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Thread: What have I done all my life.

  1. #1
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    Default What have I done all my life.

    First off, Hello! I come here for an avenue of fellowship and possibly to help serve others in an atmosphere I am familiar with.

    Why today? Because I am now middle aged, single without good reason, family-less because I didn't follow God, wary of disease and death because I soon approach the age my dad left this world - and I believe his walk with God was as incomplete as mine is now. I've spent the majority of my life angry, I am the definition of road rage, I expect that it is up to me to reach every goal and bit of happiness, and until recently, have not noticed - let alone appreciated, any blessings I have had in the past 30 years. My expectations for myself are extremely high. Simple joys or peace do not exist in my life, unless they are the fruit of long and hard work or great accomplishment.

    I'm a tech guy, and while I work a day job that happens to be more lucrative than the tech field I once was in, I still spend most every waking moment that I am not at work writing code and designing some scheme to have my own "gig" that burns through tremendous amount of time. The problem with this, is I have done this for many, many years; all along, ignoring people, and moving from building one skill to another. 16 hours a day or more between day job and secondary work for decades.

    Based on my father's lifespan and the lesson that we are here to serve each other first and foremost, I spend more and more time thinking about where my story will end, and I wonder how I will grade in the 'ole book of life, since I've been squarely focused on worldly achievements in a solo fashion my entire adult life, and with a low success to effort ratio to boot. Along with all of that, my greatest dreams of reward for all my hard work and the "means" I once expected to attain are tucked very tightly in fleshy desires. Oh, and I'm also a perfectionist. I beat myself up ruthlessly for mistakes I make.

    On another note, a good portion of my time has also been spent on spiritual affairs. I started out Catholic in the grade-school, and had shunned it all completely by high school graduation. I spent a little time learning about wicca and druidism because I preferred an earthy spirituality at one point. Being a fan of the "Ancient Aliens", I wandered into fallen angel territory, the emerald tablets, thoth, and things of that nature. And who can get through all that without a bit of universe projection and the new age ideas? Considering the consumption of that information, I find the ideas of the Christian bible the best, mainly for it's cause and effect way of instruction, and it's quite obvious that this world and everything in it did not assemble randomly or evolve from nothing. In fact evolution my be the strongest salesman for the bible I have encountered.

    With all that out of the way, I'm here thinking it will help me learn to be a servant. I also feel that a few people have been purposely dropped into my life that I must care for (it's just a feeling), and want to make sure I do not disappoint. Heaven in a way sounds horrible - the whole idea of worshiping all day is not appealing and sounds exhausting, but then again, I don't know what worship really is in the context of eternal life . I am choosing to follow Jesus regardless, and it seems we where built for eternity.

    So, just a little background on why I chose to signup here Christian Chat.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tinuviel's Avatar
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Welcome to CC ndsp! Sounds like some deep and serious thinking going on there, some people never really progress to real deep thinking like that. Are you a Christian? I hope you enjoy your time here, and are able to learn from and help out others!
    “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
    ~Charles Spurgeon

  3. #3
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Thanks for sharing so much. One thing you may notice is if your upbringing was Catholic you may find differing views here from what you were taught as a child. This may help your understanding on spiritual matters become more clear.
    Hopefully you can sort through the many religious people and find answers and the help you need. Your attitude is in a good place and seems to leave a lot of openness to God. Mix that with your history and it's a great setup for God to change and heal you.
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    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

  4. #4
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Thanks for your replies!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinuviel View Post
    Welcome to CC ndsp! Sounds like some deep and serious thinking going on there, some people never really progress to real deep thinking like that. Are you a Christian? I hope you enjoy your time here, and are able to learn from and help out others!
    I am Christian. I am far away from being Christ-like, but I am Christian.

    I think too much. I have this life I've been living, building character, learning lessons. Then in some doctrines, it's said that everything will be wiped away. What? That doesn't make any sense. If there is a chance for eternal life, I'd hope to build my character for eternity and have a purpose in eternity that is unique to the person God created - "thy will be done" and all. The pain and hardships are just as important as the joys and successes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ugly View Post
    Thanks for sharing so much. One thing you may notice is if your upbringing was Catholic you may find differing views here from what you were taught as a child. This may help your understanding on spiritual matters become more clear.
    Hopefully you can sort through the many religious people and find answers and the help you need. Your attitude is in a good place and seems to leave a lot of openness to God. Mix that with your history and it's a great setup for God to change and heal you.
    I don't respond to Catholicism. I won't knock it because some go that route and are very fine people in Christ, but in thinking too much, I've recognized the repetition and control, and the layer of authority that sometimes prevents the relationship with Christ. Not to mention the secrets and history of the Vatican.

    My attitude is on and off; I move forward and fall back. There will be trials (that I fear) and the desires of this earthly life are strong. I get depressed often and reset often. I've always questioned the Bible from a logical standpoint, but I believe God has allowed me to veer off in my research (however wasteful it has been) and help me come to the logical conclusion that I desire or require to be faithful - which by no means excludes me from anything he still has for me to learn. I am still very weak in Christ.
    Last edited by ndsp; May 17th, 2017 at 07:03 PM. Reason: Grammar
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  5. #5
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    You wrote a very interesting introductory post. There are quite a few tech savvy members here so you should feel right at home. I really don't think that we will spend all of our time in heaven simply worshipping God as He has said that we can't even begin to imagine what is in store for us that know and love Him. You are wise to follow Jesus. If you have not already done so I hope that you seriously consider confessing your pasts sins to Him with a contrite heart and then invite the Holy Spirit to live inside of you and allow yourself to be guided in your spiritual walk with the Lord. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
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    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tinuviel's Avatar
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by ndsp View Post
    I am Christian. I am far away from being Christ-like, but I am Christian.
    I think that could be said for all of us.
    “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
    ~Charles Spurgeon

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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by tourist View Post
    You wrote a very interesting introductory post. There are quite a few tech savvy members here so you should feel right at home. I really don't think that we will spend all of our time in heaven simply worshipping God as He has said that we can't even begin to imagine what is in store for us that know and love Him. You are wise to follow Jesus. If you have not already done so I hope that you seriously consider confessing your pasts sins to Him with a contrite heart and then invite the Holy Spirit to live inside of you and allow yourself to be guided in your spiritual walk with the Lord. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
    Thank you tourist, and I certainly hope not. I always put off reading revelations to read more relevant for my stage scripture instead of dreaming off on what could be. It's hard though. Over the years various christian folk have poked at me and engaged me in some rather in-depth dialogue. Some of the opinions regarding hierarchy, status and leadership in heaven really threw me off back then, and I've been to lazy to try to corroborate those opinions with scripture.

    I'm charged up a bit today to be here with hopes of sharing and growing with an online group.
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinuviel View Post
    I think that could be said for all of us.
    I want to make sure it's understood that I'm not here as an antagonist, since I have my outs with the Lord some days and it's likely it could appear in my conversation. I'm a bit rebellious to authority in my nature and I don't always feel God in my life.
    Tinuviel likes this.

  9. #9
    Senior Member JPPT1974's Avatar
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Hey welcome to the forums. Feel free to post. Do not be shy at all. May you be blessed. I am a Christian but more times than naught, not Christ like as I need to be. Not the first nor will be the last time you and everybody on this world and forum. Be in prayer for you!
    ​Ready for October!

  10. #10
    Senior Member joefizz's Avatar
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Welcome,Fascinating ndsp you are another person similar to me,I too have tended to as you put it"think too much" and it's true if you let your mind wander or think up thousands of questions then you end up with more questions than answers and may end up spiritually blind to the blessings God can give you as well as to which path to take in life,let the holy spirit guide and try not to overthink things,once again welcome and I hope you like this site and can find your answers!

  11. #11
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: What have I done all my life.

    Welcome to CC, ndsp! I hope you enjoy your time with us
    welcome.gif
    I have outlived my earthly father...


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

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