Thinking about the good times during my marriage.

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10-four

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2017
157
72
28
#1
Well Feb the 16 will mark the 6th year of my divorce.I still get sad thinking about it but I've learned to let good memories take the place of the bad ones concerning both the marriage and divorce.So with that in mind I'd like to share a good memory.
I met her in highschool. Actually I saw her standing with a couple of girls in the hallway outside the cafeteria.Me and the gang of guys I hung out with were metal heads with long hair,ripped jeans,tattoos and leather jackets.We were kinda rough but not trouble makers just regular guys who liked heavy metal music and partying. So anyway she caught my eye right away. She was pretty in a clean cut way that was worlds different from the other girls I usually dated.Back then she had long,shining sable colored hair that spilled down the back of the pink blouse that she was wearing.I didn't say anything to her that first day but she stuck in my mind all that day and the next.Well about a week later I saw her walking across campus with these twin blonde guys I'd had beef with since school had started.They were on the football team.They were big,beefy and obnoxious.So I automatically assumed that she was dating one of them and decided to put her out of my mind.It turned out that the twins were her brothers which is another story for another day.Well eventually I got up enough courage to approach her one morning before classes started.It was the first time that I'd been close enough to her to really notice that she had a natural olive complexion and gunmetal gray eyes but I thought her eyebrows were too dark and thick like Brooke Shields were back in the day although that didn't matter.She was very pretty and turned out to be a nice girl and I was just crazy about her from that moment on even though my friends were like "It's not gonna work out" and saying things like "she's too classy for a mop head like you" and blah blahblah...I kept pursuing her and really going the distance until one day she started to realize that I was serious about her and we ended up a couple. Oh but it wasn't as simple as I'm making it out to be.Remember that me and her brothers couldn't get along and boy did we have some trouble and rough times...
One of the twins broke my nose in a fight and e.t.c..
And for a while her dad was suspicious of my motives for dating his daughter.They were judging me by the way I looked which now that I've thought about it I did look like "bad news".It was the hair,tats and also could have been the fact that I had both ears pierced and wore a silver skull earring in my right ear and a silver dagger in my left...
These days I don't wear ear jewelry or any jewelry.
Bottom line I still miss her although I've learned to let her go but the memories remain and they can be bittersweet...
Now I'm real good friends with one of the twins and just last month he let slip that she's getting married in June and I was trying to act all cool about it but I'm really not Okay with it but oh well(shrugs)...
My other friends have constantly been trying to hook me up with women but so far I haven't met the "ONE".I guess I'll have to put more of an effort into dating but right now I'm not interested in anyone.I do date but with women I've known so long that they're more like " sisters" or friends than a potential love interest.Like I've said my ex was different than the others.She has a certain qaulity. Now I wish I wouldn't have been such a jerk during the last part of our marriage maybe then we'd still be together.
 
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10-four

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2017
157
72
28
#2
I just now realized how looonnnng ...this post is.Sorry about that to anyone who takes the time to read it. I just got to talking and typing away.You know how it is sometimes.I hope.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,860
9,579
113
#3
You can't waste your life on should've, could've, would've.. There is a reason you are divorced. The only thing to do is accept it, move on, and enter the next phase of your life. She probably doesn't think about your times together, she's focused on being happy with her soon-to-be husband.. YOU need to focus on..doing whatever it is that God has planned for you next. :) We all have regrets about our exes, but we can't stay stuck in the past and wallow.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
Sorry not. There is no "the one" so you won't miss out.
My suggestion. Stop dating. That "getting back on the horse" idea is a cultural fallacy. Often times it only serves to spread more hurt.
You clearly are not over your divorce. This means you can't give yourself to anyone in the correct manner. If you can't do that then you shouldn't be dating.

I was in such a situation once. I and another woman, who was divorced, fell in love. Unfortunately she wasn't healed from her divorce or the badness of her marriage. While her feelings for me were sincere and deep, she often wavered due to her wounds. It caused all sorts of problems for us.
Don't rush. Stay single a while and focus on God and getting through these feelings and hurts. Find and learn from the mistakes you made (and even if she was a horrible wife you weren't a perfect husband so you have room to grow).
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
Divorce recovery can take up to 5 years.
The effects and needing to grieve after one year is not wallowing. It's normal. This "get over it" attitude is one of ignorance and insensitivity. Don't listen. Grieving is a process, it happens over time, not over night. Don't let people try to pressure you to ignore it.
 
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Susanna

Guest
#6
I just now realized how looonnnng ...this post is.Sorry about that to anyone who takes the time to read it. I just got to talking and typing away.You know how it is sometimes.I hope.
Just got curious...but is there a connection between the op and your screen name...and judging from your op...what is your relation to "10-four", as you see it?
 

10-four

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2017
157
72
28
#7
You can't waste your life on should've, could've, would've.. There is a reason you are divorced. The only thing to do is accept it, move on, and enter the next phase of your life. She probably doesn't think about your times together, she's focused on being happy with her soon-to-be husband.. YOU need to focus on..doing whatever it is that God has planned for you next. :) We all have regrets about our exes, but we can't stay stuck in the past and wallow.
Hey blue.I have tried to go on with my life without her and was doing pretty good until just recently. Well I can't help remembering things about her and thinking about her sometimes.Our youngest daughter looks so much like my ex that whenever my daughter visits or I visit her I am reminded.I do for the most part focus on what the Lord wants...and I love him.I just get melancholy sometimes.
 

10-four

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2017
157
72
28
#8
Just got curious...but is there a connection between the op and your screen name...and judging from your op...what is your relation to "10-four", as you see it?
Hey Susannah.There isn't any connection to my choice of the name 10-four and what I've posted.
 

10-four

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2017
157
72
28
#9
Divorce recovery can take up to 5 years.
The effects and needing to grieve after one year is not wallowing. It's normal. This "get over it" attitude is one of ignorance and insensitivity. Don't listen. Grieving is a process, it happens over time, not over night. Don't let people try to pressure you to ignore it.
Hey.Thank you for understanding.
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#10
Sorry not. There is no "the one" so you won't miss out.
My suggestion. Stop dating. That "getting back on the horse" idea is a cultural fallacy. Often times it only serves to spread more hurt.
You clearly are not over your divorce. This means you can't give yourself to anyone in the correct manner. If you can't do that then you shouldn't be dating.

I was in such a situation once. I and another woman, who was divorced, fell in love. Unfortunately she wasn't healed from her divorce or the badness of her marriage. While her feelings for me were sincere and deep, she often wavered due to her wounds. It caused all sorts of problems for us.
Don't rush. Stay single a while and focus on God and getting through these feelings and hurts. Find and learn from the mistakes you made (and even if she was a horrible wife you weren't a perfect husband so you have room to grow).
It works for falling off a horse :p. But I know what you mean. I totally agree, though I hadn't thought of it in that way before.
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#11
Hey blue.I have tried to go on with my life without her and was doing pretty good until just recently. Well I can't help remembering things about her and thinking about her sometimes.Our youngest daughter looks so much like my ex that whenever my daughter visits or I visit her I am reminded.I do for the most part focus on what the Lord wants...and I love him.I just get melancholy sometimes.
If the Lord wanted us to be emotionless fish, He would have made us that way. We are told to submit to the will of the Lord. To know what He did is for your good. This faith doesn't exclude grief.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#12
Yeah, what ugly said.... except I was good and over it when she remarried a few weeks after the divorce was final. I still love the woman, I just don't want to breathe the same air she does.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#13
Just got curious...but is there a connection between the op and your screen name...and judging from your op...what is your relation to "10-four", as you see it?
I'm 10-7, give me a 21, maybe we can 25 somewhere.
 
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#14
your grieving process will one day be a great benefit to you as well as a great witness
for others - allow yourself to feel, then let the growth that comes with this help you
to mature and become a better person for your daughter and others from the mistakes all of us make...
GBY...
 
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10-four

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2017
157
72
28
#15
Yeah.This will be a great witness to someone...someday...when I'm fully over it.
I have faith enough to believe that.The thing is that I thought that I was doing okay until I found out that she is remarrying in just 5 months.
I know there isn't anything that I can do to stop her and I'm not fool enough to try. We had our time together.See I understand all that but it still hurts.
I just keep thinking about all the good times like when we found out that she was pregnant with our first...now at the time she was 19 and we'd only been married a year and we were renting a small house on this dark rural street and at the time I was a 20 year old working two jobs because I wanted to provide for her because she was from a family that had a little money and I was determined that she didn't have to lack for much because she was used to having plenty...So she was scared to be home alone at night and would drive me to my night janitorial job and I'd sneak her inside and hide her in one of the offices until my shift ended.Well my boss caught up with us but instead of firing me he let her wait in the comfort of our breakroom and didn't mind it when I'd take extra breaks to check on her.I know that
might sound simple to some but it meant a lot to me that my boss showed us such kindness at the time.
I guess I just started this thread to vent and reminisce about a woman who obviously has gotten over me.It seems kinda sad and I may just ask that this thread be deleted.
I'm usually not a whiner.
 
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#16
know that you are loved, and many are thankful for your witness...
TY and GBY... 'never should we have any regrets if our hearts are true and pure
at the time...
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#17
Yeah.This will be a great witness to someone...someday...when I'm fully over it.
I have faith enough to believe that.The thing is that I thought that I was doing okay until I found out that she is remarrying in just 5 months.
I know there isn't anything that I can do to stop her and I'm not fool enough to try. We had our time together.See I understand all that but it still hurts.
I just keep thinking about all the good times like when we found out that she was pregnant with our first...now at the time she was 19 and we'd only been married a year and we were renting a small house on this dark rural street and at the time I was a 20 year old working two jobs because I wanted to provide for her because she was from a family that had a little money and I was determined that she didn't have to lack for much because she was used to having plenty...So she was scared to be home alone at night and would drive me to my night janitorial job and I'd sneak her inside and hide her in one of the offices until my shift ended.Well my boss caught up with us but instead of firing me he let her wait in the comfort of our breakroom and didn't mind it when I'd take extra breaks to check on her.I know that
might sound simple to some but it meant a lot to me that my boss showed us such kindness at the time.
I guess I just started this thread to vent and reminisce about a woman who obviously has gotten over me.It seems kinda sad and I may just ask that this thread be deleted.
I'm usually not a whiner.
I understand. You feel forgotten. You feel as though you weren't worth anything to her, because she healed faster than you. Heck, you might even have a little disillusionment because she got over you, and you didn't know her to be that shallow. Up until now, you might even have harbored an idea of getting back together with her. I've never gotten divorced; I did loose my "Jonathan" friend. I still don't know why she walked out of my life, but it tore me up to see her with other friends, maybe telling them secrets that she used to share only with me. Run back to Jesus. All these stories that you've been telling us? Tell them to him. Tell him why they hurt and ask him to take away the pain as only he can, and fill your heart with the peace that passes all understanding.
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#18
I'm 10-7, give me a 21, maybe we can 25 somewhere.
I understand this! I am unreasonably pleased with myself. All from watching such films as Andy Griffith :p
 

10-four

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2017
157
72
28
#19
Yes.Thank you for understanding Tinuviel. I will take your advice and halt all this sharing stories about her in my posts and share them with the Lord instead.I did want to get back together with her but it wasn't to be.So that's that.Goodnight.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#20
Yeah, what ugly said.... except I was good and over it when she remarried a few weeks after the divorce was final. I still love the woman, I just don't want to breathe the same air she does.
That last line made me laugh. ;)