ECOWnomics

ECOWnomics
Political Economics Simplified:

DEMOCRAT
• You have two cows.
• Your neighbor has none.
• You feel guilty for being successful.
• Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
• You have two cows.
• Your neighbor has none.
• So?

SOCIALIST
• You have two cows.
• The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
• You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
• You have two cows.
• The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
• You wait in line for hours to get it.
• It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
• You have two cows.
• You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
• You have two cows.
• The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country, who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
• You have two cows.
• The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one.
• You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
• You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
• You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
• Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You go on strike because you want three cows.
• You go to lunch and drink wine.
• Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
• Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
• Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
• While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
• You break for lunch.
• Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You have some vodka.
• You count them and learn you have five cows.
• You have some more vodka.
• You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
• The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
• You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
• You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
• Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• They go into hiding.
• They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
• You have two bulls.
• Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
• You have a black cow and a brown cow.
• Everyone votes for the best-looking one.
• Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.
• Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
• Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

NEW YORK CORPORATION
• You have fifteen million cows.
• You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd.
• You pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
• You have millions of cows.
• Most are illegals.
• Arnold likes the ones with the big (.)(.)