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Thread: Christian jokes

  1. #1
    Senior Member Prov910's Avatar
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    Default Christian jokes

    After all, if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?

    I'll start: (this one is for the Immaculate Conception crowd)

    ======================================

    Jesus is standing between an angry Jewish mob and a sobbing adulteress.

    Jesus: "Let he among you who has not sinned cast the first stone."

    There is a moment of silence as the people in the mob cast their eyes downward. They begin dropping their stones to the ground, and turning away. Then someone from the middle of the crowd lobs a stone up over Jesus' head—it hits the woman squarely in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her.

    Jesus (indignantly): "Mom!"
    ================================================== ===========
    10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. Prov. 9:10

  2. #2
    Senior Member WineRose's Avatar
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    Default I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    The odd one out on CC, in more ways than one.

    It-it's not like...I ran out of ideas for my signature, or anything! B-b-baka!


    :P

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    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Quote Originally Posted by WineRose View Post
    one of my aunts might attest to this she's said before if people aren't to drink coffee then it wouldn't say He brews in the bible.
    Lighthearted and Prov910 like this.
    God I am but your servant to command have your holy spirit have me speak truth!
    If you don't believe in true love then please don't tell me not to believe in it because I believe it to be real.
    Jesus your sacrifice is worth more than everyone's works.
    satan ye vile tempter seek me as your target and I'll be waiting with a bible in hand,a song in my heart,and truth ringing in your ears forever.
    Derail,randomness and humor=Joefizz the king of fizzy randomness.


  4. #4
    Senior Member mailmandan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    What is the difference between Catholics and Baptists? Catholics will actually acknowledge each other at the liquor store.
    I'm not a bad guy. I'm just misunderstood.

    Galatians 6:14 - But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

  5. #5
    Senior Member mailmandan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Who was the funniest person in the Bible?
    Sampson. He brought the house down.

    Who was the greatest financer in the Bible?
    Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
    I'm not a bad guy. I'm just misunderstood.

    Galatians 6:14 - But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

  6. #6
    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    looked this up in the bible and it is kind of funny.
    God I am but your servant to command have your holy spirit have me speak truth!
    If you don't believe in true love then please don't tell me not to believe in it because I believe it to be real.
    Jesus your sacrifice is worth more than everyone's works.
    satan ye vile tempter seek me as your target and I'll be waiting with a bible in hand,a song in my heart,and truth ringing in your ears forever.
    Derail,randomness and humor=Joefizz the king of fizzy randomness.


  7. #7
    Senior Member Addison's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes


  8. #8
    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    God I am but your servant to command have your holy spirit have me speak truth!
    If you don't believe in true love then please don't tell me not to believe in it because I believe it to be real.
    Jesus your sacrifice is worth more than everyone's works.
    satan ye vile tempter seek me as your target and I'll be waiting with a bible in hand,a song in my heart,and truth ringing in your ears forever.
    Derail,randomness and humor=Joefizz the king of fizzy randomness.


  9. #9
    Senior Member Prov910's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Quote Originally Posted by joefizz View Post
    looked this up in the bible and it is kind of funny.
    Ha ha! 1 John 4:17 / John 4:17 is a weird dichotomy too!
    ================================================== ===========
    10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. Prov. 9:10

  10. #10
    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    God I am but your servant to command have your holy spirit have me speak truth!
    If you don't believe in true love then please don't tell me not to believe in it because I believe it to be real.
    Jesus your sacrifice is worth more than everyone's works.
    satan ye vile tempter seek me as your target and I'll be waiting with a bible in hand,a song in my heart,and truth ringing in your ears forever.
    Derail,randomness and humor=Joefizz the king of fizzy randomness.


  11. #11
    Senior Member Prov910's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    Sol and Abe are strolling down the street and come upon a sign placed outside a huge Catholic church: “$1,000 to anyone who converts today”. Abe turns to Sol, “I need to investigate this.” And he goes into the church. An hour later Abe comes out. Sol is waiting for him.

    Sol: “So, did you convert?”
    Abe (with serenity in his voice): “Why, yes, I am now a Catholic.”
    Sol: “And the $1,000, did they give it to you?”
    Abe: “What, is that all you people think about??”
    BillG and Sweetmorningdew78 like this.
    ================================================== ===========
    10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. Prov. 9:10

  12. #12
    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Dino246 and Prov910 like this.
    God I am but your servant to command have your holy spirit have me speak truth!
    If you don't believe in true love then please don't tell me not to believe in it because I believe it to be real.
    Jesus your sacrifice is worth more than everyone's works.
    satan ye vile tempter seek me as your target and I'll be waiting with a bible in hand,a song in my heart,and truth ringing in your ears forever.
    Derail,randomness and humor=Joefizz the king of fizzy randomness.


  13. #13
    Senior Member Shilo's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Moses fishing fishing_moses.jpg
    If Jesus commanded us to do something He wil equip us to accomplish it. If we make our own inability a stumbling block or an excuse not to be obedient, it means that we are telling God that there is something which He has not yet taken into account. Our own self-reliance must be put to death by the power of God. The moment we recognize our complete weakness and our dependence upon Him will be the very moment that the Spirit of God will exhibit His power.Oswald Chambers

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Christian jokes


  15. #15
    Senior Member Lynx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Christian jokes

    The Bible talks about modern day conveniences. Like cars, for example - they were all in one Accord.

    Bible talks about medication too. Moses took two tablets and went up on the mountain.

    Bible talks about indoor toilets. King David sat on the throne for 40 years!
    "Do you sing at church?"
    "Yes I sing at church. And I sing at work. And I sing at home... and in the car... at the supermarket... at Wal-Mart..."

  16. #16
    Senior Member MultilingualMessenger's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Quote Originally Posted by joefizz View Post
    one of my aunts might attest to this she's said before if people aren't to drink coffee then it wouldn't say He brews in the bible.
    But it doesn't say She brews...so women can't make coffee!

  17. #17
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Quote Originally Posted by MultilingualMessenger View Post
    But it doesn't say She brews...so women can't make coffee!
    No coffee after church, then...lol.
    AWV

  18. #18
    Senior Member MultilingualMessenger's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Quote Originally Posted by Susanna View Post
    No coffee after church, then...lol.
    As long as a man makes it, it's okay.
    Susanna and joefizz like this.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Quote Originally Posted by MultilingualMessenger View Post
    As long as a man makes it, it's okay.
    Never seen any of them doing it. LOL.
    AWV

  20. #20
    Senior Member MultilingualMessenger's Avatar
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    Default Re: I die a little more inside whenever I post trash like this

    Quote Originally Posted by Susanna View Post
    Never seen any of them doing it. LOL.
    Me either...that might be a joke right there lol

    (No offense, men.)
    Susanna, Prov910, joefizz and 1 others like this.

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