Please pray for me

My husband has refused physical contact (from hand-holding to sex) with me for almost 6 months. We operated like 2 co-workers to provide a comfortable and peaceful family to our teenage son. We don’t fight nor quarrel.

I have tried to calmly explain my need for emotional and physical attachment with him many times but he always said nothing is wrong and he will try harder.

24 Nov 2017 - he finally confessed that there is another woman in his life. She is unmarried but living in another country (husband travels frequently for work). He assured me that he loves the family and will not split us up. He wants things to be status quo (with her at the side).

I asked if he would leave her and work on our marriage. He said I was pushing him into a corner and if those were the only 2 options, he would have no choice but to move out.

I cannot believe it. We do daily devotions with our son and husband wakes up early every morning to do his bible studies. He is also the head usher in our church and is involved in many church activities. How did this happen?

I sought help online and found this:
“God’s ideal is for the believing spouse to be the shining light of Christ and help the unbeliever in their wayward ways. It is God’s will that couples do all they can to restore their marriage.”

I believe that God wants me to overcome my grief and bring my husband back into the faith.

25 Nov 2017 - I have agreed to his ‘status quo’. We are back to being cordial and stable. I am not condoning his extra marital affair. I just figured it is easier to win him back if he doesn’t move out.

He confessed that he is struggling with the affair and by that I see a glimmer of hope. I know that our God is a mighty God and I will be patient and wait upon Him till His will is done. I will continue to pray for my husband and my marriage.

Please do pray with me and also for me. I don’t know how to handle this pain. I know the man I married is there somewhere and I miss him. In my weakest moments I have made the mistake of reaching out for him. He turned away.

shall Pray

I just prayed for you sis...God will restore back your marriage!



God bless you and your family ❤

And welcome to CC sis ❤

Welcome here you can discuss with bible smart people and possibly make new friends,hope you like it here!

Thank you for the prayers everybody. I am really thankful to have found this forum.

I don’t know if what I am doing is right or wrong. I fear with each growing day that my husband’s new found affection will get stronger. I hurt every time I see my husband withdrawing from me. My faith swings up and down every moment of the day.

I appreciate the replies here. At least I know I am not alone.

I knew that you giving in to your husband's request, not to corner him into making a decision would only give him time to ease in to his role as a divided spirit. "This kind does not come out but by prayer and fasting." This is on the part of your husband seeing the need to return to the Lord with His whole heart: He has chosen a treasure in this life. To understand the condition of your husband and of the church that is living in prosperity, Revelation 3:15. You and I can admire the patience and longsuffering of God here. 12 years ago the Lord told me: Enter in as a little child and put away your divided spirit. A year latter when still struggling with drug addiction and turning to him for help: "This kind does not come out but by prayer and fasting. The marriage break was 16 years ago for me, my needs in the marriage were also ignored.

Thanks, stillness for your reply.

Turn of events last night:
I told my husband to go. This is actually his second affair. His previous affair was 8 years ago.

Last night we were in our son’s room, he was busy texting. We exchanged looks and I knew. I reminded him of our agreement that while I gave in to his request for ‘status quo’, he has agreed not to ‘bring her into the home’ by blatantly texting her in front of me.

He then said I was ‘in his face’.

I tried to snatch the phone away from him and we ended up struggling. He was stronger. He gave me a look filled with hatred and stormed out of the room shouting ‘this is the end’.

I went out to our bedroom and started throwing piles of his clothes into the living hall. I told him to go ahead and leave. He took his luggage and packed and left.

All the time, my 13 year old son was watching and crying. I explained the situation to my son. But I think the trauma of this will follow him for a while. I blame myself for handling the situation badly.

I am now up, after barely any sleep. I know I have lost my husband for good.

I start having doubts - maybe I should have ignored the texting? Maybe I should have been more patient and work on my original plan of slowly winning him back?

But the thought of living with a man whose values are so different, who has no respect for God, for his wife, his son. A persistent liar and cheat. A man for whom I have lost my respect....

He has always twisted things such that it becomes my fault. I am sure he would be saying that I was violent, I threw him out. Does he mention that it happened because of his affair?

I have given enough.

Despite the affair, I calmly took him back. Despite his refusal to stay away from her, I continued to live as a family with him.

I guess it will never be enough for him.

Now you need to let go: Accepting the things you cant change did not mean to live with them, but to place them in God's hands, and you did that, It was inevitable. Don't wonder what you could have done differently, rather accept: Jesus said, "I can do nothing of My self but what I see the Father doing." Jesus could not change the heart of the religious leaders who desired to be in charge. "Love does not insist on it's own way." It may have been simple to tell Him to leave without struggling with Him, dear sister we are all slow learners and in your case the struggle was necessary. Just as if you help a butterfly out of the cocoon, it wont be able to fly. The Lord grant you rest from trouble.

I can’t stop crying. Just got home after sending son for his youth ministry and finally I am able to wail my heart out.

My son has been looking at me for cue and I was trying to keep it all together to assure him that we will be ok. I think he has seen enough tears for now.

But are things really ok? I am so weak. Despite everything, I am still pining for him to come home.

He texted this morning to ask if I wanted to talk. I put up a brave front and replied that we should give each other space though in my mind I was begging him to come back to me in whatever terms.

My heart is broken. I can’t stop crying. Will this ever end

Many here could confirm with me that what you expressed to Him is correct and that you can't listen to your feelings: referred as codependent. Look up the meaning of the word if it's not familiar as I will not explain everything I couldn't. Codependent depending on God and someone or something else. For people like you and me it means, "Unless we forsake everyone and everything and our own life we can't be His disciple. Part of what your felling is your husbands sin and your own weakness, that's why you can't go by your feelings. As for your own weakness: the one with the greater need of the relationship becomes the pleaser, the one with the lesser need, the dominant: loosing interest in what he has conquered. His reason for wanting to talk is, now your not something he has conquered: You rebelling against His ungodliness had to happen. Back to square one, others here will agree that your correct to say time out, next would be counseling. Matthew 8:16, you confronted him and failed, now you are to take one or two more with you...

thanks so much for bringing up ‘codependence’ I read up on it and I think I am really guilty of it. Trying to self help on this. It will hopefully distract me from my current pain. Whatever the outcome of my marriage, I need to overcome this in me. Thanks for highlighting it

Oh, honey. I don't understand, but I can pray.

Your husband is having an affair with a woman in another country. I would go with option #3 and file for divorce. I would not feel the least bit sorry because his affair is not working out. That's simply ludicrous. Your mistake was not reaching out to him but rather he made the mistake of destroying his marriage and family and now is having second thoughts. I have said a prayer for God to lessen your pain and give you clarity of thought on how to proceed with your life. He turned away, don't make the mistake of looking back. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you join our community. Welcome to CC.

Thank you for the prayers. It is hard to understand why God put us through such pain. But I know it is all for good. I have to have faith that He knows best.

No doubt I still have my weak moments, knowing that he is just a phone call away. But I realise I cannot seek comfort from the one who hurt me. Only God can comfort me.

I still cry over it but I realise it is not about whether he will leave the woman for good. It is about whether this marriage will work again. I cannot change my husband but I can change myself.

My daily focus now is to learn to be independent and be the best mom I can be, with God’s help and all your prayers.

Thank you all for the support and prayers. Every time I feel a void building up in me and the temptation to contact my husband, I come here to read the replies. I need the support to let me know that what I am doing now is best for me and my son. Thanks for keeping me strong and walking this difficult path with me.