How has your life changed after that first impression?
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[FONT="]I used to like snail mails, until 2012. Someone who read an ad I had, wrote to me soon after and, when I received her 1[SUP]st[/SUP] letter, I knew something was wrong… She reached me online first. She wanted to befriend but, in that letter I received home, she said she was looking from something bigger and, the moment I knew she was in a State Prison in Las Vegas, I shrank back: No more words.[/FONT]
One day, when I was finishing high school, a new folk got registered… He wasn´t the way I thought a student should be. He wrote those black t-shirts of Iron Maiden I never loved and, in general, he looked shabby, drifty and odd.
I don´t remember how we ran into.
Perhaps it was for the music or the girls we chased around those years but, being in different classrooms and different courses of life, we became friends and that person I disliked instantly, became my best friend in short time (by the way, he is one of those Catholic friends I actually have). He, with his brother, gave me these crosses: http://christianchat.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=86062&d=1407955461
I don´t remember how we ran into.
Perhaps it was for the music or the girls we chased around those years but, being in different classrooms and different courses of life, we became friends and that person I disliked instantly, became my best friend in short time (by the way, he is one of those Catholic friends I actually have). He, with his brother, gave me these crosses: http://christianchat.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=86062&d=1407955461
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When I was in those wild twenties I loved so much PM. When that relationship ended, that odd friend I disliked at first sight, invited me to spend a large season at his father´s house, another state, to help me overcome that pain I suffered (Thank you, brother).
My life apart from MP was sad. I think her ghost was everywhere and I badly needed more than my friends’ help…
One afternoon “Elaine” phone called me, as usual. She knew how I felt and tried to help me, by giving me those advices she thought would be best (she was studying Psychology those days, so you´ll know it well).
-No! Thanks –I said- I want to grieve and mourn this pain alone. It was me who chose, it was me who said goodbye, so I most face it until the end results.
-You should go out! You don´t deserve that pain… I wish you knew more friends –She told. I have a friend here I want you to know.
-What for? No! No! No! The more I have loved those ones I thought I would enjoy, as a long term relationships, one way or another went away… (Bla! Bla! Bla!) I have seen nothing worth living for.
-Why do you think that?
-It´s not that I think… It´s also what I have felt… -I talked back.
-Are you sure? Don´t do think you could be wrong?
That was not my friend’s voice talking on the phone.
-Who are you? I wasn´t aware of you but of what I saying and feeling… Where´s Elaine?
-Ha! Ha! Ha! She left us –all alone- a big deal of time, while you were talking like a parrot… A mad parrot, by the way?
-Oh! I´m sorry. I thought I was talking to my friend.
-Who said I cannot be your friend too?
Well! We talked a lot, several times, several days, until the day we wanted to meet.
I´ve noticed those things you´ve probably seen… It´s easy to idealize people on the phone and -much more- if you´ve liked their voices and those thoughts craved.
-How come I haven´t met you before? –I told her, after I knew where she lived.
I was so excited to meet her after she finished her job... She was a teacher and lived and worked at 5 blocks away from my father´s house.
-Do you mind if I brought you flowers as a gift? –I asked.
-Oh! No!... Thanks! Flowers are always appreciated but, I already felt myself hugely blessed the moment you´ve accepted to be my friend. Of course! I won´t say: “Keep them for yourself”… That´s all up to you.
-Well! I´ll meet you today… Bye!
I was so excited. She was a dream. All we have said, all we have shared (on the phone) look like “everything I ever wanted”.
The sorrow, the grievance by which I had hidden myself, the bitter remorse I had when all my dreams with MP fell apart, were somewhat vanished. Those thoughts I had when telling MP: “I won´t celebrate your X-mass” or “I won´t change to please you” were just a nightmare I had to undergone… It was something I needed to let go!
I got nervous when I arrived to that spot for the meeting. I never asked how she was, never asked anything about her body, and never asked about her our common friend (“Elaine”).
Those days I could believe what I now disbelieved… I´m not the same person.
At least, I knew the way she would be dressed… If she had lied (as a joke or to goof herself) I had no way to “know”, at distance, who I would meet. Yes! It was a BLIND date.
-It´s getting late! –I said to me.
But, at any moment, I saw her coming to reach me out (I told her how I would be dressed).
-¡Dios mío! ¡Trágame, tierra! (No need to say I was shocked and disappointed)
I felt I fall from Heavens to Hell…
She wasn´t the way I thought she was… I wanted to run but… She had my address my telephone number, and my friend´s trust and her love.
I wished I had been blind… She was NOT ugly (but I had my dreams)
Do you like to play those stupid games?
Do you like to show your thoughts and, afterwards, to show your shapes?
I don´t!
I´m one of those who walked with me, and with my shadows…
I don´t like playing games.
My life apart from MP was sad. I think her ghost was everywhere and I badly needed more than my friends’ help…
One afternoon “Elaine” phone called me, as usual. She knew how I felt and tried to help me, by giving me those advices she thought would be best (she was studying Psychology those days, so you´ll know it well).
-No! Thanks –I said- I want to grieve and mourn this pain alone. It was me who chose, it was me who said goodbye, so I most face it until the end results.
-You should go out! You don´t deserve that pain… I wish you knew more friends –She told. I have a friend here I want you to know.
-What for? No! No! No! The more I have loved those ones I thought I would enjoy, as a long term relationships, one way or another went away… (Bla! Bla! Bla!) I have seen nothing worth living for.
-Why do you think that?
-It´s not that I think… It´s also what I have felt… -I talked back.
-Are you sure? Don´t do think you could be wrong?
That was not my friend’s voice talking on the phone.
-Who are you? I wasn´t aware of you but of what I saying and feeling… Where´s Elaine?
-Ha! Ha! Ha! She left us –all alone- a big deal of time, while you were talking like a parrot… A mad parrot, by the way?
-Oh! I´m sorry. I thought I was talking to my friend.
-Who said I cannot be your friend too?
Well! We talked a lot, several times, several days, until the day we wanted to meet.
I´ve noticed those things you´ve probably seen… It´s easy to idealize people on the phone and -much more- if you´ve liked their voices and those thoughts craved.
-How come I haven´t met you before? –I told her, after I knew where she lived.
I was so excited to meet her after she finished her job... She was a teacher and lived and worked at 5 blocks away from my father´s house.
-Do you mind if I brought you flowers as a gift? –I asked.
-Oh! No!... Thanks! Flowers are always appreciated but, I already felt myself hugely blessed the moment you´ve accepted to be my friend. Of course! I won´t say: “Keep them for yourself”… That´s all up to you.
-Well! I´ll meet you today… Bye!
I was so excited. She was a dream. All we have said, all we have shared (on the phone) look like “everything I ever wanted”.
The sorrow, the grievance by which I had hidden myself, the bitter remorse I had when all my dreams with MP fell apart, were somewhat vanished. Those thoughts I had when telling MP: “I won´t celebrate your X-mass” or “I won´t change to please you” were just a nightmare I had to undergone… It was something I needed to let go!
I got nervous when I arrived to that spot for the meeting. I never asked how she was, never asked anything about her body, and never asked about her our common friend (“Elaine”).
Those days I could believe what I now disbelieved… I´m not the same person.
At least, I knew the way she would be dressed… If she had lied (as a joke or to goof herself) I had no way to “know”, at distance, who I would meet. Yes! It was a BLIND date.
-It´s getting late! –I said to me.
But, at any moment, I saw her coming to reach me out (I told her how I would be dressed).
-¡Dios mío! ¡Trágame, tierra! (No need to say I was shocked and disappointed)
I felt I fall from Heavens to Hell…
She wasn´t the way I thought she was… I wanted to run but… She had my address my telephone number, and my friend´s trust and her love.
I wished I had been blind… She was NOT ugly (but I had my dreams)
Do you like to play those stupid games?
Do you like to show your thoughts and, afterwards, to show your shapes?
I don´t!
I´m one of those who walked with me, and with my shadows…
I don´t like playing games.
It´s easy to idealize people on the internet.
It´s easy to lie and to be cheated on. Do you know it by yourself?
It doesn´t matter you have spent a full years reading or learning from a person you liked, you can be wrong, you can be fooled and our inmost life tends to grow by changing (in secrecy).
After years, I have learned and heard from people´s lessons (we all are lessons).
A piece of me: How has your life changed after that first impression?
It´s easy to lie and to be cheated on. Do you know it by yourself?
It doesn´t matter you have spent a full years reading or learning from a person you liked, you can be wrong, you can be fooled and our inmost life tends to grow by changing (in secrecy).
After years, I have learned and heard from people´s lessons (we all are lessons).
A piece of me: How has your life changed after that first impression?
A
I was one week shy of turning 16. My mother left my father to divorce him, but had to fight cancer too. She was losing. My older brother, my younger brother and I went with her. (Oldest brother was laready in college.) Because of the cancer, my grandmother (Mom's Mom) couldn't take care of two teenagers, a four-year-old and Mom going through both chemo and radiation, so little brother and I moved in with my cousins (Mom's brother's family) about a mile away. (15/16, so walking a mile was no big deal back then. lol) My older brother was sent to her other brother's house (who lived three doors down from where I was staying, so equally no problem for him to walk.) He refused, so Gram took care of Mom and left older brother to fend for himself.
One night, two weeks before my 16th birthday, my aunt took all of us cousins to see a musical called Jesus Christ Superstar. (She had absolutely no idea her oldest son -- traveling with us -- had been expelled from school that day. Expelled, not merely suspended. She also had no idea that her second oldest was offered some chocolate on the school bus that afternoon, only it wasn't chocolate. It was a whole bar of Ex-Lax. She also didn't know her niece and nephew -- cousins from the other brother -- had a jar of moonshine to drink during the concert. And none of us knew I'd ask God to make himself as real to me as that guy on the stage.) I was saved sometime during that night with absolutely no idea what it meant or what to do next, but the next day, (while my aunt was dealing with two problem children lol) a friend told me about this Bible Study she was going to before school. I went, and for the first tie learned something about God apart from what I was raised to believe in the RCC.
Mom died three months later. My cousin was sent off to a military school (which he was also expelled from, but he finally did get an education... and developed his attitude even worse.) My other cousin didn't die of dehydration. The two cousins with the moonshine grew up to be wonderful parents who have already had to go through all the mischief of their seven kids. (One had three boys, the other had four girls, but God has a sense of humor when it comes to giving back what people gave to their parents growing up. lol) I'm 59, married, have since discovered a parental divorce and a mother dying aren't the worst things to go through, but they aren't lovely either, have had many course corrections from God, and to go back to a saying that was big when I was first saved, I'm keeping on keeping on in the Lord.
(Actually, I've learned too much to tell it all in one post. lol)
One night, two weeks before my 16th birthday, my aunt took all of us cousins to see a musical called Jesus Christ Superstar. (She had absolutely no idea her oldest son -- traveling with us -- had been expelled from school that day. Expelled, not merely suspended. She also had no idea that her second oldest was offered some chocolate on the school bus that afternoon, only it wasn't chocolate. It was a whole bar of Ex-Lax. She also didn't know her niece and nephew -- cousins from the other brother -- had a jar of moonshine to drink during the concert. And none of us knew I'd ask God to make himself as real to me as that guy on the stage.) I was saved sometime during that night with absolutely no idea what it meant or what to do next, but the next day, (while my aunt was dealing with two problem children lol) a friend told me about this Bible Study she was going to before school. I went, and for the first tie learned something about God apart from what I was raised to believe in the RCC.
Mom died three months later. My cousin was sent off to a military school (which he was also expelled from, but he finally did get an education... and developed his attitude even worse.) My other cousin didn't die of dehydration. The two cousins with the moonshine grew up to be wonderful parents who have already had to go through all the mischief of their seven kids. (One had three boys, the other had four girls, but God has a sense of humor when it comes to giving back what people gave to their parents growing up. lol) I'm 59, married, have since discovered a parental divorce and a mother dying aren't the worst things to go through, but they aren't lovely either, have had many course corrections from God, and to go back to a saying that was big when I was first saved, I'm keeping on keeping on in the Lord.
(Actually, I've learned too much to tell it all in one post. lol)
She´s found me...
After that first impression we both had, we´re not the same, but she´s the same (almost)
"Gina" read one post and knew who I am, even I tried to mascarade by impersonating one of those ID...
How are the rest of men when they are approached by their "Hello!" and "give me your phone number again"?
If you don´t interact personally, if you don´t -eventually- shared thoughts online, what for would any person ask your phone number when -texts- tend to lead thoughts to confussion and misundertandings?
May be she felt happy that I still fight against those things I was fighting.
Perhaps she was happy to see me, elsewhere but, I want nothing back, once it has gone like a boomerang... Less of those who are married, and liked to play their games.
After that first impression we both had, we´re not the same, but she´s the same (almost)
"Gina" read one post and knew who I am, even I tried to mascarade by impersonating one of those ID...
How are the rest of men when they are approached by their "Hello!" and "give me your phone number again"?
If you don´t interact personally, if you don´t -eventually- shared thoughts online, what for would any person ask your phone number when -texts- tend to lead thoughts to confussion and misundertandings?
May be she felt happy that I still fight against those things I was fighting.
Perhaps she was happy to see me, elsewhere but, I want nothing back, once it has gone like a boomerang... Less of those who are married, and liked to play their games.
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After all those years I can recall thoughts, evoke good memories and, after mentioning her, those days and fireworks came along...
She is one of those I thought had died.
To my surprise, it´s still easy to find her telephone number 440-45-47... I would never use that number for a password... Why? Because it would prompt you to use her real name the moment you needed to recover any account and, since mind blocks at those hurting memories, the only way you could use them, it is when you haven´t forgiven yourself or, when you haven´t forgotten/forgiven any issue you had against them.
She is one of those I thought had died.
To my surprise, it´s still easy to find her telephone number 440-45-47... I would never use that number for a password... Why? Because it would prompt you to use her real name the moment you needed to recover any account and, since mind blocks at those hurting memories, the only way you could use them, it is when you haven´t forgiven yourself or, when you haven´t forgotten/forgiven any issue you had against them.
My eyes could get wet... 440-45-47 and 862.88.22
If I tried to balance, if I thought them could be pondered (sigh)
I´m not sure why I had those crushes with ladies born in November... (sigh)
Perhaps that was the time my dad and mom thought I needed to be born...
And, when you´ve loved, you´ve been born twice.
If I tried to balance, if I thought them could be pondered (sigh)
I´m not sure why I had those crushes with ladies born in November... (sigh)
Perhaps that was the time my dad and mom thought I needed to be born...
And, when you´ve loved, you´ve been born twice.
First time I came to CC I thought it was one more of those faked sites...
When I browsed at the log in I thought I was a movie I was paying attention to and, reluctantly, I entered...
Yes!
I have liked and loved a couple of ppl here.
Yes!
If I had doubts, many were clarified and, if I ever thought several things were good in the USA... my mind has changed.
A boat is a better place to survive.
When I browsed at the log in I thought I was a movie I was paying attention to and, reluctantly, I entered...
Yes!
I have liked and loved a couple of ppl here.
Yes!
If I had doubts, many were clarified and, if I ever thought several things were good in the USA... my mind has changed.
A boat is a better place to survive.
I lived with a woman 2 years (I met her online) and, when we moved to Colombia, when we changed that "scenery" she had to adapt while living abroad, our things changed dramatically...
She was the best roommate I ever had. We had those legal papers in Venezuela but, when we moved to Colombia, that relationship deteriorated and I´m thankful it was not a formal marriage, the way I´ve planned...
At this age, after living life (perhaps learning nothing good) marriage is not what I needed.
When I see my brother who had married twice... When I´m witnessing another of my blood brother´s troubled marriage of 20 years.
No! No! I do not match for it.
I don´t serve for it.
She was the best roommate I ever had. We had those legal papers in Venezuela but, when we moved to Colombia, that relationship deteriorated and I´m thankful it was not a formal marriage, the way I´ve planned...
At this age, after living life (perhaps learning nothing good) marriage is not what I needed.
When I see my brother who had married twice... When I´m witnessing another of my blood brother´s troubled marriage of 20 years.
No! No! I do not match for it.
I don´t serve for it.
I was used to nail mails ( )
After the internet fast use, my 1st impressions were:
a) How do I know how she writes?
b) How do I smell the perfume she uses?
c) What about those drawings they sent and those pictures you loved?
Well! I know some ppl like to use a secretary or a typist for those things but I HAD A LOT OF GOOD IMPRESSIONS when I received written letters.
)After the internet fast use, my 1st impressions were:
a) How do I know how she writes?
b) How do I smell the perfume she uses?
c) What about those drawings they sent and those pictures you loved?
Well! I know some ppl like to use a secretary or a typist for those things but I HAD A LOT OF GOOD IMPRESSIONS when I received written letters.