Low Self Esteem

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SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#1
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#1
...is a very deceptive form of pride, and possibly the worst, because it is so covert and seems humble but it is not.
 This is just something that God's been showing me recently. God's is still at work with my restoration from unfortunate social encounters in the past, and this time my confidence is being stored on a safe place - IN HIM.
Seems this enemy tactics is to get us to judge/reestimate/analyze/torture ourselves over and over again, instead of simply BELIEVING and thankfully accepting His justification and other yay things that the word of God says about us.

Your thoughts and experiences with this?
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#2
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#2
I haven't had trouble with this probably because I have always totally accepted my humanity - imperfections and all. That doesn't mean that I don't try to let go of bad thoughts and habits. But I don't torture myself if I sometimes fail at it. I just try to remember the next time.

I'm not sure it is always the enemy - we have our own childhood experiences which becomes a part of our insecurities and fears. Our own lifelong habits of thinking are sometimes hard to break.

But I have always found it easy to believe in the total acceptance of me by God. Even when I was in a bad place of sin once, I still felt God's love for me. And I believed in His Righteousness covering me. Always fell into grace. That is probably what pulled me out of my problems.

The unfortunately thing with people who don't accept themselves with their imperfections is that they can't accept others' imperfections either.

I'm glad that you are learning to trust only in Christ for your safe and accepted place now. For the best of people have their times of letting you down. Christ, never!

I wasn't as far along as you were when I was your age.

I have a request for Ps. 91 - want to try it?
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#3
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#3
Joidevivre said:
I haven't had trouble with this probably because I have always totally accepted my humanity - imperfections and all. That doesn't mean that I don't try to let go of bad thoughts and habits. But I don't torture myself if I sometimes fail at it. I just try to remember the next time.

I'm not sure it is always the enemy - we have our own childhood experiences which becomes a part of our insecurities and fears. Our own lifelong habits of thinking are sometimes hard to break.

But I have always found it easy to believe in the total acceptance of me by God. Even when I was in a bad place of sin once, I still felt God's love for me. And I believed in His Righteousness covering me. Always fell into grace. That is probably what pulled me out of my problems.

The unfortunately thing with people who don't accept themselves with their imperfections is that they can't accept others' imperfections either.

I'm glad that you are learning to trust only in Christ for your safe and accepted place now. For the best of people have their times of letting you down. Christ, never!

I wasn't as far along as you were when I was your age.

I have a request for Ps. 91 - want to try it?
Click to expand...
Well I had parents who abused a lot in word and there was always somebody better to find and compare me to since I was really small... Then I went to school and I was bullied there because my confidence was already destroyed and most people in group setting act like sharks when they smell blood. So thoughts slowly settled inside that something was inherently wrong with me and that I needed to die. When I became a Christian I understood the source of these thoughts because the devil desires everybody to die. I had to start observing myself as a third person to be able to receive some grace because I always excused others but beat myself up.

Based on other things that Jesus kicked out of my life, that I also thought were me, I found out they were not really me, they just dwelled inside for a very long time. I started reasoning with myself that nobody is born with self-beating device coming in package. It is an enemy, the spirit of pride whom we allow to express his lofty opinions over us and to place demands and burdens. I share this not just because of myself (I feel the need to speak the truth to enforce my faith) but also for other people who might be struggling. God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Nothing that He made in us is unworthy of life, and especially now when bought by His priceless blood.

I might try that psalm, I'll see if I get the melody :)
 
E

elf3

Guest
#4
#4
Starting in fifth grade I was picked on because I was shorter than everyone. I am still short only 5 foot tall. Even after becoming an adult I was picked on by grown men. I had to constantly "prove" myself. I became a "tough guy" willing to take on any one any size. Fortunately I never got into a fight. For some reason (which made me mad) they always backed down. My tag name elf3 actually came from one situation (I turned it on them and rolled with it). I was a foreman for a heating company running huge jobs. In one meeting this new carpenter foreman went off on my size. It took four guys to drag me out of the room. The job foreman fired that guy and his whole crew right then and there (before they even started work). Jims action that day started to soften me a bit. He fired 10 guys because of one guy because he respected me and my work. I realized my size didn't matter I started to respect myself more. Later God showed me through circumstances how much I mattered. I matter to God, More important than what men might say.

I can still only count on both my hands how many men women or kids have not said anything about my size. It still hurts but God loves me and made me this way for a reason. I'm good to go now :)
 
Reborn

Reborn

Senior Member
#5
Nov 16, 2014
4,087
216
63
#5
I think it's our low self esteem that eventually gets us to see how much we need Him. It seems the proud and boastful never seem to get that they need anything outside themselves? I spent most of my childhood years being teased, (being Asian in a mainly white/black community just made it worse-you can imagine the name calling?) I was spared the cliche Asian height jokes though ( I'm 6' ) Eventually I got lucky and it changed for me in Jr High and so on, but it took those years, and a downward spiral later in life, to make me see that I needed something bigger in my life, something or someone outside myself.

As weird as it sounds --- it was partly because of my self-hatred that I found Him.
Years and years passed, and as I saw the world and myself differently, and what truly mattered (like elf3 said in the note above mine) I followed God, .....so I'm good to go now. ;)

You have to be one of the sweetest people I've met on here SoulWeaver, people seem to dig you....you have a lot to be happy about my Dear.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#6
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#6
I have always had a sense of confidence, including standing up to people bullying others. But I can see how devastating it would be to be demeaned and damaged by your parents, who were supposed to love and nurture you, and then to send you out into the world with an already fragile and damaged sense of self.

I think as Christians, we do need to find our self worth, not in who we are, or what we do, or how we look, or even our talents or skills, but in Christ Jesus.

We are all sinners saved by grace. That is true humility. On the other hand, we can celebrate because we are children of the King of Kings - adopted into the kingdom of God forever! That is cause to celebrate.

I will say, that the journey from a damaged past to a joyous present can take a long time. We will never be perfect, or have a perfect life, but we can rejoice that our names are written in the Lamb's Book of Life! No matter how long it takes, one day, there will be no more crying or tears! A day I am looking forward to more and more as I get older!
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#7
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#7
Reborn said:
I think it's our low self esteem that eventually gets us to see how much we need Him.
Click to expand...
You're right, it is not that I didnt think about this. Had this not happened, I'd probably "have it made" in the world, God denied me love from people so I would seek Him for it.
Kind of a blessing in disguise.

Angela53510 said:
We are all sinners saved by grace. That is true humility. On the other hand, we can celebrate because we are children of the King of Kings - adopted into the kingdom of God forever! That is cause to celebrate.
Click to expand...
Yes, real Biblical humility is healthy and loving in nature. It acknowledges us as a dependent child of a LOVING Father.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#8
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#8
Even though I didn't suffer from low self-esteem, I understand what it is to seek God because of the need for love. I had a father who showed his love for me in very wrong ways of touching when I was a child. I never felt validated by either parent. I wasn't verbally abused, just not affirmed in loving ways.

To compensate, as a little girl, I made up an imaginary friend called sandwich who I spent time with. He made me feel valued I guess. Glad I outgrew him :p

But maybe it was that I accepted Jesus into my heart at around 4 or 5 that sort of kept me from feeling I wasn't valued.
I loved altar calls in church for some reason. What I was running into at those times was His love. His safe love.

Ever since, I still have moments of altar calls in my life when I just bask in His abundant love for me.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#9
#9
Good post, SoulWeaver. :) C.S. Lewis makes the same point his Screwtape Letters book.

“You [Wormwood] must therefore conceal from the patient the true end of Humility. Let him think of it, not as a self-forgetfulness, but as a certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of his own talents and character...By this method thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools.”
Click to expand...
I have had difficult times with low self esteem in the past, but events in the last year or so have alleviated them.
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#10
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#10
Sounds like an interesting read, I'll look it up.
 
Reborn

Reborn

Senior Member
#11
Nov 16, 2014
4,087
216
63
#11
Actually, try this
A. W. Tozer:Man - The Dwelling Place of God. ( the 'A Saint Must Walk Alone' Chapter)

We just talked about it in another thread. (Awesome how some topics come together)

-sometimes when we feel lonely- we have time to bash and think low of ourselves, but maybe there's a reason why?.
It's a quick read, and I think it applies here.
God Bless SW. Have a blessed day. :D
 
T

twofeet

Guest
#12
#12
Things the Lord has taught me:

We are made in the image of God......God is perfect love.....God loves UNconditionally...we are BROKEN love.

The original sin of " I will be like God knowing good and evil" means I now TELL God he couldn't possibly love me because I see my brokenness. I try and place MY opinion, MY rules, upon God by telling Him He MUST love CONDITIONALLY and due to my "issues" He couldn't possibly love me.

Yes...that's sin...yes that's pride.....and yes many reject Gods love by simply saying he is a lyer when He says He loves UNconditionally and we try and place conditions on Him.

Sadly...when we realise this, repent and accept it wholeheartedly we will then get called arrogant, especially by other Christians. Many BELIEVE God loves them until bad times hit then often it goes pear shaped because they equate circumstances to truth. Yet when Christians ACCEPT His love and FEEL it (not just believe it) even circumstances don't alter that truth.

No wonder Jesus died at Golgotha "the place of the skull"......our OWN reasoning will reject Gods love because it doesn't make sense to us with our "conditional (broken) love". We will constantly try and TELL God He couldn't possibly love us as we are.

Dying to self is where life starts :)
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#13
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#13
That's an interesting observation to ponder on, I really like the conclusions to your post.
Kind of aligning with satan being "the accuser of brethren". God is not the one who accuses us.
 
A

AbbeyJoy

Guest
#14
#14
Since I am hard of hearing and was in a learning disability class I got labeled as a handicapped person.. I loved basketball and was good a shooting the hoops. On my first day of 5th grade in gym class I got asked by my gym teacher what I could do. My classmate said I was disabled..the gym teacher ignored him and asked me again I said I like basketball so he went to get a basketball for me and try some hoops I made the first shot and he turn around to the kid and ask "now tell me again what she is?" The kids just stood there stuned he told him to apologize and the kid did.. but yeah the gym teacher was awesome and patient with me :) it does hurt when people put lables on me but at least some stood up and belived in me
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#15
#15
AbbeyJoy said:
Since I am hard of hearing and was in a learning disability class I got labeled as a handicapped person.. I loved basketball and was good a shooting the hoops. On my first day of 5th grade in gym class I got asked by my gym teacher what I could do. My classmate said I was disabled..the gym teacher ignored him and asked me again I said I like basketball so he went to get a basketball for me and try some hoops I made the first shot and he turn around to the kid and ask "now tell me again what she is?" The kids just stood there stuned he told him to apologize and the kid did.. but yeah the gym teacher was awesome and patient with me :) it does hurt when people put lables on me but at least some stood up and belived in me
Click to expand...
+1 for that gym teacher. :)
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#16
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#16
SoulWeaver said:
...is a very deceptive form of pride, and possibly the worst, because it is so covert and seems humble but it is not.
 This is just something that God's been showing me recently. God's is still at work with my restoration from unfortunate social encounters in the past, and this time my confidence is being stored on a safe place - IN HIM.
Seems this enemy tactics is to get us to judge/reestimate/analyze/torture ourselves over and over again, instead of simply BELIEVING and thankfully accepting His justification and other yay things that the word of God says about us.

Your thoughts and experiences with this?
Click to expand...
Wow! I don´t know who you are, young lady, but I liked this the most: You are YOUNG! you needed to know to teach others that way.

I used to laugh at everybody faults and failures... In fact I don´t want to think on the kid I was, because I would hate me and, the Almighthy God has taught US, one way or another, by being sharpened with swords... Because "iron sharpens iron".
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#17
Aug 28, 2012
19,211
2,547
113
#17
I have had a low self esteem my whole life and still do but while I do not think highly of myself I care far more about others than even my low opinion of myself. Sure their are times when I am drowning in my dislike of myself and I do fight depression but I had no idea it was a form of pride, One of my worst fears is being prideful and if I have been prideful this entire time then maybe I deserve the struggles I have.

I tell you this is horrible to think I was being prideful this whole time when I have always been terrified of being prideful, ty soulweaver for showing me this
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#18
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#18
twofeet said:
Things the Lord has taught me:

We are made in the image of God......God is perfect love.....God loves UNconditionally...we are BROKEN love.

The original sin of " I will be like God knowing good and evil" means I now TELL God he couldn't possibly love me because I see my brokenness. I try and place MY opinion, MY rules, upon God by telling Him He MUST love CONDITIONALLY and due to my "issues" He couldn't possibly love me.

Yes...that's sin...yes that's pride.....and yes many reject Gods love by simply saying he is a lyer when He says He loves UNconditionally and we try and place conditions on Him.

Sadly...when we realise this, repent and accept it wholeheartedly we will then get called arrogant, especially by other Christians. Many BELIEVE God loves them until bad times hit then often it goes pear shaped because they equate circumstances to truth. Yet when Christians ACCEPT His love and FEEL it (not just believe it) even circumstances don't alter that truth.

No wonder Jesus died at Golgotha "the place of the skull"......our OWN reasoning will reject Gods love because it doesn't make sense to us with our "conditional (broken) love". We will constantly try and TELL God He couldn't possibly love us as we are.

Dying to self is where life starts :)
Click to expand...
At the long run, you would see there are conditions applied to be loved endlessly: The way He planned.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#19
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#19
SoulWeaver said:
Well I had parents who abused a lot in word and there was always somebody better to find and compare me to since I was really small... Then I went to school and I was bullied there because my confidence was already destroyed and most people in group setting act like sharks when they smell blood. So thoughts slowly settled inside that something was inherently wrong with me and that I needed to die. When I became a Christian I understood the source of these thoughts because the devil desires everybody to die. I had to start observing myself as a third person to be able to receive some grace because I always excused others but beat myself up.

Based on other things that Jesus kicked out of my life, that I also thought were me, I found out they were not really me, they just dwelled inside for a very long time. I started reasoning with myself that nobody is born with self-beating device coming in package. It is an enemy, the spirit of pride whom we allow to express his lofty opinions over us and to place demands and burdens. I share this not just because of myself (I feel the need to speak the truth to enforce my faith) but also for other people who might be struggling. God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Nothing that He made in us is unworthy of life, and especially now when bought by His priceless blood.

I might try that psalm, I'll see if I get the melody :)
Click to expand...
The saddess thing of this life is we´re not the ones we think we are, we´re not these bodies, but the inside, the spirit dwelling under the skin, but we need to see this all and, the moment you get old, when you see your siblings sick or, my case, seeing how my mom gets older than me, I know how i am and the one i wanted to be: We have lived lifes more blessed than those who never knew their blessings as they should have seen them.

We´re not this flesh getting old, but the inner man/woman who would be disclosed one day, for next life.
 
SoulWeaver

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
#20
Oct 25, 2014
4,889
2,534
113
#20
Blain said:
I have had a low self esteem my whole life and still do but while I do not think highly of myself I care far more about others than even my low opinion of myself. Sure their are times when I am drowning in my dislike of myself and I do fight depression but I had no idea it was a form of pride, One of my worst fears is being prideful and if I have been prideful this entire time then maybe I deserve the struggles I have.

I tell you this is horrible to think I was being prideful this whole time when I have always been terrified of being prideful, ty soulweaver for showing me this
Click to expand...
Pride is a tricky one. I struggled with that one a lot and this demon worked in pair with the pride demon so they tossed me to and fro like a volleyball, I'd embrace pridefulness to feel good about myself and look good to people for a moment, then get depressed again, feeling like garbage... but this other one is the same demon, just instead of condemning others he voices his mean opinions against the newborn child of God that you are... it really hit me too when I realized it was kinda like murdering Jesus all over again every time I hated myself. God doesnt make junk. Biblical humility is different and loving in nature "love others as you love thyself" - not the conceited self-love.
 
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