Morals Question

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VioletReigns

Guest
#21
#21
Jacob222 said:
Because, next month we would have to pay his rent again and again and again and I would die of old age before he ever said "thank you".
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He's 20 yrs old, you say? Hmmm. He's pretty young yet, still plenty of time to learn how to be responsible. Except it doesn't seem that you like him very much or want him around you. Do you have any interest in sitting him down like you would your own son and maybe talking to him and expressing how much you want to see his life progress on a good path? Ya know, show him that you love him like a father?

I don't know, I get the suspicion that the reason your wife is siding with her son is because you are expressing your disapproval of him and everything he does. You seem to have no faith or hope for him, I'm sure that crushes your wife's heart. No mother wants people to dislike her children.

I advise godly counseling. Talk to a professional counselor. I have a feeling there's a lot going on that will never get corrected on this site. I pray you hear the Lord's voice in these matters.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#22
#22
Jacob222 said:
Evidently you misread my post. The whole point is that he still lives under my roof and continues to participate in this activity which I find morally wrong and doesn't care. He can't move, he doesn't have the money to do so. He does have money for his medicine... He does have money to play on weekends but he can't take care of any responsibilities.
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Call the cops. Seriously. I can't think of anything that would sober me up quicker then a night in jail. And, no. Don't pay to get him out either. He's a man. Time for him to man up. (It may be legal to sell pot in your state, but I bet he doesn't have a licence to grow it.)
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#23
#23
VioletReigns said:
He's 20 yrs old, you say? Hmmm. He's pretty young yet, still plenty of time to learn how to be responsible. Except it doesn't seem that you like him very much or want him around you. Do you have any interest in sitting him down like you would your own son and maybe talking to him and expressing how much you want to see his life progress on a good path? Ya know, show him that you love him like a father?

I don't know, I get the suspicion that the reason your wife is siding with her son is because you are expressing your disapproval of him and everything he does. You seem to have no faith or hope for him, I'm sure that crushes your wife's heart. No mother wants people to dislike her children.

I advise godly counseling. Talk to a professional counselor. I have a feeling there's a lot going on that will never get corrected on this site. I pray you hear the Lord's voice in these matters.
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The moment you start smoking pot regularly, your emotional growth stops. And it stays at that maturity level until you stop smoking it. He may be an adult, but he has the emotional maturity of a young teenager. He can't take on adult responsibility until he is sober.
 
G

GodIsSalvation

Banned
#24
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#24
I have to ask a question here before I can opine. You say he is your "wife's son". This seems to me to imply he is not your son. Is the boy's carnal father still living?
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#25
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#25
GodIsSalvation said:
the boy's carnal father
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Never heard it put quite that way before but it's sure fitting! Mind if I use it? :)

No, really, step dad, it's time for some tough love. My little brother, a pot head among worse things, at the age of 55, still lives with and off of our mom and dad. My mom, who'll be 90 in a few days, broke her hip 2 years ago doing his dishes. They walk on eggshells and hold their tongues in their own home lest they upset the lord Matt. Seriously, throw the kid out and let his mom decide where she wants to be. I understand what Violet says about unknown circumstances and I'm sure there are, but this is a pattern that HAS to be stopped and the earlier the better. These kinds of people won't address the unknown circumstances until forced to. Pray for him, pray for them, lift them into the spiritual realm to God now and in the future. But as for the flesh, if the hand causes sin cut it off. Cut it off now.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#26
#26
Say no to the pot, that's gross! Jacob, you need to take responsibility as the man of your home and tell this young adult (b/c that's what he is an adult not a child) to accept your rules or get out. You could do this in a gentle way like Violet suggested. Maybe sitting with him for a coffee or something? Tell him that you care about him and you want what's best for him. Tell him what you told us, that he was a great student and that you know he has it in him to succeed in life. He does not need to jeopardize his life for selling pot.
I will be praying for your family but you need to have a serious talk with this guy before things get out of hand.
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#27
#27
Okay....I guess I will say it! I do not think it is as much a moral issue as it is a respect issue! He is blatantly disrespecting you, as is your wife for allowing it. YES you morally do not like marijuana and have a strong opinion about it. I am NOT going to debate that here. I am going to ask you if you love your wife? If you do, then you need to go to her and seek counseling so that you do not "MOVE out" because of a young man who is obviously pushing to see how far he can get with his disrespect of you. I am unsure how long you have been the step father, but there is a clear family dynamics problem here. It isn't ALL about your moral belief!
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#28
#28
Hi, my name is Lynn and I am a former druggie. I had the same emotional capacity as that 20 year old boy for the same reason. What stopped me (besides God putting his foot down) was I hit rock bottom at the ripe old age of 21. I lacked common sense, so I decided it was a wise move to thumb a ride on a road very few drove down late on a Sunday night, and caught a ride with a bunch of guys headed the other direction for a beer run.

They got the beer. I waited. They took me back to where they were going and raped me.

And so, it was time to grow up, and I went to rehab of my own choice. There I learned the stories of others' rock bottoms.

-- A girl was walking down the railroad tracks to a friend's house to get high, when the Pagens came along. (Pagans -- the east coast version of the Hell's Angels motorcycle gang.) They kidnapped her, placed her in a cheap hotel room of a place they lived and raped her for three month. She didn't stay with the program. She came and left, and then came back after the same gang did the same thing, but only for a month.

-- A soldier in Vietnam got point when he was stoned and never saw the booby trap headed right to him. (This was in the late 70's. The booby trap was pointed bamboo skews dipped in human feces. When I knew him, he already had the autoimmune disorders that are likely to happen when the body is that overloaded with toxins, so he's probably been dead for decades now.)

-- An 18 year old celebrated his birthday by joining rehab right out of juvie. He was lucky. He was barely 16 when he sold pot and a rival decided to steal his supply. He used his gun and missed the revival. He killed his grandmother -- the woman raising him -- instead. He got manslaughter, because he killed the wrong person. He was 18. Assuming he is still alive he will always know he killed his grandmother, a much worse punishment than the government could ever give him.

This was the marijuana we grew up with. It gave you a mellow high. That isn't today's marijuana. Today's weed is so potent you might not even know what you did on that high. You could puke your guts out.

I just gave you four stories of why people thought it was time to give up pot. It's much worse now. Either do something for this son now before he hits bottom, or regret not doing something for the rest of your life. THAT is the straight reality of what you're dealing with -- not whether this wrecks your morals.

This isn't the 60's and 70's anymore, and they weren't all that simple then either.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#29
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#29
Jacob222 said:
He is 20 years old, works very part time. No prospects at this time. Mama has to fork over money to help with his car repairs because his first priority is keeping up on his "medical" ( laugh) maryjane.
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Pardon me, but........ "Mama HAS TO fork over money?" Oh, Brother! You are sunk before you even leave the dock if she is THAT openly defiant and disrespectful of you.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#30
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#30
Jacob222 said:
Evidently you misread my post. The whole point is that he still lives under my roof and continues to participate in this activity which I find morally wrong and doesn't care. He can't move, he doesn't have the money to do so. He does have money for his medicine... He does have money to play on weekends but he can't take care of any responsibilities.
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Sounds like three people here need to grow up............ And, possibly, you, more than the other two.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#31
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#31
Jacob222 said:
Because, next month we would have to pay his rent again and again and again and I would die of old age before he ever said "thank you".
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My parents were both dead when I was 12....I really had no backup system - I had to work so I have no sympathy for anyone who is able and not doing what they should be doing. I would tell my wife I love her with all my heart, but this is going to STOP. I would put my wife and son I assume you married into in a room together and give them the new rules. If son is going to stay he will be getting a job full time, not growing pot period. If either one of them don't like these new rules then mom/wife is welcome to move with son into an apartment you will help them get into and after that they or he is on his own.

If he doesn't earn enough money to make the rent the he will be welcomed into one of your areas homeless shelters with address provided as giving this talk. Parents don't help their adult children grow up by supporting them all the time.

Again I had no one to really rely on except for me being an adult and working - I got married at 17 not a real wise choice on my part but my husband and I bought a house at the ages of 18 and 19. It can be done....I guess I am hard hearted in this area.

One time my daughter was not really working a job she was selling items on ebay....but I could see that at some point it would not be enough to support herself so I flat out told her - It is time you get a job and she did. She knows I don't mess around when it comes to being responsible and helping out when you are an adult. That was many years ago. She is now 35 and doing very well and has never asked me to borrow money or for any support. The way it should be...but to be fair because she has proved herself a responsible adult if she did need help I would rush to her aid...But I would never support a free loader.. Especially one trying to grow pot.
 
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Lis45

Guest
#32
#32
Jacob222 said:
I am not standing in his way. I do wish he would move to a place of his own. I do not like the fact that my wishes aren't honored in my own home. I am made the intolerant bad guy simply because I do not want to smell and see his weed growing in my yard. I don't want to invite guests to my home because I am embarrased of what they will see and smell.
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Is he growing and smoking this stuff legally? I mean is he licensed to grow or is it legal to grow? I really just want to know. What is his medical "ailment" that he's smoking this stuff for?

I see your in such a difficult position. I am so sorry. I can't blame you one bit. I myself, would have to remove myself from the situation if either of them are unwilling to. It's really the only other option you have besides staying as you are. Remove yourself completely. Tell your wife you will wait for her, and pray, but you are no longer a part of this. She'll have to find a way support herself and her son in the meantime, because you will not. Yes, it will hurt, she'll get mad, and all the other craziness. Pray..give it to God...give them both to God...and wait on Him. Are you up for it?
 
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