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Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, first, the kids hate me; and second, the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, first, the kids hate me; and second, the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!"
B
Your words have power, I am living proof of my words. When I was young, I stated many times that I wanted to be a weather broadcaster. I got my wish, though not a TV reporter...but I am know a walking barometer, my body alerts me every time the weather is changing, because it changes too!..lol Oh success
B
Funny and very true...
An American skeptic was visiting an island whose natives were originally cannibals. When he spotted an old man reading the Bible, he ridiculed him for reading a book "full of myths which had already been exposed." The native smiled at him and said, "My friend, be grateful we do believe this book. Otherwise, we would be serving you for dinner." The Bible really does change people, and this amazing fact confirms its inspiration.
An American skeptic was visiting an island whose natives were originally cannibals. When he spotted an old man reading the Bible, he ridiculed him for reading a book "full of myths which had already been exposed." The native smiled at him and said, "My friend, be grateful we do believe this book. Otherwise, we would be serving you for dinner." The Bible really does change people, and this amazing fact confirms its inspiration.
B
FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT
A fellow finds himself in front of the Gates of Heaven. God greets him and explains that it's not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria that have to be met before entry is allowed
For example, did the man go to synagogue? No? "That's not good," says God.
Was he generous? Did he give money to the poor? Charities? No? "That's not good," says God.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? God is becoming concerned.
Exasperated, God says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man says, "Well, there was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a biker gang. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.
I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".
"Wow", says God, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.
A fellow finds himself in front of the Gates of Heaven. God greets him and explains that it's not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria that have to be met before entry is allowed
For example, did the man go to synagogue? No? "That's not good," says God.
Was he generous? Did he give money to the poor? Charities? No? "That's not good," says God.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? God is becoming concerned.
Exasperated, God says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man says, "Well, there was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a biker gang. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.
I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".
"Wow", says God, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.
The child and his mother:
A*curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
A*curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Top Ten Ways You Know You're in a Bad Church
10. The church bus has gun racks
9. Staff consists of "Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor, and Socio-Pastor"
8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version"
7. Their is an ATM in the lobby
6. Services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake"
5. The choir wears leather robes
4. No cover charge, but communion is a 2 drink minimum
3. Karaoke worship time
2. Ushers ask "Smoking or Non-Smoking?"
1. The only song the church organist knows is "Innagaddadavita"
10. The church bus has gun racks
9. Staff consists of "Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor, and Socio-Pastor"
8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version"
7. Their is an ATM in the lobby
6. Services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake"
5. The choir wears leather robes
4. No cover charge, but communion is a 2 drink minimum
3. Karaoke worship time
2. Ushers ask "Smoking or Non-Smoking?"
1. The only song the church organist knows is "Innagaddadavita"
I'm new here but I have a story that you may like.....I was walking my dog the other day when suddenly he got up on his back legs and put his front legs against a wall and started to pee, a friend of mine was passing by and said to me 'that is clever how long has he been doing that' I said 'since a wall fell on him'
Elephant:
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”