Is this weird?

So I have been pondering this for a long time. You see when I look at myself in the mirror I do not recognize myself, on the inside I feel I look very different than my physical form. in my thoughts and when I talk in dreams or visions my voice sound very different. I have a natural deep voice even though I don't look it but when I am talking to god inside my head or in a dream or vision my voice is completely different. And whats more when I imagine myself finally in the arms of God or in heaven when all is said and done I can only see myself in the body and mindset of a five or four year old with him. Climbing all over him and his throne like a monkey as he laughs and delights, Playing with him like a tiny child does with their beloved parent. when I see this in my mind and I look at myself in the mirror I ask my self who am I? Because even though in this world I am not five or four and perhaps do not have the mindset of one, I know that I am mentally physically and even spiritually a child. But when I am finally with god all the sudden I am a small five year old?

Is this weird or does it maybe have something to do with the connection the father and my hearts have?

First, remember that God should be capitalized and not in small letters. Secondly, that is an interesting thing you are talking about. I have not had that kind of experience but God shows unique parts of himself to different individuals through visions, dreams, etc. God bless. I don't think it is weird, just imaginative and interesting.

Hey Blain,

The only thing I can relate to about your post, is that once when having time with God, I had a vision where I saw a little girl on a hill top. She was about 3-4 and I felt it was me, but not totally sure. She was happy and smiling and then Jesus came and she was so excited to see him.

Well that is the only thing I could relate to. But it was a great memory!

Blain,

This may be a long shot but hear me out, k?

Would you describe your childhood as traumatic or abusive?
(verbal abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse)

When you get angry, does that anger seem to erupt suddenly and from out of nowhere?

Do you ever experience a moment in time where you feel like you are watching yourself do things, but it feels like you are not the one doing things? In other words, you look out thru your eyes and see yourself do things and you feel like a passive observer?

Do you have any missing memories, especially when you were young?

Do you ever say things and later wonder where that came from?

Do you ever cry or tear up over stuff that is not upsetting?

Do you have a phobia?

Do you have an issue with depression or anxiety?

Some of these questions don't mean a thing on there own. However, if you find yourself answering yes to several it might indicate something specific.

Blain, it gets weirder when you get older and you still stay young in all these ways too. And then its weird when you look at other people and see God's vision of them instead of seeing their body. It's hard when you have to sing professionally, and you have to remember what the physical voice sounds like because you have to arrange the music so it blends when other people hear it.

Is it spelled weird or wierd? It's weird that I can't remember.

Yes several of them are true, but I do not have a phobia or depression or anxiety. I do not have anger issues either but most of them yes as I have had a very gruesome childhood, my foster mom will not tell me the parts I do not remember because she says they are too horrible and it's best I don't know.

Actually I agree ken, I seem to be a very childlike soul when I imagine being with Jesus regardless of how old I am. It just seems to be the relationship we have together and honestly I wouldn't want it any other way, and I have noticed ken how sometimes I can see through his eyes at any time like putting on a pair of glasses and I can somewhat see what he sees in them just not too clear. Sounds strange I know but I believe that is merely him answering my constant prayer to see through his eyes not my own or the worlds

Sorry to hear that. Blacked out memories are not gone or forgotten. They are in a vault, so to speak. Somewhere inside you, those memories remain. I disagree that they should remain locked up, not that you should be forced to recall them before you are ready. Not dealing with a traumatic memory is like putting healing on hold as well. Give it to God for now and let Him deal with it in His own way.

The writer Stephen King, when he was 4 years old was playing with another boy about his age. He came home but wasn't able to speak and had wet his pants. The following day he acted normal and had no memory of the day before. Even to this day, he can't recall what happened. He and his little friend had been playing on the railroad tracks. His little buddy had been killed.

Has Stephen King forgotten all about this day 61 years ago? Perhaps you can recall the movie "Stand by me" which King wrote. In it there is a scene where four boys have to outrun a train as the cross a railroad bridge. The movie is about how these boys are searching for a body.

[video=youtube;XWPz0-iYTTw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWPz0-iYTTw[/video]

Stephen King's macabre stories seem to make sense after reading about his trauma.