DEATH OF A CHILD

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to type...

When I was 19...I thought I had meet the man of my dreams.....he was handsome and strong ...and I would have
Followed him anywhere...and I did....I flew cross the country...I left everything behind to follow my dream....
When I arrived to his apartment and got my self settled...with great expectations....there was a knock on the door
It was his exwife with his one year old son...he was filthy and crying and definately not happy to see me....
She handed us a diaper and said goodbye ...spun around on her high heel and fur coat and left....not to return for two years....
My husband told me that I better get to know him because tommarrow hes was going to work and the baby was to stay
with me....I was not to be beaten by a baby...kids always liked me...this shouldnt be to hard....I went to the store and bought
everything I thought he needed...stop by the apt next door who had a son a coulpe of years older and I got my first bag
Of hand me downs....ok now how do you get a child who hates you to let you care for him...I took the bag of toys I got for
him sat on the floor and played all by myself like I was having a party.....who knew how fast that worked....he came so fast
And I fell soooo hard.. my heart had never felt a love like this.....he was sweet and loving and we became inseparable...
Out of nowhere he called me mommy....you cant belive the feeling of exceptance...

Days came to years when he turned 4... I had a baby girl....we would fight over whose turn it was to care for her....
The exwife came back now and then but never for more than an afternoon

The summer before kindergarten was exciting we were ready for school.....it was the fourth of july ...hottest day I can
remember..we went to a boat race and meet alot of friends for a day of fun.....
Since it was so hot my husband decided we should go for a swim....this was the delta water way ...
I thought it be best to go to the shore area so the children could play.....my husband wanted to go to a nearby dock that
People were jumping off of.....I got this sick feeling and I became afraid....well come , on every one else was there it
must be safe....still a sick feeling....we faught and he won....we got to the dock ...I was mad and still ill
So I sat down and bounced the baby on my legs........then it happened....I looked over and my husband was holding
him by the waist and showing him how to dive....it happened so fast ...he went head first and never came back up....
I shoved my baby in a strangers hands and dove in.....I couldnt find him...it took forever.....3minutes later we found him
on the bottom ...pulled him out and tried to revive him....the abulance who was 500ft away refused to come...tt they were
for the racers...we waited for another.....when we arrrived at the hospital and waited..
My best friend melanie..I loved this girl..only a month or so before she showed me the truth of Jesus...
Well when she arrrived I ran to her screaming where is your God now......I will ever be sorry for those words...
She told me that she cant do it for me....I had to do it myself....I didnt understand then but later it saved my life...
As im quite sure you know by now....my sweet boy was gone..........

I want to thank you all...this was difficult...but I know God turns trash to treasure...
Looking back I realized God was there ...He tried to tell me ...but I just didnt listen....
I tell this story because I need anyone out there if they need help as a result of this kind of tragedy
That I can assure them with Gods help you can.and will get through this...
Peace and love to all.........my sons name was Brian and he will forever be remembered...

that was very touching....GBU sis and i really admire ur courage to put it down for us n share it...will pray for u

Your so sweet...this happened almost 30 years ago..it was hard to do but I cant let this all be for nothing.....I ran to God after that
My baby had to have a normal life...although my husband went to drugs and drinking....He refused God and almost self destructed...
As for me...God has blessed me with 2 beautiful daughters and 3 beautiful grands.....
My grandson tyler just turned 5 and we are going to kindergarten..he is my second chance...I made my peace with God
When my head cleared....I cherish every day I spend with Him.....thanks for your prayers...im a blessed and highly favored woman...

Yes you are a highly favored woman of God. We don't always understand the
why's of life, but God does and we realize He is there all the time.
Do you remember the Footprints in the Sand poem ? or the Photo ?
I used that for my daughters Memorial cover. We just see Footprints. I am
always reminded Jesus carries us when we think we are alone, and in the
end He says "It was then I was carrying you."

I am so glad you are able to talk about this loss. It was needed. So few
post about death on here and it leaves the grieving still hurting. So be it
a child, mate, or friend and family member even a pet..... grief hurts.
I have a feeling God intended for you to post this because someone needs
it. God bless you from now into eternity ~ J~K~2

I really needed to hear that ....you have filled my heart with joy...and you my sister.... I shall see you in eternity...lets hang
Out with Jesus and all of who we love....big party...ill bring tissue...
I pray for you ..I like your post...thank you..j

First, my heart goes out to you. How indescribably terrifying. I'm having trouble accepting the paramedics decision. I know they had a priority to the racers but they had a priority to protect life first. That however is neither here nor there ( I just wanted to get that off of my chest) There is nothing as humbling as losing a child. There is a moment after the despair when a realization hits you. My son is with God. If I want to see him again there is only one thing in my way. I have to get to heaven. After that (at least for me) I gained a sense of purpose. I realized in the same instant how blessed I was to have ever had him. It wasn't that I was "owed" him, he was a gift. I became eternally grateful. Thank you for your story. God saves all of our tears and prayers. He cherishes them. I believe there is a special jar for THOSE tears and THOSE prayers. God bless you sister.

Thanks ....I couldnt said it better my self..... deadtosin.....you can come to my party to.........When Jesus comes!!!!!!
Oh what a party!!!!!!

I relate on several levels the death of a child is a devestating event. Been there understand that with you. Thanks for sharing. I however use that man shell to deal with mine more privately as it to this day still stings.