Lonely marriage

Hello, and God Bless all who are reading.
I have been married about 19 years. My wife and I seem like we're only roommates. We sleep in separate bedrooms, because of snoring. Intimacy is non existant. I get very frustrated with the lack of intimacy. I have talked about it with her. She is always putting it off. I don't know what to do. I want to do what is right. I do love her. I have a tendency to seek someone. But I want to honor our marriage, I go through this cycle of guilt. Please help!!

Matthew18 says, go to the person you have a problem with, you did that. Then he says take a witness or two if they won't hear you. With a marriage that's a deeper relationship. Find a pastor, or elder couple to counsel you. Keep it private, but you have to deal with it. You initiate the counselor. Make sure they are godly and solid in the scriptures. ( no wiggle room on that). As far as the "seeking someone thing" kill it yesterday! Nothing will interfere with your relationship with God and wife like that, nothing. Whether it's porno or an6actual person, repent. Sin is never a solution to anything. I had a wife for10 years with deep emotional problems,and sex was almost nonexistent for me too. But sin will only make it worse. If you turn to Christ, He will sustain you and you will overcome! Easy, No. But it is the only way to victory and freedom. I wish women could get a clue on this topic, but many love to play with fire. Please don't let this take you down. Bringing her before the Lord and renewing your minds is the solution. That is the essential ingredient. But you have to lead her regardless of her behavior, whether she cooperates or not. Keep yourself right and pure before God, Bro.....it's the only way. Life is a one on one with you and God, regardless of what anyone else does or6doesn't do. Yes, even your spouse.

Thank you!!

Make sure it's not a medical issue...it's not painful to have sex or hormones causing low sex drive.

Then make sure it's not a relationship....do you do things together during the day? Intimacy is more than sex. Sometimes it's hugs, kiss, holding hands, doing dishes, etc.

Find out her love language and learn to show how to show her love..

Marriage counseling? My mema and pa have been married for over 39 years and they had to go. Mema said she was close to filling for divorce but they worked their miscommunication.

Anyway. Will pray and hope God shows you the solution. God bless and keep you.

"I have the tendency to seek someone else."

Does that mean you think about being unfaithful or that you have been unfaithful?

If it's just a thought, repent and examine your heart. Do you really love your wife or do you just want sex?

If it's the later,repent and pray that your wife will forgive you.

Truthfully I would find it very hard to forgive and even if I forgave, I don't know if i would trust. I pray God that He keeps my husband from that sin, because it would be a totally different type of brokenness. Some people have overcome it and may be able to help you.

Iv2 "
. I wish women could get a clue on this topic, but many love to play with fire. "

Brother, I hope you recognize that many women have more than a clue. Its not a male or female sin, but a lack of following God's will for their life type of sin. And yes, people like playing with fire, they think it's fun until they get burnt.

Yep, 1 Corinthians7 is crystal clear on this. Because of our weakness, sexually, we are NOT to deprive one another of the affection due each other. Due. Many don't realize that it's the receiver that decides the affection application,shall we say. Not the giver deciding what he or she will or will not do. Barring anything sick or illegal. I don't want to allow or invite extremes to this conversation. I'm always amazed at how regularly and indifferently I learn of couples ignore/neglect each other. Then, hey we have issues, uh...doing! We are weak and are responsible to protect each other. Laziness in intimacy is cruel and and fool's errand that reaps a fool's reward.

Please, notice that though I did say women, I do realize that there are plenty who take good care of their husbands. However this is huge problem in marriage that doesn't get addressed very much, but anyone who does marriage counselling will tell you that its very common. There is no shortage of preaching down at men about their roles, and how insufficient we are. I believe it only justifies indifference. And if we say anything it just gets turned back on us. So we don't and the unintended consequences are bad for all.

Try to stay with it. God knows your heart. Think of all the reasons why you married your wife. Divorce is like the nuclear option for Christians.

I know you're right. I know you're right. I know you're right.

But . . .

I couldn't live without intimacy if I were married.

Someone would have to go . . . and it wouldn't be me.

Prayers are lifted, brother, for you and your wife. May God touch her heart.

Intimacy with Jesus. You said you wanted to carry your cross, right? The rewards in heaven far outweigh the consequences here.

I hear you Bro....but.... like Jesus said to Peter in John 21:19 ...he said this signifying what death, he (Peter) would glorify the Lord by. Sometimes the death that we die is the one that we don't think we could. Or it really is a painful and agonizing death. We glorify God because we actually make it!???????????? As wrong as it is to deprive our spouse in marriage, that still isn't a reason for divorce. It's straight up sin, there is no question biblically. Neglecting/holding back, whatever you call it is akin to infidelity, it's unfaithfulness. Jesus cannot deny Himself, He is faithful to us, even when we are faithless. When a man is walking in the Holy Spirit, it is not for him to draw the lines.

Bam!!! If things didnt get tough sometimes, our faith would never be tested or stretched, leaving us shallow and undeveloped. God loves us too much to let that happen.

When people start using sex as a weapon or a reward, there are deeper issues of power, love and relationship that need to be addressed.

Not something that can be done over the internet.


All we can really do is examine how marriage is suppose to be like according to the Bible.

I am reading "you and me, forever" by Francis Chan and his wife.

It's pretty awesome and you can download it for free.
It makes the point the closer you are to Jesus and keeping Jesus central in your life, the more harmonious your marriage because you have the same goals.

The Chan's are awesome. She has one of the best quotes on marriage that I've ever heard: when we stay focused on the mission, our marriage is just fine. As opposed to obsessing on it.

Praise be to our precious God in Heaven!!

You would think at 52, my labido would slow down. I do try to think only of her when I take care of myself. Still don't like myself for that.

That won't make things better. Overcome Bro. That truly makes it easier.

I agree, and I am trying, praying, but I still have that desire.

Have you tried bring back a spark in your relationship by going on romantic dates? I know i have this problem myself with my husband. I have not been sexual with him in a long time. It is because I feel unloved by him. I feel like everything else is more important to him instead of me. Of course we have many other issues as well like he is verbally abusive and such which turns me away from him all together. I think maybe if you try to make her feel important again maybe she will warm up to it. I spend 99 percent of my time isolated in my bedroom alone. so I hear what you are saying we also live like room mates. If you try to bring back that spark maybe it will work. I also suggest some marriage therapy if she is up for it. At last resort if you can not work things out you have to think about the fact that maybe a total separation is your option. Communication is very important you have to tell each other your needs and wants. I try that here but I get brushed off and told I do not want to hear it and that sucks but maybe your wife will listen to you.