Long story short... we met on a Christian dating app. Im male 30 she's 27. I went to visit her in her country, met her family etc. I was there for 2 weeks and we got engaged. But even while I was there I didnt feel very attracted or "in love". There was feelings and I thought since we had come so far already, we deserve a chance to try. She got a visa and came back with me to my country. My family likes her and all is ok here but we have a month and half left to marry.
I am having serious doubts... and frankly i dont want to marry her. I feel trapped. I know its my fault... everything went so fast before i couldnt even realize I wasnt happy. I tried telling her 2 weeks ago I had some doubts, that i was unsure etc hoping she would get the point that i wasnt happy. She flipped, got angry, didnt want to talk to me for 2 days. I then said to her i was only saying that im unsure but doesn't mean i dont want to marry. I tried talking to her again 2 nights ago about it and she started crying... each night now i see her cry when we go to bed and its ripping my insides apart. I feel like I am now the evil one, the horrible person for bringing her here and now have a change of heart. And she really isnt shy of making me feel guilty about it. I just cant understand why if she can see im not happy, why does she still want to marry me and say shes happy? It makes no sense. I just feel trapped here... and sooner or later I have to tell her straight up i cant marry her.
I feel bad because shes had failed past relationships and she prayed hard and fasted about us before we did all this. And now its like Im letting her down, letting God down... basically everyone is going to hate me after this. I have to now endure the guilt and hurt of knowing i broke her heart and she trusted me... i know I was stupid to rush... but this is just too much. And each time I bring it up she cries and then i feel too bad to tell her i cant marry her.
I dont know what to do...
I am having serious doubts... and frankly i dont want to marry her. I feel trapped. I know its my fault... everything went so fast before i couldnt even realize I wasnt happy. I tried telling her 2 weeks ago I had some doubts, that i was unsure etc hoping she would get the point that i wasnt happy. She flipped, got angry, didnt want to talk to me for 2 days. I then said to her i was only saying that im unsure but doesn't mean i dont want to marry. I tried talking to her again 2 nights ago about it and she started crying... each night now i see her cry when we go to bed and its ripping my insides apart. I feel like I am now the evil one, the horrible person for bringing her here and now have a change of heart. And she really isnt shy of making me feel guilty about it. I just cant understand why if she can see im not happy, why does she still want to marry me and say shes happy? It makes no sense. I just feel trapped here... and sooner or later I have to tell her straight up i cant marry her.
I feel bad because shes had failed past relationships and she prayed hard and fasted about us before we did all this. And now its like Im letting her down, letting God down... basically everyone is going to hate me after this. I have to now endure the guilt and hurt of knowing i broke her heart and she trusted me... i know I was stupid to rush... but this is just too much. And each time I bring it up she cries and then i feel too bad to tell her i cant marry her.
I dont know what to do...