Ok guys..so I have a story i started that could possibly turn into a book if I continue writing it. I'm going to post some of what I have so far for feedback. Tell me what you thing, and if you see anything that needs corrected let me know.
“Come on, hurry up.”
“What about Father?”
“He'll be fine Nigel, just hurry, there isn't much time.”
Colin was attempting to usher the oldest of his younger brothers through the trap door of the cellar, where his other siblings were waiting to enter the safety of the hidden chamber. He knew there wasn't much time. He could here the soldiers engaged in battle with what his father called the Heathens. Colin didn't really know what the Heathens were, but by the way his father spoke of them, he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out just at that moment.
“Nigel, come on.” pleaded Colin.
Nigel finally gave into his older brother. He had not wanted to retreat to the safety of the underground chamber without knowing his father was alright. He had left some hours earlier to attend a meeting without telling any of the children, even Nigel whom he told most every thing to, when he would be back. Nigel was worried by his father's actions. He was closer to his father than any of the other children, sharing in the love the minister had for his occupation, and Nigel found it strange that the man hadn't told him.
Reluctantly, Nigel descended the ladder to the cellar, seeing that the others had already opened the secret door to the tunnel that led to the safe room. He remembered his father telling them before that the room should only be used for emergencies, and none of the children should enter otherwise. He hadn't been told who attacked the town, but Nigel knew only one group of people could be dangerous enough that they needed to use the safe room. It had to be the Heathens.
Unlike his brother, Nigel knew who the Heathens were and what they did. His father had told him about them one day when they were in his study. He had said they were unnatural beings, neither human nor animal, but a monster. They knew no morality, killing anything, and anyone they pleased to, without convictions or consequences. The Heathens frightened Nigel and it frightened him even more to know his father was no safe below ground with the rest of his family
“Go on to the room Nigel, I'll catch up. I have to get something first.” Colin called down into the cellar.
Entering the tunnel, Nigel left the door open behind him for Colin. He could still hear the fighting above, seeming louder now then it had when he was upstairs. Suddenly he heard a loud thudding that shook dirt loose from the top of the tunnel. He wished Colin was hearing, it sounded like they were trying to break the door down. They were. With one last thud, he heard the door crash to the ground. At the same time he heard hurried footsteps coming down the cellar ladder.
“Collin is that you?” asked Nigel in as loud as voice as he dared without being heard by whoever was in the house above him.
“Yes, hurry now, there's not time to wait.” replied Colin entering the tunnel and sealing the hidden entrance behind him. He was carrying a small package wrapped in brown paper.
“What's that?” whispered Nigel.
“Nothing.” Colin placed the package in one of his jacket pockets, hoping that removing it from view would keep Nigel from pressing further.
“Was it them Colin? The Heathens father spoke of?”
“I think it was.” said Colin, his voice shaky.
Nigel's fears were confirmed. The Heathen's had attacked the town. The soldiers were probably all dead by now, as well as anybody who had not been able to hide. Humans were no match for their strength and viciousness. Nigel's thought about the Heathen's were brought to a stand still as they heard muffled shouting from above.
“That way, check the cellar. I know they're here somewhere, I can smell them.”
There was a bang from behind them in the cellar, the hidden door was now the only thing left between the boys and the Heathens. They both silently hoped that the secret door remain hidden, hurrying faster to reach the chamber where their siblings were hiding. Then at least they could put one more wall between them and monsters still scrabbling around in the cellar.
“Come on, hurry up.”
“What about Father?”
“He'll be fine Nigel, just hurry, there isn't much time.”
Colin was attempting to usher the oldest of his younger brothers through the trap door of the cellar, where his other siblings were waiting to enter the safety of the hidden chamber. He knew there wasn't much time. He could here the soldiers engaged in battle with what his father called the Heathens. Colin didn't really know what the Heathens were, but by the way his father spoke of them, he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out just at that moment.
“Nigel, come on.” pleaded Colin.
Nigel finally gave into his older brother. He had not wanted to retreat to the safety of the underground chamber without knowing his father was alright. He had left some hours earlier to attend a meeting without telling any of the children, even Nigel whom he told most every thing to, when he would be back. Nigel was worried by his father's actions. He was closer to his father than any of the other children, sharing in the love the minister had for his occupation, and Nigel found it strange that the man hadn't told him.
Reluctantly, Nigel descended the ladder to the cellar, seeing that the others had already opened the secret door to the tunnel that led to the safe room. He remembered his father telling them before that the room should only be used for emergencies, and none of the children should enter otherwise. He hadn't been told who attacked the town, but Nigel knew only one group of people could be dangerous enough that they needed to use the safe room. It had to be the Heathens.
Unlike his brother, Nigel knew who the Heathens were and what they did. His father had told him about them one day when they were in his study. He had said they were unnatural beings, neither human nor animal, but a monster. They knew no morality, killing anything, and anyone they pleased to, without convictions or consequences. The Heathens frightened Nigel and it frightened him even more to know his father was no safe below ground with the rest of his family
“Go on to the room Nigel, I'll catch up. I have to get something first.” Colin called down into the cellar.
Entering the tunnel, Nigel left the door open behind him for Colin. He could still hear the fighting above, seeming louder now then it had when he was upstairs. Suddenly he heard a loud thudding that shook dirt loose from the top of the tunnel. He wished Colin was hearing, it sounded like they were trying to break the door down. They were. With one last thud, he heard the door crash to the ground. At the same time he heard hurried footsteps coming down the cellar ladder.
“Collin is that you?” asked Nigel in as loud as voice as he dared without being heard by whoever was in the house above him.
“Yes, hurry now, there's not time to wait.” replied Colin entering the tunnel and sealing the hidden entrance behind him. He was carrying a small package wrapped in brown paper.
“What's that?” whispered Nigel.
“Nothing.” Colin placed the package in one of his jacket pockets, hoping that removing it from view would keep Nigel from pressing further.
“Was it them Colin? The Heathens father spoke of?”
“I think it was.” said Colin, his voice shaky.
Nigel's fears were confirmed. The Heathen's had attacked the town. The soldiers were probably all dead by now, as well as anybody who had not been able to hide. Humans were no match for their strength and viciousness. Nigel's thought about the Heathen's were brought to a stand still as they heard muffled shouting from above.
“That way, check the cellar. I know they're here somewhere, I can smell them.”
There was a bang from behind them in the cellar, the hidden door was now the only thing left between the boys and the Heathens. They both silently hoped that the secret door remain hidden, hurrying faster to reach the chamber where their siblings were hiding. Then at least they could put one more wall between them and monsters still scrabbling around in the cellar.
when i saw heathen.. im like.. one who doesnt attend church lol.. but it sounds really great. im tied