letting go

So I know a lot of you read my testemony. Thank you for that. So now you know a bit about me. Here's a question: I want to let go of my past but what does that look like? Does that mean that I pretend it didn't happen and never ever talk about it? I'm confused. Help?

Also today I realized that one of the students that assaulted me, may have done it to someone else, not recently but while I was still going to school. So another question is, SHOULD I let this go? If Mr. L knew about this (which I am sure he did) what's to stop him from covering up the next case of sexual assault? Of I were to take ANY kind of action, what should I do, if anything?

My ex molested our daughters and one of my girls has accepted all the help I could get her, and she is finally looking forward to her future. She does not just "forget it", she is very aware of what was done to her and always will be. But she has accepted a lot of things like, it was not her fault, she is worth something, etc. She doesn't talk about it as much as she used to. But as she has healed she has other things to talk about and look forward to.

One the other hand, her sister resisted help and was rebellious, and for a short time was hanging out with people who drank and did drugs. She is an adult now and just finally getting help, and I think things are far worse for her and will also take longer due to avoiding what could have been done for her. She is just starting to show signs of healing but has a long way to go. Things haunt her more because they have not been dealt with.

You can't avoid it but you need to have somebody who you can talk to because damage done to emotions will always be there to some degree. Find a trusted person you can have in your life for those times when the past does stop you in your tracks. And I believe there will be times like that for a long time, it is normal. Deal with it and you will find those times are farther and fewer between.

I need to go read your testimonies before I can even begin to try and give you any type of answer..

There is a saying that goes like this, if the devil reminds you of the past, remind him of his future. The past has gone, what happened in the past is behind you. If it hasnt? then it will become present, therefore it wouldnt be called past. When God forgive those who asks for his forgiveness of there sins, he remembers them no more. Its the enemy who replays your past. and saying that? I requote the saying, if the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.

Matthew 5: 44 “...Pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you”

An Unforgiving attitude can keep you from moving forward in life. So isn’t it time you got serious about forgiving the one who hurt you? Or the one who has persecuted you? Or the one who lied to you, caused trouble with you? Or the one who is spiteful to you? And the list goes on.

Some people may say, ‘but then they’ll have got away with it.’ Well they are not getting away with anything! God is qualified to judge; you’re NOT! Remember, your critics are making decisions about you based on limited information, but God know the truth and he will deal with your detractors in his own time.

By trying to defend yourself and prove them wrong, you’re stepping into territory that belongs exclusively to God. The Bible says: Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honourable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone, never take revenge, but leave it to the righteous anger of God.

For the scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Instead, if your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good (Romans 12: 17-21)

Satan’s goal is to get you all tied up in knots and steal your peace. Don’t play into his hands! Christ, your example, prayed for those who drove the nails into his hands: ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do’ (Luke 23: 34)

Your enemies may think they’re smart, but often they’re acting in ignorance. Don’t come down to their level by retaliating. Forgive them and let go.

No, it just shapes who you'll become in the future. You are who you are now because of your past and if you let it go you will stop being you. But what you really mean is how do you move on. Well you'll move on once you have learned enough about your past and how it effected you.

paul talked about his past, many years after yahweh made him an apostle,

and truly he had been a violent persecutor of the simple true followers of jesus.

yahweh turned it all to the good of those who love yahweh, who love yahweh and who are called according to his purpose.

seek him, by trusting and relying on him in yahshua by faith and grace. he knows. perfectly.

JFS, okay I read your testimony, and as a rape survivor, I can totally understand how you feel about what happened to you, being sexually assaulted multiple times. I was gagged and tied to my bed by my then-bf.. He also raped several other girls who came to me and told me, and I urged them to report him but none of them did because they were scared of him. I have alot of hurts in my own past that took me YEARS to finally let go of. I realized I needed to leave the past IN the past and not try to carry it with me into the future. You cannot enter the future until you let go of all this. Turn it over to Jesus, let him unburden you of it. That's what I did. You need to realize that none of it was your fault in any way.

As for the one guy who may still be doing this, do you have absolute proof of it, or is it just a rumor or conjecture? If Mr. L knew about your rapes and covered it up, that's just wrong and immoral. If you CAN prove this guy is still raping girls, then you absolutely should let the authorities know..

As to letting go of all the hurts in your past, you need to accept that they happened, and you've learned lessons from them, and made you into who you are today: a beautiful child of God. I actually wrote about my rape and other stuff that happened to me. It's in my suicide and depression threads in the miscellaneous forum. I hope you will read them.
You can pm me if you want to talk more about this.

I've been through a little bit of what you have, not a lot, but those parts are only beginning to be resolved. Certain people will never come near me again and for that I am thankful. I know I want it in the past, and for me, that doesn't mean forgetting what happened, or happily standing in the same room as that person.

It means I'm always going to remember it, but I'm not going to let it hold me back. I'm not going to try and forget, because it's unforgettable, and trying to do so will ultimately fail. Instead, I'm going to go on with my life. I think when I finally put this in the past, it will look like me standing up to the ignorant jokes and comments made about these subjects, not thinking every guy/man has ulterior motives, and eventually, not being so scared of anyone's touch. That's what it will look like for me. That's the place I want to be in one day.

For now, my advice to you and me is to talk. I talk becasue I know the more I say it, the less it hurts. Last week, I was crying for hours after saying something for the first time. Now, if I avoid certain words, I can mostly hold myself together. I want to be at peace with this.

remember that many many many chruches and religious schools are and were hotbeds of homosexual sin by the teachers and priests and pastors (and doctgors) ,
and
many police authorities also, and government officials(very many).in fact, in many cities
the wickedness is so great, if believers go to the authorities, the believers are accused and arrested, and their families smeared and jailed also.


remember esther ? (read the book in the bible esther, and read about sarai, ruth, abigail, rachel, and so on also for encouragement from yahweh (the creator))

unknown and unheard of today, practically --- submit to yahweh , to live, or all life, and for his timing in all things. yahweh will never ever ever fail you or forsake you (see in hebrews) as you trust and rely and call on him.

LostBattle, I want you to message me as well so WE can talk..I'm a good listener and I've been there..and I feel the way you do--we can't let our pasts hold us back..

You were wounded. I hope you have grieved thru it and not just stuffed it down. I know this sounds a bit morbid but you have to stay in the pain and feel/recognize it for what it is so that you can process through it. What emotions did you experience.....did you try to push them away or did you stay in them. People can obviously be wounded in different ways but the process in nurturing yourself thru it is the same.

My sister.....how to let go???? This is a great question......we all know that's forgiveness is forthe forgiver......thankfully the violations that you have suffered I have never experienced......but letting go of something and someone who hurt me I have.......After things happen ....in our griefwe are defined by our assault....after too long ....we begin to be identified by it......there willcome a time.....with Gods help....we don't want to be that.....being defined by who you are and notby what you have indured .....after time......you will not forget....but you will learn to live with the fact.....as hard as it seems now.....focusing on other parts of your life will help some.....setting goals that has nothing to do with what has happened also helps....soon instead of reliving it over and over....God will help you rise above it...and then you will be able to look down on it and only need to use itto help others who have gone through the same....turn your vengeance over to God.....He will be your Champion...if you allow Him to handle this disgusting event.....He can the fill your heart back up with the dreams ofa happy life will return.....I pray this helps you.....I'm here for you if you need anything....love and peace....jo

I am not really qualified to speak to this subject,
but I think you are being very courageous to open up
about it and seek help. Thank you for posting your
testimony and sharing your life and feelings with us.
It helps all of us get a perspective on what others are
going through in their life.

Oh wow. "what does that look like?" That's a difficult question. Speaking from how I've dealt with my own past: I believe it looks like acceptance. People say to "forgive and forget," but that's really a lousy adage. You don't forget, not intentionally, at least. I'm not really sure that moving on/letting go even involves not hurting over something from time to time. But processing the pain and acknowledging it is a step in the right direction.

I really like stabbo's post here.

And I really like that you like it, but I wont click like because that will seem a little narcissistic.

I don't know whether to 'like' this post or not.

I feel like I have moved past the anger and hurt stage, now I am left with these old dried up emotions and fresh memories that I don't know what to do with.

For my health class we had to do three acts of kindness. For one of mine I wrote my teacher a letter. Here is what it said,

Dear Mr.L,

For a long time I was angry, no, LIVID with you. I was angry that you covered up the incident with Ross, I was angry about all the times you yelled at me about my grades even though I had learning disabilities, I was angry that you tried to get me to follow all five major religions of the world. I was angry about you yelling at my friends and making them cry. Most of all I was angry that your school gave me PTSD. I was very hurt by you.

I am not writing to blame you though. I am writing to forgive you. I want to forgive you for everything you put me through, the Ross thing, the yelling, the PTSD, all of it. I sincerely hope you accept my forgiveness. I really really do.

More than my forgiveness I hope that you accept God's forgiveness. I pray that your heart be changed. I pray that you come to know God.

While we are on the topic of God, I feel that I need to tell you the complete truth about God. The truth is that He LOVES YOU! That is the plain and simple truth.

I have come a long way from CMA. Thank you for the learning experiences. I'm not sure your true motives for doing what you did but thank you for caring enough to try to help.

I truly wish the best for you and your wonderful family.

-JFSurvivor

So there it is.

I have all these stories and thoughts about CMA that are still circling in my head and I want to talk about them, just so that people know. I don't want this to happen to anyone else EVER so I feel like my story is one of caution.

Also I am very socially awkward so sometimes I use my experience and only tell the funny parts of it as a conversation starter. For example there was this one time we were in Washington DC in the Library of Congress and one of my classmates screams (jokingly) "IT'S A BOMB!" We all froze as a security guard looks at my classmate then looks away. Or the fact that my prom would have been German polka dancing with middle schoolers. Thank God that got cancelled.

So here are some questions:

1) what do you think of the letter?

2) even if I let go and forgive, can I still talk about my experiences?

3) what does moving on look like for YOU?

Thanks!

You my young sister are an amazing woman.........brave......kind .....and loving.......
And I think your letter has expressed yourself well.......but it shouldn't matter .......what should matter
is......how do you feel after writing it.....did you get peace......because whatever you write......it should bring out all the lies and secrets done to you......and it should be said so you can heal..........
ask God to guide you......

Again its what helps you..........if when you talk about it and it makes you feel better.......then talk on.....if it brings you more sadness..........just pray......in time......when you come full circle........you
will be able to help others with your stories......show ones who are hurting there is victory for them also.......you will be a light .....for others ....after all the trials I have faced I'm happy to say.....with
telling of my victories from tragities.......it helps me see that .....it wasn't for nothing......I always gained way more than I lost......with God ....and in the end.....I don't regret what I went through....
because it made me who I am..........and I like that......peace....and much love baby girl.......jo

Thank you :')