I have a question about how my husband responds when I ask him questions.

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Lovely7

Guest
#1
To make a long story short my husband fell short and betrayed me. Now it's his job to regain back my trust now that I chose to forgive. Sometimes I feel like he hold things behind my back. Is that Normal? I'm sure right? Is it ok for me to ask him a question and his answer is I don't have to answer to you unless I'm God. How would that make you feel? Does that seem like he's hiding something for me again? Why won't he answer me without getting so offended? I understand that I'm not God but than again I am his wife!! Should he have answered to me or he don't have to? If this don't make any sense than I don't know how to put it any other way. Please help!! I'm in desperate need of answers.
 

gb9

Senior Member
Jan 18, 2011
11,641
6,276
113
#2
from a guy's point of view: how many and how often do you ask questions? men do not like someone constantly questioning us and asking the same things. I am sorry to say this to you, but if you are going to forgive him, do so and let it go on the outside. you can have your private feelings but keep them inside because it sounds like to me you really have not forgiven him. if you keep expressing your hurt to him, he feels like he is not forgiven, and probably is not going to be very nice until he feels like you have to a point moved on. we don't feel complex emotions. either things are o.k or they are not. this is how guys see it. if you act like things are not fine, he is going to take it like they are not and be defensive and snappy. hope this helps.
 
Last edited:
Nov 22, 2012
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#3
My mother and father go though this alot i dont think its healthy and i understand how you feel cause i see it first hand but i find that love over powers all things and as a wife you are subject to your husband but he must treat you as himself i will be praying for you prayer is our only weapon



Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, (Ephesians 5:22-26 KJV)
 
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Lovely7

Guest
#4
Well when I forgave him I asks shinny no longer communicate with her and he promises me that. Well just recently I found out he contacted her for some reason and he would to tell me what they talked about . So it bothers me. All I asked him was will he ever contact her again from this day forward and that's when he tells me I'm not god.
 
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Lovely7

Guest
#5
Well when I forgave him I asked him to no longer communicate with her and he promised me that. Well just recently I found out he contacted her for some reason and he wouldn't tell me everything they talked about . So it bothers me. All I asked him was will he ever contact her again from this day forward and that's when he tells me I'm not God and I don't have to tell you.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#6
Wives submitting to husbands has nothing to do with infidelity. Your husband broke hour trust and now has to earn it back. It doesn't take you needing to be God to answer some questions unless he has something to hide. If you are constantly asking him that might cause him to respond how he does, otherwise his behavior is very suspicious.
 

Misty77

Senior Member
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#7
I'm going to make the assumption that this is adultery. I could be wrong.

Submission only applies when the husband is submitted to God. Since we no longer stone adulterers, he needs to suck it up, submit to the consequences of engaging in unholy sexual activity. If he is resistant, then he is not really repentant. In that case, I would divorce him and take him for everything he's got. Remember, the Bible says to stone adulterers; and he made the CHOICE to to break the sacred covenant of marriage. He should just be grateful that he is still allowed to live.
 

SparkleEyes

Senior Member
Mar 23, 2013
771
21
18
#8
To make a long story short my husband fell short and betrayed me. Now it's his job to regain back my trust now that I chose to forgive. Sometimes I feel like he hold things behind my back. Is that Normal? I'm sure right? Is it ok for me to ask him a question and his answer is I don't have to answer to you unless I'm God. How would that make you feel? Does that seem like he's hiding something for me again? Why won't he answer me without getting so offended? I understand that I'm not God but than again I am his wife!! Should he have answered to me or he don't have to? If this don't make any sense than I don't know how to put it any other way. Please help!! I'm in desperate need of answers.
I would highly suggest that the 2 of you go to some marriage counseling. Find a Christian counselor -- NOT your pastor -- and go until you can trust each other and communicate clearly. Your pastor, unless he has significant counseling experience, is NOT qualified to take on and help you solve these types of issues. :cool:
 
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Lucy23

Guest
#9
Lovely,
I understand this oh to well. I have had the same issues in my marriage of 5 years. It is perfectly normal for you to get the feeling in the pit of your stomach that he may be hiding something from you. Especially, if when you do ask him questions and instead of nurturing you and telling you that he is sorry for being responsible for these feeling that come up, he responds with a defensive uncaring tone and comment. I had so many arguments with my husband about this. I would get a feeling and i would say something. And when he answered me and I felt as if he were lying, I would accuse. With that I learned he was starting to recent me and so I figured out a way to approach him differently, and tell him exactly what I needed from him when the feelings came up and if he were able to do this I would most likely be able to release the feeling I had and trust my husband on it. After you have been deceived by your husband and he is unwilling to do his part to help you overcome it. It is extremely detrimental. I am recently going through this and I am emotionally broken. I feel the more I express my needs to him the more he resents me. Every time we seem to come to some sort of understanding and agreement on how we will handle things for each other, I find out about another lie or another thing he has hidden from me. And that is so very very hard to let go of when it doesnt seem to ever stop. If he understood how it makes me feel and knows and says what he needs to do for me, but then turns right around and hurts me anyway........ what is that really saying? Does he care at all? Does he want our marriage at all? I feel I have done my part in accepting I may have been a lot of the reason he felt the need to hide things and lie to me in the first place, with the way I chose to respond to certain things my husband would say or do. And I know that I was wrong. I have expressed my guilt to him and begged him to forgive me. But, I dont get the same treatment from him. I feel so passionate about saving my marriage and I want my husband so badly that I am willing to try anything. I will do anything he tells me that he needs me to, in order for him to forgive me for how I have hurt him. But he is unwilling to tell me anything anymore actually. He is shut out. He is cold and he is uncaring of my feelings and needs. He says he loves me and wants our marriage to work and last. But his actions could be somewhat of a different answer. I would never be able to stand over my sobbing on the floor husband, listening to him plead for my affection and be able to just walk away. Annoyed at the very sound of his grief. I could never do that to him. Because if I were to see my husband in that much pain, I would be in the same amount of pain right there with him. But he is the one walking out the door in annoyance. I honestly, at this point think that hes ready to move on in different directions, but is to afraid to tell me the truth yet again, for whatever his reason, and will instead lead me to believe we will work through our issues and be together forever.

In your case, I dont think it is nearly that emotionally damaged. But, for sure i think that if you havent already. Let him know what the dishonesty has done to you. If and when he understands that and accepts that it is due to his actions, then you HAVE to tell him exactly, word for word what it is you need him to do when you get these gut wrenching feelings. Because it is natural and not your fault. Hopefully he will meet your request and do this for you, to save your marriage. Because, it will become worse!!! I know!! If youre not really sure what it is you need him to do besides obviously be honest..... I'll tell you what I realized all to late what I needed my husband to do for me.
When I approached him respectively with my feelings and not really knowing exactly why they were there. I told him that I just need him to hold me and tell me he is not doing anything to deceive me. And I had to decide to trust him. Then with him reminding me that he loves me and that he doesnt want to hurt me again like before, he would not do that to me again. And it worked....
For a little bit until I was deceived again. I pray that your husband truly made a mistake and truly doesnt want to hurt you again. So if you both can do something like this, I know it wouldve been enough for me. Only my husband doesnt really care that I hurt when he lies and does what he feels anyway regaurdless of how it affects me. But I am glad I can tell someone else going through a similar situation, what I found to be the best way to tell a man what you need. And that is to tell him exactly what it is. Dont leave out a breath or word either. Because, for some reason it is very easy for them to take something you say and that you feel very strongly about and put it in the simplist form and not take it as serious as you feel about it. That is how men think of things. cut and dry logical and simple. so you literally have to tell them. I hope my story helps you and I hope my advice works for both of you if you decide to try it. My prayers go out to you and your husband. You can over come this. It will take a lot of communication and both of you to do your part.
Lucy
 
W

Wormwood

Guest
#10
To make a long story short my husband fell short and betrayed me. Now it's his job to regain back my trust...Sometimes I feel like he hold things behind my back.

Is that Normal?
To make a long response short: Yes. That is normal.

Consider whether you are overreaching after what has happened or not. He should respect your concern regardless, but he has to feel any efforts he's making are recognized, otherwise it becomes a case of an unmovable object meeting an unstoppable force. This is going to take a lot of work; a lot of communication, respect, maturity, and love to get things to a better state.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#11
Lovely,
I understand this oh to well. I have had the same issues in my marriage of 5 years. It is perfectly normal for you to get the feeling in the pit of your stomach that he may be hiding something from you. Especially, if when you do ask him questions and instead of nurturing you and telling you that he is sorry for being responsible for these feeling that come up, he responds with a defensive uncaring tone and comment. I had so many arguments with my husband about this. I would get a feeling and i would say something. And when he answered me and I felt as if he were lying, I would accuse. With that I learned he was starting to recent me and so I figured out a way to approach him differently, and tell him exactly what I needed from him when the feelings came up and if he were able to do this I would most likely be able to release the feeling I had and trust my husband on it. After you have been deceived by your husband and he is unwilling to do his part to help you overcome it. It is extremely detrimental. I am recently going through this and I am emotionally broken. I feel the more I express my needs to him the more he resents me. Every time we seem to come to some sort of understanding and agreement on how we will handle things for each other, I find out about another lie or another thing he has hidden from me. And that is so very very hard to let go of when it doesnt seem to ever stop. If he understood how it makes me feel and knows and says what he needs to do for me, but then turns right around and hurts me anyway........ what is that really saying? Does he care at all? Does he want our marriage at all? I feel I have done my part in accepting I may have been a lot of the reason he felt the need to hide things and lie to me in the first place, with the way I chose to respond to certain things my husband would say or do. And I know that I was wrong. I have expressed my guilt to him and begged him to forgive me. But, I dont get the same treatment from him. I feel so passionate about saving my marriage and I want my husband so badly that I am willing to try anything. I will do anything he tells me that he needs me to, in order for him to forgive me for how I have hurt him. But he is unwilling to tell me anything anymore actually. He is shut out. He is cold and he is uncaring of my feelings and needs. He says he loves me and wants our marriage to work and last. But his actions could be somewhat of a different answer. I would never be able to stand over my sobbing on the floor husband, listening to him plead for my affection and be able to just walk away. Annoyed at the very sound of his grief. I could never do that to him. Because if I were to see my husband in that much pain, I would be in the same amount of pain right there with him. But he is the one walking out the door in annoyance. I honestly, at this point think that hes ready to move on in different directions, but is to afraid to tell me the truth yet again, for whatever his reason, and will instead lead me to believe we will work through our issues and be together forever.

In your case, I dont think it is nearly that emotionally damaged. But, for sure i think that if you havent already. Let him know what the dishonesty has done to you. If and when he understands that and accepts that it is due to his actions, then you HAVE to tell him exactly, word for word what it is you need him to do when you get these gut wrenching feelings. Because it is natural and not your fault. Hopefully he will meet your request and do this for you, to save your marriage. Because, it will become worse!!! I know!! If youre not really sure what it is you need him to do besides obviously be honest..... I'll tell you what I realized all to late what I needed my husband to do for me.
When I approached him respectively with my feelings and not really knowing exactly why they were there. I told him that I just need him to hold me and tell me he is not doing anything to deceive me. And I had to decide to trust him. Then with him reminding me that he loves me and that he doesnt want to hurt me again like before, he would not do that to me again. And it worked....
For a little bit until I was deceived again. I pray that your husband truly made a mistake and truly doesnt want to hurt you again. So if you both can do something like this, I know it wouldve been enough for me. Only my husband doesnt really care that I hurt when he lies and does what he feels anyway regaurdless of how it affects me. But I am glad I can tell someone else going through a similar situation, what I found to be the best way to tell a man what you need. And that is to tell him exactly what it is. Dont leave out a breath or word either. Because, for some reason it is very easy for them to take something you say and that you feel very strongly about and put it in the simplist form and not take it as serious as you feel about it. That is how men think of things. cut and dry logical and simple. so you literally have to tell them. I hope my story helps you and I hope my advice works for both of you if you decide to try it. My prayers go out to you and your husband. You can over come this. It will take a lot of communication and both of you to do your part.
Lucy

This thread was made Feb 11 and the OP has not returned since the day she posted this.
 
S

soccermom19

Guest
#12
A wife's intuition is nothing to sneeze at. If he truly has nothing to hide then he would answer you. He betrayed you at least once and then went back on a promise not to talk to her again. You should be suspicious.
My advice is to set down a list of rules and expectations. He can either agree to these or leave. You have to have trust in a marriage! These rules should include unlimited access to his phone, computer, tablet, and other electronic devices at anytime. You should know his passwords. He should also agree that you can question him at anytime about anything having to do with his betrayal and he has to answer without hesitation or making you feel bad. Plus anything else that is relevant to your particular situation.
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have been in the same boat. I know how hard it is to stay and work on the marriage. How hard it is when you are the only one trying. And how hard it is to be betrayed repeatedly and feel you have no choice but to end what you thought was a life long commitment.
Stay strong, pray often, and don't ever let someone tell you that you are being unreasonable. His unfaithfulness and untrustworthiness is what is unreasonable. Feel free to read about my ongoing marriage struggles on this site if you would like. You may find it helpful to know you are not alone.
I will pray for you.