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Because you represent Ransom Riggs' series, I am seeking representation for THE COMFORT BAN, a Middle Grade urban fantasy. When the federal government tried to stimulate the economy by banning certain luxury items, they didn't understand they abandoned a whole society with no notion how to care for themselves -- the stuffed animals.
Of course, Spaulding the teddy bear missed this, so after he climbs out of a trash bag, he must reunite with his family -- the little girl he calls Mom and her parents. With Teddy teaching him the ways of the world and young Phil out to protect all stuffed animals, all three teddy bears are doomed, except for one over-powering instinct -- the need to love. Ever fearful of humans throwing them away to spend their lives in the dreaded dump, where dogs and rats tear stuffies apart, by night, they join with other stuffed animals to save more stuffies and find enough to eat. By day, they must trust each other like family until they go home.
Will Spaulding find home?
The Comfort Ban is set in Philadelphia and is 47,000 words. It is as realistic as Watership Down, if one can call a novel about talking, thinking animals realistic.
Of course, Spaulding the teddy bear missed this, so after he climbs out of a trash bag, he must reunite with his family -- the little girl he calls Mom and her parents. With Teddy teaching him the ways of the world and young Phil out to protect all stuffed animals, all three teddy bears are doomed, except for one over-powering instinct -- the need to love. Ever fearful of humans throwing them away to spend their lives in the dreaded dump, where dogs and rats tear stuffies apart, by night, they join with other stuffed animals to save more stuffies and find enough to eat. By day, they must trust each other like family until they go home.
Will Spaulding find home?
The Comfort Ban is set in Philadelphia and is 47,000 words. It is as realistic as Watership Down, if one can call a novel about talking, thinking animals realistic.
Never start a sentence with "because", because it's a conjunctive word used to link two relative phrases. "As you represent" is a better term to use. Before you begin your synopsis, take a new paragraph.
Plot issue: why would banning certain luxury items stimulate the economy? Also, if the explanation is rather academic, or hinges on a certain level of economic understanding, you might want to revise your target market. 8-12 year olds generally aren't economically savvy.
How "luxury" are stuffed animals? Perhaps it would be easier just to say "the government, who hated fun because fun was bad for the economy, decided to ban all the stuffed animals". This is giving me a 1984, Animal Farm sort of vibe already.
Strong name. Nice.
This is going to get confusing, if the little girl is called "mom".
This is contrived. You build up this sentence in a light that screams "challenge afoot", then resign the three teddies to doom. Also, if Teddy is a teddy, and there are other teddies, it's going to get confusing. It would be better to say "With Alfie teaching him in the ways of the world, and Phil the Zealot out to protect all stuffed animals, the three teddy bears must utilize their most powerful resource -- the will to love -- to overcome all the challenges they face".
Why by day and not by night? Why not just "They band together with other stuffed animals and set out to save the rest from destruction. To accomplish this, they must trust each other like family. But can they?"
Perfect ending for a synopsis. Questions are great.
This is not for you to decide, this is for the publisher to decide. I'd actually remove everything after "47,000 words".
Plot issue: why would banning certain luxury items stimulate the economy? Also, if the explanation is rather academic, or hinges on a certain level of economic understanding, you might want to revise your target market. 8-12 year olds generally aren't economically savvy.
How "luxury" are stuffed animals? Perhaps it would be easier just to say "the government, who hated fun because fun was bad for the economy, decided to ban all the stuffed animals". This is giving me a 1984, Animal Farm sort of vibe already.
Strong name. Nice.
This is going to get confusing, if the little girl is called "mom".
This is contrived. You build up this sentence in a light that screams "challenge afoot", then resign the three teddies to doom. Also, if Teddy is a teddy, and there are other teddies, it's going to get confusing. It would be better to say "With Alfie teaching him in the ways of the world, and Phil the Zealot out to protect all stuffed animals, the three teddy bears must utilize their most powerful resource -- the will to love -- to overcome all the challenges they face".
Why by day and not by night? Why not just "They band together with other stuffed animals and set out to save the rest from destruction. To accomplish this, they must trust each other like family. But can they?"
Perfect ending for a synopsis. Questions are great.
This is not for you to decide, this is for the publisher to decide. I'd actually remove everything after "47,000 words".
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Also, I nearly forgot, use present tenses in a synopsis unless you require time-specific-habitual or future-past tense.
For instance:
Should really be: When the federal government try to stimulate the economy by banning certain luxury items, they inadvertently abandon a whole society with no notion of how to care for themselves -- the stuffed animals. IMO the entire thing should look like this:
For instance:
Should really be: When the federal government try to stimulate the economy by banning certain luxury items, they inadvertently abandon a whole society with no notion of how to care for themselves -- the stuffed animals. IMO the entire thing should look like this:
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Here is how I would re-write the letter:
As you are representatives of Ranson Rigg's series, I am contacting you, seeking representation for my novel, called The Comfort Ban. It is a middle-grade school urban fantasy and the plot is as follows.
The federal government wants to stimulate the economy by banning certain children's items, specifically stuffed animals. The main character of the story is Spaulding. Spaulding missed this action by the government because he had been thrown into a garbage bag and abandoned. Upon climbing out of the garbage bag, Spaulding wants to reunite with his family, which consists of a little girl named "Sarah", and Sarah's parents. Spaulding, along with his pals Phil and Teddy, learn the ways of the world and how to protect each other, as they embark on a daring adventure to get Spaulding back home to his beloved family. Many dangers and challenges await the three bears, so they must learn to work together and trust each other if they want this adventure to have a happy ending.
Will Spaulding find his way home? And what lessons will the bears learn during this challenging time in their lives?
The Comfort Ban is set in Philadelphia, and is approximately 47,000 words.
The synopsis is a condensed version of your premise, backstory and all. It's supposed to be present tense. If I was writing a story about an invalid who had an accident pre-story and decided to hike Mount Everest, I wouldn't write:
Johnny had an accident. Now he has decided to hike mount Everest (that's two tenses).
I would instead write:
Johnny, in the aftermath of an accident, decides to hike mount Everest.
It's present tense; that's the best tense for a synopsis. As you can see, in English it's possible to refer to the past tense without actually using it. That's how a story should in most cases be written: in one tense. Unless you're writing a FP-POV present tense story, switching tenses is generally unnecessary. If anything, past tense is the last tense you would use for a synopsis. Even future tense works better.
Johnny had an accident. Now he has decided to hike mount Everest (that's two tenses).
I would instead write:
Johnny, in the aftermath of an accident, decides to hike mount Everest.
It's present tense; that's the best tense for a synopsis. As you can see, in English it's possible to refer to the past tense without actually using it. That's how a story should in most cases be written: in one tense. Unless you're writing a FP-POV present tense story, switching tenses is generally unnecessary. If anything, past tense is the last tense you would use for a synopsis. Even future tense works better.
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