Dating period (couldn't think of a better title lol)

[Tommy379]

We'd married anyways, the shotgun wedding thing was just for fun...I remember my dad holding the shotgun so that the wedding picture should be the best...lol...and the groom pretended to be so scared...that he'd marry me Glory days...now they're both gone...

I always thought the shotgun wedding photos were cute.

 

[Gracie_14]

Depends . A friend of mine had a cousin who got married 15 days after meeting the guy. They've been happily married for over 12 years. NOT what I would recommend, but apparently it works for some lol. Other couples have known each other (or even dated) for double-digit years before finally tying the knot. Also not for me. But again, it depends!

For me, I would say get to know them slow, but don't take it slow after you've started any physical relationship. A friend of mine got to know a girl and her family for a year or so, then was in a long-distance relationship with her for another 3 years, and didn't start the huggin' hand holdin' part until they were engaged...5 months before they got married. I think that was ideal in a lot of ways, and wouldn't be afraid to use it as a pattern. I know you'll hear those who say it is detrimental to marital intimacy not to get into the physical side of a relationship...but they have kids now so it couldn't have been too detrimental .

honestly, i like the way your friend did the whole dating business. personally, i don't think physical intimacy is a good idea before being engaged or even before getting married. i think you get the whole idea i dont know… it depends as you said (my parents are a bit old school when it comes to relationships they so put it in me)

 

[SovereignGrace]

If you was my daughter, a 30 year minimum, with a once a year date. With me supervising.

 

[Tommy379]

If you was my daughter, a 30 year minimum, with a once a year date. With me supervising.

Tru dat brah.

 

[Depleted]

Hey guys, i couldn't think of a proper forum to place this in, so why not this forum since this is just a random topic

i was wondering, if you're like in a sitution where you're dating someone whom you hope to marry one day (if God wills it) how long should the dating period take? a year? two years? should it really exceed 5 years? yeah, it depends where your life is at the moment, but it is necessary to take a looong time dating this particualar person? how long do you guys thing it should take?

Being a girl, when I read your title, I instantly remembered being concerned because my period started and I was going on a date. lol

Here's my old-school thoughts on dating-going-to-marriage. Back in the olden days, if you weren't married after 18 months, start worrying the relationship is going no where. Still dating after 7 years meant the guy has no intention of ever marrying you. Dump him. (Probably better to dump him if it's not going anywhere after three years. And, oh, btw, and engagement ring without a set date being worked out is not engagement. It's dangling the woman.)

Truth be known, when you know he is the one for you, and he knows you are the one for him, that's time for engagement. And not merely engagement -- it's time to set a date.

If you don't know if he is the one after 18 months, or he doesn't know you're the one, that is the answer. They're not the one. If you don't know someone you're dating after 18 months, either you can live without the person just fine, or he's hiding who he is, so you don't want to marry him.

Hubby told me on the first date that he was out to find himself a wife. I already liked him -- a lot -- but I wasn't planning on getting married. I was by the end of that date. He was the one. (And truthfully, because he was nuts enough to tell me his whole life story honestly, and he told me everything he ever did wrong too. lol)

I was trying to keep mum on having already discovered I loved him deeply and wanted to be his wife, but what you see of me here is what you get with me IRL too, so five days later, it slipped out. I was talking about where we'd put our dishes -- cupboard wise -- when we were married.

Two days later, we were talking about what town we wanted to live in, when it dawned on me he never asked me if I wanted to get married. He told me that when I talked about cupboards he went silent -- in shock. Then he went home, thought about it, and thought I was the one too, so went along with me. We were engaged that night. One week after our first date. (Four months after we became friends.) That was mid April. We were married in early October.

I have noticed that younger generations hold off longer and longer. I also see the divorce rate rising higher and higher. You either know this is the one, or end the relationship if you know this isn't the one, or you find yourself constantly questioning, for years on end if he is. If you don't know, he isn't! And, if you can live without him, he isn't!

 

[Depleted]

thank you all for the answers! they were very interesting... sorry fro being so naive but what do you think is the difference between courting and dating?

I'm not old enough to know what courting really was.

 

[Depleted]

I don't dare telling y'all how fast I got married...coupla months...best catch in town, shotgun wedding...best thing that ever happened to me...

Real shot guns?

My cousin was getting married and her brothers and their best friend (the bridegrooms) were talking about bringing shot guns. Ends up it was the friend who started the idea, but they all chickend out at the last minute.

18 months later, and she was marrying the guy who wanted to bring shotguns to her first wedding.

 

[Tinuviel]

Being a girl, when I read your title, I instantly remembered being concerned because my period started and I was going on a date. lol

Here's my old-school thoughts on dating-going-to-marriage. Back in the olden days, if you weren't married after 18 months, start worrying the relationship is going no where. Still dating after 7 years meant the guy has no intention of ever marrying you. Dump him. (Probably better to dump him if it's not going anywhere after three years. And, oh, btw, and engagement ring without a set date being worked out is not engagement. It's dangling the woman.)

Truth be known, when you know he is the one for you, and he knows you are the one for him, that's time for engagement. And not merely engagement -- it's time to set a date.

If you don't know if he is the one after 18 months, or he doesn't know you're the one, that is the answer. They're not the one. If you don't know someone you're dating after 18 months, either you can live without the person just fine, or he's hiding who he is, so you don't want to marry him.

Hubby told me on the first date that he was out to find himself a wife. I already liked him -- a lot -- but I wasn't planning on getting married. I was by the end of that date. He was the one. (And truthfully, because he was nuts enough to tell me his whole life story honestly, and he told me everything he ever did wrong too. lol)

I was trying to keep mum on having already discovered I loved him deeply and wanted to be his wife, but what you see of me here is what you get with me IRL too, so five days later, it slipped out. I was talking about where we'd put our dishes -- cupboard wise -- when we were married.

Two days later, we were talking about what town we wanted to live in, when it dawned on me he never asked me if I wanted to get married. He told me that when I talked about cupboards he went silent -- in shock. Then he went home, thought about it, and thought I was the one too, so went along with me. We were engaged that night. One week after our first date. (Four months after we became friends.) That was mid April. We were married in early October.

I have noticed that younger generations hold off longer and longer. I also see the divorce rate rising higher and higher. You either know this is the one, or end the relationship if you know this isn't the one, or you find yourself constantly questioning, for years on end if he is. If you don't know, he isn't! And, if you can live without him, he isn't!

I've heard your story about 1/2 dozen times, and it still makes me "d'waaaa!"

 

[Depleted]

Depends . A friend of mine had a cousin who got married 15 days after meeting the guy. They've been happily married for over 12 years. NOT what I would recommend, but apparently it works for some lol. Other couples have known each other (or even dated) for double-digit years before finally tying the knot. Also not for me. But again, it depends!

For me, I would say get to know them slow, but don't take it slow after you've started any physical relationship. A friend of mine got to know a girl and her family for a year or so, then was in a long-distance relationship with her for another 3 years, and didn't start the huggin' hand holdin' part until they were engaged...5 months before they got married. I think that was ideal in a lot of ways, and wouldn't be afraid to use it as a pattern. I know you'll hear those who say it is detrimental to marital intimacy not to get into the physical side of a relationship...but they have kids now so it couldn't have been too detrimental .

I've never gotten the "take things slowly" thingy. If it works out, don't you wish it could have worked out faster? And, if it doesn't work out, don't you wish you could have dumped him faster? So, why go slow?

You know quickly enough.

 

[Depleted]

Three months for us. Best catch on CC. No shotgun.

Had I known you back then, I would have brought the shotgun. lol

 

[Depleted]

If you was my daughter, a 30 year minimum, with a once a year date. With me supervising.

And a shotgun keeping you warm? lol

 

[tourist]

I've never gotten the "take things slowly" thingy. If it works out, don't you wish it could have worked out faster? And, if it doesn't work out, don't you wish you could have dumped him faster? So, why go slow?

You know quickly enough.

I think that those that hold off because either they don't really know what they want or fear of commitment. You mentioned about the 18 months, that's probably reasonable but for me I would say that after 18 days you should absolutely know what's in your heart. If there is nothing there then that's not the one. I really don't understand about needing months and years to decide even if you want to date, let alone an engagement with no set date or one that stretches the process out for years. Seems like such a waste. I too made it clear that I was searching for a wife and not just a casual friend. We both told our story, decided that there was no show-stoppers and then set a date, married 2 months later. It's all good.​

 

[Tinuviel]

I've never gotten the "take things slowly" thingy. If it works out, don't you wish it could have worked out faster? And, if it doesn't work out, don't you wish you could have dumped him faster? So, why go slow?

You know quickly enough.

It's what worked for them . I wouldn't go longer, for sure. Let's just say that she had...reservations. Or her family had reservations, rather.

 

[melita916]

well..... what had happen was.... lol

my 1st boyfriend and i started dating in 2006. we were both at the same college. we agreed we weren't gonna get married until AFTER we both graduated. i graduated in 2007 and started working. he graduated in 2008 and started working. well.... we broke up in 2010, so even though we both believed we were gonna get married, it didn't happen. and thank the Lord!

i was completely single for 5 yrs and with no prospects! lol. my husband and i met in 2015, got engaged in 2016, and married in 2017. granted, we are both in our 30's, so when we started dating, we both knew it wasn't just to pass the time. we were in this either for marriage or not. we ain't got time for games! lol

so there is a great difference between the 2 relationships.

 

[Depleted]

I think that those that hold off because either they don't really know what they want or fear of commitment. You mentioned about the 18 months, that's probably reasonable but for me I would say that after 18 days you should absolutely know what's in your heart. If there is nothing there then that's not the one. I really don't understand about needing months and years to decide even if you want to date, let alone an engagement with no set date or one that stretches the process out for years. Seems like such a waste. I too made it clear that I was searching for a wife and not just a casual friend. We both told our story, decided that there was no show-stoppers and then set a date, married 2 months later. It's all good.​

If you have fear of commitment, don't get married. Easy enough. I'm even fine with people choosing to date, but with no plans to get married. (I better be, since I did. lol)

But if you're not sure he/she is the one after half a year, that pretty much says he/she isn't the one.

I firmly believe if a person can live and move on with their lives never marrying that person, then don't marry that person. He/she just doesn't mean enough to you. And, if anything, marriage is about the spouse being the most important person you'll ever want to stay with forever.

 

[Depleted]

It's what worked for them . I wouldn't go longer, for sure. Let's just say that she had...reservations. Or her family had reservations, rather.

Well, getting parental approval was another story. I know who I wanted. He knew who he wanted. All we had to do was convince Dad. If Dad didn't approve, there was no marriage.

Not to say Dad wouldn't be stuck having John over every time I came over too, but how else was Dad going to like John, and accept him, if he didn't get to liking him too. lol

I made John asked Dad for my hand in marriage. And, he knew going in that if Dad said no we'd wait until Dad said yes. Poor John. A complete mess that whole day. (Drinking was involved to get that courage too. lol But not too much, since being drunk wasn't going to impress Dad.) And when he finally got the courage, Dad laughed at him. Asking permission from the parents was gone in Dad's day, so he laughed because he never thought he'd be asked.

Fortunately, John really is the nicest guy and with a good sense of humor, so Dad also gave permission that first try.

I also take seriously that thing about a man being the mantle for a woman. Dad was my mantle, until John came along. (Dad's not a Christian, so he has no idea I think that.) AND one of the things that drew John to me in the first place is because I honored my dad. He learned the hard way, that if a woman doesn't honor her father, she won't honor her husband either.

 

[Depleted]

well..... what had happen was.... lol

my 1st boyfriend and i started dating in 2006. we were both at the same college. we agreed we weren't gonna get married until AFTER we both graduated. i graduated in 2007 and started working. he graduated in 2008 and started working. well.... we broke up in 2010, so even though we both believed we were gonna get married, it didn't happen. and thank the Lord!

i was completely single for 5 yrs and with no prospects! lol. my husband and i met in 2015, got engaged in 2016, and married in 2017. granted, we are both in our 30's, so when we started dating, we both knew it wasn't just to pass the time. we were in this either for marriage or not. we ain't got time for games! lol

so there is a great difference between the 2 relationships.

You know, Nosy Lynn has always wanted to hear the story of how you and your hubby met.

 

[SovereignGrace]

My wife and I dated for two years before we married. She broke off the engagement and then came to her senses(Lullz) and we were married in May 2005. She’s still with me, through all my faults and failures. But I knew she was the one for me within a month.

 

[Tinuviel]

All this talk about shotgun weddings has me wondering if people even know what they stand for any more...I'd NEVER have the merest hint of a shotgun at my wedding.

 

[mcubed]

If G-d wills it, what did He say?