Not much of a christian

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

breno785au

Senior Member
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
764
113
39
Australia
#1
I'm really not much of a christian. You wouldn't know it if you knew me from day to day, like the people I work with. Oh, most of them would know I am, been told by myself in the past. But nothing I say or do continually reminds them that I'm living proof of Gods existence. Perhaps more like, the guy who doesn't swear or something like that.

I have zero boldness, I allow fear to dictate my words and actions. Some would probably say as James said it, without works, faith is dead. Sure God loves me, but I only know that mentally! Truthfully, deep down, my heart doesn't believe it and if I don't believe it, how can I convince others?
You've probably heard me talking the talk here, but that's doesn't really mean much. I can't really tell you much about who our God is because I don't really know Him. I don't give Him the honour He deserves. Most of the time, when I want to talk with God, my heart is filled with so much grief deep down that I can get no words out, so I just sit there and basically give up.
That all presents a problem you see, because if my heart really won't accept what God says about how He loves us, I'm left alone with own heart to tell me what I think of myself... Which ain't much.

Well, that's all, I'm glad I had the opportunity to be real with you all. Im not really wanting to be felt sorry for or anything. Sometimes its easier to get things out anonymously. Good day.
 
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#2
Sounds like the same story many of us had.
 

Joidevivre

Senior Member
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#3
Thank you for your honesty. My first thought is that you are still young and God isn't finished with you yet. I think we all have had those zero days when our spirituality didn't show much to others. And we don't even feel His love. Or grief is there.

I hope you can just talk about your real feelings with Him like you do us. Forget about worshiping and giving him honor - forget about "shoulds" - just talk to him.

I will hold you before the Lord as I pray, Breno.
 
J

JustViv

Guest
#4
Hey breno785au, what had drawn you to know mentally that God loves you? There must be something out there and I can see that you are aware that there is some kind of invisible force that had drawn you to God. None of us here know God very, very, very well too and neither to do I. God is revealed in the Bible from Genesis to Revelations bits by bits and as we progress from one century to the next in the Biblical era, we start to see God and learn a little bit more about Him.

I, too, when I'm grieving badly deep within me, I have no words to utter before God and sit there blankly. But, hey, mate, you know what? You can just sit there, empty your mind and let the Holy Spirit to minister to you. You don't have to say anything, for He had created you, He knows you very well. I'm a software developer by training and in the past when I developed systems, when the user tell me issues they encounter, immediately, I know where the problem is because I created it but this creator here need feedback from user but God may not need. Often times, I find it very therapeutic to just sit there and think of nothing, coming before God to let Him minister to me.

Sometimes, I read Psalms, especially the lament Psalm and it's very helpful for me because when I can't pray, the words from the Psalmist helps me a lot in expressing myself to God.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,261
2,386
113
#5
Hey Breno,

I think we have a lot of misconceptions about what being a Christian really means.

God didn't intentionally create you, just the way you are, so you'd act like someone else...
God created you, just the way you are, so you could be YOU.

It's ok to just be you.


If you feel like you lack faith, that's an issue all men have, and God has created a solution.
Spending time in the Word changes us; it reprograms us.
The more time we spend in the Bible - reading, studying, listening to sermons etc.,
the more God reprograms our minds.

There are a lot of verses about the Word, and how it changes us.
Here's a good one about faith.

Rom 10:17
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.


This is specifically talking about salvation, and hearing the gospel,
but there's also a principle in here about the word.
God's pure and holy scripture, somehow, works in us supernaturally, to create faith.

Reading it more, and studying it more, changes us.
It works in our hearts and minds, and reprograms us,
and increases our faith.

Reading the Bible is a simple thing,
but it has all kinds of extraordinary, supernatural results.

: )
 
Last edited:
J

JeniBean

Guest
#6
Sometimes we must outwardly pour this out to God and then ask for forgivnes as we are only human. Then ask for his grace and love to pour through you daily even if it is simply through a smile. Cry out and accept. Believe and understand that no one is perfect. Accept his grace. Grow in love. And don't worry about convincing others. Work on your relationship with him. As you do...others simply see your shining godly spirit. God bless!
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#7
The good news is you are now aware of this and you can change it. Spend time with God talking to Him, read His word so He can talk to you and listen to what He is saying to you on each page that you read.... Read the Bible like it was written only for you. God is speaking to you and when He is telling someone to do something He is telling you to do it...

Love your neighbor.... Breno....love your neighbor.... love your wife as Christ loves the church...making God's word personal in your life take those words to heart.... See just how much God loves you start with the book of John...

When I realized what a sinner I am and how far short I fall from God's glory I cried like a baby and that is when I started listening to God and He asked me to do a few things like mail Christmas cards to my neighbors with the plan of salvation, getting to know God and that Jesus was coming a second time.... My first thought was God they will think I am nuts.... He said so what? If you let them know about Me and some accept me as their Savior then great, but if they still don't accept me at least you tried....

You know I got many positive responses from my neighbors about the cards so I took that fear as satan whispering in my ear when in reality it was a good thing.... I know one of my neighbors in the pool that we share said one time to me you might be more religious than we are but......I took that as they remember the Christmas card with the plan of salvation... after all it is each persons choice to accept Jesus or not.... I just sent an invitation to get to know God that's all it's between them an God now....we are just called to share we don't produce the increase that's Holy Spirits job we just give out the invitations.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,177
2,539
113
#8
Breno many of us especially me has struggled with the same issue in fact you want honesty? The house I live in with a family that isn't my own don't see God shining through me because in that house I have been so emotionally beaten and bruised that I cannot show what is in my heart, God knows you all know but they don't because they will only trample all over it.
in fact there are things I do sometimes that you wouldn't think a christian person does at all, I slip up and I fall and the enemy absolutely loves to use this against me.

If you want to know God I mean really know him I am going to give you the first words of advice he gave me when I asked him what it meant to be a Christian and how do I become a true believer in the beginning of my faith- seek love above all else and everything else will fall into place.

These words he gave me are what made him and I so close I took his words to heart and sought after a love with him like nothing anyone has ever seen, to know who he is to know what love is to know what it means to be a Christian love is the very core of all of that. to have a deep and intimate love with him a real bond and connection with him a relationship of love and childlike faith, all of this will change everything he will show you secrets you have never known he will reveal beauty and wonders you cannot even begin to fathom it will be like you have needed glasses for so long and then you finally get them and you can see for the first time.

Love is the mark of a true believer and is a spiritual steroid for the believer, anyone can say they are Christian but the evidence is love
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#10
You seem like a decent guy, and that's good enough for me.

Hang in there, breno, and all the best to you as you sort stuff out. Kudos to you for taking a moment to be vulnerable with us!
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#11
"Not much of a Christian"? What about Christ Himself? Even Jesus felt separated from God at one point.

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" (which means "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?").

You don't have to pretend to be what you are not. God knows you.
...and the rest of us are weak too. If more people would dare to share their weakness like you just did, then maybe we all would realize we are not weak, we are merely human.

If you need it, take a break from the places you feel you have to put on a show, but don't give up on God. You don't have to say fancy prayers or feel holy, just be willing to "listen", God often speaks in unexpected ways, but sometimes it takes a long time.
 

breno785au

Senior Member
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
764
113
39
Australia
#12
Thanks for all the words guys, they are all good and succinct. Much to consider at take in. None of what I'm going through I could say I'm blame God for (not that anyone suggested I am) more myself not that its a blame thing. I feel as if I've allowed my heart to grow dull and become weary, I can think of scriptures that speaks of those things lol. Im not sure if I've given up on myself, as in, works or given up on God. I don't think I've given up on God it just seems like I'm not really doing anything and I'm trying to work out how I really should relate to my Father. What I've learnt in the past about prayer etc. Makes me sick to my stomach so I don't know any different and I think I relate and treat God the same as my relationship with my earthly father, I don't really know how to be a son.
I think I'd like this thread to become more about people being comfortable about being vulnerable rather than about my struggles. If we create an environment and culture of people being vulnerable it'd help to make others feel less shame and guilt about their struggles and realise, yes we are in this together and I'm not the only one. So I encourage anyone reading, if you want to share, you can see by my OP and its replies there is no.condemnation with everyone (only some) hehe
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,177
2,539
113
#13
Thanks for all the words guys, they are all good and succinct. Much to consider at take in. None of what I'm going through I could say I'm blame God for (not that anyone suggested I am) more myself not that its a blame thing. I feel as if I've allowed my heart to grow dull and become weary, I can think of scriptures that speaks of those things lol. Im not sure if I've given up on myself, as in, works or given up on God. I don't think I've given up on God it just seems like I'm not really doing anything and I'm trying to work out how I really should relate to my Father. What I've learnt in the past about prayer etc. Makes me sick to my stomach so I don't know any different and I think I relate and treat God the same as my relationship with my earthly father, I don't really know how to be a son.
I think I'd like this thread to become more about people being comfortable about being vulnerable rather than about my struggles. If we create an environment and culture of people being vulnerable it'd help to make others feel less shame and guilt about their struggles and realise, yes we are in this together and I'm not the only one. So I encourage anyone reading, if you want to share, you can see by my OP and its replies there is no.condemnation with everyone (only some) hehe
Breno you say you don't know how to be son to father and yet he is using you already:) To turn a thing about you and your issues to be one to comfort others and encourage them and help them is God himself speaking to you and through you
 

Grandpa

Senior Member
Jun 24, 2011
11,551
3,188
113
#14
The hardest thing is to be vulnerable.

Especially with people...

There are lots of different phases or stages in the growing of fruit. In the beginning it takes a lot of attention and care. When the plant becomes strong it takes much less attention and care to keep it strong.

But when that plant is receiving less attention and maybe feels semi-abandoned it is still growing in the way it is intended to grow.

Which is strong in the Lord.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#15
Breno, I don't know you well, but what I've seen of you here at CC, is Christ. I mean that. I think you need to be reminded that growth often looks like one step forward and two steps back.

I'm hardly the poster boy for Christ. I've let fear dictate/paralyze my life for far too long, and this year (probably my most difficult so far), much of my relationship with God has consisted of angrily ranting at Him and wrestling Him. I struggle to rest in Jesus. I'm relearning how to offer love and receive love and learning to trust again. He's breaking me apart and making me new and it hurts so bad.

But God is good and I believe He's proud of you, brother. Thanks for being real with us. Bless you, mate.
 
O

oldthennew

Guest
#16
dear Brother Brendan,

hubby and I are high on Love right now, for you have fulfilled the scripture that tells us
that we are to renounced the hidden things of dishonesty.'
and,
you have also fulfilled the scripture that tells us to 'confess our sins one to another'...
and by you so un-self-consciously opening-up your precious heart, this immediately brought forth
from others - their gifts of ministering, edification, comfort, and showing a great portion of love....

you have presented the principle of humbling yourself to others according to the Will of God -
and because of this, a Godly Thread has emerged and blessed us all......this is a real WOW moment for us!!

many of us have personally gone through periods of 'self-loathing -insecurities -guilt- anger- bitterness'...
sometimes this can tongue-tie us to the point of never being able to speak right words at the right moments...

many years ago at a very low time in my life, our Father would occasionally have me speak to children,
as they were so much more receptive and non-intimidating, this gave me comfort and
a new beginning of self-confidence ..
as a result of this exercise, God taught me how to better relate to people of all ages.....doesn't He always find a way???!!!
...I soon learned that adults=big children.. the 'new-me' was starting to emerge and grow....

you are mistaken in the first sentence of your post,
you have been an excellent example and teacher for us all...

GBY
:):)
 
Feb 1, 2015
1,198
15
0
#17
Breno, I was the guy in the body/paint shop that got a fruit basket instead of a bottle of Crown Royal (alcoholic beverage), and I was the guy who didn't like foul language and dirty jokes, but that was the extent of my known Christianity, I think that I failed to be a powerful witness though.


I was weak and a conformer to the mold they had for me.

Someone told me that I didn't belong in that shop. One guy cursed me out every time I passed him, which was often. A body man always tried to get me fired and frequently said, Why do I hate Ronnie.

I am not bold either and I can't witness.
 
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#18
I'm trying to work out how I really should relate to my Father.
Breno, I speak as someone who a long time ago wondered like you do now.

In my life I may have spoken to my dad 5 or 6 times. The only time it mattered was when he was drunk, and he opened up. Now to live with a stranger like this was odd, but when he died, boy it hurt. He was my Dad, and I longed for him to understand how much I loved him for being just my dad. Now when I was younger I did not understand I was programmed to love my mum and dad, because they made me, literally, as Gods means for bringing me into existance.

But I was still angry at the stupidity the lostness my dad had, his drifting away from the family, his lack of care etc. But it helped to know I loved from my heart because he was my dad, not because of the man he was, which was frail and limited.

Most people shut off this love because of hurts and disappointments, but it matters to understand this is unconditional love, and if you shut off this love you shut off part of yourself and your ability to love also. Once you shut out this love, loving God is equally as hard, as God is unconditional love, but in a very real way one is denying oneself of it, so there comes a sense of lostness.

My testimony is if you can reach down and forgive the hurt which shut you down, things will change, and you will not have to feel I have to work something out, you will find you know what you feel.

I hope this helps, and amen for sharing, because it is the first step to realising things can be different.
 
Last edited:
J

JustViv

Guest
#19
Thanks for all the words guys, they are all good and succinct. Much to consider at take in. None of what I'm going through I could say I'm blame God for (not that anyone suggested I am) more myself not that its a blame thing. I feel as if I've allowed my heart to grow dull and become weary, I can think of scriptures that speaks of those things lol. Im not sure if I've given up on myself, as in, works or given up on God. I don't think I've given up on God it just seems like I'm not really doing anything and I'm trying to work out how I really should relate to my Father. What I've learnt in the past about prayer etc. Makes me sick to my stomach so I don't know any different and I think I relate and treat God the same as my relationship with my earthly father, I don't really know how to be a son.
I think I'd like this thread to become more about people being comfortable about being vulnerable rather than about my struggles. If we create an environment and culture of people being vulnerable it'd help to make others feel less shame and guilt about their struggles and realise, yes we are in this together and I'm not the only one. So I encourage anyone reading, if you want to share, you can see by my OP and its replies there is no.condemnation with everyone (only some) hehe
Coming from an abusive family and a family whereby children are not allowed to speak (especially expressing myself to them), I have no idea how to communicate with my Heavenly Father at times. And, indeed, everybody have a story to tell, I have mine, others have theirs and you have yours. Our stories may sound alike but they are uniquely different.

I, personally, am so ashamed of what I did in the past and I don't even know whether I can still stand up and walk if my pasts were to surface tomorrow. I am nothing close to appreciate myself and I don't have a family that I can depend on. Neither do I have many friends I can rely on. Yet, I have made a couple of nice friends from ChristianChat and I am so thankful for, although I've been here for just a month or so. They've been my source of encouragement thus far especially when I am feeling vulnerable.

I am pretty much sure that everybody have very different kind of struggles in their lives and to give each other encouragement is very important rather than feeling awful by ourselves. Relating to our Heavenly Father for me, would be seeing Him as my Creator. I am able to relate to God that way rather than relating to Him as Father-daughter because, I don't know how to be a daughter of someone. I was trained as a software developer and eventually, I moved on to be a Project Manager plus Solution Architect. Most of the cases, I design something out of nothing to meet the needs of the people using the software, giving them value-added features.

When I reverse that role, God, my Creator, would then be someone I look up to because He knows my flaws, my limitations, my value-added features, my emotions, the very being of me. Just as how I, as the developer or the architect of the software would know the system in and out. When there's a bug being reported by the user, I will know what is wrong or what had happened; attending to it instantly or at the right time. So, when I see God as my Creator, I would be able to pour out myself to Him easily because I know that my Creator will attend to me instantly if I needed to be fixed immediately or when the time is right. My Creator had been a Just-In-Time God in most of my situations.