Searching for an adopted Aunt.

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Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#1
About 25 year's ago I was told that I had an Aunt that was given up for adoption. I have been searching for her for ten years now. My problem is, I have no idea what I'm doing. My other problem is with my Mom, I can't tell her that I'm looking for her Sister. My Mom is 79 and not to keen in meeting people. I love her but she's also pretty up tight .

So have any of you ever searched for a family member that was adopted out of your family? Do you have any tips or advice for me?

Just on the off chance she's here, my Aunt would be about the age of 54 now. Born in Buffalo NY, not sure what adoption agency was used. Her birthday was January of 1961? She would be half black/half white. Her birth name I believe was Darlene. If any of that sounds familiar to you private message me.
 
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Mitspa

Guest
#2
About 25 year's ago I was told that I had an Aunt that was given up for adoption. I have been searching for her for ten years now. My problem is, I have no idea what I'm doing. My other problem is with my Mom, I can't tell her that I'm looking for her Sister. My Mom is 79 and not to keen in meeting people. I love her but she's also pretty up tight .

So have any of you ever searched for a family member that was adopted out of your family? Do you have any tips or advice for me?

Just on the off chance she's here, my Aunt would be about the age of 54 now. Born in Buffalo NY, not sure what adoption agency was used. Her birthday was January of 1961? She would be half black/half white. Her birth name I believe was Darlene. If any of that sounds familiar to you private message me.
Never searched like that ..but lets pray ...Father we ask you to empower this search and make the hidden things known in the Name Of Jesus ...amen
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#3
Thank you Mitspa, I appreciate that.
 
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Miri

Guest
#4
Is it ok to ask why you especially want to trace her?
Are other family members looking for her.

I'm just asking because I was brought up in foster care and while
sometimes it can be good to look for missing relatives, it does not always
have a happy ending. If you are tracking down a missing relative, you have to
be aware of all the possible scenarios both good and bad which could ensue if
you find them.


Not sure about the US, but in the UK there are online census
records to search through plus various organisations and companies
to trace family history. Even so it still takes a lot of searching.

There are also private companies you can employ like people finder etc.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#5
About 25 year's ago I was told that I had an Aunt that was given up for adoption. I have been searching for her for ten years now. My problem is, I have no idea what I'm doing. My other problem is with my Mom, I can't tell her that I'm looking for her Sister. My Mom is 79 and not to keen in meeting people. I love her but she's also pretty up tight .

So have any of you ever searched for a family member that was adopted out of your family? Do you have any tips or advice for me?

Just on the off chance she's here, my Aunt would be about the age of 54 now. Born in Buffalo NY, not sure what adoption agency was used. Her birthday was January of 1961? She would be half black/half white. Her birth name I believe was Darlene. If any of that sounds familiar to you private message me.
This is about you and your aunt, not your aunt and her sister. Your mom doesn't have to ever meet her, if she doesn't want to. Approach it that way, and she'll probably help you.

My husband's mother and father divorced when he was a toddler, and he never saw his father again. (Father didn't abandon him. Mother was that much of a creep that it just never could be.) When he was 35 he asked his brother -- the only full-blooded sibling he has -- for info about their dad, and learned the family name means everything in that side of the family. Sons came with only three names. One was named John (like hubby), the next was named the same as his brother's name, (I'm protecting the identity of innocent people by not giving out full names here, but everyone has already learned hubby's name is John, so...) and the third one was Joseph. You didn't want a son namef Joseph. It's the jinxed name. Joseph either died early or became the black sheep in the family.

With just that info, (and this was before the Internet), he discovered his Uncle John lived three miles from us. He also learned some very cool things about his roots. (His father wasn't a bum. He had arthritis so bad, he couldn't work. Ends up he got married again and had twins. His hands were so crippled, he trained the babies to roll onto diapers, because he couldn't put the diapers on without the babies' help. lol But the arthritis did progress, and he died before hubby could meet him.) But his brother never wanted to meet that side of the family, so they never did.

Just because one person in the family doesn't want to miss lost relatives doesn't have to mean everyone can't. As long as this is established quickly, everyone is freed to do what they want. I know it hurt Uncle John not to meet his other nephew, but he got to meet one. If hubby hadn't done the research he wouldn't have met either. And, sure enough, Uncle John died shortly after that meeting.

Find out all you can from family members, ASAP, because no one lives forever (in this body, anyway.)
 
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zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#6
About 25 year's ago I was told that I had an Aunt that was given up for adoption. I have been searching for her for ten years now. My problem is, I have no idea what I'm doing. My other problem is with my Mom, I can't tell her that I'm looking for her Sister. My Mom is 79 and not to keen in meeting people. I love her but she's also pretty up tight .

So have any of you ever searched for a family member that was adopted out of your family? Do you have any tips or advice for me?

Just on the off chance she's here, my Aunt would be about the age of 54 now. Born in Buffalo NY, not sure what adoption agency was used. Her birthday was January of 1961? She would be half black/half white. Her birth name I believe was Darlene. If any of that sounds familiar to you private message me.
I saw a story on tv recently about someone who was searching for their adopted family member and they didn't get anywhere for years and then they decided to try facebook and they found them in like a few months.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#7
Is it ok to ask why you especially want to trace her?
Are other family members looking for her.

I'm just asking because I was brought up in foster care and while
sometimes it can be good to look for missing relatives, it does not always
have a happy ending. If you are tracking down a missing relative, you have to
be aware of all the possible scenarios both good and bad which could ensue if
you find them.


Not sure about the US, but in the UK there are online census
records to search through plus various organisations and companies
to trace family history. Even so it still takes a lot of searching.

There are also private companies you can employ like people finder etc.
I'm looking for me I guess. I'm not even sure what I wish to accomplish. When found out about her it was shocking. No one and I have a big family, no one discussed it. My Grandmother was divorced, she had a relationship with a black man. It was the late fifties, people didn't accept thing's like that. My great grandparents, her parents were not happy. She got pregnant. The crazy thing is, my Mom, my Grandma's Daughter was pregnant with my brother, my Mom was 25 and this brother is number 3 of six. My Grandma was 18 when she had my Mom, so this is weird, but possible.

To make things more awkward my brother and my Aunt were born two weeks apart from each other. So at this time my Mom and my Great Grandparents basically stopped speaking to my Grandma. Which I think is a bunch of crap, especially Christian people doing that to a family member. So Grandma was basically alone, she really couldn't afford to support the baby. My Grandmother told my other Aunt, my Mom's Sister that she wanted to keep the baby. It was a really difficult time for her and my oldest big mouth Sister told me the whole story. Me and my brother who is only 2 year's older than me were the only people in the family who didn't know.

I was very close to my Grandma and loved her dearly. She was very good to me. I was never allowed to tell her that I knew. That was tough. But I didn't think to start looking until she died, she had dementia and it wouldn't have been good for her.

I don't know if I want to do this for my Grandma to tell her Daughter that from what my Aunt says she was devastated giving her up and thought of her all the time.

My Mom knows I know about her Sister, I don't ask her questions because my Mom was raised to suck it up, no complaining, and they didn't talk about bad things that happened in the past. My Aunt that was given up was born in a time when people didn't like races to mix. I want to know she's ok.
 
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Miri

Guest
#8
I had the same issue being mixed race, here is my testimony.


http://christianchat.com/testimonie...ildless-father-who-discovered-father-god.html


If you do find her after all this time, she may well be aware of the nature of her adoption,
why etc or maybe not.

If she doesn't it will be a shock, if she does there might be a lot of resentment, anger under the
surface.

Pray about this, I'm not saying you shouldn't look for her but ask God to guide you.
Also ask God to prepare the heart of your aunt and for God's healing over this entire
situation. I will pray the same for you.


Following on from my testimony above, I found out last year that my birth mum had died.
I was tracked down by a solicitor and found out there was a small amount of money due to
her children. I knew the whereabouts of my brother but not my two sisters and still don't.
No one has been able to track them down, don't even know their full names, I know one was
changed.

I had all sorts of emotions when I found out about my mum, especially that it seemed she died
alone in hospital with no family knowing about her being ill. All the emotions of the
past seemed to come out even though I knew my history.

Although knowing my back ground and her mental state, I'm not certain if I would have felt
comfortable contacting her as an adult.

In this country mixed parentage children were a deep shameful thing when I was born.
Hardly any blink an eye about it now, times have changed.

I suppose its a bit of a gamble either way when it comes to tracking down relatives.
There will be all sorts of emotions for your aunt to deal with more so than you might be
able to understand right now.
 
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LiJo

Guest
#9
I agree with Mitzpa and Miri, this is something you need to pray about. If it's God's will, He will make it happen.

I have a personal story, I was adopted. My birth mother visited a church in France and prayed to God to locate her kids. A few months later her boss initiated a conversation and some how the subject of locating her kids came up. Ironically her boss's best friend works for a an adoption agency in Belgium and within a month my Mom was able to locate my brother and I in the US. Nothing is impossible for our God!! :)
 
M

Miri

Guest
#10
I agree with Mitzpa and Miri, this is something you need to pray about. If it's God's will, He will make it happen.

I have a personal story, I was adopted. My birth mother visited a church in France and prayed to God to locate her kids. A few months later her boss initiated a conversation and some how the subject of locating her kids came up. Ironically her boss's best friend works for a an adoption agency in Belgium and within a month my Mom was able to locate my brother and I in the US. Nothing is impossible for our God!! :)

Wow, great to hear. :D