me. I have always been an A-student back in my country. My life revolved around, school, home, church. I wanted to do my extra best when we moved to Europe but it required a lot of effort because of the language barrier. And then I got bullied too. I come home to a mom who complains about every single thing. I couldn't study at home so it got me very frustrated because I wanted to do my best at school but I was failing because I couldn't study at home. If I go to a library, she'd be wanting me to go home immediately. It all weighed too much for me that I answered back at my mom for the first time. She slapped me, threw everything I was doing. I was 21. I got really angry so I also slapped her back and called the police on her. After that, she kept on trying to have the whole family talk to me because she says I'm rebelling. I said I wanted to go, but she begged me not to leave her so I didn't. I apologize for what I did from the bottom of my heart. I was shocked myself because I have never been that angry in my entire life. And slapping her was the nightmate of my life. I really apologized and asked for forgiveness. But my mom's definition of forgiveness is, "Yes, I forgive you. But you have to suffer first. You have to be on your knees." So she called for family intervention and for weeks they have all been treating me as if I'm the worst person alive.
My brothers and sister have always had issues with my mom. My mom and my sister would fight a lot and she would always say a lot of bad stuff to my mom, and making my mom feel like my sister is the boss because she's the one who provides. My dad is left in our country because my mom and my sister both hate him. My dad is a very good man, not perfect but he raised us up to be good people. My mom was always away working abroad while we were growing up. To live with her and my sister wasn't really a dream.
Anyway, things got worse in the house because of how everyone is treating me. Even after I asked for forgiveness and was really sorry for what I've done. There was totally no way I could study at home. My mom stopped going to church and would just stay in her room with nothing but just candles on. She use to practice witchcraft she said before she came to the Lord. And whenever she would get angry or she would get a fight with someone, she would go back to witchcraft. I don't think she is totally delivered because she herself doesn't want to let go of her demons. It was such a fight at home also spiritually. I would always seek for advice for my pastors and they would pray for me. But my family, especially my mom, really turned very negative towarda me. They even blamed the church and said I am brainwashed. At one point, I couldn't take it anymore. I ran away. I left them all and cut the connection with them for less than a year. I was so hurt with everything they did. I was praying if it was okay to leave, and a brother in the church, talked to me and confirmed what I had in my heart. So I left. And that brother came to my family and said that he stopped me from leaving! It made it all worse because that brother painted me black to my family. Even though he doesn't really know me. The church leaders wanted to discipline my mom and they have been trying, but my mom submits to no one. She has had the same problem from our previous churches. She never listen to the leaders, especially when the leaders are younger than her.
Later on, I made a move to fix it with my family and ask for forgiveness. I did everything I can and even more to fix it all. But things won't come back to the way they were. They want me back home. But I don't want to. Everything's fine with me now. We could still be family even though I don't live there. I'm 22 now and I want to live my own life. Something that my sister hated because she said she wasn't able to live her life because she was a slave to the family to provide. I don't really understand her, because if it was such a hard thing and a burden for her to help the family, why did she do it? And she makes us all feel that we owe everything to her. Before my fight with my mom, she always tells me, "It's your turn now. Your turn to suffer. I can go now and live my life with my daughter. You have to suffer. You have to experience the same thing." She always use to tell me those stuff. I ran away and chose to live my life. So she hates me more for doing that and for not suffering like she did. What can I do? I live my life and I wouldn't do things my heart doesn't want to do and especially if the Lord doesn't ask me to suffer. And ever since I left until now, she never talk to me. She has forbidden her daughter to see me. My niece was very close to me because I basically babysitted her for 5 years. And she tells my niece I am a bad person. They saw me once when they went to a cafe near my place. She just death-stared me as if she was ready to kill me. I greeted them and smiled because I was so happy to see them. But she clearly was not. She just stared at me with a really bad face and didn't even greet me back. So I just decided to walk on since she was pretty angry. She later told the incident to my mom and said that I ignored her and didn't greet her, which was the exact opposite of what happened.
I wrote a letter to her and apologized for whatever I did to hurt her. She blocked me from all the communications so there's no way I could contact her. My emails would go back to me because she blocked me also. But I felt like I had to write a letter and ask for her forgiveness if she was hurt that I left. But her problem with me is not suffering that way she did. And now, Christmas is near and my mom is constantly asking me and manipulating me that the only thing that will make her happy this Christmas is if I fix it with my sister.
I feel like it's unfair because I did everything I could. My sister clearly doesn't want to talk to me and see me because I am forbidden to go there and visit there if my sister is there. And now, my mom wants me to fix it with her? I have forgiven my sister and I set her free and gave it all to God. If she didn't want it fixed, what more can I do? My mom is scared at my sister because she's really bossy so my mom constantly ask me to fix it with my sister because she can't ask my sister to forgive. In my opinion, the only thing I did that could probably hurt her was leaving and cutting connections. But she apparently wasn't that hurt when I did that. Her problem was more me not suffering like she did.
What more can I do? In the eyes of the Lord, I have forgiven her and I also ask for her forgiveness and the Lord's for what I did. But further? I can't keep on running after a person who doesn't want me in her life. As much as I want my mom happy, I can't do more that what I did. Reconciliation requires both parties. I can't do it on my own.
So what to do? My mom won't accept any answer from me other than "I will fix it with my sister."
My mom is very manipulative to the point that she'd always use the word to make us do what she wants. I'd always obey her because I thought that was the right thing to do, even though sometimes what she asks is not right in my heart and in the word of the Lord. "Honor your father and mother." The most abused scripture ever! Later on, when I went to college, it got a lot busier because of studying. It's double the effort for me because it's a foreign language. I also got bullied in school because I'm a foreigner. But I never told my problems to my family because I never wanted to add to their worries. I was always the jolly one at home, so I always make sure I make them laugh. At one point it became so heavy for me I can't keep up with the appearances. The stress from school, the stress at home, my mom being manic-depressed. Her problems have to be our problems as well, eventhough her problems are not really problems, she just like worrying. I exploded. My mom and I had a huge fight. I had never been angry in my entire life because I was taught that being angry is a sin. I was shocked. All these things happening at home plus my own problems just weighed too much. My mom, instead of helping me, was the biggest problems. She'd be like why am I always studying. Studying is not that important. Am I just showing off with my friends? She always throws those stuff to me. I have always been an A-student back in my country. My life revolved around, school, home, church. I wanted to do my extra best when we moved to Europe but it required a lot of effort because of the language barrier. And then I got bullied too. I come home to a mom who complains about every single thing. I couldn't study at home so it got me very frustrated because I wanted to do my best at school but I was failing because I couldn't study at home. If I go to a library, she'd be wanting me to go home immediately. It all weighed too much for me that I answered back at my mom for the first time. She slapped me, threw everything I was doing. I was 21. I got really angry so I also slapped her back and called the police on her. After that, she kept on trying to have the whole family talk to me because she says I'm rebelling. I said I wanted to go, but she begged me not to leave her so I didn't. I apologize for what I did from the bottom of my heart. I was shocked myself because I have never been that angry in my entire life. And slapping her was the nightmate of my life. I really apologized and asked for forgiveness. But my mom's definition of forgiveness is, "Yes, I forgive you. But you have to suffer first. You have to be on your knees." So she called for family intervention and for weeks they have all been treating me as if I'm the worst person alive.
My brothers and sister have always had issues with my mom. My mom and my sister would fight a lot and she would always say a lot of bad stuff to my mom, and making my mom feel like my sister is the boss because she's the one who provides. My dad is left in our country because my mom and my sister both hate him. My dad is a very good man, not perfect but he raised us up to be good people. My mom was always away working abroad while we were growing up. To live with her and my sister wasn't really a dream.
Anyway, things got worse in the house because of how everyone is treating me. Even after I asked for forgiveness and was really sorry for what I've done. There was totally no way I could study at home. My mom stopped going to church and would just stay in her room with nothing but just candles on. She use to practice witchcraft she said before she came to the Lord. And whenever she would get angry or she would get a fight with someone, she would go back to witchcraft. I don't think she is totally delivered because she herself doesn't want to let go of her demons. It was such a fight at home also spiritually. I would always seek for advice for my pastors and they would pray for me. But my family, especially my mom, really turned very negative towarda me. They even blamed the church and said I am brainwashed. At one point, I couldn't take it anymore. I ran away. I left them all and cut the connection with them for less than a year. I was so hurt with everything they did. I was praying if it was okay to leave, and a brother in the church, talked to me and confirmed what I had in my heart. So I left. And that brother came to my family and said that he stopped me from leaving! It made it all worse because that brother painted me black to my family. Even though he doesn't really know me. The church leaders wanted to discipline my mom and they have been trying, but my mom submits to no one. She has had the same problem from our previous churches. She never listen to the leaders, especially when the leaders are younger than her.
Later on, I made a move to fix it with my family and ask for forgiveness. I did everything I can and even more to fix it all. But things won't come back to the way they were. They want me back home. But I don't want to. Everything's fine with me now. We could still be family even though I don't live there. I'm 22 now and I want to live my own life. Something that my sister hated because she said she wasn't able to live her life because she was a slave to the family to provide. I don't really understand her, because if it was such a hard thing and a burden for her to help the family, why did she do it? And she makes us all feel that we owe everything to her. Before my fight with my mom, she always tells me, "It's your turn now. Your turn to suffer. I can go now and live my life with my daughter. You have to suffer. You have to experience the same thing." She always use to tell me those stuff. I ran away and chose to live my life. So she hates me more for doing that and for not suffering like she did. What can I do? I live my life and I wouldn't do things my heart doesn't want to do and especially if the Lord doesn't ask me to suffer. And ever since I left until now, she never talk to me. She has forbidden her daughter to see me. My niece was very close to me because I basically babysitted her for 5 years. And she tells my niece I am a bad person. They saw me once when they went to a cafe near my place. She just death-stared me as if she was ready to kill me. I greeted them and smiled because I was so happy to see them. But she clearly was not. She just stared at me with a really bad face and didn't even greet me back. So I just decided to walk on since she was pretty angry. She later told the incident to my mom and said that I ignored her and didn't greet her, which was the exact opposite of what happened.
I wrote a letter to her and apologized for whatever I did to hurt her. She blocked me from all the communications so there's no way I could contact her. My emails would go back to me because she blocked me also. But I felt like I had to write a letter and ask for her forgiveness if she was hurt that I left. But her problem with me is not suffering that way she did. And now, Christmas is near and my mom is constantly asking me and manipulating me that the only thing that will make her happy this Christmas is if I fix it with my sister.
I feel like it's unfair because I did everything I could. My sister clearly doesn't want to talk to me and see me because I am forbidden to go there and visit there if my sister is there. And now, my mom wants me to fix it with her? I have forgiven my sister and I set her free and gave it all to God. If she didn't want it fixed, what more can I do? My mom is scared at my sister because she's really bossy so my mom constantly ask me to fix it with my sister because she can't ask my sister to forgive. In my opinion, the only thing I did that could probably hurt her was leaving and cutting connections. But she apparently wasn't that hurt when I did that. Her problem was more me not suffering like she did.
What more can I do? In the eyes of the Lord, I have forgiven her and I also ask for her forgiveness and the Lord's for what I did. But further? I can't keep on running after a person who doesn't want me in her life. As much as I want my mom happy, I can't do more that what I did. Reconciliation requires both parties. I can't do it on my own.
So what to do? My mom won't accept any answer from me other than "I will fix it with my sister."
God bless!