Morals Question

I am very much against marijuana after years of seeing the long terms effects it has on people. I also know that our Lord doesn't want us abusing what He has given us. True, marijuana has some theraputical benefits but is is more often used for recreational use and often is abused. I tried it exactly three times in my teens and did not like the way it affected me. To me it is a moral issue since I know how it effects thought patterns and physical abilities as well. I have battled with my wifes son over this for several years and there has been a lot of damage to our relationship. He was smoking it on our property, in our home, having friends over, drinking beer and smoking pot. I am a deacon in my church and I cannot accept this lifestyle to continue. My wife was onboard with me for years about drinking or drugs in our home. We both would not allow it. Over the last few years she has caved in to his pressure, I have not and it continues to be a strain on our relationship. Now he has decided that he wants to be in the pot business. He is presently taking a class once a week to learn all about it. In about 10 weeks he will get his certificate and that will be his grand achievement in life. He was a straight A student for years until he got on pot, then his grades crashed and burned and his only ambition now is pot. Now I am the bad guy because I won't jump on board with his decision. To me it is a moral issue and am not comfortable with comprimising my morals and caving in. I would appreciate Godly advice on this situation...

How old is this guy? If he's older than 18, you have no obligation to keep him in your home.

My advice would be to ask him to start his "business" elsewhere! Sounds like you're in a state that allows this behavior (Colorado?), but I'm with you, it's just not good. Put your foot down, and just say no.

Be the head of your household and hold fast to your rules. Since your wife supported you in the past, she should support you now. And there is the whole submission issue...

I had my issues with an unruly stepson also. As for the property, he needs to get off your property. This insensitive person is putting a horrible strain on your marriage. My advice, and I believe that it is indeed Godly, is to tell him that it's either your way or the highway. Welcome to CC.

As dear Abby often said, no one can take advantage of you without your permission.

Sounds like it's time for this chicken to leave the roost.

Give him 30 days to quit or vacate. Then enforce it. If your wife gives you grief, remind her of your position as deacon and Matthew 18:

(15“If your brother or sister[SUP]b[/SUP] sins,[SUP]c[/SUP] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[SUP]d[/SUP] 17If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.)

While I hesitate to say toss her out too, she needs to know that she either supports you or him, she can't do both in this situation. Perhaps a few days in his care will change her mind.

Hi Jacob,

Regarding the use of drugs, in the NT this falls under the category of sorcery and witchcraft. The word pharmakeia translated as sorcery or magic arts, is where we get our English word "Pharmaceuticals" from. Drugs were/are part of casting spells and incantations. People use drugs today recreationally, but according to the word of God it is still considered engaging in sorcery, magic arts. This can be seen in the following scriptures:

"The rest of mankind who were not killed by these plagues still did not repent of the work of their hands; they did not stop worshiping demons, and idols of gold, silver, bronze, stone and wood—idols that cannot see or hear or walk. Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts." (Rev.9:21)

"Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood." (Rev.22:14-15)

That being said, drug use provides opportunity for the powers of darkness, demonic activity, to interact within peoples lives. So regarding your wife's son, you might want to mention this aspect to him. For as I am sure that you already know, anyone who continues to willfully live according to the sinful nature will reap destruction. And also, not being in Christ and being involved with pharmakeía makes him vulnerable to the demonic activity. I will keep him in prayer.

pharmakeía (from pharmakeuō, "administer drugs") – properly, drug-related sorcery, like the practice of magical-arts, etc.

phármakos – properly, a sorcerer; used of people using drugs and "religious incantations" to drug people into living by their illusions – like having magical (supernatural) powers to manipulate God into giving them more temporal possessions.

Morality is a question of perception or rather of culture. If this is legal then let him find his accomplishment in that business. Better him than the organized crimes. Children belongs to God and be sure that he will take care of his children.

You never made it clear if he is living at home or comes over with his friends.
But either way, it sounds like he is showing little respect for your wishes...a sign his MaryJane enterprises will fail.

He is 20 years old, works very part time. No prospects at this time. Mama has to fork over money to help with his car repairs because his first priority is keeping up on his "medical" ( laugh) maryjane.

I am not standing in his way. I do wish he would move to a place of his own. I do not like the fact that my wishes aren't honored in my own home. I am made the intolerant bad guy simply because I do not want to smell and see his weed growing in my yard. I don't want to invite guests to my home because I am embarrased of what they will see and smell.

Are you familiar with the concept of standing between a mama bear and her cub?

My feelings exactly but it's been my observation that when push comes to shove, I will be the one thrown under the bus. But I am already at the door about to move on. I hate divorce but at 65 I know my days are few and I don't want to live them in misery. I will hate leaving her but sadly I am not the priority in her life obviously.

Evidently you misread my post. The whole point is that he still lives under my roof and continues to participate in this activity which I find morally wrong and doesn't care. He can't move, he doesn't have the money to do so. He does have money for his medicine... He does have money to play on weekends but he can't take care of any responsibilities.

Offer to help him find a cheap apartment. Problem solved.

You'll be happy to have gotten him out of the house, your wife will be happy that you helped him get on his own, and her son will be happy because you won't be on his back anymore.

Then you're enabling him. Period. If he's got money for drugs and "play," he's got money to live on.

Your wife needs to decide between her ADULT son and her husband. Biblically, she should support you. Period.

Because, next month we would have to pay his rent again and again and again and I would die of old age before he ever said "thank you".

You know, this kid (and his mom) are exactly the kind who deserve to live under a bridge. Maybe that will change his attitude. If not it's not your problem, it's HIS choice.

Again, they can't take advantage of you without your permission. Grow a pair and toss them out!

Sadly, like most parents, we get to a point where children have to be prayed for but allowed to make their own senseless choices and downfalls like the rest of mankind when they reach legal age. Parents are the bone that children first grind their teeth on. My children laughed when they were told that their parents had something to look forward to on their wedding night. My own pastor's son, raised in church and professing JESUS as his Savior, decided he would become a porno star. I could go on and on listing others 'sins"...but, alas...each is their own captain of their own ship...doomed as it may be. Yes, I agree with you Jacob222..it is a moral issue..on his part. Your morals are of a higher caliber. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they look up, sadly. Jonah surely did...but GOD sent a whale...GOD will do all HE can based on the very strength of your prayers. Praying does not mean you support his habits and choices, nor does it mean that you will participate with him.

Thank you, well said, wise council...