hi DF
i'm not attacking anything with this thread.
i'm posting to encourage my brothers and sisters out there.
here's a short story about my ASKING GOD ABOUT THESE THINGS:
i attended a church that was founded by folks from "The Toronto Blessing".
after much drumming and calling for FIRE FIRE FIRE, dancing and flag waving, there was much action going on (falling down and so on).
they layed hands on me and imparted a spirit that caused me to stand frozen in place for an unspecified amount of time (Fatima comes to mind) where i saw flashing lights and streams of gold and silver, with a facelss "man", robed, stepping out from the bright lights, holding out a hand to me.
at the time i believed, naturally enough it was Jesus.
later we staggered around feeling drunk, uncontrollably laughing our heads off, linking arms and singing "praises" like sailors on the docks.
i had feelings. intense feelings of warmth and happiness, and favour. it lasted for weeks. i began to play CCM and dance around my house, hopping and skipping and generally savouring the daily visions and messages i "felt" in my spirit. there were so many i felt compelled to start writing them down. oh the ideas i was given!
~
then one day i happened to notice my Bible. on a shelf. covered with dust. and an alarm bell rang in my spirit.
i went to my Bible and actually felt FEAR. and a confusing mix of messages telling me i didn't need to bother with that book anymore: i had "arrived", and my stack of notes about the direct revelations i was receiving should be proof. after all, i had been hearing about how stupid and dead the church was for not arriving as i had.
the more i began to question the whole matter, as i walked to town, i was LITERALLY lifted nearly off the ground so that my body weight was halved. and i walked as though carried by angels. CCM played in my head. this was evidence that what i EXPERIENCED was more important than anything else.
so i went with the experiences a little longer.
~
then one night i woke up and a different "voice" way deep inside said
PRAYER AND FASTING.
that's it.
but i recognized that "voice"(though i had never "heard" it before, haven't since).
~
i knelt at my beside and began to pray.
when i stopped praying, the sun had gone down, my knees were raw from the carpet, and i was COMPLETELY changed. i do not know what the prayers were, really. but they went for hours.
it's without question The Holy Spirit was interceding for me, and i was being filled with Him, and empowered by Him for what was ahead....i didn't know what that was yet.
now i had new imperitives in my spirit. these all were related to more prayer, and study.
the fasting part i had no clue what that was about. but i discovered over the 3 1/2 weeks.
within that time i had been through most of the Bible again with ease and total clarity. we (the Holy Spirit and i) were looking for some things in particular.
i had followed (or more precisely engaged with) an easy leading which took me daily to the Library and the internet, as well as the Bible, and i simply relaxed, followed the progression of the studies. and for the first time in my life when i slept (about 3 hours per night), it was deep, sweet, and restorative.
then we (The Spirit and I) prayed, and prayed, and prayed again. i still don't know what He prayed on my behalf, nor what He organized in my mind. but He did.
i ate a tiny meal (a pice of fruit and water, sometimes a little meat or nuts) at mid-day, and slept perhaps 30 minutes. then started the entire process again.
~
after more than 3 weeks, and 30 pounds lighter, i had jetted ahead in my Bible studies and doctrines, i had learned about charismaticism and what it is, and had been cleansed of the thing that had attached itself to me at that church service a few months prior, that thing that knew just how to make me feel, and all the visions and revelations: and its ASTONISHING ABILITY to make me forget about my Bible, in fact, it made me FEAR IT.
and that's my story.
i ain't looked back.
zone.