Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 33
Like Tree25Likes

New Christian Chat Members (Introduce yourselves!!!)

New to Christian Chat? Introduce yourself here! BUT BEWARE, you might get a lot of attention!!! :)

Thread: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    November 6th, 2017
    Age
    54
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    0

    Default third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Okay,I am new to this. I am really just reaching out for human interaction along with spiritual guidance. I married a man who is not a practicing Christian. I married him for fleshly reasons. He is not a mean man. He is helpful around the house. He is not physically or verbally abusive. He is mildly affectionate. This might seem like the dumbest comment on line but here goes...we do not talk in a way that expresses our individual thoughts or perspectives on anything. He may intitiate conversation about the weather, paying bills, what he wants for dinner, lets go to the gym. There is literally no other conversation about anything else. He is not emotionally, sexually, spiritually, intellectually, available to me. There is literally no intimacy on any of those levels. He is taking medication for psychosis, which came about after we were dating for 3 years. This is my 3rd marriage. I know that I made a terrible mistake marrying him. I found out about the psychosis and a few other things I did not know about him before we got married, but I did not have the heart to break up with him when he was with out a job and no medical insurance and no one to help him. I literally thought if I got him help, and when he got better and realized he didn't want to be together, I would just divorce him. But deep down inside, I wanted to be married and wanted it to be a good relationship between us. Now I am so lonely on all those above levels. I don't want to divorce again. I have made mistakes with marriage all my life. Started from childhood, and not having a healthy relationship with my father. I am praying and asking God to please help me find a way with in the marriage to have some quality of life while married to him, in light of the fact that I realize I am the one who made the mistake. I want to make that clear because I know people may think I made my bed now I must lie in it. But at 55, I may still have one or two decades of life left.....any suggestions on how to live that life not watching the clock just tick away, while I feel every second of misery?
    mar09 and Amazing-Grace like this.

  2. #2
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2014
    Age
    62
    Posts
    17,428
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    317

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Sorry that the third time is not the charm. I'm on my third marriage also. The first ended in divorce, the second in death. The woman that I'm married to now is a wonderful person. My second wife was also but like I said, she has passed away.

    The question to ask yourself is that do you love him and does he love you. If you are financially able to perhaps you could separate for a season giving yourselves both time to contemplate on what is really important to you.

    It does seem to me that you married this guy to hoping to find the happiness that seemed to be missing in your life. You may not find happiness in this life but you can find joy in the Lord and what He provides.

    There are others here in similar situations so please know that your not alone. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
    Amazing-Grace likes this.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Amazing-Grace's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 19th, 2016
    Age
    58
    Posts
    651
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    40

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by woman63 View Post
    Okay,I am new to this. I am really just reaching out for human interaction along with spiritual guidance. I married a man who is not a practicing Christian. I married him for fleshly reasons. He is not a mean man. He is helpful around the house. He is not physically or verbally abusive. He is mildly affectionate. This might seem like the dumbest comment on line but here goes...we do not talk in a way that expresses our individual thoughts or perspectives on anything. He may intitiate conversation about the weather, paying bills, what he wants for dinner, lets go to the gym. There is literally no other conversation about anything else. He is not emotionally, sexually, spiritually, intellectually, available to me. There is literally no intimacy on any of those levels. He is taking medication for psychosis, which came about after we were dating for 3 years. This is my 3rd marriage. I know that I made a terrible mistake marrying him. I found out about the psychosis and a few other things I did not know about him before we got married, but I did not have the heart to break up with him when he was with out a job and no medical insurance and no one to help him. I literally thought if I got him help, and when he got better and realized he didn't want to be together, I would just divorce him. But deep down inside, I wanted to be married and wanted it to be a good relationship between us. Now I am so lonely on all those above levels. I don't want to divorce again. I have made mistakes with marriage all my life. Started from childhood, and not having a healthy relationship with my father. I am praying and asking God to please help me find a way with in the marriage to have some quality of life while married to him, in light of the fact that I realize I am the one who made the mistake. I want to make that clear because I know people may think I made my bed now I must lie in it. But at 55, I may still have one or two decades of life left.....any suggestions on how to live that life not watching the clock just tick away, while I feel every second of misery?
    Everyone makes mistakes, none of us is perfect and this is why Jesus had to die to save us, it is because of that very thing that we can receive forgiveness. People love to judge but they are also imperfect, they may have good marriages but they fail elsewhere. God is the only one fit to judge you, me and everyone else.

    There is no doubt that marriage is hard but if your husband knows Jesus you are halfway there because bringing God into your marriage will have a positive affect. Regardless, give your problems, hopes and fears to God, He is big enough. Cast all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you 1 Peter 5:7. As tourist says, there are many here in similar situations, struggling with marriage for various reasons but trusting in The Lord to help them through it. You aren't alone for He walks with you. Blessings to you sister.
    tourist likes this.












    “Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who sets the planets in motion.” - Isaac Newton

  4. #4
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 12th, 2016
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,297
    Rep Power
    62

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Excluding death, maybe people have multiple marriages, because they think marriage is about happiness, rather than what it's supposed to be..... holy.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    November 6th, 2017
    Age
    54
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    I am sorry I did not understand marriage. My parents stayed married for 58 years until my dads death this ;past September. They never demonstrated any love between them; never saw them laugh or talk together. He was physically abusive a few times, and verbally abusive many times. I got a view of marriage that was not happy or holy. But let me also add, I never took money from my previous husbands (alimony). I never even took child support for the first six years after I divorce my first husband the father of my children. I tried to keep the kids involved with their dad and encourage their love for him. My second husband has been sick for a few years, and I have also tried to help him, grocery shop for him; visit him on a regular basis. Yes, I messed up 3 times. I did not understand marriage.

  6. #6
    Senior Member blue_ladybug's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 21st, 2014
    Age
    47
    Posts
    57,863
    Blog Entries
    8
    Rep Power
    329

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Welcome to CC..
    joefizz likes this.


    Quote Originally Posted by pottersclay View Post
    Blue_ladybug is innocent, as we know in scripture " all people who like orange tabbies are innocent."

    Quote Originally Posted by TruthTalk View Post

    I love "Orange Tabbies" , God created the world and then, "Orange Tabbies" .....

    Go to my profile Blog tab to read my testimonies.






  7. #7
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 12th, 2016
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,297
    Rep Power
    62

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Everything you need to know is in the bible.

    The Pharisees went to Jesus, testing him about divorce. Jesus replied "Have you not read?"
    When I read that, it was the most powerful, and convicting words, I had ever seen.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  8. #8
    Senior Member Amazing-Grace's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 19th, 2016
    Age
    58
    Posts
    651
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    40

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    Excluding death, maybe people have multiple marriages, because they think marriage is about happiness, rather than what it's supposed to be..... holy.
    With respect, marriage cannot be Holy if God isn't in the marriage due to one being an unbeliever. We live in an imperfect world. I'm sure this lady feels bad enough without guilt being heaped upon her.












    “Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who sets the planets in motion.” - Isaac Newton

  9. #9
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2014
    Age
    62
    Posts
    17,428
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    317

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by woman63 View Post
    I did not understand marriage.
    Don't feel bad, not many do.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 12th, 2016
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,297
    Rep Power
    62

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by Amazing-Grace View Post
    With respect, marriage cannot be Holy if God isn't in the marriage due to one being an unbeliever. We live in an imperfect world. I'm sure this lady feels bad enough without guilt being heaped upon her.
    Blah blah blah.

    Woman came here for human interaction, spiritual guidance, and suggestions.

    What I write is just as valid as your post.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  11. #11
    Senior Member Amazing-Grace's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 19th, 2016
    Age
    58
    Posts
    651
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    40

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    Blah blah blah.

    Woman came here for human interaction, spiritual guidance, and suggestions.

    What I write is just as valid as your post.
    Blah blah blah??? Somewhat immature of you isn't it? Did I say your post was invalid? What a strange response...
    blue_ladybug likes this.












    “Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who sets the planets in motion.” - Isaac Newton

  12. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    November 6th, 2017
    Age
    54
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    thank you for your support; I am going to love him today. At the end of the day, when the house gets quiet, my husband is in bed, I think about God and talk with him; I will research how to listen to the holy spirit. I am hoping to die soon, but I wont do it to myself of course. I am just hoping I can have a relationship with God and maybe I will get to be with him and know unending love and approval.

  13. #13
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    November 6th, 2017
    Age
    54
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Thank you! thank you for caring. I do feel like crap. I am embarresed because I made a mess of my life, and my childrens thru my actions. I should have never gotten married or had children. I am, and was, no messed up. But I have really tried to be good to my ex husbands, respectful and caring. I am not vengeful or spiteful to others, just to myself.
    Amazing-Grace likes this.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Amazing-Grace's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 19th, 2016
    Age
    58
    Posts
    651
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    40

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by woman63 View Post
    Thank you! thank you for caring. I do feel like crap. I am embarresed because I made a mess of my life, and my childrens thru my actions. I should have never gotten married or had children. I am, and was, no messed up. But I have really tried to be good to my ex husbands, respectful and caring. I am not vengeful or spiteful to others, just to myself.
    I have had similar issues so you are not alone. If you would like to talk more on a one-to-one it may be better for you to private message me.

    You have shown that you want to do right by God and that can only be a good thing but please don't beat yourself up about what has gone before. God doesn't want us to look back but to keep moving forward. Living with regret is not Biblical. Do not even think about dying - you have years to live in which to grow closer to God and to mature in Him. God will take you when He is good and ready, until then try to enjoy life and be thankful for all God has blessed you with - your children are a blessing I'm sure.












    “Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who sets the planets in motion.” - Isaac Newton

  15. #15
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 12th, 2016
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,297
    Rep Power
    62

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by Amazing-Grace View Post
    Blah blah blah??? Somewhat immature of you isn't it? Did I say your post was invalid? What a strange response...
    I didn't heap guilt upon her.

    What I will not do, is imply faith in God removes all consequence. It doesn't.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  16. #16
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    November 6th, 2017
    Age
    54
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    After I read your response, I felt stupid. I didn't make a good choice. I got married at 22. I had never had a boyfriend previous to that. I disliked myself ever since I was a child. I married to feel I mattered to someone. after I read your response, I thought maybe this is Gods punishment for my stupidity. I don't ask God to change my husband. I will not divorce again. I just want Gods help to not bother my husband, to take care of my emotional needs, to cry in private so he wont know I am struggling. I have made so many mistakes. I know that. I didn't expect gifts or money ( I have a masters degree and am a college instructor so I am able to financially support myself) I just wanted intimacy. sharing joys and sorrows; being each others greatest ally. I guess I am just so dumb about so much.
    PennEd likes this.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 20th, 2011
    Age
    42
    Posts
    19,110
    Rep Power
    166

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by woman63 View Post
    Okay,I am new to this. I am really just reaching out for human interaction along with spiritual guidance. I married a man who is not a practicing Christian. I married him for fleshly reasons. He is not a mean man. He is helpful around the house. He is not physically or verbally abusive. He is mildly affectionate. This might seem like the dumbest comment on line but here goes...we do not talk in a way that expresses our individual thoughts or perspectives on anything. He may intitiate conversation about the weather, paying bills, what he wants for dinner, lets go to the gym. There is literally no other conversation about anything else. He is not emotionally, sexually, spiritually, intellectually, available to me. There is literally no intimacy on any of those levels. He is taking medication for psychosis, which came about after we were dating for 3 years. This is my 3rd marriage. I know that I made a terrible mistake marrying him. I found out about the psychosis and a few other things I did not know about him before we got married, but I did not have the heart to break up with him when he was with out a job and no medical insurance and no one to help him. I literally thought if I got him help, and when he got better and realized he didn't want to be together, I would just divorce him. But deep down inside, I wanted to be married and wanted it to be a good relationship between us. Now I am so lonely on all those above levels. I don't want to divorce again. I have made mistakes with marriage all my life. Started from childhood, and not having a healthy relationship with my father. I am praying and asking God to please help me find a way with in the marriage to have some quality of life while married to him, in light of the fact that I realize I am the one who made the mistake. I want to make that clear because I know people may think I made my bed now I must lie in it. But at 55, I may still have one or two decades of life left.....any suggestions on how to live that life not watching the clock just tick away, while I feel every second of misery?
    You need some paragraphs. Difficult to read a wall of text.

    But statistics show the more people marry the higher chance of failure with each marriage. Mostly people seem to blame divorce on the other spouse. But even in cases where that is true people don't acknowledge the mistakes they made. Or the mistakes they made in who they Choose.
    People also ignore red flags. Rarely is a person's behavior so well hidden that it isn't revealed before marriage. It's just that people tend to not acknowledge it. Which calls into question how much blame actually goes into the "bad" spouse.
    Tommy379 likes this.
    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

  18. #18
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 12th, 2016
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,297
    Rep Power
    62

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by woman63 View Post
    After I read your response, I felt stupid. I didn't make a good choice. I got married at 22. I had never had a boyfriend previous to that. I disliked myself ever since I was a child. I married to feel I mattered to someone. after I read your response, I thought maybe this is Gods punishment for my stupidity. I don't ask God to change my husband. I will not divorce again. I just want Gods help to not bother my husband, to take care of my emotional needs, to cry in private so he wont know I am struggling. I have made so many mistakes. I know that. I didn't expect gifts or money ( I have a masters degree and am a college instructor so I am able to financially support myself) I just wanted intimacy. sharing joys and sorrows; being each others greatest ally. I guess I am just so dumb about so much.
    Oh no, I see. You didn't like yourself. I know all about that. I've wished to never had existed since I can remember. I just had to learn not to make it anyone else's problem. I just had to learn that my happiness, is only for me to make. No one can make me happy, and I can't make anyone else happy. I'm pretty sure God will not use his devine power to make anyone happy either.

    Dennis Prager, a good Jewish radio show personality, once said; " If you act happy, eventually, you'll become happy." I'm still working on it, but there is something to it.

    Why don't you work on that, maybe you'll see your husband differently.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  19. #19
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 12th, 2016
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,297
    Rep Power
    62

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ugly View Post
    You need some paragraphs. Difficult to read a wall of text.

    But statistics show the more people marry the higher chance of failure with each marriage. Mostly people seem to blame divorce on the other spouse. But even in cases where that is true people don't acknowledge the mistakes they made. Or the mistakes they made in who they Choose.
    People also ignore red flags. Rarely is a person's behavior so well hidden that it isn't revealed before marriage. It's just that people tend to not acknowledge it. Which calls into question how much blame actually goes into the "bad" spouse.
    Hahaha. My former prodigal wife, once told me, I had changed after we got married. I did not, she just had to live with me all the time. I could have said the same about her, but I had already figured, things would be different when we had to share everything.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

  20. #20
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2014
    Age
    62
    Posts
    17,428
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    317

    Default Re: third time is not a charm, its solitary confinement!

    Quote Originally Posted by woman63 View Post
    thank you for your support; I am going to love him today. At the end of the day, when the house gets quiet, my husband is in bed, I think about God and talk with him; I will research how to listen to the holy spirit. I am hoping to die soon, but I wont do it to myself of course. I am just hoping I can have a relationship with God and maybe I will get to be with him and know unending love and approval.
    I understand that life is difficult for you at this moment but with God this can change in a twinkling of an eye. You should not hope to die soon because at this moment life is hard to face. Believe me, if you were to die you would be sorely missed as I'm sure that you are loved. I pray that God gives you the courage and the strength to face the present trial with His blessed assured hope that a dramatic positive improvement in your quality of life is just around the corner. God certainly loves you and approves you for the creation that you are.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. hello, I am country charm look forward to meeting new people
    By countrycharm in forum New Christian Chat Members (Introduce yourselves!!!)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: August 3rd, 2016, 02:33 PM
  2. God settles the solitary into a family
    By christian74 in forum Christian Singles Forum
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: July 13th, 2014, 05:08 AM
  3. Semi-long time chatter, first time poster
    By Ivan_Koegler in forum New Christian Chat Members (Introduce yourselves!!!)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: February 19th, 2013, 08:15 AM