Brokenness....vent

I can't put all my feelings into words... long story short, a guy I grew very fond of and will always be friends with (he has a friend for life in me)...decided he'd rather not explore further options at this time...or possibly ever again...because of communication break down recently. It was all my fault and I take full responsibility for his feeling like that was what needed to happen....

BUT...

I can't just turn off my feelings for him....I CAN'T. I don't want to!! It's not fair! The lack of communication was to protect him from the craziness of my life recently, which I explained to him and he was right in saying that's just not how it works in a relationship, that I should have told him, and I should have. But, I was just trying to protect him from getting hurt the same way I was. I know nothing I say will change his mind, and I'm trying to hold myself together. I honestly felt stronger for him than I have with anyone prior even though I know we were still in the "friend-zone" but like our toes outside if that makes sense..kinda seeing how things would go...so it epically SUCKS for him to say that his feelings are just "off" for me and I'm left with nothing but brokenness.

I understand my life and family is MESSED UP! but he knew that and still does... yet he was thinking so highly of me... I'm not my family, I try to stay level-headed, I take care of my brother and grandmother. I am handling a stalker situation to the best of my ability with more recent help from my friends in the local PD and within the last week an abusive father who just got out of jail (I don't live with them anymore) but I fear for my mother, who isn't the best herself. I am looking for work STILL, and to get into college to get out of here. The stalker showed up at my house 4 times while we were all out. Water jug that was full completely empty and put back in its place, food eaten!!, rug moved, and tire marks larger than ours in the driveway. All documented and reported, and my computer and phone were hacked. I've had software put on both to stop that, and the police were able to track him down because of that.

SO MUCH has been going on I wanted to protect him from, I'm sure he understands that, but I just feel like it's all so unfair. I have felt suicidal many times during this but didn't act on it, even if I really...REALLLY wanted to....he was the only person that came to mind and told me to hold on.

I just feel so broken and don't know what to do... do I just play it off and pretend like he didn't hurt me, just smile and pretend like I wasn't starting to feel LOVE for him, not just "really really like".... idk...

I'm gonna take a break from CC...technology...friends..family... for at least a few days.... try to figure things out.

Wow... I'm so sorry to hear of all these sad things going on for you. I pray things get better and start looking up for you soon and always remember " Casting all your care upon Him , for He careth for you. " When you feel sad and alone remember Jesus said he'd never leave you nor forsake you.

I' am truly sorry to hear you are going through these trying times, I pray that you would lean on Jesus to find rest in the comfort of his warm embrace. Be still and know that God is in control. Peace be with you my sister through our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus. God Bless.

this will simply remain my vent thread.
I'm sick of everything lately. and lately just plain sick! cyst ruptured which im in the hospital for now, having ovary(s) removed tomorrow so it can't happen again. Thank God for that i guess, lots of emotions about it. mostly anger but i understand it. doesn't change the fact I'm still mad bout it. life goes on.
I feel completely alone. my best friend isn't exactly best right now. communication fails on my part to pretect him made that happen. i just pray someday he will understand.
i dont trust God right now. i dont know why He has put me through so much already.
im so tired. i just want to crawl inside the earth and hide away from everything for a while. but i cant. i have to be strong. no tears no whining. suck it up and keep going.... right?.. WRONG! so sick of that! yes i am a strong person but everyone breaks sometimes. i just feel dead inside after everything the last few days

I'm praying for you sister

May I suggest just having some alone time with yourself... I know it might not be possible to drive to the mountains and get away for a few hours... But even 10 minutes by yourself and God will do wonders...

Proverbs 18 says,
19 An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.
20 Wise words satisfy like a good meal;
the right words bring satisfaction.


Basically what it is saying, is you would have a better chance singlehandedly taking down a fortified city then trying to win back your friend by telling them everything on your mind...

But The right words will bring satisfaction...


I know that sounds contradictory.... But what I think you should do is follow luke 18
One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. 2 “There was a judge in a certain city,” he said, “who neither feared God nor cared about people. 3 A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’ 4 The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, 5 but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!’”


6 Then the Lord said, “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. 7 Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?”



Keep on praying to God...Maybe God has someone else in mind... Maybe this is a lesson so you too can have a happy relationship, that is thriving and full of fruit...

not to turn this into an advice column, but here is a hint for your friend. men do not like feeling shut out. we are physical and ladies are mental. you can love your friend as much apart as you can together. we have a hard time with that. so think about including him in your life during whatever season and that might be better. praying your hospital stay is short and you are well soon.