Welcome.
The biggest lie of the devil is based in feelings. Thankfully, salvation isn't based on feeling saved, but rather on the grace of God. Consider that when one that isn't seeking Christ sins, they feel no guilt. Yet, when those of us trying to live for God choose sin, we feel the call to return to Him and repent of our sins.
It seems to me that you feel that. There is no "knock" in truth. You just need to understand that when you pray and ask forgiveness, it's granted, even when it doesn't feel like it. There was a time when I succumbed to a sinful choice many years ago and I knelt on the ground with my face to the floor, crying. I cried out, "God, forgive me!" and I immediately felt the weight lift from me. It was so powerful and obvious that I lifted my head and looked around for a moment. Feeling that I hadn't "repented" enough, I pressed my face to the ground again and begged God's forgiveness again.
He said, "I've already forgiven you. Stop beating yourself up and move on."
That was the only time that I "felt" His forgiveness in that way and the reason He did that was to show me that once we ask, it's done. All the other "repenting" and beating ourselves up is all for our guilty feelings and the devil's enjoyment. As long as you're believing that you are not good enough, not saved enough, not forgiven, you will halt and barter and hedge around the throne of God, if you even go before it, and then the call God has for your life will be held in a holding pattern until you are feeling good enough to move forward again.
Choose God. Live for Him. Spend time with Him. Pray, read His word, seek and be counseled by strong believers. You'll be fine, so long as you keep your eyes on Christ.
