What is the funniest joke you've heard from a relative or friend?(keep it clean as po

I'd say so far the best one I've heard was from my uncle and it happened to have a true story concerning a church and an alcohol place across the street,the joke was this...a church with a liquor store across from had members and a pastor whom all kept saying "we'll keep praying to God to run that liquor store out of business" then one day the pastor went to the liquor store to inquire as to why their business was still a float and the store owner said"well if you all at the church stopped buying liquor here then we would go out business actually" because no one else went there lol,a bit funny with a lesson, know what the true circumstances are "before"seeking God's help or better yet if possible fix a problem yourself,like in this story!

If Marco, Jean, and Eren from Attack on Titan had a tv show, it would be Two and a Half Men.



(._.') ​That was the best I had

I heard this joke at work....

How do you know who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in a closet for an hour, then find out who's happy to see you.

So since Disney bought Star Wars, does that make Leia a Disney princess?

That is a good one.You can go to the store,and be back in ten minutes,and your dog will raise a fuss,and glad to see you,as if you were gone for ten years.

My bichone frise is like that after 1 minute.

The charismatic pentecostal church had a field trip. The bus drive had gone on for some time when the driver took the mic and said: those who are in favor of taking a short rest stop, please take down a hand.

When I was a kid of about 10 years old,my dad was working in the garage and accidently spilled gasoline on himself,drenched quite good,and did not change yet,and lit a cigarette and caught himself on fire,almost like one of those characters you see on television that is on fire,and I ran in to the house and said,mommy,mommy,daddys on fire,and she said,quick get the marshmellows.

At a T Mobile shop one day, A security Guard was standing by a display case of Samsung Galaxy s8s. My dad walked over to him and asked, "Are you the guardian of the galaxy?"

Sorry about the top of the page I tried to say,keep the jokes clean as possible,you know particular nothing explicit/gorey,ok back to the jokes... let's see,oh yeah heard this from a cousin,been telling it plenty here it is,a blonde woman goes to a store and points at an item and she tells the store clerk"I wanna buy that tv" he says"no blondes allowed" so she goes home and dies her hair brown,and goes to the store and again points to the same object and she says"I wanna buy that tv" he responds like before"no blondes allowed" so she goes home and dies her hair a final time to red and comes back to the store a final time and for the final time she points at the same object and she says"I wanna buy that tv" and this third final time the same man says"no blondes allowed" so she asks" how did you still know I was blonde?" he responds"because that's a microwave"!(forgot this joke til now,it's up there on my witty favorite jokes from relatives or friends!)

First,good morning everyone!!! I just got up


A man came back from church and Lifted his wife.

The wife wonders saying"What happened today? You are being so romantic."
The husband replied "The Pastor told us to lift our problems to GOD"

One of the idiots who slammed a jet into the World Trade Center lands at the Pearly Gates of heaven.

George Washington comes up to him and says, "I hate what you did to my country." Then he punches him in the stomach and walks away.

Next comes Patrick Henry, who says the same thing, before giving him a wicked punch to the nose, and he walks away.

Next comes Booker T. Washington, who tells him the same thing before kicking him in the groin.

The terrorist is still doubled-over in pain, when Peter comes back from lunch, so he asks Pete, "What's with all these people hitting me? Isn't this supposed to be my heaven?

Pete answers, "Yes. And, as promised, you get 72 Virginians in heaven."

A friend and I like to make jokes together often. Sometimes we like to sing popular songs and change the lyrics to absolute nonsense. The latest one was the Spice Girls' song "if you wanna be my lover". We sang-

If you wanna be my lover
you gotta get with my bins
bins are made of plastic
I like plastic bins

We seem to have a thing for just repeating the same fact over and over again in different ways : p thats not the only one, haha. We also did one for that one song that says "people are strange, when they are strangers" or whatever (I dunno who did the song), and we sang-

Strangers are strange
cuz they are strangers
strangers are strangers
cuz they are strange

Im pretty sure that no one would appreciate these other than ourselves, though : p

[video=youtube;GJY8jJkDoMY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJY8jJkDoMY[/video]
Our ages are showing. I don't know the Spice Girls. (Heard of them, but wouldn't know that was them, even if you gave me their most famous song.) But I'm all over The Doors. And those lyrics I get, with the melody. lol

I like cheesy jokes:

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An in-vest-igator!

Here's one for you, JOHnnatcc3...

"What did the melon say to the other melon?
We're too young, we can't elope!"

Get it? Cantaloupe?


That was a favorite when my kids were young. Still makes me smile.

Ahh i love the doors!

Well then buy some doors lol,cheesy joke to the max,one of my uncle's told me to watch Bruno Mar's lazy song now that was a big joke right there,the whole song is talking about Bruno being lazy and not doing anything yet he invited his friends over and had them where monkey suits that's still doing something though he says in the song"today I don't feel like doing anything"lol silly stuff,also this joke was funny from my brother...three women are running from the law,a brunette,a red head,and a blonde,the three make it far enough away from the cops to hide but all they can hide in are potato sacks and when the officers inspect them the officers go to the first,the brunette is inside and she says bock bock like a chicken so they leave the sack be,then on to the second sack,the red head is inside and she says Baaaaa like a lamb so they leave this sack be as well,then they start to inspect the third sack,the blonde is inside and she says"potato potato"(guess she thought potatoes make a sound lol)so she is caught and taken to jail,what were their crimes? I don't know my brother never told me that so I guess it wasn't important lol still funny though!