Veterans Nursing Homes

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D

Depleted

Guest
#1
#1
This is one I think every country has -- places for old vets who have no family to go when they can't live on their own. And, I can't imagine any country would go full-hog and do something for them besides Bingo on Saturday afternoon, an occasional meal in a different room set to music and called a picnic, or a monthly field trip.

I've been spending the last three months in one visiting hubby. And since I'm (still) a smoker, I've been spending about 15 minutes a day with the smokers in the place. Now I find myself feeling really bad (and happy -- God knows how happy I am!) because hubby is coming home, and I've got friends in that nursing home. I've got friends I may never see again. (Hubby isn't completely healed. I don't know how healed God plans for him to get, before God does the Big-Heal -- gives him a new body -- so I don't know if I'll ever have time to go back.) I hope we come to a place where we can go back regularly, just to visit.

But you know what breaks my heart? There are only two other men in that home who gets family visiting every day. (And one of them I can't make up my mind if he even wants his brother to visit every day. lol) Some get family once a week. Most never see any family. No one comes to visit them. The biggest crowd forms for them when patriotic music is piped into the PA system for the entire trip down the halls with staff and honor guards following the coffin and then a gathering at the front door with military honors and a few words. And the crowd that forms is large. Lots of staff to take care of these men. (Never enough to do a great job, but most do care very much and try their hardest.)

My friend tells me there are 128 beds. He also told me he was the honor guard last year, until he just couldn't cry anymore. 100 people were taken out by coffin last year. He's one of the men who gets no one visiting him. He's not my only friend there, and now I'll not be visiting him.

If anyone wants a ministry from God but can't seem to find one, try a veterans home! Every single resident gave something big to his/her country. (I've seen two women vets, although Portia got the dream -- she walked out the front door last week.) They don't need more Bingo. I'm not sure any of them really like the "Rock and Roll" picnic that seems like every other lunch, except everyone is crammed into a different room and there's good music playing, while eating picnic food. But I've made some guys happy and some guys angry simply by visiting. The ones angry? They're angry "because someone visited him, but not me!"

And don't go, if you think this is about evangelism. Go because they have something to teach us! They're worth listening to, even if they work at keeping it light while their extremities are being surgically removed one joint at a time. Yes, they could use God's help, but they already have God's help. A friend would be nice.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#2
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#2
Bless you, L. I spent six years, as a young man, working at our state's largest mental hospital. (Half the time I swore I was really the patient.) We lost, oddly enough, an average of 365 patients a year... not one a day, but that was the average. And then there were the ones we steadily lost to the deepening fog.

I got to where I couldn't take it any longer.

I honestly do try to be compassionate. I care, but I just cannot let myself truly care that deeply anymore. I know it's selfish, but it hurts too much. I want to be a rock, an island, and I can identify with that old song so much. Frankly, living this way, sucks! All it does is give you clinical objectivity. Whoopie.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#3
#3
Willie-T said:
Bless you, L. I spent six years, as a young man, working at our state's largest mental hospital. (Half the time I swore I was really the patient.) We lost, oddly enough, an average of 365 patients a year... not one a day, but that was the average. And then there were the ones we steadily lost to the deepening fog.

I got to where I couldn't take it any longer.

I honestly do try to be compassionate. I care, but I just cannot let myself truly care that deeply anymore. I know it's selfish, but it hurts too much. I want to be a rock, an island, and I can identify with that old song so much. Frankly, living this way, sucks! All it does is give you clinical objectivity. Whoopie.
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I get that. 2.5 years working with throwaway kids and addicts, before I quit, never to look back. But when I was in my 20's and looking for a ministry, I tried many. No one ever suggested this one. It never occurred to anyone in our church, so I'm giving it out on here, in case it still doesn't occur. If 80% either die or get better, (and there is only one wing for short-termers, so most died), it would take a special gift from God to do this.

Or maybe I'm just getting old enough to truly understand I'm not getting off earth alive. (Not my last home, so that part doesn't bother me. The "maybe I'm not dying in my sleep" part scares me.)
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#4
#4
Or any nursing home. I take care of my mom who has dementia. I have had to learn the most horrifying disease known to man. I understand ( maybe not agree with) why people can't handle going to see their loved ones. But they are still there. No matter what they are who they once were. No one deserves to exist alone.

Great post Lynn. Hugs.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#5
#5
Ive seen the same thing in hospitals and nursing homes while visiting
my aunt.

Last summer while she was in for 6 weeks, I found myself with a magazine/paper
round. Every time I visited I took them in for 6 different people.

When she was in hospital for 3 months in Autumn I often ended up being the
go getter person for the 4 bed bay she was in, fetching things from the shops and
cafe on the ground floor for people. On Christmas Day only one other person
was on the ward and I couldn't remember this person getting any visitors. So
I took her a present and a few decorative bits and pieces as well as for my aunt.

Many were elderly I would say less than half got visitors, some visited just once a week etc.

Then there were the elderly who lived alone and didn't want to go home!

At my church there are groups of people who regularly visit the older people connected
to the church who cannot get out much. But there are many many thousands of elderly
not connected to churches who live alone and who end up in hospital alone.

Ive often thought that if I find myself living near an elderly person, I would want to
check up on them and say hello, see if they want anything etc. I even did consider
continuing to visit people in the places my aunt has been aunt, but the practicalities
of that while taking care of my aunt at home mean it's not possible. Not in any meaningful
regular way.

So I suppose I will just end up like everyone else going about their busy life.

I have seem elderly people on the streets struggling to carry home bags of shopping
etc and asked if they want help. But alas they often give me a strange look as if I'm
going to mug them or something.

Its a problem with society rather than a church problem. If everyone was a good neighbour,
looking out for the old, infirm etc who live next door, offering to do a bit of shopping, making
someone a hot meal on occasions, a bit of gardening, even the odd visit if somebody goes into
hospital etc. Then it would make a big difference but we see to live in a society which either
does not care or is too busy to care.

The irony of it is that one day we will all be old and need help. There is a saying that what
goes around comes around.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#6
#6
Miri said:
Ive seen the same thing in hospitals and nursing homes while visiting
my aunt.

Last summer while she was in for 6 weeks, I found myself with a magazine/paper
round. Every time I visited I took them in for 6 different people.

When she was in hospital for 3 months in Autumn I often ended up being the
go getter person for the 4 bed bay she was in, fetching things from the shops and
cafe on the ground floor for people. On Christmas Day only one other person
was on the ward and I couldn't remember this person getting any visitors. So
I took her a present and a few decorative bits and pieces as well as for my aunt.

Many were elderly I would say less than half got visitors, some visited just once a week etc.

Then there were the elderly who lived alone and didn't want to go home!

At my church there are groups of people who regularly visit the older people connected
to the church who cannot get out much. But there are many many thousands of elderly
not connected to churches who live alone and who end up in hospital alone.

Ive often thought that if I find myself living near an elderly person, I would want to
check up on them and say hello, see if they want anything etc. I even did consider
continuing to visit people in the places my aunt has been aunt, but the practicalities
of that while taking care of my aunt at home mean it's not possible. Not in any meaningful
regular way.

So I suppose I will just end up like everyone else going about their busy life.

I have seem elderly people on the streets struggling to carry home bags of shopping
etc and asked if they want help. But alas they often give me a strange look as if I'm
going to mug them or something.

Its a problem with society rather than a church problem. If everyone was a good neighbour,
looking out for the old, infirm etc who live next door, offering to do a bit of shopping, making
someone a hot meal on occasions, a bit of gardening, even the odd visit if somebody goes into
hospital etc. Then it would make a big difference but we see to live in a society which either
does not care or is too busy to care.

The irony of it is that one day we will all be old and need help. There is a saying that what
goes around comes around.
Click to expand...
Miri? "I've often thought that if I find myself living near an elderly person, I would want to..."? How "living near" are you expecting to get? You live with your aunt. The only way to live nearer would be to always be in the same room with her.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#7
#7
Depleted said:
Miri? "I've often thought that if I find myself living near an elderly person, I would want to..."? How "living near" are you expecting to get? You live with your aunt. The only way to live nearer would be to always be in the same room with her.
Click to expand...
Her bedroom is in the living room, so we almost share a room. :D

The area I'm in is full of youngish families. So I suppose if I do find myself
living next to an old person, it will be because I'm old too!
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#8
#8
Miri said:
Her bedroom is in the living room, so we almost share a room. :D

The area I'm in is full of youngish families. So I suppose if I do find myself
living next to an old person, it will be because I'm old too!
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When we first moved into our neighborhood, 25 years ago, it was half "old people" and half people our age.

All our backyards are about 4 meters by 4 meters with chain link fences, so it's easy to talk to a neighbor two doors down. The neighbor to our left (looking out our back door) had a 14 year old daughter who loved to sunbathe all summer. (Thankfully, that neighbor put weaving in the fence, or hubby would have avoided outback just for fear of ogling. He spent a lot of time not looking.) And then her little brother was the typical little brother with the squirt gun. Across from them was a couple with two kids in college. Next to him... well, honestly? I forgot, because that house changes owners every 2-3 years. Next were "the hippies," which was just a couple our age who grew pot in the backyard. And then our neighbor to our right was a recently retired SEPTA worker. (SEPTA is our public transportation system -- buses and trains.)

Now the sunbather brings her kids over every weekend. Her brother is a lawyer. The couple with the kids in college seem to be the best location for their granddaughters to sunbath. When we told our retired-SEPTA worker that the "old man behind him died," (the hippie -- and they only grew pot for the first few years we lived here, now that backyard looks like an Italian villa, sculptures and topiaries included), he had absolutely no idea who we were talking about. He's at least 85, so to him, we're still all young people.

Live somewhere long enough and by default, the neighbors change. (We're still that young couple, of course, but I keep chuckling when I realize all the gray hair I see in my neighbors is also seen in my mirror. I keep forgetting.) lol
 
M

Miri

Guest
#9
#9
Just think one day we will be the elderly neighbour :(

You will have to come and live next to me or vice versa so we can swap teddy and
hospital stories.

As for sun bathing........I've never had that problem I have an all over suntan so
John need not worry. Lol
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#10
#10
Miri said:
Just think one day we will be the elderly neighbour :(

You will have to come and live next to me or vice versa so we can swap teddy and
hospital stories.

As for sun bathing........I've never had that problem I have an all over suntan so
John need not worry. Lol
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I'm 60 and John's 69. Two doors down had a baby last year, and that "baby" is on 5th grade this year. Across from them there are more kids growing equally as fast. We really have become the "elderly couple." Now, the SEPTA neighbor had his wife waddle down the sidewalk together with canes involved, but as it stands now, they will zip right by John and his walker. We are officially the elderly, even if we're not the oldest elderlies. lol
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#11
#11
New development at the Nursing Home. They're having a clearance sale this week.

The man who was getting chemo and radiation for cancer a couple of weeks ago, went home today.

The across-the-hall neighbor who had a walker with a seat, but we had no idea how he could raise himself onto that seat, (he is a bit short), was sent home. (The first time I saw him, he was happy to be there. Within a week, he was furious because he was STILL there. He was only there for about six weeks, but it was five weeks too long for him. lol)

Mr. Chuck Norris (he had a shirt with Chuck Norris on it, and told me it was from his kids because he used to look like Chuck Norris) is home already.

The guy that always reminded me of Bill Dukes is going home later this week.

Portia, who I thought would leave before John did, is only hung up with paperwork from her "kids." (Kids are generally middle-aged. Sounds like when they bring back the paperwork, the staff can tell her when she goes home.) When John first moved in there, one of the guys was telling how this tiny little woman was in the 2nd floor therapy room, and so quiet and frail, the therapist didn't see her falling out of her wheelchair until this guy told them to go get her back in. The wheelchair just wasn't cutting it for her, so they fought to get her a walker. I didn't meet her for another week, but she became famous for that and she's only one of two women in the place. So, Portia was famous before I even met her, and in the space of John's time there, she went from a tiny frail looking woman who didn't look like she could take one more step with that walker to this fiercely independent woman, head held high, makeup just so, and it looks like the only reason she uses the walker is because the staff won't let her walk around without having it. She's still small, but she has that look like she could be an Amazon.

And, after a mere 13 months (not counting the 18 months he spent in the hospital), they're talking to Smitty about putting him into assisted living. Smitty is my favorite (not counting John, of course.) I really thought he'd stay there were the rest of his life. He was a bit unhappy with assisted living, but he's in an electric wheelchair and has hypoglycemia, so someone has to check on him. I told him both of my grandmother were in assisted living for years before they need the assistance part. He's cool with it now, but he's getting sprung too!

Clearance week -- and everyone is going. (Not literally everyone, but enough to do my heart good to see who is getting out. Feels like it went from a place to die to a place to recoup.)
 
M

Miri

Guest
#12
#12
So Lynn, you've been busy digging a tunnel for everyone
they say its the quite ones you have to watch out for. Lol



Film-still-from-The-Great-008.jpg
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#13
#13
Miri said:
So Lynn, you've been busy digging a tunnel for everyone
they say its the quite ones you have to watch out for. Lol



View attachment 154061
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Right outside the front door is a gate to a terrace/garden section. Half of it is the smoking section and half looks like a backyard. When John could first take time to wheel around in his chair, there were rosebush in full bloom at the corner of that section. I thought that they wouldn't last long, and he really wanted to look at them closely, but all he got was about 17 seconds near them while they opened the doors to the ambulance to take him to the hospital. (Either for a test or to be checked in, so ambulances became a bad thing to us.) I went to the front desk with him to see if we could go out there. Nope. Something about needing a pass. (John gave up immediately as an "it's not that important" thing.)

Smitty was rolling by when the guard said that, so later on he told me they were afraid the prisone... "the residents" would escape. One had just gone for a roll in the area the week before, so they weren't wrong there.

And then shortly after that, I knew I got there early, so John wasn't back from the hospital. So, why not go into that area where I smoke, instead of check in? The gates locked. So I asked the guard if the gate was locked to stop me from getting in or stop the residence from getting out? (Some people just don't get my sense of humor. lol)

Yeah I wanted a prisoner escape. Not just John. I thought Smitty and Music Man (who loves the funk, since there are two Music Man's there), wouldn't mind tooling around the neighborhood in their electric wheelchairs occasionally.


Ends up those rosebushes keep on blooming though, so John has been given the time to look, sniff, and touch while waiting for a ride. (Bah! It's the play-by-the-rules guys you have to watch out for.)
 
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