Wise Counsel, Please

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Redeemed_87

Guest
#1
#1
During courtship I observed behavior that I perceived to be flirtatious, lustful & untrustworthy. Once Married, he shared that he was simply trying to impress me & I misunderstood his actions. However, 4 years into our Marriage I am still seeing the same behavior & have found random female numbers, learned of him giving his number to a female for purposes of pointing her to Christ (as was his explanation once she called late one night & did not even know of me, his Wife), deal with his wandering eyes, discovered his search for pornography or twerk videos & stumbled across a photo of the Wife of a fellow brother in Christ & female associate of mine from the past stored in the history log of his ipad. All matters listed has happened occasionally & for the most part my Husband is a devoted Man after God's own Heart. Yet, I find myself unable to Forgive, extremely Hurt & battling thoughts of regret for desiring Marriage & accepting his Proposal. We have a Son & expect another by 3/15/17. I try to focus on the Joys of Motherhood & all the good he does do for us as the Provider but this Heartache, Disappointment is a great burden on me. These experiences as a Married Woman now feed the Insecurities that started from being in the World & of it dating & fornicating with the wrong men. I desire Healing, this is truly a hindrance in my Spiritual Growth.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#2
Jun 30, 2015
24,752
13,413
113
#2
Welcome, Redeemed_87!

Your story is not unusual, sadly. I would encourage you to post it (perhaps broken into paragraphs for easier reading) in the Family forum... you will get more readers and response there. :)
 
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Redeemed_87

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you, I did so.
 
88

88

Senior Member
#4
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
#4
Redeemed_87 said:
During courtship I observed behavior that I perceived to be flirtatious, lustful & untrustworthy. Once Married, he shared that he was simply trying to impress me & I misunderstood his actions. However, 4 years into our Marriage I am still seeing the same behavior & have found random female numbers, learned of him giving his number to a female for purposes of pointing her to Christ (as was his explanation once she called late one night & did not even know of me, his Wife), deal with his wandering eyes, discovered his search for pornography or twerk videos & stumbled across a photo of the Wife of a fellow brother in Christ & female associate of mine from the past stored in the history log of his ipad. All matters listed has happened occasionally & for the most part my Husband is a devoted Man after God's own Heart. Yet, I find myself unable to Forgive, extremely Hurt & battling thoughts of regret for desiring Marriage & accepting his Proposal. We have a Son & expect another by 3/15/17. I try to focus on the Joys of Motherhood & all the good he does do for us as the Provider but this Heartache, Disappointment is a great burden on me. These experiences as a Married Woman now feed the Insecurities that started from being in the World & of it dating & fornicating with the wrong men. I desire Healing, this is truly a hindrance in my Spiritual Growth.
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****commit him to the Lord and focus on your own relationship with the Lord---trust the Lord to take "care" of him and to guide you----I would encourage him not to be "pointing" other women to Christ without you being involved in the process-----men are human and sometimes end up getting mislead...
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 13, 2014
41,325
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#5
It is inappropriate for your husband to call other woman regardless of his intention. If you have not done so already talk to your husband and tell him that you are feeling insecure because of his actions which take away from the marriage such as the calls and porn and anything, especially the flirting.

Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding on this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 
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Bananas

Guest
#6
#6
I am sorry for what your husband is putting you through. It is clear where his mind is at and my point of view is, only he can get himself out (if he wants to ). Focus on your children and the new arrival of your baby. Pray that your husband finds his way back to you and your children. His actions are his own doing. Regardless of his lack of affection, give love without expecting any in return, through your strength I pray he will see what an idiot he is. It is only the love of God we must truly seek because when we are in his presence nothing can bring us down. I pray for you and you pray for me. God Bless.xx
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
41,325
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#7
Bananas said:
I am sorry for what your husband is putting you through. It is clear where his mind is at and my point of view is, only he can get himself out (if he wants to ). Focus on your children and the new arrival of your baby. Pray that your husband finds his way back to you and your children. His actions are his own doing. Regardless of his lack of affection, give love without expecting any in return, through your strength I pray he will see what an idiot he is. It is only the love of God we must truly seek because when we are in his presence nothing can bring us down. I pray for you and you pray for me. God Bless.xx
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You wrote an edifying and comforting post to a hurting member. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
 
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