New and kind of disappointed

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notmyown

notmyown

Senior Member
#21
May 26, 2016
4,646
1,100
113
#21
Kayleigh said:
This is my first day actually using this sight, so I don't know exactly where to post this.
All I want to say is to please be considerate when you respond to someone's problem.

Long story short, every several months or so, I become extremely depressed about our situation. We've been spinning our tires for years with so much prayer and effort put into improving it, but nothing changes.
In my incredibly depressed state, I went here for help.
I described my situation as briefly as I could, and, in a nutshell, my replies were:
"You're being selfish."
"It's not that bad."
"My situation is worse than yours."

I didn't read past this because my eyes were already full of tears, and I don't care to read the rest now.
I just want to say that this is never how you should respond to someone who is depressed.

I came here looking for Jesus. He never said,"Others have it worse than you," or, "Look at all the nice stuff you have," or, "You're not good enough." When there was a need, He met it. All I needed was a shoulder to cry on.

If I was suicidal, these comments could have driven me over the edge.
Don't assume anything about someone's character or Christian walk. People don't come here to be judged. Let God judge them. While they are on this Earth, be a comforter. Be Christ to someone.

A simple "I'll pray for you," or, "That sounds rough," would have gone a long way.
I know you specifically didn't reply anything rude, but just remember that people are human. Sometimes we need a little help.
Click to expand...

child... ♥

i read the other thread, and hope you're still reading this one.

i've been in your situation, and by that i mean the self-pity, please forgive my bluntness.
i understand how easy it is to fall into it, comparing one's life with those of others and becoming dissatisfied and feeling ill-used. this is me confessing my own sins. i was wrong. and yet the Lord loved me, as He does you.

so what to do when God doesn't meet my expectations? when i pray and He doesn't answer in the way i think He ought?

well, it took me a good deal longer to figure that out than it should have. it began with this--

Paul, a slave of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, to build up the faith of God's elect and their knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness (Titus 1:1 HCSB)

that struck me, did you catch it? 'a slave of God'. the Greek is doulos, meaning bondslave which confers the highest dignity, and means slave nonetheless.

you see, dear one, we are His servants, and not the other way around as i had supposed.
i thought i prayed and God gave me exactly what i wanted and not exactly what i needed.
though it was a difficult lesson to learn, how glad i am God patiently taught me.

i know... it's hard to be patient.
i know... it's hard to die to what one wants and receive joyfully what God, in His infinite wisdom, provides.
i really do understand.

your prayers are "working" just fine. perhaps one day maybe years from now you will speak words like mine to another who is confused and feels she's at her wit's end. (which, btw, is a very good starting place :))

and i am praying for you.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#22
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#22
Thank you to whomever repped me on this post. :)


blue_ladybug said:
Everyone has hard times in life, and yes it is true, several people here have it worse than you do. Angela53510, who suffers from agonizing, debilitating rheumatoid arthritis and can barely function most days. Or TemporaryCircumstances, who at the tender age of 14, has had cancer 2 or 3 times, been sexually abused and a plethora of other atrocities committed against her. Yet the user name she chose, shows her belief in those words, "temporary circumstances." :) She is one of the wisest, bravest young ladies I have ever known. I highly suggest you talk to her. And please read my depression thread below in my signature. Go to the testimonies forum and read any story of hope and triumph there. Hopefully you will come away with a new perspective on your current TEMPORARY circumstances. :)

We were never promised an easy, cushy life here. But we are promised that it will be worth it in the end. All we can do is persevere through as best we can. :)
Click to expand...
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#23
#23
Kayleigh said:
This is my first day actually using this sight, so I don't know exactly where to post this.
All I want to say is to please be considerate when you respond to someone's problem.

Long story short, every several months or so, I become extremely depressed about our situation. We've been spinning our tires for years with so much prayer and effort put into improving it, but nothing changes.
In my incredibly depressed state, I went here for help.
I described my situation as briefly as I could, and, in a nutshell, my replies were:
"You're being selfish."
"It's not that bad."
"My situation is worse than yours."

I didn't read past this because my eyes were already full of tears, and I don't care to read the rest now.
I just want to say that this is never how you should respond to someone who is depressed.

I came here looking for Jesus. He never said,"Others have it worse than you," or, "Look at all the nice stuff you have," or, "You're not good enough." When there was a need, He met it. All I needed was a shoulder to cry on.

If I was suicidal, these comments could have driven me over the edge.
Don't assume anything about someone's character or Christian walk. People don't come here to be judged. Let God judge them. While they are on this Earth, be a comforter. Be Christ to someone.

A simple "I'll pray for you," or, "That sounds rough," would have gone a long way.
I know you specifically didn't reply anything rude, but just remember that people are human. Sometimes we need a little help.
Click to expand...
I decided to do what you said you did with the advice being given you -- read the first couple of paragraphs and skip the rest.

You're depressed? Obviously. I'm assuming you like it there, since you won't read on to find answers.

You thought all anyone gave you were those answers? You could have learned from those answers, because no one left it at those answers.

You had something else to say? Well, now you know what it feels like when someone pours their heart out, but you ignored what they said because I didn't feel like reading the rest. Like you, I took the beginning and went off on that.

Why join a "chat," when all you want is a monologue?

Each person you quickly dismissed is also depressed. (We're merely proactive on getting God out of life to wallow.) Again, so full of yourself you had no idea you could do more than feel sorry for yourself. And so sorry for yourself you have no idea Jesus is here. And there! And trying to get your attention!!!
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#24
#24
PinkDiamond said:
I've really enjoyed reading posts by both Angela and Temporary Circumstances. One thing that I've noticed in life is that the most serene and content people typically have suffered the most. I think it's surprising at times to realize the hardship that some have endured. We tend to think that content people have a good or easy life. I think that suffering can either break us or work patience in us and the content spirit we observe in certain individuals is the fruit of suffering.
Click to expand...
Content. <--- seems to be what God wants us to learn out of life.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#25
#25
AbideinVine said:
It's interesting to see how many people are quick with a hard answer.
I do wonder why that is.
Click to expand...
Because, in my experience, it gets harder than this, so brace yourself.
 
notmyown

notmyown

Senior Member
#26
May 26, 2016
4,646
1,100
113
#26
Depleted said:
Content. <--- seems to be what God wants us to learn out of life.
Click to expand...

But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. (1 Tim 6:6-8)
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#27
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#27
Oft times when someone asks for help they already have an image in mind of what that is going to look like.

Oft times when someone wants to help they'll pick up on that and go in another direction.

Because, oft times, what you think you need is not what you need.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#28
#28
RickyZ said:
Oft times when someone asks for help they already have an image in mind of what that is going to look like.

Oft times when someone wants to help they'll pick up on that and go in another direction.

Because, oft times, what you think you need is not what you need.
Click to expand...
That is just so true, in my younger days I thought I needed to be rich, to have
a husband, to have a dog, to have a nice place to call my own that I could just shut
out the world and put my feet up when I wanted. Ha God has such a sense of humour!

I got none of that (apart from a dog in my teens).
I don't even know if I will be able to stay in my current house if anything happens
to my elderly aunt, let alone any of the other things in that list. I haven't a clue
what the future holds for me in any aspect of life at all.


But God is teaching me to value the little things, to be content, to trust in him alone.
For no one else is trustworthy and nothing else matters. Everything of wordly value
comes and goes and one day it will all disappear.
 
wanderer6059

wanderer6059

Senior Member
#29
Oct 27, 2013
1,282
57
48
#29
Depleted said:
I decided to do what you said you did with the advice being given you -- read the first couple of paragraphs and skip the rest.

You're depressed? Obviously. I'm assuming you like it there, since you won't read on to find answers.

You thought all anyone gave you were those answers? You could have learned from those answers, because no one left it at those answers.

You had something else to say? Well, now you know what it feels like when someone pours their heart out, but you ignored what they said because I didn't feel like reading the rest. Like you, I took the beginning and went off on that.

Why join a "chat," when all you want is a monologue?

Each person you quickly dismissed is also depressed. (We're merely proactive on getting God out of life to wallow.) Again, so full of yourself you had no idea you could do more than feel sorry for yourself. And so sorry for yourself you have no idea Jesus is here. And there! And trying to get your attention!!!
Click to expand...
maybe if you were not offensive in your first sentence she would have got father in it...
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#30
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#30
She probably will get further, when she comes back online.. The OP is just upset at her situation right now. When she has calmed down and comes back and reads ALL the replies on each thread, then hopefully she will agree with us that there is some good things in her trials right now.. Keep in mind that even Jesus did straight talk with those he conversed with. :)


wanderer6059 said:
maybe if you were not offensive in your first sentence she would have got father in it...
Click to expand...
 
wanderer6059

wanderer6059

Senior Member
#31
Oct 27, 2013
1,282
57
48
#31
blue_ladybug said:
She probably will get further, when she comes back online.. The OP is just upset at her situation right now. When she has calmed down and comes back and reads ALL the replies on each thread, then hopefully she will agree with us that there is some good things in her trials right now.. Keep in mind that even Jesus did straight talk with those he conversed with. :)
Click to expand...
what if she doesn't come back because of it? what if she goes to a worldly friend and ask them, gets more of a loving response then here? what if she falls labels all Christians as hateful? words have power.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#32
Apr 18, 2013
9,324
2,413
113
#32
Kayleigh said:
This is my first day actually using this sight, so I don't know exactly where to post this.
All I want to say is to please be considerate when you respond to someone's problem.

Long story short, every several months or so, I become extremely depressed about our situation. We've been spinning our tires for years with so much prayer and effort put into improving it, but nothing changes.
In my incredibly depressed state, I went here for help.
I described my situation as briefly as I could, and, in a nutshell, my replies were:
"You're being selfish."
"It's not that bad."
"My situation is worse than yours."

I didn't read past this because my eyes were already full of tears, and I don't care to read the rest now.
I just want to say that this is never how you should respond to someone who is depressed.

I came here looking for Jesus. He never said,"Others have it worse than you," or, "Look at all the nice stuff you have," or, "You're not good enough." When there was a need, He met it. All I needed was a shoulder to cry on.

If I was suicidal, these comments could have driven me over the edge.
Don't assume anything about someone's character or Christian walk. People don't come here to be judged. Let God judge them. While they are on this Earth, be a comforter. Be Christ to someone.

A simple "I'll pray for you," or, "That sounds rough," would have gone a long way.
I know you specifically didn't reply anything rude, but just remember that people are human. Sometimes we need a little help.
Click to expand...
Kayleigh,

Your intention above was in error.

You had the wrong expectations.

Yes, people here COULD have been more understanding.
Yes, People here SHOULD have been more understanding.
So why weren't they?

Because this isn't a church.
CC isn't a church.
CC isn't a Pastor's office.
CC isn't a counseling office.
CC isn't your women's group at church.

So, what is CC?

CC is an ANONYMOUS, and DIVERSE group of people, from AROUND THE WORLD, with DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS, DIFFERENT CULTURES, DIFFERENT LEVELS OF MATURITY, DIFFERENT LEVELS OF BIBLICAL KNOWLEDGE, DIFFERENT BELIEFS, DIFFERENT OPINIONS, and DIFFERENT APPROACHES TO EVERYTHING IN LIFE... many of whom are NOT CHRISTIANS AT ALL, as this site is publicly open to everyone.

I'm very sorry you didn't get the encouragement you hoped for.

But posting on a public internet site, full of all kinds of different people you don't know anything about...
that's not a wise method for pursuing Christian counseling.

What is a better method to get Christian counseling and Christian encouragement?
1. Talk to your pastor.
2. Talk to people at your church who do counseling.
3. Talk to a women's group, or some other group at your church, where you can interact with mature christians.
4. Make friends HERE, then be SELECTIVE about who you solicit for advice and encouragement.
5. Post on the WOMEN'S FORUM... and wait to see which women respond maturely, then message them in private.
6. Go into LIVE CHAT... and look for women who seem mature, then message them privately, for prayer and discussion.

I'm truly sorry you had discouraging responses.
But this isn't your church... this is just an anonymous bunch of unknown people on the internet.



Wrong expectations always lead to failed expectations.

If you want to find "mature christians" here... you need to be willing to put some effort into that.

I truly hope you meet some nice people, and get the help and encouragement you need.
Max
 
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blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#33
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#33
She will come back. Maybe she's busy today doing something important. In her own words, she "wanted a shoulder to cry on". She can get that here, but if she was looking for us to commiserate with her and bemoan her situation, she won't find many here who will do that. Many of us are straight forward, as you have seen, BUT sometimes straight talk works better than sugarcoated "now now dears". I get alot of flack on here, as does Depleted, but all in all, we say what we say out of love. Not out of pity or just wanting to placate someone. And several dozens of people who I have responded to with straight truth, have PM'ed me and said "thank you so much, Blue. I really needed to hear that". And that was AFTER they lambasted me on the open thread, then later went back and read my replies again and agreed with me after giving it some thought. Then PM'ed me to thank me. So sometimes straight talk DOES do wonders. :) In all MY hard times, I wish someone had given me straight truth, instead of "oh poor you, that sucks". :/

wanderer6059 said:
what if she doesn't come back because of it? what if she goes to a worldly friend and ask them, gets more of a loving response then here? what if she falls labels all Christians as hateful? words have power.
Click to expand...
 
wanderer6059

wanderer6059

Senior Member
#34
Oct 27, 2013
1,282
57
48
#34
blue_ladybug said:
She will come back. Maybe she's busy today doing something important. In her own words, she "wanted a shoulder to cry on". She can get that here, but if she was looking for us to commiserate with her and bemoan her situation, she won't find many here who will do that. Many of us are straight forward, as you have seen, BUT sometimes straight talk works better than sugarcoated "now now dears". I get alot of flack on here, as does Depleted, but all in all, we say what we say out of love. Not out of pity or just wanting to placate someone. And several dozens of people who I have responded to with straight truth, have PM'ed me and said "thank you so much, Blue. I really needed to hear that". And that was AFTER they lambasted me on the open thread, then later went back and read my replies again and agreed with me after giving it some thought. Then PM'ed me to thank me. So sometimes straight talk DOES do wonders. :) In all MY hard times, I wish someone had given me straight truth, instead of "oh poor you, that sucks". :/
Click to expand...
blue, lots of people won't come back after a bout like that. i hope she will. but there is a better way the tough love. you can talk that way to someone you know, or that is used to you. but someone you don't know, and just joined. yea she was asking for advice in the wrong place. but people shouldn't say "oh let me teach her something, the hard way, with my first act of communication to her" its a wast because there words failed, and its stupid because they responded out of ignorance and emotion.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#35
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#35
Yah know what? SEVERAL people have come back after a bout like that. Some were even banned, came back and "got it" after awhile that we were trying to help. You have only recently come back yourself, so maybe you don't realize that SOMETIMES, the people who start these threads are trolls, or they post once and never return to see if they have replies. Many of us here are quite adept at spotting trolls and their behaviors. And before you go off, I AM NOT calling the OP a troll. Many OP's post this stuff solely to garner sympathy, or acceptance of what they've done wrong.

You are not psychic, you have no idea if anyone's replies are worthless, stupid or a waste of time for the OP. Only SHE can decide that. :)


wanderer6059 said:
blue, lots of people won't come back after a bout like that. i hope she will. but there is a better way the tough love. you can talk that way to someone you know, or that is used to you. but someone you don't know, and just joined. yea she was asking for advice in the wrong place. but people shouldn't say "oh let me teach her something, the hard way, with my first act of communication to her" its a wast because there words failed, and its stupid because they responded out of ignorance and emotion.
Click to expand...
 
wanderer6059

wanderer6059

Senior Member
#36
Oct 27, 2013
1,282
57
48
#36
blue_ladybug said:
Yah know what? SEVERAL people have come back after a bout like that. Some were even banned, came back and "got it" after awhile that we were trying to help. You have only recently come back yourself, so maybe you don't realize that SOMETIMES, the people who start these threads are trolls, or they post once and never return to see if they have replies. Many of us here are quite adept at spotting trolls and their behaviors. And before you go off, I AM NOT calling the OP a troll. Many OP's post this stuff solely to garner sympathy, or acceptance of what they've done wrong.

You are not psychic, you have no idea if anyone's replies are worthless, stupid or a waste of time for the OP. Only SHE can decide that. :)
Click to expand...
WHAT IF THEY NEVER RETURN BECAUSE THEY WERE HURT BY PEOPLES WORDS! people can get hurt by words blue, and if people are going to give advice they should educate themselfs on how to first....
 
notmyown

notmyown

Senior Member
#37
May 26, 2016
4,646
1,100
113
#37
wanderer6059 said:
WHAT IF THEY NEVER RETURN BECAUSE THEY WERE HURT BY PEOPLES WORDS! people can get hurt by words blue, and if people are going to give advice they should educate themselfs on how to first....
Click to expand...
you're a very passionate young man, aren't you? :)

here's some herbal tea for you


unless you dislike herbal tea as much as i do?

might as well pour boiling water on lawn clippings. ;)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#38
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#38
Would you rather we lie to them? Or tell them the truth? We COULD have told her that she'll never get a job, never get a house of their own, never do anything..But that would be a lie. You must be an EMT or cop or something, because you are wayyy too emotional right now. You're even more upset than the OP was. And if people can't take hearing the truth, which for this OP, is that she can't blame God for her hardships right now. It's not His fault, nor her fault either. It's just how life goes sometimes, ya gotta roll where the ball goes. As long as she keeps faith in God, he will bring her through this. :) And also, members here CAN read threads while they're not logged in. Maybe she did just that, and is thinking about all that's been said.


wanderer6059 said:
WHAT IF THEY NEVER RETURN BECAUSE THEY WERE HURT BY PEOPLES WORDS! people can get hurt by words blue, and if people are going to give advice they should educate themselfs on how to first....
Click to expand...
 
laura_charlotte

laura_charlotte

Senior Member
#39
Dec 16, 2012
1,483
114
63
#39
wanderer6059 said:
WHAT IF THEY NEVER RETURN BECAUSE THEY WERE HURT BY PEOPLES WORDS! people can get hurt by words blue, and if people are going to give advice they should educate themselfs on how to first....
Click to expand...
Unfortunately it's a common problem encountered by many. They are driven away by all kinds of behaviour that isn't inspired by Jesus. It's not just the lack of example, but the affect that it's had on the many who've been isolated and estranged as in op's case.
 
wanderer6059

wanderer6059

Senior Member
#40
Oct 27, 2013
1,282
57
48
#40
notmyown said:
you're a very passionate young man, aren't you? :)

here's some herbal tea for you


unless you dislike herbal tea as much as i do?

might as well pour boiling water on lawn clippings. ;)
Click to expand...
Sleepytime tea is the best... just saying lol any yes i would like some to calm down...
 
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