So I often times like to post what goes on in my every day life even though it doesn't really have anything to do with a specific topic, but I don't know if I will continue this thread or not we will see how I feel about it after I make it and post it.
Today or at least right now I am searching for God wherever he may be, not searching in the sense I have lost him but I yearn to be close to him to make that intimate connection to simply be with him. I have found long ago that when you cant seem to feel him close by or feel apart from him if you search long enough you will find him. I admit that I am in desperate need of his help I am having a lot of trouble and my faith is shaking. I cannot help but feel weak and am worried but as always I lean on the Lord.
I am going through a major test or trial of faith which I am not comfortable explaining right now but it shakes my faith and gives me doubts and distracts me. it is in fact probably the hardest test of my faith I have ever had to go through but I am not afraid, God and I have overcome every obstacle and every test so far because we did it together because I relied completely on him because he is strong so we will overcome this one as well. It is no surprise to me that I was given a very difficult and hard faith as well as a hard and difficult life, its almost as if I was meant to go through such harsh times even in faith because God is prepping me and others for something I just cannot seem to figure out what.
some say that I am strong not just from my life but say I am strong in faith which I simply cannot agree with because I am nothing on my own it was and always will be God. I was told by my teacher who sort of adopted me that I have pure heart when I explained to her how I feel and what I think all time concerning God and others but when I heard her say I had a pure heart it hurt me inside because I don't believe I have a pure heart at all and if I did I wouldn't know it. A lot of times I become very sad because it pains me how I cannot see with Gods eyes and truly love with his heart. I am so passionate about seeing like him and loving like him that I cry sometimes because I want so badly to but can never seem to fully do so.
I would in a heart beat if God offered me his eyes heart and very spirit in divine nature if I would become physically blind and lose every body function accept such an offer. even if I was in total pain and torment for the rest of my days yet I truly had his eyes loved as he does. The things I desire so deeply the treasures I seek more than any kind of treasure I could ever receive in heaven are directly from his heart but it seems I can never fully receive them in this fleshly body.
Today or at least right now I am searching for God wherever he may be, not searching in the sense I have lost him but I yearn to be close to him to make that intimate connection to simply be with him. I have found long ago that when you cant seem to feel him close by or feel apart from him if you search long enough you will find him. I admit that I am in desperate need of his help I am having a lot of trouble and my faith is shaking. I cannot help but feel weak and am worried but as always I lean on the Lord.
I am going through a major test or trial of faith which I am not comfortable explaining right now but it shakes my faith and gives me doubts and distracts me. it is in fact probably the hardest test of my faith I have ever had to go through but I am not afraid, God and I have overcome every obstacle and every test so far because we did it together because I relied completely on him because he is strong so we will overcome this one as well. It is no surprise to me that I was given a very difficult and hard faith as well as a hard and difficult life, its almost as if I was meant to go through such harsh times even in faith because God is prepping me and others for something I just cannot seem to figure out what.
some say that I am strong not just from my life but say I am strong in faith which I simply cannot agree with because I am nothing on my own it was and always will be God. I was told by my teacher who sort of adopted me that I have pure heart when I explained to her how I feel and what I think all time concerning God and others but when I heard her say I had a pure heart it hurt me inside because I don't believe I have a pure heart at all and if I did I wouldn't know it. A lot of times I become very sad because it pains me how I cannot see with Gods eyes and truly love with his heart. I am so passionate about seeing like him and loving like him that I cry sometimes because I want so badly to but can never seem to fully do so.
I would in a heart beat if God offered me his eyes heart and very spirit in divine nature if I would become physically blind and lose every body function accept such an offer. even if I was in total pain and torment for the rest of my days yet I truly had his eyes loved as he does. The things I desire so deeply the treasures I seek more than any kind of treasure I could ever receive in heaven are directly from his heart but it seems I can never fully receive them in this fleshly body.