PTSD, the battle within and more

Hi all,

I am a Christian who is diagnosed with a few things, including PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I am not writing this to try and speak for anyone other than for myself. If someone wishes to think I am trying to change the world's way of thinking with this one post, that is your opinion and you are welcome to it.

For me, this disability is tough. Unlike someone who is has no arms, or someone who is paralyzed and in a wheelchair, my disability is invisible to the casual observer. I am reminded of a quote from another person who has PTSD, "If it were possible, I would gladly have exchanged my limbs for a healed brain". With a loss of a limb, there are prosthetic and non-prosthetic options available; for the injured brain it is much less simple.

New Year's Eve is never an easy time for me. The firecrackers and fireworks can trigger me, but when people discharge firearms that gets me DEEPLY triggered. There was a wonderful Christian sister who, even though she was far and away from me geographically, was doing her best to be supportive of me during my this time. I've had people do this before many times. Typically what happens is they hear what I have to say but do not acknowledge it. They substitute the truth of what I am going through with their ideal of what should be happening. That is almost as bad as telling someone who's clothes are burning that they are not on fire, the only person who gets burned is getting burned more during the conversation. It is tough to be able for me to cope with the triggering my PTSD gets from someone firing a small-bore (such as a .22 caliber); and it is easy for someone who is not in my skin to offer a cliche, a platitude, or a judgment. This is the easiest thing in the world for someone to do when they don't know what else to do. It hurts though. Then I am faced with a decision, do I wish to hurt the person who is trying to help by telling them that instead of helping they are adding to the hurt? Or, do I wish to hurt the person who is trying to help by pretending what they are doing is helpful as I fall deeper in to a crisis? Or, do I wish to detach from that person and deal with the triggering of my PTSD on my own? Nothing is really a good scenario.

The main question I ask myself is this "Which is the least of the no-win scenarios for me?" And, "Which of the bad options will be least likely to end me up being suicidal?"

This is like a never-ending cycle. I accept someone reaching out to me in good faith, but when they find that what they think works for me only works for me in their mind, then they either get hurt or angry or indignant or pass judgment on me.

My heart aches knowing that there is a Christian sister that is emotionally hurt by the fact that I was not able to receive her attempts to support. So I go back to the never-ending cycle. With this never-ending cycle, I am learning more as time goes by to lean on the Lord in the lonely times. With this existential inner isolation, sometimes the only thing that keeps me from ending my own life is my faith in Jesus Christ and the assurance that He will heal me of all my afflictions in His timing. Whether His timing means on this side of Heaven or not I don't know.

So I go back to life as I know it....
living with the battle within my mind,
being misunderstood by so many people,
being judged wrongly by so many people,
being told I'm not really saved because of my PTSD,
but as well, I go back to.....
continuing to seek God's will, way, and timing in all things,
growing in my relationship with Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior daily,
laughing in spite of hurting so bad on the inside,
sharing God's love with anyone I come across as best as I can,
extending grace to those who hurt me physically or emotionally,
and hoping that grace can be extended to me by those who have been hurt from my and my PTSD.

I will end this with a very meaningful quote.
"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." --- J.M. Barrie


God bless you one and all,

"Doggy"

PS: I felt led to share my original thoughts on this. This post is a first draft, I have no proof-read or edited it; these are my unpolished and unfiltered thoughts and feelings, for what it's worth. Blessings, woof

good man doggy, your always a light to me when i go into cc, a loving light, i see you as a great brother, you are a fighter & God love's us for fighting the enemy. I have a Chronic disease that is probable lyme , it has destroyed my physical body & damaged my Brain to the point that i get similar hyper-sensitivity to loud bang's but of course for a different reason to your's, but we still both suffer massively each day, you and I , and million's of other's, i was never in the army or really admired for anything but my musical gift, but i was and am in a massive battle against the enemy, the enemy of every human being out there, Satan. He uses my misdiagnosis against me, he send's people to me, who unkowingly stirr up Hatred against my health service & the one's i love, by telling me to get a "2nd" opinion on my health problem's !!!!! and when i tell these people that i have gotten a 77th opinon about it they look at me like im a hypocondriac & then an arguement break's out & i snap because they start to act like they know "ANYTHING" about my illness , which they dont of course, !!! anyway, i can relate to your struggle doggy & i am always here to talk with you brother if you ever want to, it would be good for me to make friend's with brother's and sister's who have they're own unique story's about how they battle each day. Your post here was an absolute inspiration to me tonight, i dont know if i made any sense, but i know one thing, you did. God bless you. im reborn.newman on skype if you would like to become friends on there. God Bless brother, keep fighting the Holy fight, call me anytime , from graham, ireland , Shalom & peace, HALLELUJAH

doggy i am sorry life has been this way for you. you were burdened with something few understand and i wish i could help you but all I can do is pray and encourage you.but in no way does your illness affect your salvation and no one has any right to judge you for it

Doggy my heart goes out to you brother for your pain and struggles and I just want to let you know I'm here for you as a fellow follower or Christ and as a friend. Judgment-free; full of grace and understanding.

Take Care Brother you are in my prayers

- Moses


PS: EDIT your disorder does not in any way affect your salvation Doggy and whoever suggests otherwise does not have the right to call themselves a Christ follower.

Doggy,
So sorry you are suffering with PSTD. My suggestion is to love yourself very, very much as God loves you. Know that others can find no fault in you. We are ALL flawed and trying to get it right. No one every does, only Jesus. But we can strive all our lives to get it right, but no one every will get it completely right, because again, we are all flawed. We are all a work in progress. Do not compare yourself to others, do not let others judge you.. Let their judgments roll off your back like water. God says "Judge not and ye shall not be judged". Comfort and love yourself when you experience triggers, tell yourself you will be alright. When it passes, congratulate yourself that you were good to yourself when the event occurred. Do not judge yourself harshly on anything. Love Bettypeace

01/04/2015

Sweet Doggy,
I can only say that I am praying for you and this battle you are fighting. I can only say that I have a nephew that is not only a wounded soldier, but he also has PTSD and I had a Grandfather who also suffered from PTSD after WW2. I remember the fear he had...I see the fear in my nephew when hears any loud noise or if he is out in public in groups setting or in a crowded place. He physically gets sweaty and this horrible scared look on his face it so breaks my heart.
I can not imagine what goes through a person's mind when all these memories and thoughts are triggered. I just wish we never had to send our wonderful men and women into battle.
I wish I could paint you rainbows and butterflies and take you away to a quiet place where there were snow fed mountain streams full of trout. I wish that there was something that I could do to take all those horrible thoughts away forever.
I do hope I did not trigger you in anyway. I am praying for you!
Clara

Hi Doggy
Have you looked into EMDR treatment? EMDR Institute, Inc. - What is EMDR?

It is currently the most effective treatment for PTSD, and is effective with other conditions as well.
The concept is it mimics REM sleep, while you're awake. REM is the time when your brain releases events, but somehow your brain has not released traumatic memories. The EMDR helps simulate this sleep, while focusing on memories, to cause the brain to release the trauma.
I looked into this when it was offered to me as i was unsure of it on a spiritual level, but i could find nothing questionable about it. Even when doing it myself i found nothing wrong with it. It is not hypnotism, it is not guided.
I didn't have trauma, but i do battle depression. I didn't get too far into it before things changed, but the little i did seemed to start showing some small effect.
But the counselor i was visiting at the time was using it on a woman who had been kidnapped and locked in a car trunk for three days. Do to time restraints they were not able to have full sessions each week, but even with the shortened version after a few sessions this woman had done a 180.
Granted some people take to it better than others. But if it's effective for you it would be a life changer. People should be licensed to perform it.


With my depression i sometimes get the same treatment. It is also an invisible problem and sometimes people think i just need to get over it and be more positive, when my depression is not the kind that can be 'fixed' that easily.

Brother Doggy,
i felt and i still feel sorry for u brother . that disease is not common here in Africa. i remember seeing someone safariing from PTSD in a movie thou that's not the reason why am writing this now. the reason to why am writing this is to let u know that u don't have to feel bad about yo self. It is the same for all !. There is one fate for the righteous and for the wicked; for the good, for the clean and for the unclean; for the man who offers a sacrifice and for the one who does not sacrifice. As the good man is, so is the sinner; as the swearer is, so is the one who is afraid to swear. This is an evil in all that is done under the sun, that there is one fate for all men. …so to those who judge u, i want them to know that there is one and only fair judge and that is [FONT=Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Christ[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Jesus . all we have to do is look up daily and say to him, ''u are my creator let yo will be done. yes, his will of healing the sick, his will of making the poor rich, his will of making u and me prosper, his will of ... mention each and everything u want the the will of the lord to do in your life and let him judge ( decide) . but still our lord is faithful and he will never let us down so we should always expect the best ( positive ) [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif]Brother Doggy if u were here maybe i would explain to u better what i am trying to write to u now but i know the helper who is the holy spirit will explain to u better through our [/FONT]Christ[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif] Jesus . peace
komujuni[/FONT]

Doggy, thank you very much for sharing your story with us :'). It's helpful to have a better understanding of what people are thinking and have been through. I realize, though, that reading about it is nothing like living it 24/7, and only God can know the full depth of what you've been through, no matter how hard we mortals might try. I'm VERY disappointed to see that some people have expressed a belief that one is not saved when going through a tough time mentally and emotionally (to use an extreme understatement). I suppose I'll leave it at that and focus on the good instead of letting the hoodlums have the attention they want ...

I am hoping that you will share some of the things that people could do or say that would be helpful to the healing process in order to hopefully avoid contributing to more emotional mayhem.

Wow!

If I checked about the PTSD, I could be one like that but, what I liked most reading here, was your honesty. It seems that, our souls can be "alive" in a written form than playing life games.

We Christians are very quick with the "right words to say", way too much. What happened to the "weep with those who weep"?

Years ago, I learned an important lesson as I was going through a terrible time. One by one, Christians would pass by my desk at work and say "I will pray for you", "God is taking care of this", and the same type of phrases over and over. Yet, that knot would remain in my stomach. I wasn't moved (and I was a bible teacher). No words reached me my core.

After a few days, another Christian lady stopped by my desk and laid her hand on mine and said, "I heard about ____. Well, shit!" Something about that word standing out from all the Christian platitudes struck me deep and touched the knot. I just looked at her and said "Yeah!". But, that knot began to untangle inside of me. I actually felt like laughing because in my circle of friends people didn't cuss. Yet, that was absolutely the BEST word to reach me. She met me where I was at.

Now I don't go around saying that particular word to people suffering..but I've learned to start with something like "That's not fair!". I try to meet them where they are first. I show that I'm angry at what they are going through - later we might go into the comforting words and prayers.

And I still love that word!

My daughter has PTSD as well as depression and anxiety due to the abuse caused by her dad. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with her way of thinking and it has been years and I'm still getting it wrong. It must be hard to everybody with PTSD to even know how to communicate at times. I think people are always going to hurt you even when they try their best.

If you see somebody with a cane or wheelchair you can basically see their disability. But when the disability is emotional or mental it creates a lot of difficulty to understand because you cannot see it. God understands completely but it still hurts when people don't.

You should talk to Brighthouse - He was in Vietnam, and has been through a lot of crazy things, personally as well. I am sure he will share how he got victory in these areas!

Doggy I just wanted to let you know that I read what you wrote and it was very good. Thank you for sharing this with me. You are in my prayers.

Paw-five

Hey Doggy bro.... I know you well enough to say that you are one of the nicest guys I've met. I wont pretend to understand what you are going through or offer advice from what I think you are struggling with. No, that is the last thing you need. The way I see it and from what I've seen of you, I can say that the Lord is using you through your struggles. I have lost count of the number of people you have helped out with words of comfort and counsel. You have gone to great lengths to alleviate the pain of others. You have even comforted me more than once. Know this Big Bro, there are people out there who have been greatly influenced and thankful of a brother like you and I am one of them. Thank God for Doggy Bro. The Lord sees your heart to help others and He will bless you for it.The Lord knows your struggles, The Lord feels your pain. He will never let you go.... - For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. - Romans 8:18

I find your story quite sad, actually. The best way you found for someone to relate to you was by cussing? And yes, i get the point of what you were saying, but i still find it sad. Not to mention it's against the rules to post cussing in the forums for any reason.

And i disagree with what you are saying. Granted there are some generic responses, but there are also some more genuine responses.

Another lesson i've learned is that different people need different things. What works for one person may not work for another. So having varied responses is actually ideal because you don't know what kind of response will be the most effective for any particular person. Some people feed off generic platitudes. Others want to retch at them. It's not our place to decide what 'needs' to be said or how it needs to be said, only that people are reaching out. Then trust God that at least one of them will be what the person needs to hear, not all of them.

It's ironic you are completely ignoring the OP and offering nothing to him at all, yet still managing to scold others for not giving the 'right' response. I don't see you 'weeping' with him. It really discredits you to criticize others for not doing something how you think they should, while you do nothing at all. At least the others tried. You just simply ignored the point of the thread to put those down who tried to help.

Dear Ugly,

Please check your emails for my thoughts about what you said below.

Blessings,

"Doggy"

The challenges I face on a daily basis are nothing I would wish on anyone.

With this kind of of perspective one of the best reality check things you can do is to look into those who are far less fortunate:

1) children who are dying of inoperable cancers

2) children who are living through trauma day in and day out filled with days of abuse and unsureness as they're carted around through abusive foster homes as facilitated by the questionable CPS.

3) children are who are being abused by their own so called parents and are being locked in closets without food water and are just taken out to be further traumatized.


As a grown adult with so many things taken for granted, taking consideration into cases like these should bring on a new perspective of significant gratitude.

Doggy,

Thank you for sharing this. As I read your words, I felt as if I were reading my own thoughts and feelings. This touched my heart more than you will know.

Don't let anyone tell you that your salvation is any less, that is between you and God. God doesn't always remove difficulties from our lives because we ask Him to... I think it's possible that He lets us have these difficulties so we can help others who struggle with similar problems.

Your words meant a lot to me and will stay with me for a long time to come. Stay strong, Brother! God bless!

Jerricka