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K

KenAllan

Banned
#1
Sep 16, 2014
1,278
23
0
#1
For the last month i have been battling with trying to remember my childhood memories. All my memories before the age of 12 years old are totally gone. Thee are none to recall. For the last 40 + years i have been searching for these memories.

I finally found out why these memories are gone, lost forever. My sister finally told me why i have no memories.

When i was around 10 years old i was being molested by a neighbor. He had molested me over and over again for a year. I guess it finally destroyed me because one day i just completely withdrew from everything. They say i would not eat, or sleep or even respond to anything.

Nothing helped to bring me out of this state i was in. The doctors and my parents thought it would be best to do ECT therapy on me. What they did was to totally fry my brain with electricity to destroy these memories.

Now i'm damaged goods.

Because of being molested i am also Gay.

Again i'm damaged goods....sigh.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
We are ALL damaged goods. It's called sin. Whether we do the sin, or it is perpetrated upon us. Thankfully, God is quite good at repairing damaged goods. :) Stop trying to recall what happened decades ago, it's in the past and you need to leave it there. Focus on your present, and your future. Stop acting like a victim, and start acting like a victorious survivor. Just out of curiosity, how much regard do you hold God in? Cuz you seem to doubt that He can help you through this and turn you back to normal again.. jmo
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#3
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#3
KenAllan said:
For the last month i have been battling with trying to remember my childhood memories. All my memories before the age of 12 years old are totally gone. Thee are none to recall. For the last 40 + years i have been searching for these memories.

I finally found out why these memories are gone, lost forever. My sister finally told me why i have no memories.

When i was around 10 years old i was being molested by a neighbor. He had molested me over and over again for a year. I guess it finally destroyed me because one day i just completely withdrew from everything. They say i would not eat, or sleep or even respond to anything.

Nothing helped to bring me out of this state i was in. The doctors and my parents thought it would be best to do ECT therapy on me. What they did was to totally fry my brain with electricity to destroy these memories.

Now i'm damaged goods.

Because of being molested i am also Gay.

Again i'm damaged goods....sigh.
Click to expand...
Uh, if you can't remember anything else, how is it you remember you want to be gay?
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#4
#4
KenAllan said:
For the last month i have been battling with trying to remember my childhood memories. All my memories before the age of 12 years old are totally gone. Thee are none to recall. For the last 40 + years i have been searching for these memories.

I finally found out why these memories are gone, lost forever. My sister finally told me why i have no memories.

When i was around 10 years old i was being molested by a neighbor. He had molested me over and over again for a year. I guess it finally destroyed me because one day i just completely withdrew from everything. They say i would not eat, or sleep or even respond to anything.

Nothing helped to bring me out of this state i was in. The doctors and my parents thought it would be best to do ECT therapy on me. What they did was to totally fry my brain with electricity to destroy these memories.

Now i'm damaged goods.

Because of being molested i am also Gay.

Again i'm damaged goods....sigh.
Click to expand...
On the statement of being molested why has that caused you to be gay, the statement you made is not computing at all.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#5
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#5
KenAllan said:
For the last month i have been battling with trying to remember my childhood memories. All my memories before the age of 12 years old are totally gone. Thee are none to recall. For the last 40 + years i have been searching for these memories.

I finally found out why these memories are gone, lost forever. My sister finally told me why i have no memories.

When i was around 10 years old i was being molested by a neighbor. He had molested me over and over again for a year. I guess it finally destroyed me because one day i just completely withdrew from everything. They say i would not eat, or sleep or even respond to anything.

Nothing helped to bring me out of this state i was in. The doctors and my parents thought it would be best to do ECT therapy on me. What they did was to totally fry my brain with electricity to destroy these memories.

Now i'm damaged goods.

Because of being molested i am also Gay.

Again i'm damaged goods....sigh.
Click to expand...
I am sad for what happened to you. Still, lust is a choice. We can resist immoral sexual temptation or fail to resist immoral sexual temptation. Jesus taught us to resist. That is what leads to happiness.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
BeyondET said:
On the statement of being molested why has that caused you to be gay, the statement you made is not computing at all.
Click to expand...
It's actually quite common for same sex molestation victims to question their sexual orientation or become gay.
 
MultilingualMessenger

MultilingualMessenger

Senior Member
#8
Jan 27, 2015
2,690
367
83
#8
KenAllan said:
For the last month i have been battling with trying to remember my childhood memories. All my memories before the age of 12 years old are totally gone. Thee are none to recall. For the last 40 + years i have been searching for these memories.

I finally found out why these memories are gone, lost forever. My sister finally told me why i have no memories.

When i was around 10 years old i was being molested by a neighbor. He had molested me over and over again for a year. I guess it finally destroyed me because one day i just completely withdrew from everything. They say i would not eat, or sleep or even respond to anything.

Nothing helped to bring me out of this state i was in. The doctors and my parents thought it would be best to do ECT therapy on me. What they did was to totally fry my brain with electricity to destroy these memories.

Now i'm damaged goods.

Because of being molested i am also Gay.

Again i'm damaged goods....sigh.
Click to expand...
God can fix anything (and anyone).

Give it to God and trust Him. He will deliver. :)
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#9
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#9
longtrekker said:
.
.
Reading Ken's missive i don't get the 'want to be gay ' part at all.
Click to expand...
I don't know of anyone who engages in sexual behavior they don't want to do. They may have regrets about it later, or any of a hundred other feelings. But they do it because they want to. If they didn't want to, they wouldn't.
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#10
#10
Ugly said:
It's actually quite common for same sex molestation victims to question their sexual orientation or become gay.
Click to expand...
Yes I agree, as well as not the same sex molestation also, having certain human senses molested/stimulated can have profound affect on the human thought process.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#11
#11
KenAllan said:
For the last month i have been battling with trying to remember my childhood memories. All my memories before the age of 12 years old are totally gone. Thee are none to recall. For the last 40 + years i have been searching for these memories.

I finally found out why these memories are gone, lost forever. My sister finally told me why i have no memories.

When i was around 10 years old i was being molested by a neighbor. He had molested me over and over again for a year. I guess it finally destroyed me because one day i just completely withdrew from everything. They say i would not eat, or sleep or even respond to anything.

Nothing helped to bring me out of this state i was in. The doctors and my parents thought it would be best to do ECT therapy on me. What they did was to totally fry my brain with electricity to destroy these memories.

Now i'm damaged goods.

Because of being molested i am also Gay.

Again i'm damaged goods....sigh.
Click to expand...


I dont know if you have a church you attend,but you should be able to find a Christian counselor either way. This is something you have to work through over time. Only God can break the chains that are holding you down. I hope you will seek help.
 
B

BeyondET

Guest
#12
#12
longtrekker said:
.
.
Reading Ken's missive i don't get the 'want to be gay ' part at all.
Click to expand...
Just because a person was molested doesn't mean they have no choice in the matter, Molestation is a crime not a geno issue.
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#13
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
175
63
35
#13
I dont totally buy into the whole being molested thing can make you gay belief. Many many people who live this life were not molested. And there are those who sadly were in their youth but have no issues with knowing that they dont want to be gay.

I dont think the two are tied together at all, sexual desire is just that, a desire for whatever you felt was appealing to you. What happened in your past isnt really a factory, everyone has had bad things happen to them in the past, no matter what level of severity it may have been.

People do whats pleasing to them, sex is a action performed willingly, nothing forces you out of your control to do it. It can be a hard thing to deal with, if you are trying to do the right thing and not living for pleasure. But other than that, it is just an urge, which almost every human being faces in one way or another. A traumatic past doesnt make it right, or uncontrollable.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#14
#14
The thread title is certainly appropriate,

MikeHenderson
or KenAllan

Choose one, it will make life so much easier.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#15
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#15
And as mean and uncaring a person as I am, I don't (and won't) hold little things like trying to be two different posters against anyone.

All it takes is telling YOURSELF that you are going to do your best to knock the ____ off, and try to keep moving forward.
 
M

MikeHenderson

Banned
#16
Feb 26, 2015
737
7
0
#16
Sorry. But its very hard trust anyone. Its too painful to let people in. Every time i try to i freak out and have a panic attack. Sorry for the deception. My first objective is to keep me safe, otherwise i may not survive.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#17
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#17
Mike/Ken, what happened to you was terrible. I hope you're seeking help. I think maybe words can comfort you but psychologically I don't think anyone here is qualified to help you. I don't think you're a lost cause or damaged goods. I also know that you can't just stop being gay. I have my own thoughts on gay christians they don't fall in line with most others on here, since Inam not in the mood to be told I'm going to hell I won't share that. I know God can heal you. I hope you have a good trusting mental health professional that you're talking to. God Bless.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#19
#19
KenAllan said:
For the last month i have been battling with trying to remember my childhood memories. All my memories before the age of 12 years old are totally gone. Thee are none to recall. For the last 40 + years i have been searching for these memories.

I finally found out why these memories are gone, lost forever. My sister finally told me why i have no memories.

When i was around 10 years old i was being molested by a neighbor. He had molested me over and over again for a year. I guess it finally destroyed me because one day i just completely withdrew from everything. They say i would not eat, or sleep or even respond to anything.

Nothing helped to bring me out of this state i was in. The doctors and my parents thought it would be best to do ECT therapy on me. What they did was to totally fry my brain with electricity to destroy these memories.

Now i'm damaged goods.

Because of being molested i am also Gay.

Again i'm damaged goods....sigh.
Click to expand...
There is a type of cancer that attacks knees. Worse yet, it eats up a knee of someone who is usually in their teens or early 20's and the only way to save the young person's life is to remove the knee on down. If the surgery isn't done, the young person dies. Are those people doomed? Damaged goods? Worthless?

No? Good. I was hoping you'd think that.

You were a kid when someone so completely tortured you that it was like a cancer in your brain. Just one spot in your brain, but like our shin, calves, ankles, foot and toes, it was an important part of your brain -- your memory. You were dying. Completely shut down. The rest of your brain works. Do you have memories from your childhood? Do you remember your 20's? Your 30's? Your 40's? Etc.? Then not as much was taken as you claim.

Yes. It caused damaged to part of your brain. That doesn't mean you are damaged. That means part of your brain was damaged. You didn't do that to you. Some scumbag did that to you. You are not responsible for that. And, yes, I know it causes you more problems than just your memories, so it is more than that memory. But it was more than the knee too. It doesn't mean those kids are damaged. It means their legs became damaged. You are not damaged. SOME of your brain is damaged.

I saw the other thread. No, counseling won't help you, except to help you deal with this lose. Considering you've had therapy for decades and yet just learned this recently, I'd go with counseling isn't for you. Your family has hid too much.

But there is life after all this. You know. You've lived it for decades. It may have been (probably have been) harder than most, but it was a life. Some of it was good. I suspect you've helped people somewhere in it, so it was worth it.

And, no. You're definitely not gay. You may have become a homosexual, but there is no gayness in this post. That giving in to the homosexual thoughts and actions has also helped degrade you. That is was homosexuality does to a person. That's why they die younger. It's a hard life. But damaged? Not like a knee. Not like a damaged brain. That is fixable in God. He can help you through that and strengthen you. Your job is to cooperate with him.

In your other thread, you said you were always depressed. I don't doubt that. From what I've read that's a physical by-product of shocking a brain. You're not the first person to be always depressed.

Charles Spurgeon was like that his whole life too. Look what he did with it. Read his devotional every morning and every evening. You will find God there. You will find understanding, peace, and comfort. Do what he did. Take it to God, learn about God, study God, trust God.

It's NEVER too late! It won't "fix" your depression, but it will make it useful, and you too. Isn't that what you hate the most about your life -- that you feel like you're useless? You're not. God takes what others deem as damage and fixes us past what undamaged will ever be! Let him make you feel useful again.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#20
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,264
113
#20
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