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Why do some people come to such negative assumptions or try to strike fear into people. I don't get it really. While pointing out something which is true 'wherever you are', it is kind of pessimistic. I like to think God is an optimist really. Someone who walks with God is quite capable of looking after themselves, I truly believe that. It's kind of like the parent that shelters their child and doesn't let them go out or have friends because 'there are bad people out there'.
You either believe you live in a hostile universe or a friendly universe. I like to think in God's view of equal love for anyone he sees it as a friendly universe. However if you are into what God judges (definitely not a reflection of what you judge right?), then you are probably going to live in a hostile universe. God is Love, God is Judgemental - these are both polar opposites in the Bible. What I've found is people tend to be more judgemental than loving, because, it's easier right? What slips out of you easier, love or judgement?
Perspective is everything.
I try not to assume someone is a naïve person, and that naïve is worse than cautious and paranoid. It's kind of like saying faith is naïvety, to some degree. If I have faith that someone is going to be fine, is that powerful, or is that naïve? Should I be telling them the world is a bad place don't trust anyone?
You either believe you live in a hostile universe or a friendly universe. I like to think in God's view of equal love for anyone he sees it as a friendly universe. However if you are into what God judges (definitely not a reflection of what you judge right?), then you are probably going to live in a hostile universe. God is Love, God is Judgemental - these are both polar opposites in the Bible. What I've found is people tend to be more judgemental than loving, because, it's easier right? What slips out of you easier, love or judgement?
Perspective is everything.
I try not to assume someone is a naïve person, and that naïve is worse than cautious and paranoid. It's kind of like saying faith is naïvety, to some degree. If I have faith that someone is going to be fine, is that powerful, or is that naïve? Should I be telling them the world is a bad place don't trust anyone?
You don't even know what her "needs" are. You have not yet let it go because you continue to reiterate your completely unfounded assumptions about her and you continue to be rude, so I haven't let it go yet either. No one needs to find another site, so stop saying it. Either that or take the liberty of finding a different site yourself.
If you'll carefully read her posts, she seems to have some information you are not privy to regarding this matter. You are going on the assumption that she doesn't.
I had a bad experience a little over a year ago on the site. There was a man who was very funny. He always made us laugh. One day, someone was joking with him about something or other and he really seemed to have got his feelings hurt. It was the oddest thing, but I couldn't see that he was trying to actually direct women to pm him. It was only in hindsight that I was able to see that he was very crafty in how he manipulated on sympathy to get women to pm him with encouragement and kindness.
So the pm's went back and forth for a while and then he started to make me uncomfortable, but he did it in such a way that it wasn't...so direct that I could definitively tell him to buzz off for fear I was imagining things. So I became stuck in having to reply because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He was a super manipulator at causing distress in a woman while also making her feel she couldn't do anything about it. And I'm in my 50's so I'm no naïve pushover, but you just don't know how crafty a super manipulator can be. They have finely honed their art. I finally talked to someone about it - a mod if I'm remembering correctly - and it turns out I wasn't the only one in that situation. And he got himself banned.
Then he came back a few different times under a new name. It took me awhile the first time to see this was the same person. Won't get into how exactly I knew, but I was certain, but he was this time making openly inappropriate remarks to a young woman in a thread that were really gross in nature. So he had come back, but was way bolder and nowhere near as subtle as he'd been with me in pm's. I called him out right there. Here's the kicker. Some women knew who he was already and they became furious with me for "outing" him. Then there were other women who didn't know him but thought I was being a prude. I
got it from all directions. I had a lot of information and insight into how he worked and operated but no one knew that. And the mods also had a lot of knowledge because they'd gotten many complaints.
He came back the last time and asked me something in a thread like...I want to ask if you're wearing a dress or are wearing nothing but I won't ask. (And trust me, it's one of his milder remarks, he's said way worse on open forum and if I hadn't extricated myself from the pm's when I did, I'm sure it would have turned even more dark and distressing, but he had some sort of ability to know juuust how far to go then back up and so on. It's like a smooth dance to these guys.
I wish some woman would have been there to warn me. I am way too openly ready to think the best of everyone. I didn't grow up around computers and social media and the internet, and besides, I had no inkling that these internet manipulators existed or would even think about coming to a Christian website. And I'm over 50 for crying out loud!
I just feel like I haven't gotten across well the distress and darkness their manipulation causes while also somehow making it impossible for you to extricate yourself. It is bizarre. How can a person hone manipulations and subtleties so perfectly that even when you are on the internet and not in a "real life" situation, you become trapped? It makes no sense to me and I can't fully explain it to someone who hasn't been exposed to it. It's spooky, sad, depressing, constrictive, distressing, bewildering and much more. And if it can happen to a grown woman who didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday, what defense does a younger girl have against a super manipulator??
So give these ladies a bit of a break. If I had been here, I'd have given the same advice, not out of judgement for her but out of fear for her. And not out of simple opinion, but from a bad experience. I certainly wouldn't have let myself get pulled into the rest of what went on in this thread, but I'd have tried to caution her for sure. And not because I was suspicious of her but concerned for her.
I had a bad experience a little over a year ago on the site. There was a man who was very funny. He always made us laugh. One day, someone was joking with him about something or other and he really seemed to have got his feelings hurt. It was the oddest thing, but I couldn't see that he was trying to actually direct women to pm him. It was only in hindsight that I was able to see that he was very crafty in how he manipulated on sympathy to get women to pm him with encouragement and kindness.
So the pm's went back and forth for a while and then he started to make me uncomfortable, but he did it in such a way that it wasn't...so direct that I could definitively tell him to buzz off for fear I was imagining things. So I became stuck in having to reply because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He was a super manipulator at causing distress in a woman while also making her feel she couldn't do anything about it. And I'm in my 50's so I'm no naïve pushover, but you just don't know how crafty a super manipulator can be. They have finely honed their art. I finally talked to someone about it - a mod if I'm remembering correctly - and it turns out I wasn't the only one in that situation. And he got himself banned.
Then he came back a few different times under a new name. It took me awhile the first time to see this was the same person. Won't get into how exactly I knew, but I was certain, but he was this time making openly inappropriate remarks to a young woman in a thread that were really gross in nature. So he had come back, but was way bolder and nowhere near as subtle as he'd been with me in pm's. I called him out right there. Here's the kicker. Some women knew who he was already and they became furious with me for "outing" him. Then there were other women who didn't know him but thought I was being a prude. I
got it from all directions. I had a lot of information and insight into how he worked and operated but no one knew that. And the mods also had a lot of knowledge because they'd gotten many complaints.
He came back the last time and asked me something in a thread like...I want to ask if you're wearing a dress or are wearing nothing but I won't ask. (And trust me, it's one of his milder remarks, he's said way worse on open forum and if I hadn't extricated myself from the pm's when I did, I'm sure it would have turned even more dark and distressing, but he had some sort of ability to know juuust how far to go then back up and so on. It's like a smooth dance to these guys.
I wish some woman would have been there to warn me. I am way too openly ready to think the best of everyone. I didn't grow up around computers and social media and the internet, and besides, I had no inkling that these internet manipulators existed or would even think about coming to a Christian website. And I'm over 50 for crying out loud!
I just feel like I haven't gotten across well the distress and darkness their manipulation causes while also somehow making it impossible for you to extricate yourself. It is bizarre. How can a person hone manipulations and subtleties so perfectly that even when you are on the internet and not in a "real life" situation, you become trapped? It makes no sense to me and I can't fully explain it to someone who hasn't been exposed to it. It's spooky, sad, depressing, constrictive, distressing, bewildering and much more. And if it can happen to a grown woman who didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday, what defense does a younger girl have against a super manipulator??
So give these ladies a bit of a break. If I had been here, I'd have given the same advice, not out of judgement for her but out of fear for her. And not out of simple opinion, but from a bad experience. I certainly wouldn't have let myself get pulled into the rest of what went on in this thread, but I'd have tried to caution her for sure. And not because I was suspicious of her but concerned for her.
It is unfortunate that there are people like that and it is upsetting that anyone would be treated that way, but that isn't a justification for being as rude and parental as some members have been. There is a big difference between a friendly warning and being downright rude. Telling someone to go find another site is not the right way to handle things, and it is clear from the OP's responses that she did not feel welcome. That is a direct result of the failure of certain people to be kind in their replies. I'm sorry, there is no justification for that.
You are missing something in what she has said because she is not blatantly saying it and is not going to share it, but she has some knowledge about this particular situation that you do not. If you read her posts more carefully, she has some knowledge on it that you do not. Do you see? Women talk amongst themselves sometimes, you know. Do you understand what I'm saying?
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