desires and hopes

so ya ever since i accepted Jesus three months ago or two i kinda lost track but it's not more than three i have wanted a relationship with him that really is just very intense. i was walking from seven eleven yesterday and had a day dream of what my faith and feelings for god would be like in the dessert but before i tell it i just want to say that i want to love and trust Jesus at such an intense level that no doubt or fears or pain would ever shake my faith in him, I want to never base anything on my own understanding, I decided to take a look at my prayer life and notice almost all of them were for things only god could give me. I only prayed for money a couple of time and he has answered but mostly I always pray to be very close to him. so here was my day dream and i loved it. i was in the dessert and i was intensely thirsty and starving i had been crawling in the dessert for so long and had third degree burns from the sun and the devil appeared to me saying to drink the water he brought and said no! the water you give me can never be good it is poisined Jesus can give me good water to refresh me and he will at the right time. and the devil tried to offer me food but i said no! any food you give me will be tainted Jesus will supply me with sweetened bread that only he can give me. and the devil said to me if Jesus will do this why hasn't he already? you are dying. And with the very last bit of strength I had i said it is not my time Jesus will save me. at that moment jesus appeared and sent the devil away he gave me water that was very amazing it tasted so good and it only took a drop for me to be filled and refreshed he then gave me some bread and like i said it was very sweet and moist. He then took me to the top of a mountain in a flash of light there he told me how proud he was i had such faith in him. That's where the daydream ended, don't ask me why i had it because i don't really know but i wish i had that kind of faith and i know someday i will but i just hate waiting. i think god likes it better when he slowly molds us although i have wanted so many times to be the person i want to be instantly