J
Some of you may or may not remember me. I still see familiar users around here as well as new. Hello.
Looking back on threads I've made 2 - 3 years ago, I have to say that it's a far cry from how things are going now. It may not be up to my potential, but I am trying to get where I need to go in life.
Two years ago, I was very suicidal. If not having suicidal idealization then it was getting into depressive episodes where I would dwell on my past. I came here for a sense of comfort and I didn't know what I were to believe in, if anything at all.
Just over a year ago I was in a psychiatric ward because I was depressed to the point of literally sleeping in all day, if not having plans on my death. Since then, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), then Schizoaffective/Bipolar disorder. It may sound extreme, which at times it is, but I'm getting the hang of how there are difficulties I've faced mentally throughout my life and this is just a stepping stone to my recovery. I still have nights where I would wonder why I am still here and cry myself to sleep dreading for the next day to come. My psychosis has been under control with a few minor exceptions, but with what little I've had to face as of lately has subsided. It really is all about having a schedule in terms of how my body chemistry will function and at times talking things out. Ultimately, I remind myself as to what I need to do in order to keep my life as well as my sanity in check.
Physically, I could do better. I have problems with the lower regions of my legs where I cannot put so much pressure on them, which includes walking fast or running. I don't want to assume the worst, but with the diagnoses I've had and the physical changes I've experienced since taking medication, I need to get evaluated and checked physically. I am looking into it.
I've been around some toxic environments, which some may know, especially in terms of the people I've hung around with. Since then I have dropped/cut them out of my life and pretty much flying solo. I'm trying to get my act together and I hope to reach to the point where I can find proper connections to make for social as well as professional related. I've also been able to hold down a job after being unemployed for a long time, which is also another stepping stone within my recovery. I was afraid that I would have to resort to welfare if I were not to find anything, which I'm still a bit worried about since I don't know where I will be in terms of job/career within the next few years or so.
To top it off, I've still attended school despite nearly dropping out prior to my hospitalization last year. I went from being a C - C+ student to now getting A's - which, surprisingly enough, includes subjects such as mathematics/statistics which never would have been thought possible by both professionals and private life. I'm halfway from completing my two-year degree and aspire to transfer to a four-year university by this coming June. I'm in a mix of deciding between continuing on to my major or pursuing law school after obtaining my bachelor's.
We've lost a total of six people within the span of a year - close family friends and relatives. This has made me realize that life truly is short and that anything can happen to us at any time. One of my cousins died from a massive heart attack and was only in his early fifties. What really strikes with me is the fact that a person may die with loved ones surrounding them or that they will die alone. Dying alone is tragic in and of itself.
I'm still pursuing the Abrahamic faith, but I don't know what direction I will ultimately be taken into. I do realize that all of the bad as well as the good happen in life and that by living through both enriches life. We truly don't know what will happen to us tomorrow, but we can take in what we have now and be grateful. I hope that everyone takes a footing to know that things will turn out to be okay so long as one has the will. When there is a will, there is a way.
I will post from time to time. Right now I just need to make the sharp turn and find out where it will end up taking me. I'm staying true to myself and hoping that I meet a few folks who will be true as well.
Looking back on threads I've made 2 - 3 years ago, I have to say that it's a far cry from how things are going now. It may not be up to my potential, but I am trying to get where I need to go in life.
Two years ago, I was very suicidal. If not having suicidal idealization then it was getting into depressive episodes where I would dwell on my past. I came here for a sense of comfort and I didn't know what I were to believe in, if anything at all.
Just over a year ago I was in a psychiatric ward because I was depressed to the point of literally sleeping in all day, if not having plans on my death. Since then, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), then Schizoaffective/Bipolar disorder. It may sound extreme, which at times it is, but I'm getting the hang of how there are difficulties I've faced mentally throughout my life and this is just a stepping stone to my recovery. I still have nights where I would wonder why I am still here and cry myself to sleep dreading for the next day to come. My psychosis has been under control with a few minor exceptions, but with what little I've had to face as of lately has subsided. It really is all about having a schedule in terms of how my body chemistry will function and at times talking things out. Ultimately, I remind myself as to what I need to do in order to keep my life as well as my sanity in check.
Physically, I could do better. I have problems with the lower regions of my legs where I cannot put so much pressure on them, which includes walking fast or running. I don't want to assume the worst, but with the diagnoses I've had and the physical changes I've experienced since taking medication, I need to get evaluated and checked physically. I am looking into it.
I've been around some toxic environments, which some may know, especially in terms of the people I've hung around with. Since then I have dropped/cut them out of my life and pretty much flying solo. I'm trying to get my act together and I hope to reach to the point where I can find proper connections to make for social as well as professional related. I've also been able to hold down a job after being unemployed for a long time, which is also another stepping stone within my recovery. I was afraid that I would have to resort to welfare if I were not to find anything, which I'm still a bit worried about since I don't know where I will be in terms of job/career within the next few years or so.
To top it off, I've still attended school despite nearly dropping out prior to my hospitalization last year. I went from being a C - C+ student to now getting A's - which, surprisingly enough, includes subjects such as mathematics/statistics which never would have been thought possible by both professionals and private life. I'm halfway from completing my two-year degree and aspire to transfer to a four-year university by this coming June. I'm in a mix of deciding between continuing on to my major or pursuing law school after obtaining my bachelor's.
We've lost a total of six people within the span of a year - close family friends and relatives. This has made me realize that life truly is short and that anything can happen to us at any time. One of my cousins died from a massive heart attack and was only in his early fifties. What really strikes with me is the fact that a person may die with loved ones surrounding them or that they will die alone. Dying alone is tragic in and of itself.
I'm still pursuing the Abrahamic faith, but I don't know what direction I will ultimately be taken into. I do realize that all of the bad as well as the good happen in life and that by living through both enriches life. We truly don't know what will happen to us tomorrow, but we can take in what we have now and be grateful. I hope that everyone takes a footing to know that things will turn out to be okay so long as one has the will. When there is a will, there is a way.
I will post from time to time. Right now I just need to make the sharp turn and find out where it will end up taking me. I'm staying true to myself and hoping that I meet a few folks who will be true as well.
