Jealousy or trust issues

So I asked my bf last night if I could have guys that are friends,he went off the wall accusing me of cheating on him,asking me what are you going to cheat on me now?Telling me that if I was going to then to tell him now and dump him if I was going to cheat on him, asking me if I had a guy coming over to my house,I don't see what the problem is as long as were just friends,I love my bf and would never ever cheat on him,how can I deal with a jealous bf?Do you think he's jealous or is it that he has a problem with trusting me as well as being jealous?

Sounds like he possibly has a hurt somewhere in his heart that you just pressed on, and in actuality needs you to help him heal. Perhaps for now drop the having guy friends over thing and help him to find out what's wrong? I pray his heart is softened to open up to you.

Sometimes people don't trust others because they can't be trusted, but most times it's insecurity

Hmmm!

There is a problem here, selfconfidence + trust in you with the other.

When I was married I left many friends I had, I needed them no more, but she keep on them and, by time, I had problems, because I had a baby I doubted she was mine... It was a great problem for ME and her.

There are too many chances one mate cheats on, no matter how Christian we think we are but, in the botton, trust and selfconfidence is involved but, too often, those who have been hurt or cheated on, distrust others and, surprisedly, those who tend to control THE OTHER is the one who throws himself to cheat on.

That´s the way I saw it and I see it like this:

" "You may indulge in having intercourse with almost any… But you cannot live with an acquaintance -if there´s no trust, the commitment of love and the fellowship of ideas and the same faith." Antonio Toro"

Wow, that is a MAJOR red flag. Anyone going to go that overboard, jump to conclusions, make accusations, all over a simple, reasonable question? There is something seriously wrong there.

I would like to caution you that this behavior can be an indicator of more serious problems in this guy. I know that so far the common assessment is 'poor guy must've been hurt pretty bad in the past'. Maybe that's true. Maybe not. Not all jealous people are jealous because someone has given them reason in the pasts.

-An illogical jumping to conclusions '(you're asking me to have male friends, so you can cheat' If you were going to cheat would you really say anything to possibly bring it to his attention?)

-Unfounded accusations 'not only that you want to cheat, but to go as far as have an idea in his head that you already have a man waiting for you at your house)

-High level of jealousy

-Manipulation and control (just by bringing up the subject of dumping you will make you drop the subject [manipulation] causing you to be more fearful of approaching him about things he may not like in the future [control])

-Angry outburst


This is a list of his reaction to your reasonable question. A question you went to him about to discuss with him, rather than going behind his back (something he failed to think about because he was too busy flying off the handle). While i'm not accusing him of anything, i will warn you these are all traits of abusive people.
Also, if you think this is the only thing that will set him off and cause him to act like this, you're probably wrong. This kind of behavior instills fear in people and shuts down communication. Even if he doesn't become abusive (and i don't just mean physical) ask yourself if you are prepared to spend your life with someone capable of being this way over a minor issue. Will you feel comfortable going to him in the future with other things? Will you have a lingering memory of his behavior next time you approach him with something he may not like (or even if you think it's not a big deal, such as in this case)?
Let me guess, 'he's never done this before'. Well, that's what everyone say the first time.

As i said, i don't know this guy, so i'm not trying to accuse him of anything. But my word of advice is be cautious. There is potential for worse than what you saw today.
And in case you're wondering, i have been friends with and helped counsel (no training) women who have been in abusive relationships. I have done my own research into the traits and behaviors of abusers. So i'm not clueless, i speak with some level of knowledge.

This is a controlling man. Even if he has worries, he should not be putting guilt on you for something you have not even done.

Why do you have to ask his consent to having man friends? Does he own you?

Even Jesus didn't trust people - we can only watch someone's relationship with the Lord, and hopefully make assessments based on that and on past behavior. But there is no person who can be wholly trusted. At least Jesus didn't think so. "I trust no man." He said.

I worry that this man is not ready to have a meaningful relationship of real love. Love is in no way controlling, nor tries to be.

That's something i meant to say as well. That, technically, you don't need his permission. He is Only a boyfriend, not a husband. Therefore the rules of marriage do not apply.
I get that many people try to act in dating how they would in marriage, but there needs to be limits. This man is not your husband (and, personally, i hope you're wise enough to make sure he never is).

I agree with the other answers, but it just never works to have friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship.

Agreed on! I´m so stubborn that I believed only one is enough to have as a friend, particularly, if she is the one who chose me.

This thread reminds me of an old saying I overheard lately: "El que es picado de culebra, hasta de los bejucos se asusta".

It´s something like: "those that were snake-bitten one, sometimes become afraid of reed and bend rattan even" (It´s not the acute translation, but the best I thought I could). Blue ones have a picture of "bejucos".

I chose to trust like a child, but I don´t fool myself.

I liked these two, to know how I should walk to avoid being afraid of ghosts and those hidden snakes that would bite my trust (in me and people):

Micah 7:5

Amos 3:3

These are all very good ones,If this is a trust issue,then this will always be in the back of his mind,and I just hope and pray that this won't go on in the future also.