Advice please

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ptrfulham

Guest
#1
#1
I and my wife are both Christian and we're married in September 2016.
My wife has a married sister, and they are not Christian.
I have recently discovered that 5 years ago, my now brother in law made sexual advances to my wife, which were rebuffed.
My sister in law oblivious to this is wanting to visit with the man in question. My wife being a devout Christian has taken the stance of not repaying evil for evil, and has forgiven him.
I on the other hand would find it difficult to be in the same room with him. I have forgiven him, and as scripture says, as far as is possible, or I am able, whichever the exact quote is. This to me though does not mean I have to be his buddy, and play happy families when he visits.
I deal with it by not seeing him at all. My wife quite rightly says that to avoid him completely is going to be impossible.
My tension is between forgiving him as she has tried to do, and telling the truth in love, which he is consealing. If it were another Christian couple this would be easier, not easy, but easier. He is however in the world, and has the morals and values of the world.
How do I see him, especially as he is denying anything happened.
Advice please
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Notice this is the section for introducing yourself. If you are going to bypass this then this really isn't the ideal place to ask questions. Also less people visit and respond here, so it's not a very active section.

I'd have to suggest you double checking your forgiveness. It sounds like you still have some things against him. While it's true forgiving does not mean you forget and act as if nothing has happened. But if you are incapable of even being in the same room with them then thay suggests in unforgiveness.
So the first step may be to check that. Having a 'mental' forgiveness does not mean you have forgiven in your heart.
It is best to avoid him as much as possible, but since you Do have to see him at times I'd suggest just being cordial, but not too chummy.
As to whether or not to tell. That's a tricky subject. I have often bounced around on that idea so I won't offer any advice on that matter.
 
paradoxdown

paradoxdown

Banned
#3
Jan 26, 2017
200
2
0
#3
ptrfulham said:
I and my wife are both Christian and we're married in September 2016.
My wife has a married sister, and they are not Christian.
I have recently discovered that 5 years ago, my now brother in law made sexual advances to my wife, which were rebuffed.
My sister in law oblivious to this is wanting to visit with the man in question. My wife being a devout Christian has taken the stance of not repaying evil for evil, and has forgiven him.
I on the other hand would find it difficult to be in the same room with him. I have forgiven him, and as scripture says, as far as is possible, or I am able, whichever the exact quote is. This to me though does not mean I have to be his buddy, and play happy families when he visits.
I deal with it by not seeing him at all. My wife quite rightly says that to avoid him completely is going to be impossible.
My tension is between forgiving him as she has tried to do, and telling the truth in love, which he is consealing. If it were another Christian couple this would be easier, not easy, but easier. He is however in the world, and has the morals and values of the world.
How do I see him, especially as he is denying anything happened.
Advice please
Click to expand...
I know what I'd do, but people never listen to me.

So, make up your own mind.
 
Silverwings

Silverwings

Senior Member
#4
Jul 27, 2016
1,368
495
83
#4
5 years is a long time, many things have happened during that time. If this man was not intimate with your now wife, can you not just look at it as if your wife is very beautiful, and be greatful? I would not wish to have any disagreement in the family over something that happened so long ago, and did not lead to anything sexual. If you bring it up now, it is going to upset her sister, and is it really that big of a deal?
 
88

88

Senior Member
#5
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
#5
ptrfulham said:
I and my wife are both Christian and we're married in September 2016.
My wife has a married sister, and they are not Christian.
I have recently discovered that 5 years ago, my now brother in law made sexual advances to my wife, which were rebuffed.
My sister in law oblivious to this is wanting to visit with the man in question. My wife being a devout Christian has taken the stance of not repaying evil for evil, and has forgiven him.
I on the other hand would find it difficult to be in the same room with him. I have forgiven him, and as scripture says, as far as is possible, or I am able, whichever the exact quote is. This to me though does not mean I have to be his buddy, and play happy families when he visits.
I deal with it by not seeing him at all. My wife quite rightly says that to avoid him completely is going to be impossible.
My tension is between forgiving him as she has tried to do, and telling the truth in love, which he is consealing. If it were another Christian couple this would be easier, not easy, but easier. He is however in the world, and has the morals and values of the world.
How do I see him, especially as he is denying anything happened.Advice please
Click to expand...
****I would just pray for the him---it happened 5 years ago---forget about it---but keep your eye on him...
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#6
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#6
Hello and welcome. As Ugly stated, this forum is mainly for introducing yourself. You'd get more responses if your OP were in the Family forum. :)
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#7
Jul 3, 2015
56,150
26,209
113
#7
I would be honest with him. The fact that he is not a Christian is neither here nor there,
as many people -regardless of religious affiliation or lack thereof- care to have people
around who may be desirous of hitting on their partner. He should understand that you
wish to clear the air and have him know that absolutely no unbecoming behavior from
him will be acceptable in the least, that he must be on his best behavior at all times.

If he denies the account your wife has given you, tell him you must side with your wife,
and that you have only the interests your new family in mind. Again he should understand
this. It is pretty basic. If it is important to your wife to keep this knowledge from her sister,
then it would seem best to let your brother in law know privately, before they visit if at all
possible. If he is a real heel he will not care about the enmity it may cause between the two
sisters for the other to find out, and in that case the other sister is better off without him.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#8
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#8
Personally, I think I would write him, and let him know that you intend to bring this matter up in front of both wives, and tell him to govern himself accordingly as to whether or not he plans to join his wife on her visit.
 
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