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Thread: Christian jokes

  1. #141
    Senior Member BillG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by mj007 View Post
    Brilliant.....
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    Lord

    Help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.

  2. #142
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Laish, BillG and stand2 like this.

  3. #143
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Laish, joefizz and stand2 like this.
    Lord

    Help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.

  4. #144
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    Default Re: Christian jokes


  5. #145
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    stand2 likes this.

  7. #147
    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Let's disband our church over one thing that we don't like about church members that aren't in the church,that we won't discuss because we prefer to be of a "non confrontationtal" nature,let's all hold a pity party for our church too and since we are all gathered together in the church except for the people we don't like let's go home instead of still having church in order to serve God.
    Last edited by joefizz; February 4th, 2018 at 11:53 AM.
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    If you don't believe in true love then please don't tell me not to believe in it because I believe it to be real.
    I'm a self proclaimed troll tracker.
    I am hopeless...thankfully though Jesus's grace is sufficient for my weakness.
    I have a tendency to speak through the spirit if you can't handle that get some ear plugs.
    Quote Originally Posted by WineRose View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by Milktalk View Post
    haha joey joe joe - a roo!



  8. #148
    Senior Member hornetguy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by JaumeJ View Post
    The correctionf of God is not humor, nor intended to cause laughter from others due to the failures of others.

    Some folks have said when God laughs at the feeble attempts of the enemy it is He demonstrating a sense of humor....I think not.

    I have nothing against people having a merry time, but never at the expense of others, and especially never at the expense of the true lesson in the teachings from God, Himself.

    The beam or plank in the eye of anyone, even an enemy, is hardly a joke or humorous......
    Wow..... I bet you're a BLAST at family gatherings......

    Love ya, bro....
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    No man is really saved unless he is in his heart obedient to Christ. C.H. Spurgeon

  9. #149
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control"
    Joy should be a part of our Christian experience. We can try too hard and then be left with a sour attitude toward those who
    do possess the Joy of the Lord since trying too hard would indicate a reliance on our own works and not His atonement.
    Thank you Hornetguy
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  10. #150
    Senior Member Socreta93's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by shittim View Post
    "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control"
    Joy should be a part of our Christian experience. We can try too hard and then be left with a sour attitude toward those who
    do possess the Joy of the Lord since trying too hard would indicate a reliance on our own works and not His atonement.
    Thank you Hornetguy
    stand2 likes this.
    “Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
    Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



    "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia

  11. #151
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by JaumeJ View Post
    The correctionf of God is not humor, nor intended to cause laughter from others due to the failures of others.

    Some folks have said when God laughs at the feeble attempts of the enemy it is He demonstrating a sense of humor....I think not.

    I have nothing against people having a merry time, but never at the expense of others, and especially never at the expense of the true lesson in the teachings from God, Himself.

    The beam or plank in the eye of anyone, even an enemy, is hardly a joke or humorous......
    Genesis 21:6

    Sarah then said, “God has given me cause to laugh, and all who hear of it will laugh with me.



    Psalm 37:13 “…but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he sees that his day is coming.”


    Psalm 126:2 “Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”

    Ecclesiastes 3:4 “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;”



    Prov910 likes this.
    “Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
    Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



    "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia

  12. #152
    Senior Member tanakh's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Three Fathers were talking about their Sons

    The first said I called my Son Andrew because he was born on St Andrew's Day
    The second said mine was named Patrick because he was born on St Patrick's Day
    The third said my Son was born on Pancake Day

  13. #153
    Senior Member Pemican's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Never Argue With Children
    A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
    joefizz likes this.
    The Christian way of life is logical not mystical.

    ... grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18)

    "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Mat 11:29-30)

    And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, ... (Rm 12:2)



  14. #154
    Senior Member Pemican's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    How many church goers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.

    Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

    Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

    Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.

    Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

    Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

    Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

    Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

    Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

    Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

    Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.

    Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
    dcontroversal, Laish and BillG like this.
    The Christian way of life is logical not mystical.

    ... grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18)

    "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Mat 11:29-30)

    And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, ... (Rm 12:2)



  15. #155
    Senior Member dcontroversal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Pemican View Post
    How many church goers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.

    Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

    Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

    Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.

    Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

    Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

    Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

    Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

    Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

    Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

    Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.

    Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
    You forgot COC.......2...one to baptize the lightbulb and the elder to place it in it's place................. oooopppppppsss no I didn't ....... yes he did.....

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