Welcome Colie, Ironically, I had given my life to God at 11 as well. And I went on in an never-ending process of growing in him thru circumstances that at the time seemed like I needed to get around instead of walk thru with God. Subsequently, I made some moral choices that were not befitting of my spirit aligned with God thru the Holy Spirit. Later, God allowed me to struggle with my wife's relationship and soon a 29 year marriage with 3 boy's was disconnected. But where my soulish side was beaten, my Spiritual life took off! I surrendered my all to Him, and my soul returned to me pure and powerful; the verse came to life: "All things turn out for good to those who love the Lord." During that time, I also lost my Mom and Dad, and grandfather of 101 years of age; all godly men and women. God has never left me, nor forsaken me. In fact, He has empowered me in Himself because of the circumstances to be apart of His Kingdoms business in earnest.
I am sorry that your road has not been the way you wanted it to go. But one thing we can safely say, God has you right where He wants you today. And I trust as you look into your past, that God has not ever left or forsaken you. Life for you now is a choice, for love is a choice. Sometimes I used to think, "God, pull me thru this." But God always was interested in His Best for me, to prosper me, and give me Hope, and a future. My "good-enough's" were never on His plate for me.
My prayer's extend to you sister! Let your mourning happen, for we all need to be allowed to mourn, but then let God have everything that is not Himself, and He will turn it into "good." May God richly bless you in your life and here at "CC". My name is Dan nice to make your acquaintance, I hope to hear ya in the hallways.
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