going thru trial of my life

Hello I am new to this but feel I need some support. I am going thru a divorce just getting started. My husband was a minister we have been married almost twenty years. I found out the last of June he had been talking with a woman he met thru an online poker game since March. He had made plans to go visit a friend from high school in southern part of state on his vacation. I thought this was weird as he has never done this before. But I trusted him he was my godly man. Boy was I wrong . He had planned to meet her then everything fell apart after that . I tried to forgive him because he had not acted upon the sin. But things kept coming up and he wanted me to push it under the rug and forget about it. All the while he was still going to work talking to her. I could feel things in my spirit and sure enough I would be right. How do you go on after such a betrayal? I have a very strong family and church family that are helping me get through this but this is hard. He abandoned me and his two sons. Went to Texas to be with her. A thousand miles away from us.

Hi Lynn Dawn,
The Lord told me to pray for you,"
The Lord be with you in trouble," in trials of this life. Acknowledging this is over our head trouble in deep waters: we have His assurance of help."

Went through marriage break 16 years ago. Sorry you face this alone time: to have to grow up in Him in uncertain times. Don't waste time with blame that the Lord has taken, your sorrow is to turn your whole heart to His help and not to fall in worldly sorrow. "The Lord bless you and keep you and give you peace." To continue in Prayer.

Never having faced this, I can only say that I feel for you. You say you tried to forgive, I do pray this means that for your part you have. When we forgive others, it does lighten the load we feel. That one I do know for sure. You are in my prayers, along with your family. As always I will also pray for your ex. Sounds like he really needs it.

***(praying)***let God guide you on what to do...

Welcome here you can discuss with bible smart people and possibly make new friends,hope you like it here!

I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand because after twenty-two years of marriage a similar situation happened to me. You are seeking answers for how to act "right" when he is acting wrong. It is so difficult because of feelings of betrayal, anger, and fear of what lies in the future. Please know there is hope! Reaching out for Christian support is the right place to start.

There are other actions that helped me. Christian counseling and support groups like Divorce Care gave me a safe place to cry, vent, and get Godly advice. Christian friends and Bible studies comforted me that I was "OK", it wasn't my fault, and yet encouraged me to "serve others" and forgive and not wallow in anger and self-pity. Lastly, and probably most importantly, I started to get my own priorities in order: God first, and not my children, my job, or my friends. Praying, reading the Word, and truly listening to the Holy Spirit provided more comfort and peace during a tumultuous time. Even though I pryaed every day for my marriage to be saved, it ended in divorce. Yet, I had peace. I had tried to the best of my ability to act "right" when he was acting wrong. Praying you will find your way in this difficult path! There is hope!

How did you find out about this inappropriate behavior? Right now you are going on only what your 'godly man' has told you whether or not he was physically intimate with this woman. Regardless, there was a serious betrayal of marital trust. You say that he abandoned you and his two sons? A husband that loves his wife doesn't even contemplate cheating on his wife let alone actually doing it. Personally, I don't see how you could ever trust him again after this egregious breech of trust. You go on with your life one day at a time doing the best with what God has provided. There are others on this site in similar situations so please know that you're not alone. My counsel is to proceed with the divorce. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.

i know your heart is broken right now but let me please tell you that you are much better off with out him. If this man has no morals to stay with his wife then he is not worth being with. I have a husband who has done the same thing he is not Christian. His habit has never gone away I just caught him the other night on fb messaging chicks telling them they are beautiful etc... SO once they fall into this evil behavior it is a good chance it will not stop. It won't be long before he is after another lady because the one he left you for will not do the trick anymore.. I admire the fact that you are strong and do not just push your feelings under the rug like something never happened. God bless you for standing up for yourself and not just settling because he or anyone else wants you too. Your children will hopefully be okay try not to bash your ex husband to your children. Let them make a choice on how they feel about him and what he has done on their own... prayers for you that you heal soon.

I found out thru his phone going through his texts to a friend of his from high school. He was planning a vacation to this guy's house and I thought it was weird because in all our 19 years he never spent time with this guy. He had planned to meet her then and if he liked her he was leaving me. God let me find out . God did want him to just yank the rug out from under me. Because I had no clue anything was wrong in our marriage. He was pretending everything was good . Because I wouldn't sweep it under the rug and just let him find love for me. Well I told him he either cut the relationship off and leave phone at home when he went to work. Well he just wouldn't do it. So I told him I'm not second fiddle in this marriage I am first no one should be between us. He told me I can go to her any time so I blew up and said get out. He wasted no time got what he wanted and left. She paid for him motel rooms along the way. Try to stop him in little rock Arkansas begged him do the right thing , no things will never be the same there. His preaching credentials were being pulled so that made him mad. Things would never be the same. I told him he was the one who got them pulled not me . Immoral behavior

I believe that you should give some serious thought about divorcing this cheating abusive husband of yours and then follow through on it. You're in need of healing also but are still living the marital disease that your husband brought about by following the evil lust of his cheating heart. I have prayed for you.

thank you tourist I am seriously getting much closer to getting out of this mess. I am waiting on my workmans comp to settle up then i will have a lumo sum payment I can work with to make a plan to get me on a better healthier life track.. Right now with the financial straps I have on me I can not afford a place of my own.. But will be happening as soon as I can he had me in tears yesterday because he is such a a hole.... pardon my french. Just keep praying that God shows me the perfect time to depart from this horrible mess.. thank you

Tourist is very wise He has been telling me to leave my abusive husband for a long time. Tourist does not take this type of thing lightly. He will not tell you to end your marriage if he did not feel that God was wanting you to leave the situation as well.. I know you may feel like your struggling morally etc... Because I do myself... But I am slowly learning you can't fix people who don;t want to be fixed or see nothing wrong with their actions.... It took me way way to long to learn this and I consider myself a smart person.. However the abuse I have suffered has made me as dumb as a box of rocks if you understand what I am saying. This man made me feel so little of myself I did not even care to do anything. well that has changed now and I am working on some plans..... I don't know if you suffered any emotional abuse or not but either way what your husband has done is unacceptable and you should send him on his marry happy cheating way and focus on your relationship with God and your children.. You may private message me anytime if you would like to just vent or talk... God be with us both.

The behavior of your husband is disgusting. He has destroyed his life but with the grace of God his actions will not destroy yours. What a leech! Immoral behavior indeed!

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how painful divorce is and when the culprit is adultery it's a million times worse. My husband cheated all 15+ years we were married. I knew about a lot of it, but I suspect there was plenty more I never found out about...I knew enough. When our marriage ended, yes it was heartbreaking (at that point I think my heart broke more for our kids) but it wasn't a total shock like your situation, especially being a pastor's wife. My heart breaks for spouses who had NO CLUE and thought things were ok. My husband was not a Christian. Unfortunately when you have an unrepentant spouse who refuses to change, you have very few options and none are without consequences.

I don't know what your support system looks like but if you don't have one, get one because you will need it. Trusted family, friends, church, counseling, support groups...these people will keep you afloat. Pray for wisdom and discernment, though, because not everyone will give you Godly counsel, even some who mean well. Spend a lot time with the Lord right now through prayer, devotion and reading your bible. The only reason I survived my divorce is because of my support system and relationship with God. It takes a long time to heal from this kind of hurt, but it is possible and God is good and faithful.

For those that betray or hurt us, we can only forgive them, wish the best for them, be grateful that they existed in our life. Jesus taught us that we are to love, but it can be so hard for people to see their own surface/instinctive reactions and how self-destructive they are. How we feel is in our hands, in line with God. If it is in blame, resent, jealousy, self-pity, scorn, vengeance, we are not in line with God. But when someone hurts us or betrays us or rips our life apart, we can only send them love. Sending them blame, hate, resent, is a choice that only destroys one self.

By forgiving someone who has brought so much pain, it doesn't mean forgiving them directly as many misconstrue its meaning to be and therefore allowing them to continue. Forgiveness is something truly spiritual. Being grateful is also truly spiritual rather than something direct. The kingdom of heaven is within, when you see that it is. But if the world seems like hell, or your life or circumstance, you are not focused on seeing what is within you and every person.

When thinking about pain brought by others to us directly, try thinking about a Jew put in a concentration camp. How big really is your pain compared to theirs? There are some inspiring stories from people in concentration camps who managed to find the kingdom of heaven within, and shared love to those who would try to destroy them. And they live to tell those stories because God was with them in doing so.

Be grateful you have your two sons, be grateful you met your husband because they wouldn't exist if you hadn't, be grateful for the good times that existed. There are so many perspectives on situations, but being grateful is the cure to resent which can fester and turn you bitter and angry and take it out on those you love even if just by neglecting them. Be strong because God is always with you, when you see that he is when you align yourself to him.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My husband cheated on me many years ago, when we had 2 little ones and had just bought a house. It was my best friend. We hadn't even lived in the house for a month when I found out. Long story short, I decided to stay with him. It was a long road to forgiveness and trust, but we found the Lord, had a great church and two more children. At the time I'd read an article that said it takes about 10 years to fully trust someone again after that, and I thought that was insane. But to be perfectly honest, it was around 10 years later where I really felt 100% that I could trust him and be normal without feeling flashes of remembered pain. Not long after I felt this it all fell apart again. Slowly but inevitably. I'll spare you all the details, but I found the proof that he was cheating again, and I told him to leave. A year later we were divorced.

Sorry, it wouldn't let me edit. Here is the rest of my post:


At the beginning of the separation, I felt horrible on so many levels, but the most bothersome for me was that I was letting God down by not having a successful marriage. I'd tried to be a Psalm 31 wife, etc., done most everything "right". I was (am) a terrible housekeeper, but other than that I was a good wife and mother. I cried out to the Lord for forgiveness. The message that I got back was that He wanted me to live my life abundantly. I didn't know what that meant, but I've been trying ever since.

It hasn't been easy, and I've left out a lot of the story, but I am very happy now. My marriage wasn't the best, but I put so much work into it, 23 years, and I didn't know how to be single. I've learned a lot, and I live my life somewhat abundantly. It has been a long road, but now my ex-husband and I are working on a casual friendship for the sake of the family. We'll never hang out together outside of them, but we have no problem being in the same space anymore. I have forgiven him. I normally forgive very easily, but this was a tough one--it took me more than a year. Now I have inner peace that God still loves me and isn't mad at me. If you ever want to talk just let me know. This is my first day on the site, I haven't even done my intro yet, but I'm sure we can figure out a way to talk if you need it. Talking to people was very helpful to me that first year. I couldn't sleep and would often be on FB talking to other night owls. They got me through.

You can do this. Remember that your relationship with God is about you and Him and is separate from your husband. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but you can do it. One day at a time. One hour at a time. Whatever it takes. One day you're going to look up and say "I did it, the worst is behind me." Hugs to you!

That was horrible for your ex-husband to cheat on you once again after you suffered through 10 long years trying to build up your trust again. One thing is almost certain, a man with a cheating heart will certainly cheat again given enough time and opportunity. Thank God that piece of trash is no longer your husband. He never loved you for if he had he wouldn't have cheated on you the first time. As you can see you are not alone in this type of suffering for there are others as well who can tell a similar story. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.

You certainly did not let God down regarding your marriage, that was the work of that louse of an ex-husband of yours. Yes, God wants you to have life and to have it more abundantly. This is possible now that cheating spouse of yours is no longer your husband.

Forgive him. This may take some time, forgetting him probably won't happen, but you must move on in Christ Jesus. Try to focus all your love on firstly God and your children. REMEMBER YOU FATHER IN HEAVEN KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED BEFORE YOU ASK HIM. Any one who thinks he is lacking should ask god. Hope does not disappoint us. God bless you. Fitsea